Author: Fotis Georgiadis

5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic, with Karissa Sovdi and Fotis Georgiadis

We are over-stimulated: Many people think they are lonely, because they are actually bored. We are not good at quiet time! While boredom and loneliness aren’t the same thing, our expectations of constant entertainment, stimulation, and occupation may be demanding too much of our social relationships. Under that kind of pressure, many people give up on friendship altogether, because it seems like too much work. We need to make it less work by expecting less and just being together more.

As a part of my interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic’ I had the pleasure to interview Karissa Sovdi. Karissa Sovdi is a writer, registered clinical counsellor, and 30-something Christian single. She holds a Masters in Counselling from City University of Seattle, has worked in service, non-profit, education, and government, and currently serves leaders, teams, and learners in her role with Organization Development and Learning Services at the University of Victoria in British Columbia, Canada. Karissa spends her days “playing with words” as an author, speaker and sometimes comedian. She now hopes to use those words to shift the way people view, treat, and experience singleness through her upcoming book www.singledoutbook.com

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us? What was it that led you to your eventual career choice?

It’s cliché but I knew I always wanted to help people. I grew up in this amazing family of 2 loving parents and 4 incredible siblings, all of whom are now crisis responders or helping professionals. As more of a creative and scholastic type myself, I have found my own way of helping people through using words.

The singleness angle has evolved over time, but it stems from my own lived experience. I spent way too much of my life waiting, praying and preparing for a marriage that hasn’t come along only to realize that I was making myself miserable by putting my life on hold. As I’ve explored the topic of singleness, I have found people, stories, and research that have opened my eyes to our romance-obsessed culture which is stigmatizing singleness, putting way too much pressure on romantic relationships and way too little emphasis on everything else about adulthood that matters. So I’m working to change that.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

A lot of what is interesting about my work falls under pretty strict rules for confidentiality, but I will say I’ve found it very interesting how trusting people actually are. I think we can so easily see the world as a cynical place, but any time I’ve shared a truly human moment with someone, even in pain, I get to see the best parts of humanity: trust, vulnerability, courage, and love.

Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? With my first counselling client I tended towards being really theory heavy. My intention was just to be transparent about my process and open about my background, but it turned into this really stilted, and long-winded introduction that only caused blank stares and confusion. I figured out pretty quickly that this came off as making the session sound like it was all about me.

Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that? Transparency isn’t always about talking, it’s about being open to questions. When people are ready and looking for actual help and have reached out, they don’t need to be pitched — they need to be listened to. As long as they know they can ask anything, you don’t have to pre-answer everything.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I’ve just finished writing a book on Christian singleness that I’m working on getting published. It’s all about seeing singleness as a life to be lived, rather than as a problem to be solved. Many singles out there want more than another iteration of advice about how to find or become “the one,” yet they don’t want to swear off romance altogether. The book helps people think through the issues of grief, purpose, loneliness, fulfillment, celebration and self-worth outside of a romantic context, and will hopefully lead to more contentment and peace for readers regardless of their relationship statuses.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

Obviously, loneliness comes up a lot in counselling and counselling training, so there is that professional aspect to my knowledge, but I honestly think it’s more my lived experience that gives me insight into loneliness. While being single and being lonely aren’t the same thing (and while loneliness obviously exists for those in couple relationships) there can be a lot of overlap, so I’ve learned a lot about loneliness through writing the book, and being a 30+ single myself. I was also bullied a lot as a kid, and didn’t have many friends growing up, so there is a long history to my encounters with loneliness, and my practice with strategies for facing and overcoming it.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. According to this story in Forbes, loneliness is becoming an increasing health threat not just in the US , but across the world. Can you articulate for our readers 3 reasons why being lonely and isolated can harm one’s health?

Loneliness can be harmful because:

1) We may not be able to mitigate the negative impacts of stress. We all know what a threat stress can be to our health, but our ability to reduce our own stress is limited. Even the most evolved self-soother will eventually need eye contact, a hug, or just the presence of another limbic being to help them reduce stress and anxiety. If you don’t have that, or if you feel like you don’t have that, your life is more likely to be negatively impacted by the effects of stress.

2) We become narrowminded and, therefore, easily manipulated. The more isolated we are, the more likely we are to form our perspective and opinions in a social vacuum. When we can’t reality test our theories in the three-dimensional world, we start losing touch with reality, or embracing a false sense of reality. This is why we can make dumb and even dangerous relational decisions out of desperation. It’s also why we’re more susceptible than ever to things like fake news. When we don’t have “the real thing,” we buy into the counterfeit that is out there.

3) We develop unhealthy habits. Being isolated also means less accountability for habits and behaviours that aren’t conducive to physical health. It’s way easier to eat poorly, exercise less, consume copious amounts of trashy media, or neglect our hygiene or grooming when there is no one around to inspire us to do better. That may be fine for a weekend or a vacation, but if you slip into those types of habits long-term, it can be detrimental to your health. And, since comfort-habits can be coping mechanisms for loneliness, it can also become a vicious cycle.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness harming our communities and society?

I think we are losing the ability to empathize and to hold nuanced perspectives. You don’t need to look any further than the state of politics these days to see the negative impact of too many people home alone with their ideas, hiding behind a keyboard. Without connection and empathy we forget that there are human beings behind the avatars and social media profiles. We start interacting as if everything and everyone is one dimensional, and we believe and express things we would never dream of doing in person, because we’ve detached our interactions from humanity. In short, loneliness is making us meaner!

The irony of having a loneliness epidemic is glaring. We are living in a time where more people are connected to each other than ever before in history. Our technology has the power to connect billions of people in one network, in a way that was never possible. Yet despite this, so many people are lonely. Why is this? Can you share 3 of the main reasons why we are facing a loneliness epidemic today? Please give a story or an example for each.

There are lots of contributing factors to loneliness but I think there are a few themes that bubble to the surface.

1) We are over-automated: To your point about the digitization of culture, I think we are so used to automated life that we forget we need people (or, we trick ourselves into thinking our number of social media followers is the same as human interaction). Sure you can do your shopping, banking, and many other errands from your phone, computer, or, at the very least, a self-check-out, but this may deceive you into thinking that you don’t need other people. The goal of life isn’t full independence, but interdependence. Full independence is a myth, unless you’re a hermit. Humans still farm, source, invent, manufacture, package, facilitate, and deliver so many of the things and services we need for daily life. We need to remember this the next time we feel we have a personal deficit, that it’s ok to have someone else fill the gap. We all have different gifts that were intended to complement each other in a communal setting. When we forget that, it’s easy to isolate ourselves.

2) We are over-stimulated: Many people think they are lonely, because they are actually bored. We are not good at quiet time! While boredom and loneliness aren’t the same thing, our expectations of constant entertainment, stimulation, and occupation may be demanding too much of our social relationships. Under that kind of pressure, many people give up on friendship altogether, because it seems like too much work. We need to make it less work by expecting less and just being together more.

3) We are over-twitter-pated: Our society has an obsession with romance. There are thousands of resources to help people prepare for, find, and foster romantic love, and numerous models of the “ideal love story” portrayed through various forms of media. We have so long focused on romantic relationships as a primary source of love, commitment, and personal fulfillment, that we have lost touch with how to do almost any other kind of human interaction. If we stopped believing that finding “the one” would provide all of the answers, we could make room for relationships with others, connection with family, and even better relationships with ourselves. Our expectations of relational fulfillment are skewed: we are putting so. Much. Pressure. on one or two primary relationships that whole communities used to fill, and then suffering from disappointment when those relationships can’t measure up. We need to stop drinking the love potion.

Ok. it is not enough to talk about problems without offering possible solutions. In your experience, what are the 5 things each of us can do to help solve the Loneliness Epidemic. Please give a story or an example for each.

1. Practice the Art of Friendship. We learn very little about how to be sociable and friendly these days. When you can research someone online and have all of their basic information before you meet, your ability to make small chat or be courageous or vulnerable in conversation diminishes. We have to practice meeting people, talking to people, getting to know and being rejected by people and starting again, and dare I say maybe doing some of those things without the help of the internet. In many ways making and keeping friends hasn’t evolved much since childhood, which means it still requires risk, practice, and a bit of awkwardness. Sometimes it really is as simple as picking a kid on the playground and asking them to be your friend. The practice also means being more receptive to bids for relationship: saying yes to coffee, or at minimum, not getting offended when someone forgets your name and you have to reintroduce yourself. Play through the awkwardness and it will get easier!

2. Normalize loneliness as part of the human experience. The less we fear it the more we can accept, endure, and even learn from seasons of loneliness. The lie of loneliness is that you are alone in being alone. Statistics show differently. Irony of ironies, if we could be open about how loneliness is impacting us, we’d probably find something in common with almost everyone around us. Don’t freak out! You’re not broken because you’re lonely: you’re just human. Maybe start talking about it and see what happens.

3. Make daily choices to reduce isolation such as choosing human interaction over technology, serving in the community, and getting help working through fears of rejection and failure. You can start small: try smiling and greeting a passerby the next time you’re running errands, or phoning a business rather than using their online service, or choosing the cashier over the self-checkout. Don’t be embarrassed to book a massage, or physio or spa appointment to ensure you get some human touch. Maybe add one volunteer commitment to your schedule that will require meeting other people face to face. If you’re really brave, find a therapist and start talking about things like vulnerability. Community is not going to happen to you by accident. You need to fight for it!

4. Deepen your spiritual practice: Loneliness can often catalyze a deep and meaningful existential experience, and you have an opportunity to respond to this through your faith, devotion, meditation and prayer. There can be a lot of emotional and spiritual insights buried under our loneliness if we don’t rush to distract ourselves from them and, instead, connect to something or someone greater than ourselves. Ask yourself, “how can I transform this moment of loneliness into an opportunity to go deep?”

5. Fall in love with yourself: It is possible that lurking beneath the malcontent of loneliness is an uncomfortable but simple truth that you don’t like your own company very much. I think dealing with loneliness starts when we choose to be a friend to ourselves. We can do this by ensuring our self-talk is kind, exploring our likes and preferences, and spending time doing things we love. We can also get better at finding small ways to celebrate ourselves and the key moments in our lives rather than waiting for someone else to throw us a party. When you are comfortable in your own skin, alone time doesn’t have to mean lonely time.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

I would truly love to shift the way our society thinks about, discusses, and treats singleness. There are more singles now in North America than there have ever been, yet we still treat coupledom as the norm and seem to have a fascination with getting everyone into a romantic relationship whether it’s the right thing for them or not. This leaves many people feeling like failures and doubting their worth. I think if we stopped stigmatizing singleness as this temporary, scary and unwanted thing, and if we stopped assuming that the goal of adulthood should be to find a romantic partner, many people would start to find a sense of purpose and usefulness regardless of their love lives. If we could figure out what is unique, beautiful and even advantageous about single living we would make healthier choices all around, especially when it comes to relationships! Can you imagine that many people feeling a sense of purpose, worth, and embracing the adventure?

We are blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂

I’ve admired Christine Caine for quite some time. She’s doing amazing things to combat human trafficking, and is also an incredible speaker and author.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Thanks for asking! I’m @karissasovdi almost everywhere, and I host a Christian singles facebook group.

www.instagram.com/karissasovdi
www.twitter.com/KarissaSovdi
www.pinterest.ca/karissasovdi

www.facebook.com/groups/singledoutgroup

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

Thank you. It has been a pleasure.

5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic, with Karissa Sovdi and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic, with Phil Tedeschi and Fotis Georgiadis

Loneliness changes our interpersonal neurobiology (increased cortisol for example) making secondary concerns of depression, anxiety and addiction more likely.

As a part of my interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic’ I had the pleasure to interview Rover.com’s Human Animal Behavioral Expert, Phil Tedeschi. Philip Tedeschi is the Executive Director of the Institute for Human-Animal Connection at the University of Denver within the Graduate School of Social Work. Philip’s research, scholarship, and community engagement have focused on the connection between people and animals. He teaches graduate level courses in human-animal interaction, animal welfare, human ecology, ecological bio-affiliation, social justice and international social work. He is recognized for expertise in all aspects of the human-animal bond and the clinical methods for Animal Assisted Interventions. Philip also coordinates the school’s Animal-Assisted Social Work Certificate specialization as well as the Global Animals and Human Health program.

Thank you for joining us! Can you share your “backstory” with us? What was it that led you to your eventual career choice, including working with Rover?

I am a professor of social work at the Graduate School of Social Work at the University of Denver, Executive Director of the Institute for Human-Animal Connection and serve as Rover.com’s Animal-Human Behavioral Expert.

What led me to my current career was studying the transformational impact that animals have on human health or what I refer to as Bio-Affiliation. Over the last 30 years, I have had the opportunity to explore the health promoting and bio-affiliative dimensions of human-animal interaction all over the world. It has resulted in deep exploration into the nature of human-animal connection and without question has significant implications for the study of loneliness and isolation. This exploration has taught me that animals offer some of our most reliable and consistent forms of social support and that human beings are not the only ones who can offer meaningful connection and support. It has also taught me that animals are important in all cultures and across the human lifespan.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

The capacity of human-animal interactions to play a central role in the building of healthy relationship is, at once, ancient and un-appreciated. One of the interesting experiences that I have had occurred in the process of working with my professional therapy dog, Samara, and we were trying to reach chronically mentally ill peoeple who experience homelessness in Denver, Colorado. This activity occurred while writing a book on the role that animals play in responding to trauma, entitled: Transforming Trauma- Resiliency and Healing through our Connection with Animals.

The street outreach work began because there was a group of chronically homeless individuals that were difficult to build functional relationships with by mental health teams and law enforcement. They simply did not trust people, especially people in authority or with power. They were profoundly isolated, even at times from other people who were homeless. With the use of a safe dog, we were able to establish functional relationships with these people, even those who were experiencing serious mental health symptoms. Often within a few moments, someone who was unwilling to communicate would say, “What’s her name? What kind of dog is she? Did you know I use to have a dog that I loved?”

The science involved in the therapeutic potential impact of a safe dog on the interpersonal neurobiology of an individual, gave impetus to trying this canine assisted street outreach intervention. In the co-evolution of humankind and animals, dogs, in specific, were major ‘regulators’ for humans. For possibly 40–60,000 years, humans and dogs have co-evolved with each other. When a known dog is present, and projecting non-verbal, nurturing signals, part of the human brain knows, ‘the camp is safe.’ It stands to reason then, that the human-animal connection could be used for therapeutic purposes. One explanation for these profound transformations in interpersonal connection lies in understanding the neurobiology of security. For example, oxytocin may be released in humans when in the presence of a safe relationship, including animal relationships. Researchers have found that the release of oxytocin to be responsible for social affiliation and support, attachment security, capacity for trust, sharing emotions, and more.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

Yes, I have been studying the human health significance of our relationship with animals from a micro to macro perspective and through the lenses of theories such as Social Support and The One Health Model.

The Social Support Theory proposes that animals provide both direct and indirect support to humans. In a direct way, animals act as sources of non-judgmental support and perceived unconditional positive regard. Indirectly, animals act as social lubricants or facilitators of interaction between humans. Not only is a lack of social support one of the strongest predictors of developing numerous health concerns, perceived social support also plays a critical role in the recovery from any number of physical and mental health related challenges. Social support is a key benefit of animal companionship. A positive relationship with an animal may provide a unique form of companionship, as well as beneficial social support that may be unavailable or unsolicited from human social interaction. As a social facilitator, the presence of an animal may help to foster social engagement and reconnection with society. Increasingly, research suggests that connections to animals has a positive impact on human emotional health, providing overall emotional support, and correlates with reductions in depression, anxiety, and stress.

The One Health Model takes a social-ecological systems perspective of health by recognizing that human, animal and environmental health are interconnected. Achieving positive and sustained change on many of today’s most pressing social issues calls for an increasingly sophisticated understanding of the social-ecological systems and the underlying connection between people, animals and the environment that contribute to the resilience of a community and its individuals. Addressing isolation and loneliness through this model provides a useful foundation from which to advocate for governance policies that promote the collective welfare of all living things.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

As a social worker and psychotherapist, I have spent my entire career focused on what we generally consider support systems and the ecological modelworking within a construct that social workers ca;ll “ Person in Environut” Ecological theory is fundamentally concerned with the interaction and interdependence of organisms and their environment. Likewise, the profession of social work was built upon an acknowledgement that individuals, families, groups and communities interact with their environments and are shaped by them. Individuals do not operate in isolation but are influenced by their physical and social environments in which they live and interact. Taking an ecological perspective towards social work practice involves taking into consideration a person and the environment around her or him and is referred to as the “person-and-environment concept”.

As a social worker, a psychotherapist and a specialist on human-animal connection, I have found myself studying the conditions that allow for healthy relationships, resilient communities and thriving ecological system services. The primary models that inform my teaching, research and outreach are models that inform the ability to have and hold healthy relationships such as Social Support Theory, The One-Health Model and Social-Ecological Justice.

According to this story in Forbes, loneliness is becoming an increasing health threat not just in the US , but across the world. Can you articulate for our readers reasons why being lonely and isolated can harm one’s health?

· Loneliness changes our interpersonal neurobiology (increased cortisol for example) making secondary concerns of depression, anxiety and addiction more likely.

· By not having the connection to healthy living beings, especially animals, also changes our neurobiology (increased oxytocin and dopamine for example) making the ability to build and sustain friendships and functional social support tougher.

In your experience, what are the 5 things each of us can do to help solve the Loneliness Epidemic. Please give a story or an example for each.

My hypothesis is that the loneliness epidemic is manifestation of our pain that emanates from living in a time and place where we have lost connection to living systems and each other. The question, however, really should be, “What can we each do?” Some ideas below:

· Spend time outdoors: interact and contribute to the protection of healthy and thriving ecological systems

· Show compassion to people and other animals

· Teach humane principals to our children

· Walk your dog more often, take your time, let them sniff all the way around the block

Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why?

I would like to have breakfast with Dr. E.O Wilson. His remarkable career as an ecologist and naturalist has offered us the book the Biophilia Hypothesis and to me, one of the most important explorations into our relationship with all beings and the living world. His more recent focus, The Half Earth Proposition (despite being nearly 90 years old), holds our best option for protection of the planet, humans and all other animals.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Twitter:

https://twitter.com/Inst4HumAnimal

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/humananimalconnection

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic, with Phil Tedeschi and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic, with Duane Gilson and Fotis Georgiadis

Ask yourself: what is one thing my community needs that I could do something about? Does that highway on the edge of town have garbage on it that needs to be picked up? Does the local library need to be painted? These are things almost anyone could organize a group to accomplish head-on, and thus, to bring a group together in positive action.

As a part of my interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic’ I had the pleasure to interview Duane Gilson. D. Gilson is a writer for ExpertInsuranceReviews.com who has taught writing and popular culture studies at the university level for more than a decade.

I’m the youngest of eight children, but there’s a 12-year gap between me and my next sibling. So in many ways, I was raised as an only child since they were all out of the house when I was very young. A lot of people might see this as lonely, but I escaped into books. A lot of summer days, my mom would find me in the bathtub atop a pile of pillows with a stack of books and snacks beside me. In a big way, my love of reading is what drew me to becoming a writer.

When I started studying writing seriously in college, I realized the art form was a way for me to connect to the world outside myself — in other words, to be less lonely. Additionally, writing helped me make better sense of the everyday joys and tragedies that happen to everyone.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

I both write and teach writing. On my first day of teaching, I was an inexperienced masters student… and only 24 years old! I waited down the hall for my students to enter the classroom so I was awkwardly standing at the front of the room waiting on them. When I finally walked into the room, my foot caught a stray chair and I fell flat my face. My stack of syllabi and textbooks went flying, and when I looked up, my nose was bleeding profusely. Thus, we didn’t even have class that first day. Our next meeting, I was much less nervous and we all laughed about what had happened.

Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

The world of academia can be stuffy (though it’s certainly not as stuffy as it’s often portrayed in popular culture). And when I was starting out, I loved to send emails full of exclamation points — I’m easily excitable and want to express that excitement to others. When other professors would email back without a single exclamation point, I would take this way too personally, even thinking it meant they didn’t like me. A mentoring colleague finally talked to me about it, and I learned 1) not to use so many exclamation points in professional settings and 2) not to be offended when others don’t communicate the way that I do.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I am! I’m finishing up an essay collection about my childhood in a Pentecostal evangelical megachurch and then coming out as queer. I hope that this project helps other queer people coming out of such fundamentalist backgrounds to realize they are not alone.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

My brother committed suicide when I was twelve years old, and I have no doubt this was, at least in part, due to his loneliness and isolation. As a child, I was diagnosed with both Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, two conditions that can often lead people to withdraw. As an adult, I’ve chosen a career (writing and teaching) that let’s me both have the alone time I crave while also forcing me to be public for short spurts. As a professional in higher education, too, I’ve gone through a lot of training and done a lot of research on loneliness and mental health.

In general, I believe most humans will step in and help another person they see suffering. If we are isolated, there’s a good chance no one will see us suffering and thus, no one can step in to help.
Loneliness and isolation can lead to or exacerbate many other mental health and physical conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and even, it’s been shown, cardio-vascular health, given that isolated people are often less physically active.
As recent elections have shown, there’s a desire for individuals to see themselves as legitimate victims. Isolation and loneliness further this desire — especially in certain groups (like white cishet men) who are finding their loneliness mirrored to themselves in potentially-dangerous online communities.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness harming our communities and society?

Loneliness leads to isolation, and a group of isolated individuals does not form a community or society at all. When we connect with others, we are often driven to work for the common good. When we don’t, the common good is not a concern.

Technology certainly can help connect us to other people. For instance, I can use Facebook to find events in my area, from festivals to concerts to races. These are all great ways for me to connect to people that I might otherwise not know about. Technology, however, can often make us feel like we are connecting with people in deep ways, when in reality it can serve as a panacea: a false medicine for what we actually need.
I think we also face a loneliness epidemic because in general, we’re overwhelmed. What started as a 24-hour cable news cycle we could avoid by turning off the television has now become a news cycle that is sending us push notifications on our phone — and during a presidential administration making lots of noise every day, these alerts are seemingly endless. This causes us, often, to withdraw, which leads to loneliness and exhaustion.
We’re working more than ever, and our work is often so tied to a device: a phone, a tablet, a laptop, etc. In many ways, we might think retreating into ourselves is our only option for unwinding from this constant push to work, but it can also lead to loneliness.

Every Monday, write a message — a text, a card, an email — to a person you haven’t talked to in the last month. When I do this, it helps me stay connected to people I care about, which is important to combating loneliness.
As silly as it may sound, I don’t need to always be engaging with people, but it is healthy for me to be around people. If I’ve been working too long in my office, I’ll take my computer and go to a coffee shop, for instance. Even if I don’t talk to many folks, the smile I exchange and brief conversation I have with a barista is a small gesture of generosity that helps, in even a small way, to combat loneliness.
I’m a writer, and writing can be pretty isolating. That’s why I make sure I’m part of a regular writing group. Writing groups can be found in almost any community. If one doesn’t exist near you, start one! I also attend writers retreats, which allow groups of writers to come together and work on their craft together.
Ask yourself: what is one thing my community needs that I could do something about? Does that highway on the edge of town have garbage on it that needs to be picked up? Does the local library need to be painted? These are things almost anyone could organize a group to accomplish head-on, and thus, to bring a group together in positive action.
As folks age, they statistically read more. Reading can be an isolating activity, but it doesn’t have to be. Join a book club or start a book club!

I would start a storytelling revolution. Sharing stories connects us, and learning to tell our stories helps us feel less isolated.

Britney Spears. I write about her a lot in my work, for starters. But also, as one of the first true celebrities of the digital age, I think she could teach us a lot about how technology can both connect and isolate us.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Find me at dgilson.com or on Twitter @dgilson.

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic, with Duane Gilson and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic” With Robin Joy Meyers

An Interview With Fotis Georgiadis

US News and World Report, states that, Loneliness affects 3 in 4 Americans and appears to spike in late 20’s, mid-50’s and late 80’s. If you compare the American lifestyle to the world, in general we tend to eat more quantity and exercise less. We drive rather than walk and can isolate ourselves in so many ways. This is harming our families, communities and on a broader scale our society. We must make changes and that begins with changing patterns. We have the ability to reprogram and rewire the patterns in our brain so that we can find a new way of thinking. This is called neuroplasticity, patterns we’ve created in our brain. All patterns created through neuroplasticity become habits. Which means the bad patterns are the ones that become bad habits. Neuroplasticity, is defined as the ability of the brain to change its physical structure and function based on input from your experiences, behaviors, emotions and thoughts. Changing your behavior means changing your brain. This is not based on hope, it’s based on science! You can scientifically overcome fear and in turn, reduce loneliness and isolation.

As a part of my interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic’ I had the pleasure to interview Robin Joy Meyers. TEDx Speaker, Fear Strategist, Author, and Molecular Geneticist Robin Joy Meyers educates and empowers thousands of women all over the world to claim their voices and create their best lives. With over two decades of experience and two best-selling books, Alone but Not Lonely: Reclaim Your Identity and Be Unapologetically You and The Art of Unlearning: Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone, Robin Joy is an acclaimed expert of women’s empowerment. Robin Joy specializes in science-based strategies and techniques for self-awareness, mindset, leadership, balance/boundaries and the positive power of fear to empower women with tools to change your mindset and limiting beliefs that can be put into action immediately. An expert in life transitions, Robin Joy founded her company, Navigate2Empower, to educate and empower women through executive coaching, workshops, and speaking engagements. As a young molecular geneticist, who discovered a gene in fruit ﬂies that links to their ﬂight, Robin Joy never gave herself credit for being a powerful voice in the world of science. She is a speaker taking stages to empower women to claim their voices; give themselves permission to harness fear and pivot and speak their truths. Robin has taken ﬂight and with her so will you! Robin Joy Meyers recognizes that living a life without fear isn’t realistic, and her unique approach to fear management provides women with a fresh and effective method to self-improvement, encouraging them to actively live in the moment with a conscious and courageous presence.

Thank you so much for doing this with us Robin Joy! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us? What was it that led you to your eventual career choice?

As a professional people pleaser myself, I went through my adult life checking the boxes that I thought should be checked until I was turning 53. When I turned 53, I decided to wake up and step out of my life of isolation, because at 53 yrs of age my mother died of cancer and I happened to be 21. When I turned 53, my daughter was 21, and I realized that I needed to speak my truth and find out who the real Robin Joy Meyers was aside from everyone else’s person. That was my “Ah Ha” moment or epiphany, because I felt a sense of mortality. I started to take the time to sequence the chapters of my own evolution.

Through my own evolution and development as a child, through college, graduate school, onto being wife and mother, the “I should be” and let everyone else fill in that blank for me was isolating and I realize now that it was my own fear that stood in my way.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

One of my goals in 2019 was to hopefully take a TEDx stage and in June 2019 I was fortunate to be chosen to speak at TEDxChelseaPark NYC. The title of my talk, “The Science of Loneliness and Isolation,” really made me expose my most vulnerable, authentic, raw self. I spent time on the science of my formula hiding + fear + loneliness = isolation. Fast forward three months and this women contacted me from Australia who just thanked me for sharing my story and bringing the conversation of fear and loneliness as a woman out. She too had lost her mother near the same age as I had and we both raised children of similar ages. That talk made me realize that to be the best speaker, fear strategist and molecular geneticist, I finally fully sequenced my life and I am good enough just like I mentor everyone else.

Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting?

I was on the Fearless Women US speaking tour in San Diego which was the third city of a 20 city tour. As I am introduced and go up to the front of the room and totally went blank. I don’t think I could have even told you my name. I wasn’t even that nervous. I just hadn’t done my normal pre-speaking routine, which I am vigilant about now. My talk was on fear, so I said, “How appropriate is this. I am here to speak to you about fear and wouldn’t you be most fearful of a speaker getting up in front of the room to only forget everything you were going to say!” Everyone, including myself, laughed. Then I composed myself and said, “let’s try this again.”

Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

This moment was fantastic, because I learned that to be on a speaking tour, you must have a routine in place. Sleep, food, exercise, everything. Really important. I also learned that people are fantastic and supportive. More people came up to me telling me, “thank you for being human.” We can be messy and make mistakes and still be effective.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I am working on some great projects. I have launched transformational retreats for women this year. The first is to Tuscany, Italy October 19–26, 2019. I plan to host 6–8 throughout the year. February 2020 is at Aly’s Beach, Florida; May 2020 Chianti, Italy; July 2020 Innsbruck, Austria; and Fall 2020 back to Italy.

I helped coordinate bringing The Fearless Women’s Summit from One Woman Canada to the United States for a 24 city Tour in 2019 and plan to expand for 2020 as well as bring an online summit to fruition to have a greater reach worldwide. Not everyone has access to travel, but this is where our global connectivity can do good and allow us to empower and educate others.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

As a molecular geneticist and fear strategist, I understand the true, not “pseudo,” science of fear, loneliness, and the neurobiology of the brain. The genetics are fascinating and recently, Dr. John Cacioppo, a neuroscience professor who studies the epigenetic impact of loneliness, recently revealed how the emotional and physical impacts, actually trigger cellular changes that not only alter gene expression, but also increases stress and aging in our bodies.

Personally, I was so afraid to be seen, heard and show my real self. The fear of disappointing everyone, kept me totally isolated. Just like the genetic mutation of the fruit fly I discovered, I had impeded my own flight.

Loneliness is the next biggest public health crises to face Americans since the rise of obesity and substance abuse, and the physical effects of loneliness and social isolation are as real as any other physical detriment to the body — such as thirst, hunger, or pain. Three reasons that resonate with me are the fact that more people are becoming entrepreneurs and solopreneurs, which include working remotely therefore not interacting in the office. People do not pick up phones to talk but rather will send an email to communicate; and if you go into a public area, observe how many people are on their smartphones rather than talking.

Another reason is the negative paradigm of fear. FEAR is a physiological and scientifically proven response we all share. We all fear rejection and being judged, which is why we hide. The negatives of these fears are perceptions and patterns that we have created, which may have served us at some point in our lives, but are now holding us back. Hiding starts by not speaking the truth and staying silent. And the longer you stay silent, the more intense fear becomes. Fear is a powerful tool to listen and lean into . Allow fear to ignite and challenge you to move forward and not hold you back.

Finally, being lonely and isolated can harm’s one’s health because of lack of human interaction. As humans we are meant to coexist and interact as a species. This lack of interaction, touch and feel leads to depression, weight issues, and can lead to suicidal thoughts. I’m a scientist, I need formulas and what I have deduced is that Hiding +Fear+Loneliness =Isolation.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness harming our communities and society?

US News and World Report, states that, Loneliness affects 3 in 4 Americans and appears to spike in late 20’s, mid-50’s and late 80’s. If you compare the American lifestyle to the world, in general we tend to eat more quantity and exercise less. We drive rather than walk and can isolate ourselves in so many ways. This is harming our families, communities and on a broader scale our society. We must make changes and that begins with changing patterns. We have the ability to reprogram and rewire the patterns in our brain so that we can find a new way of thinking. This is called neuroplasticity, patterns we’ve created in our brain. All patterns created through neuroplasticity become habits. Which means the bad patterns are the ones that become bad habits.

Neuroplasticity, is defined as the ability of the brain to change its physical structure and function based on input from your experiences, behaviors, emotions and thoughts. Changing your behavior means changing your brain. This is not based on hope, it’s based on science! You can scientifically overcome fear and in turn, reduce loneliness and isolation.

There is a difference of loneliness and isolation to alone time being a powerful time of growth. With our daily use of email, texting, smart phones, professional and social media, we live in an age of instant global connectivity. We are more connected to one another today than ever before in human history, yet somehow, we’re actually increasingly feeling more alone. Here are three reasons why:

One reason is that isolation can easily occur in the most crowded, populated areas. For instance, take the center of Times Square or even the middle of Central Park New York City. As many people are there, it is so easy to stay alone. And certainly was for me. Nobody looks up.
Another reason is that we are introducing technology in our schools as a mandatory learning tool. Not only are our children glued to it socially, then they use it in schools to “research.” Now schools don’t even teach cursive writing as a mandatory part of curriculum anymore. Instead they require middle school students to pass a keyboarding competency test.
Another reason is that technology allows us to hide behind others stories and compare. We as a society are failing at teaching life skills of self-awareness and self-trust. We need to embrace that everyone is unique and teach tolerance and patience. Get back to basics of playing outside and not on the computer. Reduce screen time and learn to have no phones at the dinner table parents included. Lead by example would be the best lesson.

Be more present and live actively in the moment.
Stop hiding. Learn who you are and know that you are enough right here; right now.

3. Learn to truly trust yourself.

4. Be comfortable getting uncomfortable for 21 days to 1 month creating new healthier habits

5. Embrace everyone’s uniqueness and individuality. Collaborate, encourage, and look around to your neighbors. Say hello to the person sitting next to you. SMILE!

I want to inspire a movement of woman who dare to live their best life and realize that “You Are Enough!”

The “You Are Enough or Don’t Check The Box” movement is empowerment events, education, coaching, and mentoring available internationally for women of all ages.

Through my own journey and the journeys of thousands of other women, no matter of age, color, background, demographics, I want all women to learn to trust themselves, intuition and that fear is their superpower. I want women to invest in their personal growth and not worry about the funding for that. I would like to have a scholarship fund for women entrepreneurs who are trying to build a business and invest in their development.

I would be honored to have a private breakfast or lunch with Michelle Obama. Yes, she is a powerhouse, but she is also a mother bringing up two young women. Michelle Obama could certainly help in raising funding for a woman’s scholarship fund as well through her influence put me in front of women around the world. My goal in 2019/2020 is to speak to 1 million women and with Michelle Obama’s help and support I feel like we can begin to create a movement for women of all ages to begin to invest in themselves worldwide.

Bring awareness, tolerance, change, equal opportunity and finial abundance . Teach skills to last for a lifetime.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Website: https://RobinJoyMeyers.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robinjoymeyers/

Instagram: https://instagram.com/r_meyers3

Facebook: https://facebook.com/RobinMeyers.33/

Facebook: https://facebook.com/navigateandempower/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/navigateempower

TEDxTalk: http://bit.ly/TEDXRobinJoyMeyers

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic” With Robin Joy Meyers was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic” With Relationship Expert and…

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic” With Relationship Expert and Therapist Audrey Hope

Our technological age has empowered us and increased our freedom and ability to organize and learn and help each other. The advancements have been breathtaking and life-altering. Yet it has also caused serious problems of isolation and alienation and the statics are not out yet on the damage! Social media is dangerous. In an instant, as we turn on the internet, we believe that everyone but us is at their happiest. Everyone is living and doing well, but we are not. It is a harmful false reality with damaging belief systems that we are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, young enough, and we need to be fixed! We self-criticize and find new reasons to be unhappy and alone. We compare ourselves to others. We have destructive points of view and thought processes. We spend more time on social media with our computers and less time in the real world, eating ice-cream, talking to real people and connecting! Real eye to eye connections! It is time to get outside and have a relationship with nature and fresh air.

I had the pleasure to interview Audrey Hope, D.D.. Audrey is an award-winning certified addiction therapist and holds a Doctor of Divinity degree, who uses her abilities as a clairvoyant psychic medium to heal patients from trauma. A multi-talented force in the healing arts for over 20 years, Audrey Hope’s gentle-but-firm approach in addiction and relationships gets to the ‘root of the root’ to solve problems through spiritual modalities as she guides patients to freedom using a new frontier of healing to achieve inner peace. She has her own practice in the heart of Brentwood, CA, is the host of her weekly YouTube advice show “Hope For Relationships,” and is also an addiction therapist at Seasons In Malibu rehab facility. Throughout two decades in her field, Audrey has worked with an abundance of celebrities, producers, CEOs, doctors, lawyers, authors, athletes, heirs, and more — helping them cope with their relationship and/or addiction problems. In addition, her work in healing has landed her the Governors Award Certificate of Recognition — WOMEN OF WEALTH AWARD. Audrey is the winner of multiple Telly Awards for her YouTube shows on social issues and cultural programming. She was the first to bring the issue of Female Circumcision to TV and was honored with the Communicator Award in 2018. Featured for both her expertise in love and relationships, as well as her knowledge in trauma healing, Audrey has been seen in top tier media like Fox News, MSN, Reader’s Digest, Medical Daily, Glamour, Bustle, Livestrong, Redbook, Elite Daily, Martha Stewart Wedding, Bride Magazine, Popsugar, Shape Magazine and much more. Audrey is a columnist for Voices of Hope in Awareness Magazine and will be releasing her first book, Hope for Relationships — The Invocation for True Love, tackling the science of true love and how to summon it, later this year. For more information on Audrey Hope, please click here.

My life did not start with a plan to be a “Soul Healer,” (because I didn’t even know what that was) but it evolved naturally because of my dedication to become a master of myself and to learn the secrets of the universe. The search for spiritual power and truth was so intense that through the years, I met spiritual teachers who guided me through karmic lessons and fires of purification. There was never a choice for me. I had to follow the higher yellow brick road wherever it led and rise to the challenge to become my divine self and help the world get ready for the “new earth.” The yearning and gnawing in my heart was also a call to live up to my name Audrey (which means Nobel Spirit) Hope.

The journey eventually took me to a famous rehab in Malibu where I was hired as a Spiritual Counselor and to the opening of my practice in Brentwood and to developing TV shows to empower. I want to give all the knowledge away, so I document revolutionary ways to heal on my youtube channel- YouTube/audreyhopenow.

Today I am known as “The Buster,” “The Soul Analyst,” who aims to help people heal at the deep “root of the soul “at whatever level is necessary — this life, past life, the other side, karma, soul contracts, life purpose, and energy. Always the New Yorker, I am also quick, to the point — with no b.s.

For over 2 decades and counting, I have had the privilege to work with Celebrities, CEOs Leaders and Politicians and people from all walks of life who are suffering from trauma and pain. I feel honored to get to witness their quick transformation.

Before this career, I was acting and working in a women’s clothing store. I asked the universe “why did you put me here?” and the answer came — I got to watch and listen to women. No matter what size or shape — women were never happy with themselves — never feeling good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, young enough! This hard evidence of women’s lack of self-esteem and the pain it caused in everyday life, made me think deeply about the spiritual crimes against women. I began linking her pain and lack of self-love to her story that was erased from history, and the horrendous way she is portrayed and treated in society and the media.

I had to do something about this and go on TV and tell women they were being influenced. I wanted to use the media as an empowerment tool and invite everyone into a revolution in perception. (Many years ago, spiritual TV was frowned upon, so I felt like a lone ranger.) I dreamt of the name “Real Women” and the mission statement- a TV show dedicated to creating positive female role models in the media and life-altering perspectives that can transform our world. My guests were leaders of our age, visionaries and pioneers who still inspire us to this day — Marianne Williamson, Byron Katie, Susan Jeffers, Joan Borysenko, Riane Eisler, Judith Orloff, and many others. I won several awards for blazing a trail of cultural and spiritual significance.

People came to my living room for healing and they brought their friends and again I asked the universe…“What is going on, “what is next for me?” I did a soul experiment and waited on God. Then I got a phone call from a friend who asked me to take a ride with her to see a rehab in Malibu and I eventually got hired at this Rehab Facility & so, the healing journey began and advances.

I named my work Spiritual Soul Counseling — a magical process to heal beyond the rational mind the 5 senses and the traditional boundaries of therapy into the “root of the root” of the soul where real transformation takes place. Otherwise, if you stay in the mind, you can write a thesis on your issues but you won’t heal. Soul Healing inspires a full alchemical change and a return to the divine truth of our power (that was taken from us)- that we are magical multidimensional beings who can heal ourselves and the world.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

There are so many magical stories (too many to count) of miracles and transformation on this path. It has been an honor to sit with people in pain and help them on their sacred journey of healing. An example of how divine surrender can manifest dreams — is a story about me when I was looking for my soulmate. I did all the healing work on relationships and then surrendered to a higher matchmaker, higher guidance that could lead me to my destiny. One day, I felt a nudging on my shoulder and a whisper in my ear that told me to go on an online dating site. I was led to this man on PlentyofFish.com and now he is my husband. There were so many other things that manifested “out of the blue”, when I stopped thinking, when I let go of control and when I deeply surrendered and employed a higher team of helpers.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I am finishing my book, “The Invocation for True Love” a book about manifesting true love and the science of relationships. No one left us a manual about the game of life and how to play it and so I have studied people for over 20 years and charted the laws for calling in great love.

It will help the world because it is a simple way to navigate healthy relationships. If you do the work, you will have it. It is that easy and it is my wish for people to get what they want and understand how life and manifestation work.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

I have the honor to work with people every day on their issues and problems and in doing this sacred job, I have found that everyone suffers the same. We are all on the journey and one of the fears we share is loneliness. I love the way a spiritual scope can change the way we view our pain, and so from higher perspective loneliness can be energy, fuel for enlightenment and transformation. If you sit with people for 20 years, you learn the patterns and the truth of what we suffer from.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. According to this story in Forbes, loneliness is becoming an increasing health threat not just in the US, but across the world. Can you articulate for our readers 3 reasons why being lonely and isolated can harm one’s health?

Negative feelings can make you sick. We are moving into a powerful period where science is catching up with spirituality and embracing the wisdom of the ancients that everything is energy. Everything vibrates, moves and spins and as Tesla and Einstein have shown — to understand the secrets of the universe, one must think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration. Positive energy is lighter, spins faster and causes the cells to vibrate at a higher frequency. Negative energy vibrates lower and is denser and causes disease and disharmony. Our emotions affect the subconscious so loneliness, as a sad state of mind- is bad for the body.
Loneliness affects perception. It is a frightening way of seeing the world that makes one feel sad, unloved and unwanted and therefore disrupts the regulation of the cellular process in our bodies. Feeling alone causes depression, higher stress levels, chronic inflammation, and ideations toward suicide. Lonely people are more prone to diabetes and stroke and developing Alzheimer’s. It is harder to sleep when you are lonely and depressed. Good health requires good habits of eating and exercise and social community. Isolating and thinking negative thoughts is physically not good for you.
In the law of vibration, everything and everyone has their vibrational frequency and vibratory rate. Each cell has its resonant sound. It was Winifred Otto Schumann, the German scientist who taught the world that every system in the universe generates different frequency signatures. In 1940 he discovered Schumann Resonance- earth produced a steady pulse that could be measured at 7.83 Hz. And certain frequencies and vibration and sounds can create miracles and DNA repair. Tesla stated that if you could eliminate certain frequencies that interfere with our bodies, we could lower disease. So whatever energy we put out, we attract more of the same. High frequency brings us back to the original tones of the heavenly spheres and divine balance and negativity and feelings cause dense energy and disease. Loneliness is a low frequency and to heal we must raise above depression to 538 Hz or above to get back to balance. Joy is a frequency that can restore the damage and heal and so the opposite is true.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness harming our communities and society?

We heal, grow and evolve in groups. Loneliness isolates and keeps us all separate and apart. We need human contact and connection and to communicate by looking someone right in the eye. Loneliness is dangerous on a spiritual level because it does the one thing that keeps us all disempowered- it conjures up- self-doubt which is a crime against the self. Divide and conquer is the biggest trick to keep us out of the light and knowledge of who we are and what we carry. Masters and leaders and spiritual teachers have a rule of power, never turn against yourself! Never criticize or feel you are not good enough. Loneliness can make you think too much and, in that space, you can criticize, and start believing false things about who you are. When we turn against ourselves, we won’t join and create together! We will stay isolated in our rooms with our computers and feel bad and depressed.

The irony of having a loneliness epidemic is glaring. We are living in a time where more people are connected than ever before in history. Our technology has the power to connect billions of people in one network, in a way that was never possible. Yet despite this, so many people are lonely. Why is this?

Our technological age has empowered us and increased our freedom and ability to organize and learn and help each other. The advancements have been breathtaking and life-altering. Yet it has also caused serious problems of isolation and alienation and the statics are not out yet on the damage!

Social media is dangerous. In an instant, as we turn on the internet, we believe that everyone but us is at their happiest. Everyone is living and doing well, but we are not. It is a harmful false reality with damaging belief systems that we are not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, young enough, and we need to be fixed! We self-criticize and find new reasons to be unhappy and alone. We compare ourselves to others. We have destructive points of view and thought processes. We spend more time on social media with our computers and less time in the real world, eating ice-cream, talking to real people and connecting! Real eye to eye connections! It is time to get outside and have a relationship with nature and fresh air.

Can you share 3 of the main reasons why we are facing a loneliness epidemic today? Please give a story or an example for each.

This period has been called the Age of Aquarius, the time of the prophesied new earth, the resurrection — when we are all invited to ascend. It is wake up a time where We crucify to resurrect, we alchemize and turn humanness into divinity. The world and the people have no choice in this powerful period — but to look within and go towards love and peace. There is no place to run and hide to deny the truth of what we must see and heal.

We are facing loneliness because the world has gotten away from our authentic true self and become superficial and lost. We are suffering and in pain from the isolation and it is a call to do something about it.

We cannot stay a superficial and uncaring nation. The loneliness is an epidemic that can be a call for change. We need each other and as a group, we can bring in the new earth. If we use the pain to grow and find each other.

There is a yearning for real connection. Machines, computers, and technology can only take us so far. We need self-realization- which is to feel divinity on our central nervous system and collective consciousness. On the internet, we can pretend, but it will leave us wanting. Loneliness through empowering and amazing, can’t be a warm hug and real friend. The pendulum must swing back to real people with real connections and real feelings.

Ok. it is not enough to talk about problems without offering possible solutions. In your experience, what are the 5 things each of us can do to help solve the Loneliness Epidemic? Please give a story or an example for each.

Change perspective. Everyone needs to lift beyond the rational mind, into a higher dimension with spiritual scope, to see that we are so much more than this life. We are all one and not alone. Everything serves the higher good and the evolution of the soul and we need space and sacred alone time — without distractions so we can connect to that “still small voice within” Without noise and the business of life, we can find out who we are as the light. In every modality to inner peace, one needs quiet time to connect and feel a higher presence. This is holy space to reboot and clear your inner computer to zero-point and begin again. Even in Feng Shui which is about utilizing energy to manifest your dreams, you have to throw out everything and be in empty clear space to call in the new life.
Loneliness is a wakeup call, an opportunity to begin again and transform and evolve. It can inspire you to go out and start a new life. The unhappiness is the fuel. Your new life purpose can be about giving back and helping others. You can’t know the truth of your life’s mission unless everything is out of your way and you are free to hear guidance and truth.
A chance to heal and get to know yourself. If you are with you, undisturbed and not distracted- then you can spend sacred time healing and look within. You can study and learn and grow. In this precious alone time, you can look within your soul and do a life review and find out what matters to you and what you want to do with the rest of your life. It is a valuable launching pad to new life
You can dream and create a life plan. What do you want to do? Who you want to do it with? What qualities do you want in a new mate? What boundaries are important? Only when you are stripped and forced to your knees and called to face yourself in space, can you begin to build what is truly your life path and dream?
Writing or create a great work of art. In this passionate time, you can do all the things you said you wanted to do and create what you always wanted to create. Is it writing, painting, drawing, singing? Great art and great music are born in alone space and time.

If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

I wish for people to understand that the new earth and the golden age must happen with the return of the goddess to her power. It is time to set the record straight and give women back her self-esteem and her throne. When the woman is back in her power, the world can fulfill the golden age prophesy of a new earth, balanced and equal men and women joining together to heal the earth.

“Her Re-Evolution” is a movement dedicated to a revolution in perception and a renaissance of her soul. A movement — resurrecting the goddess within and restoring herstory in history. For when we honor again the inner beauty and power of being a real woman, a queen, when she regains the sovereignty of herself, the men and the world will follow. For when she holds the royalty of her power, when she becomes the lighthouse, and inspires others to do the same.

The healing movement is simple, she can awaken and transform in about 20 minutes if you tell women the truth, the things she needs to know. The life-saving info is that she has been influenced and she can now embrace feminine law, empowering vows of self — love. She must decree- I am now ready to transform. I will not wait on anyone or ask anyone for permission. My words are “No” and “Enough”.

“Her Re-Evolution” is a movement to embrace the profound wisdom that women are and always will be the enlightening strength of every civilization. By restoring the image of womanhood, we pay honor to her mothering energy of love and compassion and thus the spiritual survival of the world. As stated in the Vedic scriptures the degree to which women are respected, is the degree to which society prospers. Respect for women humanizes a society.

“Her Re-Evolution” will be about a queen who took back their throne.

She must now rise, wake up, and transform into the full restitution of her holy power.

Triumphant she reigns with the royal truth that women are and always will be the healing elixir of the planet.

The world needs enlightenment and a higher truth- to one’s inner power. This is about the re-evolution, back to our original blueprint as multidimensional light beings with the power to heal ourselves and the world. “Her Re-evolution” will be about the woman getting back her story in his story, and to know the truth of her goddess power. My life’s work is dedicated to helping the world with the right manual- the gamebook on how to win at life. The rules and boundaries of self-love and power. To stop conditioning and lies and enable the higher truth of who we are and what we carry.

I would love to meet Hilary Clinton to ask her how she dared to survive what she had to go through? I would love to learn how she stood strong on the stage while being challenged by a bully. I would love to know her process of getting back up. What an inspiration and one I would like to learn.

-How can our readers follow you on social media?

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring and so important!

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic” With Relationship Expert and… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic”, With Jed Shlackman

An Interview With Fotis Georgiadis

Human beings are very much social beings. In many ways our lives are defined by our roles and relationships with others and what we share toward one another. Relationships that are healthy help exercise our hearts and our minds and help our energy flow. When we lack connection with others then that energy flow becomes stagnant and the flow of life force in the related areas of the body diminishes. Consequently, there are empirically documented correlations between loneliness and health challenges such as heart disease and dementia. Being lonely is just as much a risk for declining health and early death as factors like smoking and poor diet. Loneliness is strongly associated with depression and substance abuse. In the field of addiction recovery it has been discussed how meaning and connection in our lives are the antidote for addiction. When people lack connection with other human beings or with something that brings a sense of meaning to their lives (caring for animals or nature can provide a form of meaningful connection) then it is common for people to form unhealthy connections with addictive substances or habits.

As a part of my interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic’ I had the pleasure to interview Jed Shlackman, M.S. Ed., LMHC. Jed is an acclaimed counselor, hypnotherapist, author, and spiritual energy healer with over two decades of experience guiding clients on their journeys of personal healing and transformation. Jed, a South Florida native and graduate of the University of Miami, is a Reiki Master and sound healing teacher whose workshops and healing sessions help participants enhance their self-love and self-confidence and inspire a deeper connection with their soul’s vision. Jed brings together timeless wisdom and intuitive inspiration to foster healing and transformation.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share your “backstory” with us? What was it that led you to your eventual career choice?

In essence, my life as a whole led me toward my career path. As a child growing up I was multi-talented and intellectually gifted, while I also encountered a significant health challenge and disharmony in my family’s dynamics. I had a desire to understand human psychology and consciousness as well as a growing inclination to do something that would make the world better in some way. In college I ended up choosing psychology as an undergraduate major, as I found developmental psychology to pique my interest. I felt compelled at that point to pursue a career in psychology as a clinician to help children. As I completed graduate school I went through a process of personal growth and interactions with peers that led me to start exploring the spiritual realm of our existence, something that I had not faced directly as a child coming from a family that was non-religious and not engaged in any spiritual tradition or practices. As I explored this realm and the healing resources that relate to spiritual dimensions I discovered that I was a naturally gifted spiritual energy healer and that I also have a calming presence that helps with guiding people in hypnosis and meditation processes. I found these types of holistic modalities to be very helpful for myself as well as many people I worked with. I also recognized that I would have to step forward and pursue a less conventional and less “safe” path in my career since the healing approaches I was integrating into my life and healing philosophy were not well accepted or embraced in job environments I had been working in early in my career.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

There are many interesting stories that have arisen in my career, it is hard to compare them to one another and I consider every person’s life to be unique and of interest. One story that readers might find intriguing is a case I had where a mother brought her child to me to seek confirmation and validation and perhaps some resolution into his past life memories and past life identity. At the time I encountered this family the child was about 5 years old and had for a couple of years displayed vivid, detailed memories of being a famous entertainer whose life and death were marked by much controversy. The celebrity’s death had occurred about a year before this child was born. I guided the mother in a past-life regression that brought some insight into the past life connection and the issues exhibited by the child. Just a couple years after I met this child the child had already begun a career in the entertainment industry, with an acting role that had a synchronistic connection with the past life personality.

Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

It’s hard to say objectively whether a mistake is humorous, though I think it is helpful to be able to laugh about our past misjudgments and regrettable actions. One experience that comes to mind is when I was doing in-home therapy for children. I was providing therapy at the home of one particular child who lived with his mother in a trailer park and the mother was a chain smoker. Initially she had been receptive to me coming for sessions to provide therapy for her son. I am sensitive to cigarette smoke and mentioned something about this at a certain point to the mother in a way that I thought was benign. Subsequently, I came to the home for a scheduled session and apparently no one was home and no one answered, while the mother later falsely told staff at the referring school that I had failed to show for an appointment. The staff informed me that there had been a history of the mother sabotaging efforts at therapy. I learned from this that some people have severe issues that make it hard for them to work with people or accept or trust help, and one can inadvertently trigger those reactions and upset the tenuous connection that has been formed. Also, different people respond to things in different ways, and we may have limited knowledge of the other person and how they may perceive or respond to something. It’s really impossible to be “perfect” in human social interactions and we always have limited awareness of ourselves and others. I have also learned to shift my perspective over time about the concept of a “mistake.” Whatever occurs is the experience we were ready to co-create at that time based upon our state of awareness or consciousness at that time. Thus, in that context it is a learning experience, not a mistake.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I am currently working on a book about sound healing and sound vibration as a therapeutic tool for mental and physical health. I believe that sound is a very practical and powerful healing resource and that we have only begun to tap into its potential. I am certain that many people will benefit from access to sound healing as part of their healing journey.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

As a counselor and healer I have worked with a wide variety of people, many of whom are sharing their deepest concerns and fears, opening up about core issues and challenges in their lives. Loneliness and a lack of feeling connected are very common themes. Hearing each person’s story and personal journey I see how complex this issue is and how there are both individual and collective social factors that fuel the experience of loneliness. In my healing work I help people release barriers to connection, whether it is in their relationships with oneself, with others, with their spiritual source (“soul”) or with nature and the cosmos.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. According to this story in Forbes, loneliness is becoming an increasing health threat not just in the US , but across the world. Can you articulate for our readers 3 reasons why being lonely and isolated can harm one’s health?

Certainly. Human beings are very much social beings. In many ways our lives are defined by our roles and relationships with others and what we share toward one another. Relationships that are healthy help exercise our hearts and our minds and help our energy flow. When we lack connection with others then that energy flow becomes stagnant and the flow of life force in the related areas of the body diminishes. Consequently, there are empirically documented correlations between loneliness and health challenges such as heart disease and dementia. Being lonely is just as much a risk for declining health and early death as factors like smoking and poor diet. Loneliness is strongly associated with depression and substance abuse. In the field of addiction recovery it has been discussed how meaning and connection in our lives are the antidote for addiction. When people lack connection with other human beings or with something that brings a sense of meaning to their lives (caring for animals or nature can provide a form of meaningful connection) then it is common for people to form unhealthy connections with addictive substances or habits.

Another risk that comes with loneliness and isolation is that when we are starting to exhibit significant signs of impairment in our mental or physical health there may not be anyone around to help bring awareness of what is occurring or to provide support and resources to help someone recover. It’s not too unusual to hear stories of a person who lives alone and passes away without anyone discovering the person’s death for days, weeks, or even months.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness harming our communities and society?

Loneliness can be seen as a reflection of disharmony, disaffection, and dysfunction in society. If a person feels isolated and disconnected they are less likely to contribute to society in a healthy and productive way and more likely to be a burden or disruption to society. When we hear stories of individuals who act out violently toward society a common theme is that the person has been socially isolated or feels in some way rejected or disconnected from the society. Certainly the health implications of loneliness suggest that people experiencing loneliness will be more likely to suffer from and need treatment for physical and mental illnesses. This also means that these individuals may not be able to share their positive potentials and talents with society. People may have great things to contribute to the world, whether it is through one’s intellect, creativity, compassion, or innovation, but those possibilities are stunted or inhibited by those individuals being disconnected from opportunities to express their potential.

The irony of having a loneliness epidemic is glaring. We are living in a time where more people are connected to each other than ever before in history. Our technology has the power to connect billions of people in one network, in a way that was never possible. Yet despite this, so many people are lonely. Why is this? Can you share 3 of the main reasons why we are facing a loneliness epidemic today? Please give a story or an example for each.

One reason is an apparent increase in the rate of change and decrease in stability in society. Building connections doesn’t usually occur instantly. Stable families, stable jobs, and stable communities help allow for strong connections to flourish. I have often encountered people who immigrated to America from another country and left behind family and/or friends in their homeland. Feeling lonely in the new country is common. Once people are separated from whatever brought them a feeling of connection and belonging they may need time and support to help build new social bonds.

The nuclear family model and extended families of many cultures help support a sense of connection and belonging. Currently marriages and long term commitment are not as prominent as they once were in American society, and with other social and economic stresses also present family circumstances are often in flux. Technology has also fueled great change in the job market and employment. People often have to change careers or move to another city and companies and employees may lack strong bonds and loyalty.

Another factor is the decline of the role of traditional religion in our society. Social connections are often built in the groups we belong to, so if people are exploring their spirituality more independently, beyond the confines of a religious organization or spiritual community, then they may not be finding human connection in that vital aspect of life. While there is the possibility to form many online connections those are often not as intimate or reliable as the connections people have with in-person social interaction. I have encountered a number of people who have either felt disconnected from humanity throughout their lives or who begin to feel that way after a major spiritual shift or awakening in their lives. They may feel like they are on a different wavelength and don’t relate well to what they perceive as materialistic preoccupations or superficial concerns and gossiping that they perceive in their community. Even people who appear to have plenty of social connections often report experiencing a loneliness or feeling of disconnection that is present on an emotional or spiritual level. In that context, one reason people may feel lonely is that they haven’t found a way to relate adequately to people whose consciousness or view of life is a lot different than their own or they may be failing to find the deeper connections they desire. If more people are having expressions or experiences of human potential that exist beyond the norms of their culture or community then a sense of isolation can occur in their lives.

Ok. it is not enough to talk about problems without offering possible solutions. In your experience, what are the 5 things each of us can do to help solve the Loneliness Epidemic. Please give a story or an example for each.

One thing we can do is be more present, open, and flexible as we interact with a variety of people in our community. We are often in such a rush we don’t see and acknowledge other people and their value. Something as simple as saying something kind and friendly to people we may meet or pass by as we go through our daily routine can make a difference in helping people feel more valued and connected. As a counselor I have had some clients tell me years later how a single thing I said was something they carried with them and led to a meaningful shift in their life.

We can create social institutions that encourage more connection and constructive communication. If you don’t see your “tribe” out in the community you could choose to start a gathering yourself to help form the tribe — you may find that there are other isolated people just like you who are also seeking a meaningful connection or social support system. We have the challenge of recreating the sense of community in our modern age since most of us aren’t living in very small towns or isolated tribes where everyone knows each other and everyone is expected to value one another as vital members of the community. Community was once based more on physical or geographical location, while it has shifted more now toward online groups and meetings of people with like minds or shared spiritual values and interests. I myself and peers of mine have used online resources such as Meetup.com to help organize gatherings and connection for people with shared interests in spirituality and the holistic healing arts.

We can consider our own prejudices and limiting beliefs that have fueled disconnection.
The outer world is a reflection of the inner world, so healing society begins with healing our self. We each tend to have aspects of our own psyche that are isolated from and not integrated with one another. Healing our own subconscious wounds and insecurities will have a ripple effect in how we interact with other people and contribute to the society around us. Various mind-body and spiritual healing practices can help with this process of inner transformation and integration.

We can seek to have a better understanding of other people and their perspectives, of what they find as sources of meaning and connection in their lives. People won’t all have their feeling of loneliness addressed in the same way, so we can be flexible in finding solutions to help people feel connected. One person may find connection through a job, another through being a parent, mentor, or foster parent, another via a community organization or club, another will find connection through sharing artistic content, and another will find connection with animals or plants.

We can also find global solutions for decreasing discord and fostering more stability in society. Corruption and conflict in the world have generated much personal and collective trauma and left many people over-protective and unnecessarily divided. Embracing common values while accepting differences can help people live together more cooperatively and compassionately. We can join together with groups or organizations that promote greater inclusion and human connection and public policies that would foster those ideals. Our social systems and public institutions can be reformed to address the full range of human needs rather than too often serving unhealthy power imbalances and greed. Since most of us play some role within those systems we can each be more conscious of our part and voice our input on how things can be transformed to help promote societal health and wholeness. It can start with something as simple as speaking up in your own workplace about creating a more cooperative and less conflictual atmosphere among the staff.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

I believe a movement to promote the concept of spiritual interconnectedness would make a great difference in society. It’s not really a new idea, although it seems that past movements with that original idea have been distorted or diverted. If we could see ourselves as spiritual beings that are all different expressions of the same spiritual essence and that we are all interconnected to each other and all sparks of the same Infinite Being then we might just have more compassion for one another and for ourselves.

We are blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂

This is maybe the most difficult question for me to answer of all the ones that have been asked so far! There are many people who are prominent in the media and entertainment sphere or influential in the business world who I might have interesting conversations with, though I can only select names that draw my interest based upon the existing public profile or bio of those individuals. Perhaps since one of my passions is music I might wish to have a private sit down with a popular musical performer, someone like Bono or Sting, Jewel or Madonna, as these musicians have crafted songs that have brought inspiration to numerous fans while they have also exhibited interest in spirituality and social concerns.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

My Facebook professional page is www.facebook.com/jediholistichealing
My Twitter is @jedishaman
My Instagram, which I don’t post on too often, is www.instagram.com/jedshlackman

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic”, With Jed Shlackman was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic”, With Hope Zvara

An Interview With Fotis Georgiadis

I think we need to understand why we are lonely. I find that we are more connected than ever, yet we are more alone than ever. We, humans, are social beings, we are meant to be in packs and be together. Slowly we are losing the skills to connect. Losing the connection of touch and worst yet, many now struggle with the emotion of empathy. Without empathy, how can we have true compassion. When you are lonely, having someone who can be compassionate to your situation, your feelings, your life can make all the difference. When you feel alone, you tend to shut yourself off from the rest of the word. It’s a cycle hard to get out of. It becomes even easier to hide behind devices, doors and filters and maybe never even show how you truly feel. I know that is exactly what I did for years. Too ashamed to let others in on how alone I really felt. This was difficult on top of having an eating disorder.

As a part of my interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic’ I had the pleasure to interview Hope Zvara. Hope is a motivational speaker and entrepreneur, specializing in the practice of yoga. She is the CEO and Co-Founder of Mother Trucker Yoga and has her own radio show on Chrome and Steel Radio called Daily Dose of Hope. She is also a board member for the International Institute of Holistic Health Education. Her personal experiences have led her to develop a unique message and technique that not only inspires people in a time of grief but helps them find the courage to move forward. Drawing from her experiences with bulimia and the death of her newborn daughter, Hope shares her tragedies to connect with people. She demonstrates how to cope with grief and find a way to heal and live purposefully. She has a true passion for connecting with people and helping them find value in their life. She’s a wife, mother, and a lover of life.

I was knee-deep in an eating disorder. Then I found yoga. I was working as a lifeguard at our local pool and one of my colleagues looked me one day and said, “you look like someone who would do yoga.” Something clicked in me and I went home that day and looked for a yoga class to take.

My Wednesday night yoga class became a weekly ritual of second chances and eventually that class led me to a yoga teacher training. I was going to college then dropped out after my first year and pursued a full-time career in teaching yoga.

Yoga was a blessing in my life, because I had the opportunity to help others and at the same time, help myself. I realized early on that my natural ability of writing and connecting came through like a dance on the yoga mat; guiding others through poses and sharing my own insights about life. It was on the mat teaching that I slowly began to open up about who I really was and discover my own struggles. It was then, that I realized, I wasn’t alone and others felt the same way.

Yoga was not only a life line for me. But I, at the same time, began to pave a life line for others. I eventually fully stepped into recovery gaining the strength to admit myself into an outpatient treatment. It was there again, that I noticed I was further along in my recovery than I thought. I had yoga to thank for that.

When my husband and I lost our daughter, yoga was there again to guide me through. I went back to the mat, as a teacher, connecting with others and that helped me through.

Yoga became a platform for me to expand myself. I opened up a yoga studio and developed my skills as a business owner. I wrote, established, and operated a state-approved vocational school for yoga, and then stepped into the online world as I became a #1 Best Selling Author. Now I’m a traveling speaker sharing my journey, lessons and what I call, my yoga tool box.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

The most interesting thing that has happened to me in my career, up to this point, would definitely be how I started my new business venture- Mother Trucker Yoga. In November 2017, my husband took me to a local business mixer in our small country town in Wisconsin. I found myself standing at a table with a gentleman I had never met and never seen in our town. We started talking. I try pitching him corporate wellness to him for his trucking company. And he looks at me and says, “Do you have anything for truckers, in their actual truck”? And me, being an expressive and fun person, I look at him, throw up my arms and say: “Mother Trucker Yoga”.

He sticks out his hand and says: “Let’s do it.” That night I walked out with a new business and a partner. The next day he called me and four months later we launched a new company in the trucking arena.

Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

Total disclosure, I was 21 when I first opened my yoga studio. I crunched the numbers and knew how many of my current students I would need to buy punch cards to open my doors and pay my monthly bills. My first year blew by and I was making it. I had expanded to adding on two other instructors and had a full schedule of 18 classes a week. Year one came and went, and then one day, I got a bill in the mail from our local gas company showing I owed well over a thousand dollars in charges. WHAT! Gas bill! I was paying my utilities bill every month. I don’t have those services. Well, guess what? I did and utilities only covered garbage, electric and water. I guess you can say, I wasn’t always the sharpest tool in the shed.

My biggest learning lesson is to ask. Ask others around you, like you, those who have come before you if there is anything you should know. What they do. What they don’t do. Ask for help. Ask for advice. Ask for input. I was so nervous to not do anything wrong. To be seen as not having it all together that in my earlier years it did hinder me. Luckily, that is why payment plans are for in my case.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

Yes. I have several great projects in the works. But one of my biggest is I am rolling out both a business coaching program and a life and yoga group coaching program. I’ve been working on these for some time now and I’m excited to launch them! A big obstacle for many years has been my own perception of myself. I would always think I am not far enough along, or smart enough, or big enough to be an authority. What I have come to realize is that I have more life and business experience at 35, than many do twice my age. My challenges and successes are best shared and learned from then kept a secret.

These programs will help people because we are all struggling on some level. What makes what I offer unique is that I am sharing exactly what I did. The tools that worked for me. I have a unique ability to break things down and piece them apart to make sense to others. I know I was put on this earth to help, lead, inspire and guide others to never lose hope. To find joy and become the best versions of themselves possible. This is nearly 20 years of knowledge and experience put into these programs.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

I spent almost half my life alone. Well, not alone exactly. I was surrounded by people, but was more alone that you could ever imagine. I was knee deep in an eating disorder and had closed myself off from others to the point where I was physically there, but emotionally void.

I felt as though no one really understood me and everyone was judging me. On the outside I was happy, friendly and outgoing. But on the inside I was scared, anxious and very alone. I was lonely for someone to get me. To understand me. I had graduated high school and tried the college thing. It was then that it occurred to me that I was really alone. I went to class and came home. I didn’t really have any friends. And then when I dropped out of college and eventually opened up my own yoga studio. Yes, yoga became my saving grace and really set a foundation for me to step into recovery. But as social as owning a yoga studio was, I never really had any friendships. I often envied students that cultivated long lasting friendships on the mat with other students, even my staff. Again, I felt alone. I realized I had a lot of internal and external work to do if I wanted to make a shift in my life. And to be honest, it took me years to work on. And in some ways I am still working on it. I, now work remotely as I closed my yoga studio in July of this year. I find myself yet again, very connected and yet at times lonely for more real friendships and actual social interaction.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. According to this story in Forbes, loneliness is becoming an increasing health threat not just in the US , but across the world. Can you articulate for our readers 3 reasons why being lonely and isolated can harm one’s health?

We are social beings and we are meant to be in packs, families, and communities. We are hardwired to connect. But we as people desire to connect and support. The thing that makes us different from other species is that we’re meant to cultivate relationships. I believe loneliness is a learned behavior influenced by a specific event, trauma, or external factor (like technology) that we then adapt to our lives. This loneliness can hinder growth and openness to new ideas. We can easily become closed off to others and what they can offer us. The less interaction we have, the less we interact.
Companionship and the company of others helps us live longer. It’s a fact.
“People with strong social connections may live longer and healthier lives, according to numerous studies.” (Source: Harvard T.H Chan)
Being alone and isolated for most is a recipe for an early death. There is a reason why things like adult daycares are a thing now. Laugh all you want, but activities like Bridge and Bingo should be taken more seriously than they probably are to younger adults. This is a means for companionship, relationships, and community. Older adults that don’t interact tend to not live as long as others. Not to mention the quality of life. I tell my mom all the time that if it ever comes to it, she can move in with us. Being alone, is well, lonely and slowly you begin to lose your purpose in life.
When you isolate yourself from the world you begin to missout on experiences that help you build up a resilience to life. I realized early on in recovery as a young adult that I hid myself away for a big chunk of my life. Sure on many levels I was “there”, but I rarely shared my ideas, feelings and thoughts for fear of being judged. That fear kept me even more isolated and removed from life and my friends and family support. How does someone know to help you if you don’t let them in? I have experienced this first hand. And if I could go back I would have tried to be more brave and let others in. In return I may have built the necessary social skills I needed earlier in life as a young adult.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness harming our communities and society?

First, I think we need to understand why we are lonely. I find that we are more connected than ever, yet we are more alone than ever. We, humans, are social beings, we are meant to be in packs and be together. Slowly we are losing the skills to connect. Losing the connection of touch and worst yet, many now struggle with the emotion of empathy. Without empathy, how can we have true compassion. When you are lonely, having someone who can be compassionate to your situation, your feelings, your life can make all the difference. When you feel alone, you tend to shut yourself off from the rest of the word. It’s a cycle hard to get out of. It becomes even easier to hide behind devices, doors and filters and maybe never even show how you truly feel. I know that is exactly what I did for years. Too ashamed to let others in on how alone I really felt. This was difficult on top of having an eating disorder.

Put the phone down. Yes, you heard me. Put the phone down and talk to at least one real, live person every single day. I don’t care if it’s at the grocery store. Your husband. Your neighbor. Or your Uber driver. Talk to a real human, in person! I want you to look in their eyes. See their facial expressions. Smile with them, laugh with them, show empathy towards them. But don’t just talk to someone, talk with them.
Pray. I don’t care what religion you follow, or if you don’t follow any. But the power of prayer can do wonders for the soul. To me, prayer opens up the dialogue of your soul and if you want to overcome the loneliness epidemic we need to get to the heart and soul of why we may be there in the first place.
Smile, say hello and shake the hand of a stranger. Can’t do them all. Do one. In certain parts of the country it is noticeable that people in that area are, well, unhappy. Well, they may not all be unhappy, but they surely walk around with an angry look on their face. If you want to let someone in, you need to let them know they can come in. So smile at the person driving next to you on the highway. Smile at the little child in line behind you. Smile at yourself in the mirror and graciously receive that smile in return.
Write down five people in your life right now that support you. Don’t think you have five? Then think back, who supported you in the past. If you are like me, doing so you may come to realize that you actually isolated yourself away from them, they never left you.
Once you write those five people down. Choose one to reach out to and tell them how important they are in your life. If it’s been awhile, tell them why you want to reconnect. It has to start somewhere and with someone. Chances are it will be uncomfortable and even a bit awkward. But we need to start to reconnect in real ways.
Organize an event or even a small party. Yes, invite anyone that comes to mind. I use to get inside my head and in my own way. I would tell myself that I was a nobody and no one would want to come to gatherings that I’ve planned. I would get so anxious about what I would talk about and how things would go that I would just shy away from things like this all together to avoid the personal discomfort. But I have come to realize that it’s all in my head, and I can’t get better at something unless I start to take that first step. OK, maybe not a party, but how about coffee with a friend and go from there?

One small change. The power of one small simple change. As someone who has had to overcome and rise above unforeseen circumstances from addiction to child loss, to opening and running a business on a shoestring budget, and yet still manage to rise. All of those milestones and goals met happened because I stopped trying to do it all and be perfect. Instead I focused on one small simple change at a time.

The power of one step at a time. One breath at a time. One movement at a time. One goal at a time will get you where you want to go (almost always) faster every single time.

Dream big, my friend. Be smart and break it all down. Because we didn’t get to the moon by doing it all at once.

Rachel Hollis. She and I both have big dreams and goals and have shared similar struggles. I look to her often for encouragement and the funny thing is what she is saying is usually very similar to what I am sharing with my tribe. It is her boldness to be exactly who she is that reminds me daily to not shy away from who I am and what I like and choose to show up to life as. The best part, is she is doing this for her, and at the same time, doing it for everyone else.

She is a great example of why we humans thrive as a community!

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Instagram @hopezvara

Facebook @TheHOPEProcessByHopeZvara

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic”, With Hope Zvara was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Women Of The C-Suite: “It’s important to spend time with your employees and create a culture of…

Women Of The C-Suite: “It’s important to spend time with your employees and create a culture of love and family”, With Elizabeth Faraut of La LOOP

…it’s important to spend time with people and create a culture of “love and family” where each person feels like they are running their own business. Even if it’s a large team, you can make it feel small.

As a part of my series about strong female leaders, I had the pleasure of interviewing Elizabeth Faraut. Elizabeth is the Creative Director and CEO of La LOOP, an eyewear business that has a cult-brand following in the US, and in Europe and Asia. Over the last 20 years, Elizabeth has created a new category for optical retailers, and now the products are sold in over 1,000 stores across 28 countries. Elizabeth spent her childhood in Paris, and after college joined the editorial team at Figaro Madame. After relocating to New York, she worked for various high-end companies like Guerlain and GUESS Jeans where she opened up retail markets throughout Europe, Asia and South America and became Director of Licensing. Elizabeth’s passion for social justice and desire to strengthen women’s voices prompted her involvement with the Rape Treatment Center (“RTC”) at Santa Monica-UCLA Hospital where she now serves as President of the Board of Advisors. In addition, Elizabeth is on the board of Downtown Women’s Center. She also serves on the Los Angeles Committee for Human Rights Watch, and is a 2015 Henry Crown Fellow of the Aspen Institute and a member of the Global Leadership Action Network.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

Thank you for having me! I was born in Los Angeles and grew up in Paris in the 1970’s and 80s. As early as I can remember, my parents were engaged and interested in connecting with people. They had an

appreciation for art, design and how things were made, and surrounded themselves with people who cared about what was going on around them and focused on how to make their community a better place. I was also fortunate enough to grow up amongst really inspiring women who were focused on making things, and giving back to their communities. When I was 15 I interned for two women who were writing a book on women who decide to make career changes. I learned so much from them about the importance of asking questions, working hard and realizing that you can create your own path. All this to say, I’ve had the good fortune of a multitude of different experiences in diverse cultures and I’ve learned to listen and take in my surroundings. I think all of those things have led me to where I am today.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company?

We were featured in the Bergdorf Goodman holiday catalogue about 5 years into starting the business, and shortly after, we were approached by HSN. At the time, I felt like the product had really gotten somewhere, and for me, the end all be all was to be in the Bergdorf Goodman Catalogue, as it felt like a stamp of success. We had also been featured in the MoMA catalogue and I finally felt like we were being recognized by the people I valued in the industry. When HSN called to have us develop a line for them, I recognized that I didn’t want to pursue that business. It was a decision I never thought I would make, as scaling seemed to be a main business goal. However, in that moment, I learned that saying no to opportunities was even more important than scaling. It taught me to really think through decisions and go with my gut.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I was at a gem show in Tucson, Arizona where we were buying material for La LOOP. We are always looking for different kinds and I found this lava rock from Afghanistan that I absolutely loved. The supplier only had a few left, but I was so drawn to it that I followed him and ended up in his van, driving to a location to get more. I was on a serious quest for this rock, because I was sure it was right. However, being in a van with a strange man chasing after a gem felt like something out of a movie, and he ended up getting pulled over by the police because he ran a red light. It was quite the experience, all for this one stone. It was a great story to share with our customers.

What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?

I think La LOOP stands out because of the engineering. We have a patent on a fashion item, and typically luxury accessories don’t have a tech component. Function is usually associated with something black and leather, and not something beautifully designed. Our marriage of function and fashion is what makes the brand so unique.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

It’s the 20th anniversary of La LOOP and so we are launching a campaign called Looped In, which highlights people making positive changes in their communities and allows these individuals to become part of a network to meet mentors, get involved in other causes, and become inspired to continue on their mission. I think this will encourage people to give back and bring attention to some of the positive things going on around us.

What advice would you give to other female leaders to help their team to thrive?

Find your true north… what matters most to you. Spend time reflecting and talking to people. It’s really hard work, but so worth it. It took me 20 years of running my business to find this within myself and quite honestly, I am still on this journey. Once you identify what truly matters to you, write it down and keep it visible (by your desk, in your wallet, on your phone). It makes it easier to make decisions once you know what this is.

What advice would you give to other female leaders about the best way to manage a large team?

I think it’s important to spend time with people and create a culture of “love and family” where each person feels like they are running their own business. Even if it’s a large team, you can make it feel small.

None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?

Within the first couple of years of La LOOP, we met Robert Marc in New York. He was well-established in the eyewear industry as a prominent Madison Avenue retailer and high end eyewear manufacturer. I remember being at a tradeshow and him introducing me to other retailers. It was a very helpful gesture, and we were able to make more connections from his introduction.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

Our Looped In campaign is focused on celebrating people who engage and bring good to their communities. We have seen that as individuals, when you meet someone else who is doing good, you are more inclined to do good yourself. Our goal is to inspire more people around the world to “loop in” to their local communities.

What are your “5 Leadership Lessons I Learned From My Experience” and why. (Please share a story or example for each.)

Be a good listener, but trust your gut.

You really have to be fearless.

I believe that you have to listen to your customers.

You have to be able to start over.

You have to be able to laugh it off.

I would want to do something that would strengthen women’s voices and make them feel connected and empowered. We are able to lift each other up and help make a difference, and it’s even more achievable if we invest in each other.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” — Theodore Roosevelt

Over the last two decades, I have learned a lot and worked hard for the things that matter to me. I have recognized that being fearless and daring greatly isn’t always glamorous, but it has led me to have a great sense of purpose and in looking back, it’s made me feel like I’ve been true to my voice.

Some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂

LISA HOLTON, 55 President of Classroom, Inc., an organization that works to close the achievement gap for low-income adolescents

Lisa is a board member of the New York Women’s Foundation, where she has worked with community-based organizations devoted to economic and social justice for women and girls. She is a trustee of The Carle Museum and is on the advisory board of First Book. She speaks regularly about the intersection of literacy and technology.

Women Of The C-Suite: “It’s important to spend time with your employees and create a culture of… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Why We Need To Address The Loneliness Epidemic” with Vicki Yaffe and Fotis Georgiadis

Compare & Despair — Ever had a bad day? Yes, of course you have. Everyone has bad days. It is part of life. Sometimes we want to feel bad (deaths, breakups, job loss) and process that emotion. Without community and support these experiences become unmanageable. A big issue with millenials is that they are avoiding their bad emotions by sitting on social media. This means at their lowest point, they are scrolling through platforms where their peers are showing their best 15 seconds of their week. Not knowing truly what is going on in these other people’s lives, our brains fill in the blanks. Assumes they have a perfect life and our happy all the time. This is when people start to compare that photo to their own life, in that moment. This has led to increased anxiety, depression and suicide.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Vikki Yaffe. Vicki graduated from the London School of Economics and worked for finance and tech companies across London and NYC, before turning her personal development hobby into a successful career as an Anxiety Coach. Her style of coaching is tough and successful, it is a no BS approach. She hosts the F*CK Anxiety & Get Sh*t Done podcast available on iTunes. Vikki is also CEO of SipScene, offering a new way to meet new people and build community in real life. The future of relationships is OFFLINE, and Vikki is committed to creating an easy way for people to build community in real life.

I am an economist and a problem solver. For me, every problem has a solution, so it is up to us to find a problem we care about and set about solving it. For me, it has always been about people. As a Life Coach, I teach people how to manage their minds, their anxiety and their self doubt so they can overcome their pre existing brain programming and find what they want to solve in the world. I have also lived on four continents over the last ten years, each time arriving somewhere alone and looking to build community. This is why in 2017, after leaving a successful career in finance, I launched SipScene, a social project to connect people in real life at intimate pop up events in people’s homes. Over 400 events later, I have met thousands of people that are experiencing loneliness, and looking for an easy way to build community just like I was!

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

If you have worked in events, or founded your own company, this probably won’t come as a surprise to you. Running hundreds of events and connecting people in real life was so fun, but I found myself waking up in the morning with panic attacks. I didn’t know that is what they were, because it isn’t something I had spoken about in my life. I was already a certified life coach, and people had come to me for help with anxiety and I had always refused. In my mind, anxiety was a serious disorder, requiring medication and therapy, and not something I felt comfortable coaching. I mentioned to a friend what was happening and she told me it sounded like anxiety. I was shocked. I was still able to get up, work, and function in my life. This went against everything I had heard about anxiety. This is when I started applying my coaching tools to myself, and learned to manage my anxiety using those tools. Today, I teach other people to do the same. It was such a monumental point in my life, and by far the most interesting breakthrough I have had.

I also have a story about pitching to a room of investors, and before I spoke I experienced high anxiety, but instead of fighting it, or trying to change my thoughts and resist it in any way, I leant into it. Something wild happened. I felt like I had a superpower. The energy flowing through my body was powerful and by embracing it I felt tingly all over my body, stood taller, performed better and learned that anxiety is a superpower. It comes from our brain sensing potential threats and protecting us. Once I saw it this way my experience with anxiety shifting completely. Now I teach others to explore what their anxiety means to them and teach them how to manage their own superpower.

Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

Sure! When I first started coaching over three years ago I took on 10 free clients immediately, from all over the world, at a time when I was travelling through Florida, San Diego, New York and LA. Looking back, it was such an error to go from zero to ten, I definitely set myself up a steep learning curve! I was waking up sometimes in the middle of the night to coach clients still in London and Australia.

On week four, I got on the phone and called the wrong client! Late into their evening on a Friday! It was definitely a learning experience in prioritizing organization — now clients book the same time with me each week and this consistency is easier for me and them, instead of checking a new time each week! I also will no longer work with clients in the middle of the night! It is best for everyone!! Saying NO is a huge lesson I learnt in the process.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

Yes! So many coaches focus on doing their sessions via Zoom / Skype so they can coach people all over the world. For a long time, I really enjoyed this. Now, thanks to my experience at SipScene and building community offline, I have seen such a value in community, especially when there are shared interests and goals. I am rolling out a series of retreats with my clients. This way, they are also able to meet offline, focus on their coaching, and build a community around the same interests and goals. This focus on offline definitely ties into recognizing the loneliness epidemic and knowing the solution is to make it easy for people to meet offline.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

As well as being a life coach, working with hundreds of people on social anxiety, I also have built a community of “lonely” people looking for an easy way to meet new people, across Israel and the US. Through hundreds of events I have had conversations with thousands of people looking to meet new people. I have also been the person looking to meet new people, as I lived on four continents. Meetups, swiping, lectures, bars, living with five roomates (true story), I have done it all.

I am also a researcher of loneliness / technology and anxiety — this is my real passion. People need people, it is very simple. So many of the solutions are forgetting this. As our natural instinct is to be fearful of “strangers” and media focuses on the negative stories, we are becoming less trusting as a society. At the same time, shifts in technology feed our pre existing social anxieties and allow us to connect to millions online, without having a conversation with our neighbors. The on demand economy literally gives us less reasons to speak to other humans, I am the generation that grew up without smartphones, I have lived the changes.

We are not taught how to feel our feelings. Truly. As with any negative emotions, our human brain likes to distract away from it. This can mean overeating, overdrinking, overshopping, spending hours online, and thanks to technology we can do all of this from the comfort of our sofa, alone in our homes. All of these reactions have a negative impact on health.
Compare & Despair — Ever had a bad day? Yes, of course you have. Everyone has bad days. It is part of life. Sometimes we want to feel bad (deaths, breakups, job loss) and process that emotion. Without community and support these experiences become unmanageable. A big issue with millenials is that they are avoiding their bad emotions by sitting on social media. This means at their lowest point, they are scrolling through platforms where their peers are showing their best 15 seconds of their week. Not knowing truly what is going on in these other people’s lives, our brains fill in the blanks. Assumes they have a perfect life and our happy all the time. This is when people start to compare that photo to their own life, in that moment. This has led to increased anxiety, depression and suicide.
Social Anxiety exists and is growing. Being alone is comfortable and safe, and our brain likes to keep us safe (that being its’ sole purpose). This is why you can make a plan to go on a date, or attend a MeetUp, and find yourself cancelling last minute. Your brain wants you to stay at home. The less we are out meeting people, the more we think there is something wrong with us, or that people don’t like us. The idea of something is always worse than the reality. Going to an event alone may be scary, everyone stands around worrying what people think about them, not realizing that everyone is thinking about themselves. Social anxiety is directly related to loneliness, and will grow the more isolated and less community we have around us.

Thank you for all of these great insights!

“Why We Need To Address The Loneliness Epidemic” with Vicki Yaffe and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Be actively involved with your team to celebrate the wins, and to jump into the trenches with them

“Be actively involved with your team to celebrate the wins, and to jump into the trenches with them for the failures.” with Lynn Mooney and Fotis Georgiadis

Share the wins and the failures. Be actively involved with your team to celebrate the wins, and to jump into the trenches with them for the failures. I am completely invested in my team and our clients, and I think it makes for a better leader in the long run.

As a part of my series about strong female leaders, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lynn Mooney. Lynn is the CEO and Founder of the PR and Marketing business The Launch. Over the years, Lynn has worked with hundreds of brands around the world helping them achieve their publicity goals. Her clients have been featured in major media outlets like Forbes, Vogue, The Daily Mail, USA Today, and Fox News. She has also worked on multiple crisis campaigns and provided strategic guidance in events such as natural disasters, political crisis, bad press, negative social media chatter and employee deaths. Lynn holds an MBA, Diplomas in Marketing and Business and lives in Los Angeles with her family.

Thank you for joining us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

I grew up in Ireland, in a creative and entrepreneurial environment and was encouraged by my family to work hard and dream big. Growing up I was pretty good at communication and sales — so was naturally drawn to marketing and studied it in my college years.

I moved from Ireland to Australia in my early twenties and seriously focused on building a solid career for myself. In 2017, I relocated to the US which, in my opinion, is THE place to be when working in this industry! I then started my own business The Launch to help brands of all sizes achieve their PR and Marketing goals.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

For me, and for many women, a common (and comical) mistake is to continually delay launching your company, waiting for ‘the perfect timing.’

I delayed launching mine until things finally felt perfect: my business plan/branding/personal life/finances etc. And within two months of launching I found out I was pregnant — so trust me when I say THE PERFECT TIME DOES NOT EXIST!

I’m now a firm believer that perfection is the enemy of progress. Avoid missing out on opportunities and momentum and just take the leap!

What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?

Over the years working in PR and Marketing, I met some incredible entrepreneurs who had a great product or story to share. Unfortunately, as most were just starting out, they didn’t have large agency budgets to invest so quite often we weren’t able to work together.

The purpose of The Launch is to be able to work with clients of all sizes — regardless of limitations like budgets, resources or location. We offer affordable DIY packages for those type of clients, and as they grow, the hope is that we will grow alongside them as their agency.

A big part of our business is working with large, global brands but now we have a solution for the SME’s too. There’s not a huge offering out there for startups and smaller budgets, so I think this makes us stand out.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

We are currently working on a PR membership program, for brands just starting out on their PR journey. The purpose of this program is to give people the tools, training, and support needed to make their own media connections and secure results themselves.

We aim to create a community of like-minded entrepreneurs who can bounce ideas off each other and share their wins/tips. I hope that this program can teach people how to do it themselves and get results in their early days.

What advice would you give to other female leaders to help their team to thrive?

I honestly think that the very best leaders treat their staff as upcoming leaders too. I believe in empowering your team to work autonomously, while always having an open-door policy for any support they need along the way.

A loyal staff member is a result of your displayed loyalty. So, offering perks like flexible hours, remote working arrangements and career progression shows that you value, and trust, your team and your business will reap the rewards as a result.

I also live by this quote from Richard Branson “Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of your employees, they will take care of the clients”.

What advice would you give to other female leaders about the best way to manage a large team?

Some of my team are located in various cities around the US, and the reason we can keep things running effectively is by staying connected. I ensure that we have a weekly all-in catch up with the team, so we’re on the same page for the week ahead, and are regularly reviewing our upcoming client goals. We have some awesome systems in place to facilitate open communication like Trello, Hangouts, and Slack.

The ultimate bit of advice I would give is to delegate to your team. If you’re the type of leader who likes to micro-manage tasks or do it yourself, you are creating a bottle-neck in your business and will never scale if you can’t let some things go.

I’ve been fortunate enough to work under some incredible leaders throughout my career. My first boss in Australia Andrew, who I worked with on and off for several years, was an example of a true leader. He was fair, positive and calm in his judgment and always encouraged his team to figure out the solution, rather than simply handing them the answers. I learned a lot from him both personally and professionally.

Another major influence was the CEO I worked with before launching my own business, Fleur. Fleur believed in me from the moment we first met, and enabled me to grow and thrive within her business — initially as the Agency Manager and finally as the Managing Director. She mentored me directly and also allowed me to introduce my own leadership principals into the company. She is fearless in her pursuit of success, unapologetically ambitious and working together we achieved some incredible things!

In addition to that, my husband Dave and my family have always supported my ambitions and encouraged me to chase my dreams. I am forever grateful to have such a strong support system.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

Each year, I work on a pro-bono campaign which is something that I will always proudly adopt in my business. I’ve worked with many charities, public sectors and non-profits to help them spread their message and achieve their goals.

Recently, I worked with a human rights organization called Women’s Legal Service to raise awareness around domestic violence, and the support that exists for those affected. Our campaign won an industry award for the best pro-bono campaign of the year and, even better, it managed to reach millions of people and raise significant funding for their helpline — allowing them to increase their support services by 700%.

What are your “5 Leadership Lessons I Learned From My Experience” and why?

1. Don’t underestimate the power of positive leadership

I read a saying before that ‘positivity in a negative situation is not weakness — it’s leadership’ and this is such a strong belief of mine. This isn’t to say you can’t have the tough conversations when needed, but more about how to present yourself as a leader within your business. In my experience, it results in a more loyal team and clientele.

2. Hire for personality first, skills second

Over the years, I have hired hundreds of employees, and my main takeaway will always be to hire for personality first. Clients don’t buy into products; they buy into people. Obviously, you’ll need to ensure that they have some expertise in the area your recruiting for, but ultimately skills can be taught — personality cannot.

3. Communicate (and listen)

Always keep the communication channels open with your staff. Be clear and direct in your messaging/expectations and don’t leave anything up to assumption.

Also, allow regular time to catch up with your team. These conversations are essential for identifying any potential issues and mitigating risk.

4. Trust your gut

This one took me a little while to develop but always trust your gut! If it comes to making difficult decisions around staffing, opportunities or clients — don’t ignore your inner advisor. It’s usually right!

5. Share the wins AND the failures

Be actively involved with your team to celebrate the wins, and to jump into the trenches with them for the failures. I am completely invested in my team and our clients, and I think it makes for a better leader in the long run.

I would love to see more’ collaboration over competition’ happening within the industry (and in business in general). I think the days of women competing with each other is fading and hope that with the likes of incredible organizations like The Wing, Create and Cultivate or Girlboss — we’ll have a new wave of leadership.

I work with many other leaders within the industry; we collaborate with each other on campaigns and refer business when possible. At the end of the day, there is room enough for everyone — and I hope we all succeed together.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

This is a such hard one, as I have gathered so many inspirational quotes over the years — my Pinterest board is literally overflowing!

However, one of my favorites and one that I always come back to is from Steve Jobs.

“We’re here to put a dent on the universe. Otherwise, why else even be here?”.

This quote has guided me to make certain decisions throughout my career and has always inspired me to push myself to take things to the next level.

Another really tough one to choose! But if I was to pick one person, it would have to be the phenomenal Michelle Obama. She literally embodies everything I’d like to achieve as a woman! An extraordinary mother, wife and leader with endless class, style, and a powerful voice to create change.

If Michelle ever does read this — please know that I am eternally available and will treat you to lunch any time, any place. Oh, and the husbands can tag along too along too if you fancy it ?

Thank you for all of these great insights!

“Be actively involved with your team to celebrate the wins, and to jump into the trenches with them was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic” with Daniel Folk and Fotis Geogiadis

Develop a “fear of regret” mindset. How many times have you hesitated on an opportunity? Or how many times have you laid awake at night replaying a situation where you felt you could have done it / said it / or reacted to it better? We’ve all been there before, and it feels terrible! To me the feeling of regret is far worse than the feeling of embarrassment or failure. I would way rather be shot down by the cute girl at the bar or told “no” by a potential client than to never have even tried! Start framing situations from what you have to lose if you don’t rather than if you do, and see what you can motivate yourself to do.

As a part of my interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic’ I had the pleasure to interview Daniel Folk. Daniel is the founder and CEO of Hundred Life Design, the premier online life & career coaching platform. He holds an M.Ed. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Oregon, has been a clinical researcher, behavioral interventionist, and an organizational development consultant for Mercedes-Benz Germany. Based in the US, and Canadian by birth, Daniel has committed himself and his business to helping others achieve higher levels of personal control and satisfaction in life.

I’ve always been fascinated by the power of the human mind and individual capacity to take total control over life & circumstances. It was always amazing to me how some people, when faced with adversity would flounder, while others could persevere and come out ahead. How could this be?

My curiosities about motivation, willpower, and positive change drove me to become a psychological researcher, earn an M.Ed. in Counseling Psychology, pursue a consulting position for a Fortune 500 company, and eventually start Hundred Life Design. And throughout my experiences, the answer to my question became clear: coaching and mentoring.

I’ve noticed the biggest difference between those who are happiest and get the most out of life and those who don’t all boils down to positive support. However you choose to define success or happiness, having the right support and tapping into the power of coaching is paramount! I’ve seen it time and time again throughout my life, and it’s something I’ve had the privilege of experiencing myself.

But receiving this type of support shouldn’t be a “privilege.”

My experiences had shown me that there are people out there who want to make positive changes in their life but don’t want to feel pressured. There are people who want to invest in themselves, but want to do so at a reasonable cost which will yield real results. And that there are people everywhere who want to talk to a neutral third party about a challenge, but without feeling like they’re flawed or inferior.

I created Hundred Life Design to make the awesome, transformable power of coaching affordable and accessible to all. And as I’m finding out, others feel the same way I do.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

I’m going to answer this question from the perspective of “once I started my own business.” And I say this because before then, I consider the positions and experience I had as simply “work.” Like many, I was told from a young age that getting a formal education, securing a white-collar job at a respectable company, and settling down was the key to happiness. This narrative is not unique to me; most of us are told this to be true.

However, despite doing it (minus the settling down part) and going through the motions, something felt off. My catalyst for change is a different story in its own right, but suffice it to say, going into business on my own was the tipping point of self-discovery. The most interesting tale since starting my career is truly finding myself.

Perhaps a cliché coming of age story, the choice to go my own way and bring to life the visions in my mind was a journey of mixed emotion. Indeed, there was, and still is, a huge degree of uncertainly and daily volatility. Though ironically, while many of us would find this to be terrifying and mentally crippling, I have never felt happier and more comfortable in my own skin.

I’m not one to normally use banal truisms about life, but in this case, I cannot deny the fact that the pursuit of happiness is truly rooted in the idea of following one’s heart.

Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

Like all new startup owners, I’ve made more mistakes than I care to remember. That’s just the harsh reality of being a new business. While you’re living through the screwups, it’s never fun. But keeping a sense of humor, a sense of self-deprecation, and a healthy perspective got me through the embarrassing moments.

Sharing them with friends and laughing at myself, as opposed to retreating in shame and isolation, has always been therapeutic. Maybe someday I’ll write down all those experiences, then take it on the road as a stand up comedian.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

Yes. And while it may not directly relate to loneliness per se, it’s something that is professionally and personally significant for me. We have begun partnering with police departments across the nation to offer a new kind of support to some of the bravest men and women in our communities.

As was alluded to in my introduction, there are millions of people out there who want to improve their lives in some way but don’t know how to put their ideas into action, and don’t wish to work with the traditional mental health resources. I have a tremendous amount of respect for law enforcement personnel and can only imagine the career and personal stress these individuals must face on a daily basis.

We at Hundred Life Design are working with police departments to offer an alternative to the standard support available to active duty officers and civilian employees. I believe this is a group of people, nationwide, who should be better taken care of. And I am proud to do our part to contribute anyway we can.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

Absolutely, and my response stems beyond my own personal experience in the field of behavioral intervention. As the premier online coaching platform, we have a team of currently 50+ coaches who work with people on a wide variety of topics, nearly all of which are rooted in human connection.

Often when we think of loneliness, we think of someone literally alone. But that’s rather unrealistic. More often than not, the term “lonely” is actually referring to our inability to communicate and foster genuine connections with others.

Whether it’s getting along with colleagues, building intimacy with a partner, or just making new friends, our capacity to relate to and build rapport with each other is paramount to our sense of belonging, acceptance, and connection to the communities and subcultures to which we subscribe.

But don’t just take my word for it, you can ask any of our coaches (or any decent life coach in general for that matter!), and they’ll tell you the feeling of social isolation or incompetency is not only detrimental to our immediate emotional and psychological state, but has cascading and compounding negative effects on other aspects of life as well.

In our experience, many personal or professional challenges our clients face often stem from an inability or a lack of confidence around connecting and effectively socializing with others. To put it simply, we’re very familiar with loneliness in all its forms.

Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. According to this story in Forbes, loneliness is becoming an increasing health threat not just in the US , but across the world. Can you articulate for our readers 3 reasons why being lonely and isolated can harm one’s health?

I’m a big believer of evolutionary psychology. The research is compelling and makes good common sense. When we think of humanity from an evolutionary perspective, it’s obvious that we are social creatures. And as a species we’re not alone. Our ancestral primates also rely heavily on the communities they build as a means of survival.

Throughout human history, the ability to build trusting communities based on reciprocity has allowed us to delegate tasks, share the burden of labor, and advance our progress exponentially. Relationships and human connection have been paramount in our survival and prosperity. But where does this notion come from?

Well no one really knows, but from an evolutionary perspective it’s argued that it’s an instinctual drive, much like hunger or sex. So, with that in mind, it can also be argued that a lack of social interaction is a deprivation of one of our most basic needs: the need for human connection.

Beyond the overly intellectualized approach, consider the social extreme of solitary confinement. Your own opinions on the topic aside, there is no denying the fact that a primary reason for solitary confinement existing as one of the most cruel and harsh forms of punishment is rooted in the fact that it’s just that: solitary.

We as a species know instinctually that isolation is bad. The fact that we resort to it now as an extreme source of punishment only highlights that fact.

And finally, on a more positive note, let’s talk about happiness and longevity. I’ll save the statistical and scientific rhetoric for now, but suffice it to say, the research shows healthy social relationships significantly increase our feelings of happiness and lengthen the lifespan. It should go without saying then, that being disconnected from each other has both psychological and physical negative health outcomes.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness harming our communities and society?

Going back to the evolutionary perspective, if we as a society or even humanity as a whole, become disengaged from each other, we are doing ourselves a massive disservice. Without a communal level of trust and understanding, society will breakdown and revert back to small, isolated groups of skeptical people who fear the unknown.

I can only speculate, but I imagine this lack of overall trust would cause primitive clan or gang mentality on a global scale, result in higher levels of prejudice and violence, and ultimately lead to a serious reduction in human advancement.

Just because this technology exists does not mean we are more connected to each other by default. A question I always ask my clients is “what are you doing to engage?” What I’m getting at is, sitting passively and watching the lives of others, or living vicariously through others via social media is not the same as actually living. Perhaps you comment on what others post, or chime in on forum discussions. And that’s great. But it doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re still sitting at home alone.

My advice is simple and obvious, go out and engage with the world! Whatever your interest may be, if you’re part of an online community or interest group, get out and actually meet the others who share your interest. Engage in that activity for real, don’t just talk about it! The same goes for online dating: the purpose is to actually meet in real life, not have a virtual pen pal.

When it comes to social media, another thing we see with our clients is a hesitation to engage in the first place. This hesitation often stems from a fear of inadequacy when comparing ourselves to the “perfect” and “wonderful” lives we see others having online. On the surface it seems intimidating. There are all these people out there with thousands of followers going to amazing places and doing interesting things. How could you ever be so fascinating? Might as well just stay at home…

We fail to look beyond the thin veil of superficiality that has become social media. But if we did, we’d realize its mostly all contrived and embellished. If we allowed it to stop distracting us and consuming our free time, we’d have more mental energy and confidence for interacting the old-fashioned way.

And finally, I can’t tell you how many people end up resorting to technology as an excuse for not building new relationships. What I mean is, we can trick ourselves into feeling we’re connected to others despite having very little real face-time. We see it in clients all the time. A common example is when someone moves to a new city, they resort to lengthy phone calls with old friends, or constantly checking in on their life at their previous home.

There’s nothing wrong with this per se, but when your Friday nights are spent on the phone with old familiar faces instead of seizing the opportunity around you, well that’s a problem.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I do greatly support and appreciate the technology we have. But we need to be careful about how we use it.

(1) Get real with social media. Recognize what it is and what it isn’t. The sooner we’re able to develop a healthy relationship with it, the sooner we’ll begin to feel comfortable engaging in the things we love for the sake of enjoyment, not for how many likes a photo of us doing it might earn. And this is key because when we do something out of genuine passion, and not some narcissistic drive, we become authentic. We become comfortable with ourselves. And that feeling attracts others who operate the same way.

(2) Take it offline. Technology is wonderful for bringing us together, finding likeminded individuals, and sharing knowledge. But many of the apps and sites that can do this are ultimately designed to convert online users to real life connections. Take any dating app for example. A general rule I tell people is, if you match with someone, you get up to 10 back and forth messages before you should propose to meet in person. The attraction is there! Go explore it for real. Otherwise what’s the point?

(3) Seriously consider a networking group. Seriously! I get it though, they sound lame and I used to cringe super hard at just the idea of them. But I recently moved to a new city where I didn’t know anyone. Perhaps a little out of desperation, I’ll admit it, I joined a few. One was for business, another for cars (my two interests). I forced myself to go and the whole drive there feared it would be the most awkward cringefest of my life. Well I couldn’t have been more wrong. The truth was, it was refreshing and exciting to be among the company of others who not only shared my interests, but who were actively looking to meet new people just like me. So seriously, anyone reading this article, consider a group in your area.

(4) Develop a “fear of regret” mindset. How many times have you hesitated on an opportunity? Or how many times have you laid awake at night replaying a situation where you felt you could have done it / said it / or reacted to it better? We’ve all been there before, and it feels terrible! To me the feeling of regret is far worse than the feeling of embarrassment or failure. I would way rather be shot down by the cute girl at the bar or told “no” by a potential client than to never have even tried! Start framing situations from what you have to lose if you don’t rather than if you do, and see what you can motivate yourself to do.

(5) Work with a coach. I wholeheartedly believe in the power of coaching, have seen the research showing its efficacy, and have experienced it firsthand. I’ve had coaches in my life who have helped me work on my social shortcomings and it has done wonders for my personal and professional life. But be cautious! Look for a life coach who will take the time to understand your personality, general attitude, and then give you constructive and tangible feedback.

Staying in line with the topic of loneliness, I would propose something similar to Keith Ferrazzi’s concept of Never Eat Lunch Alone. The challenge would be to approach 1 stranger every day and strike up a conversation. And no, talking about the weather doesn’t count!

Rather, give a stranger a compliment, say hi and ask how their day is going, or offer assistance. The point is to create more sincere interactions among people who would otherwise normally brush each other off as just another random person.

I would love to meet both Robert Kiyosaki and Tim Ferris. Their books, Rich Dad Poor Dad and The 4 Hour Work Week, respectively, were fundamental in prompting me to take full control of my own life, to think about success, money, and time from a whole new perspective, and to ultimately start my own company.

Beyond the personal gratitude and respect I hold for these two guys, I am a big supporter of the messages they preach and the attitude towards life they promote in general. I’m fascinated by people who go against the grain, take risks, and inspire others to do the same.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Be sure to follow us on Instagram @hundred.life.design and search for us by name on Facebook.

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

“5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic” with Daniel Folk and Fotis Geogiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

5 Things We Can Each Do To Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic: “Join a group, ANY group”

5 Things We Can Each Do To Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic: “Join a group, ANY group” with Dr. Anna Hiatt Nicholaides and Fotis Georgiadis

Join a group, ANY group. This might be a religious affiliation, professional society, mom or dad group, or walking club. Try online groups to find like-minded individuals. In these groups you might find that you don’t jive with some of the people, but there will be at least one that feels like a kindred spirit.

As a part of my interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic’ I had the pleasure to interview Dr. Anna Hiatt Nicholaides. Dr. Nicholaides is a licensed clinical psychologist and couples/relationship specialist. She is also the owner of Philadelphia Couples Therapy (PCT), a premier couples group practice offering a treatment team approach to supporting couples of every persuasion. Dr. Nicholaides became enraptured by the story of the couple from early on in her life, and pursued a couples specialty in her doctoral program, culminating with her dissertation on support giving/seeking within the context of a partnership from a romantic attachment perspective. After doing her postdoctoral training at the University of Pennsylvania’s Counseling and Psychological Services, where she treated both individuals and couples, she went on to obtain post-graduate training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. She is thankful to be providing much-needed support to couples and the clinicians who support them.

I have always been an attuned and sensitive person, with a particular bent toward romantic relationships. Love stories have always fascinated me. As I grew up I closely watched the noteworthy couples in my life- my parents, friends’ parents, and couples on television- and started developing my own rubric for the importance of romantic partnerships. What does is mean to be securely attached? What should we expect from our partners? How do you keep love alive? What is true intimacy? These are the questions I ponder every day, and now I’m honored to walk with my clients and clinicians in answering these age-old questions.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

The most interesting experience I’ve had in session was when Philadelphia experienced a moderate earthquake during one of my weekly appointments with a long-term client. At first neither of us knew what it was, but then we braced ourselves and looked around to make sure nothing in the office would fall on us. I was especially shaken (so to speak) because I grew up in California and lived through the 1989 “World Series” earthquake in San Francisco, which was a big one (6.9 on the Richter Scale). I had to hold myself back from expressing my fear, as my client was clearly not very upset by it and he quickly continued our prior discussion.

Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

There are so many mistakes we make as new clinicians! My first glaring mistake was having a public FaceBook page. I was doing my internship at Swarthmore’s Counseling and Psychological Services and at the end of a session, as the client was walking out the door, she said, “Oh by the way, I loved your wedding dress!” My jaw must have dropped because she quickly explained, “My friend is friends with your sister-in-law, and I saw your wedding pictures on her page. So pretty.” I’m not sure I managed more than a “thank you so much.” As soon as the door was closed I ran to my computer and changed all my FaceBook settings to anonymous.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

My all-consuming project right now is Philadelphia Couples Therapy, LLC. It is a burgeoning group practice and there are so many aspects to grow, including finding a new location to fit our team, hiring new clinicians, figuring out our accounting systems, and talking to designers about logos. My dream is that this group will offer quality couples treatment to those who need it in our area, and help these couples and therefore their families and other relationships begin to heal and eventually thrive.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

There is no more poignant space to find loneliness than within the context of a romantic relationship. It’s one thing to truly be alone, live alone, and not have people around you to interact with on an intimate level, but it can be even more traumatizing and hopeless when one is stuck in a relationship that lacks intimacy. I’ve seen this time and again. People attach to one another and then eventually become so deeply hurt by their partner that they can’t reach over the chasm to emotionally hold one another. This is the epitome of exquisite loneliness and why some partnerships cause deep emotional distress.

1. Loneliness is known to literally atrophy our physical health. Babies in orphanages that aren’t cuddled have been known to die. This is called “marasmus.” We need each other to survive, quite literally.

2. Being isolated is the most severe form of torture. If we consider the movie “Castaway” where Tom Hanks was stranded on a desert island, he befriended a volleyball with a face (who he named “Wilson”) because he couldn’t bear the loneliness. Near the end of the movie, he risks his life to save Wilson and is beside himself when Wilson is lost.

3. We need each other to truly know ourselves. We can’t know who we are in a vacuum, in isolation. We find out who we are in relation to other people. This is why loneliness and toxic relationships are insidious; we see ourselves through the eyes of our loved ones. If no one really sees us or the people in our lives are abusive, our sense of self is eroded.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness harming our communities and society?

At least in America, it’s clear that isolation is making connection more difficult. This affects sociopolitical decisions on a broad scale. For example, if we are disconnected, we might have more fears about our safety, which could cause us to support gun ownership and the right to carry firearms. We are also less apt to make community-based decisions if we are less connected. This might lead to fewer trees being planted, less of a desire to contribute time and money to our communities, and less openness and hospitality in general. The world is a beautiful place because of the loving connections we make. The fact that these connections are dwindling portends a more bleak existence on this planet.

1. I believe wholeheartedly that our digital devices are addicting. No one is immune from this. I myself struggled to keep my phone in a remote place in the home- what if I need to calculate something, record a to-to, or take a picture? But picking up our phones can quickly become an unintended rabbit hole of Instagram and searching through random FaceBook posts.

2. Having phones in our hands is a quick way to turn someone away. We miss bids for connection, which makes our loved ones feel isolated and rejected. If we find temporary relief in turning to our phone we aren’t forced to interact in more difficult yet rewarding ways, such as engaging with our children at the dinner table, or talking to strangers on the elevator. These interactions can be hard, but they grow us as people, and they bond us all together.

3. Finally, research has shown that we all have limited will power. If we are trying to lower our sugar consumption but have sweets in the break room, our willpower might be used up for that day. Having a phone on us at all times is something we should be wary of because it saps us of our reserves of willpower- we can only resist our phones for so long before we give in to their distracting or self-soothing temptation.

1. Try turning off your phone completely for one day a week. Get creative with ways to solve problems that google or Siri might otherwise solve.

2. Join a group, ANY group. This might be a religious affiliation, professional society, mom or dad group, or walking club. Try online groups to find like-minded individuals. In these groups you might find that you don’t jive with some of the people, but there will be at least one that feels like a kindred spirit.

3. Don’t leave relationships when they’re hard. Work through your differences. (The only caveat is that you shouldn’t allow yourself to be abused. If you feel your relationship is toxic, that’s a good sign it’s time to make new friends or find a new partner.) Otherwise, if your friends or partners are willing to talk things through, don’t give up. Do the hard work of understanding each other and apologizing.

4. Block or bundle your time on your devices. For example, give yourself one hour a day to do computer tasks, put your phone on its charger in the kitchen while you sleep, decide that emailing is only for the morning, and then your leave your computer in the other room. This will help you disconnect from work and from mindless scrolling, and look for more creative ways to interact with the world around you.

5. Eat a meal with someone. This might be an evening dinner with your family, or breakfast once a week with a friend. Food is an excellent bonding tool, as we’ve known for centuries. Utilize this common need and agent of connection to get closer to someone you love and/or admire.

I would love to find a way to bring quality therapy to all people. Therapy is one of the most meaningful ways we can live our best lives.

Ellen DeGeneres, absolutely. I deeply admire her genuineness and how she’s profoundly helped change the way the world feels and thinks about the LGBTQ community.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

On FaceBook we are @PhiladelphiaCouplesTherapy.

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

You’re very welcome!

5 Things We Can Each Do To Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic: “Join a group, ANY group” was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic: “I would love to have Emotion be a…

5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic: “I would love to have Emotion be a subject taught in school.” with Ashley Ellis and Fotis Georgiadis

I would love to have EMOTION be a subject taught in school. As in Reading, Writing, History, EMOTION. From pre school on. I really feel like if we did this, there would be more of an awareness of how to cope better and more effectively, how to reach out and give support, and an emotional language to help us communicate and understand how we are feeling. This is so huge in helping us to feel connected and less lonely. It also allows for emotions like sadness to pass. If we have tools to talk about them, we can get that support and no longer feel alone in those feelings/that experience.

As a part of my interview series about the ‘5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic’ I had the pleasure to interview Ashley Ellis. Ashley has her MA in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University and BA in Cognitive Psychology from UC Irvine. Upon completing her master’s program, Ashley began work in private practice with adolescents struggling academically due to struggles with time management, learning disabilities, or other educational related issues. Ashley then also started as a therapist at a treatment center working with both adolescents and adults with eating disorders and body image related issues as well as sometimes depressed or anxious mood. She currently works with clients online via telehealth therapy services and has private practices in the West Hollywood area as well as one in Pasadena. Ashley is an avid traveler and enjoys supporting clients that travel for fun or for work and still would like to make their mental health a priority. She offers telehealth services over a secure/HIPAA compliant platform so that expats, jetsetters, digital nomads, and people in remote locations can get the support they need. In addition to being a therapist, Ashley also is a curve model. She works with clients in a variety of mediums; some of these include magazine advertising, runway, website content for clothing retailers, as well as television. In getting to work in this field, a lot of Ashley’s efforts have involved linking her two professions by promoting body positive awareness as well as psycho education on the media and body image.

It started at a very early age. I was the kid that always asked “Why?” I wanted to know why people behaved the way they did and what their motivation was for doing the things that they do.

In high school, I suffered a shoulder injury from playing water polo and had to go to physical therapy for it. My physical therapist said something to me about the importance of a mindset when people are trying to recover. He said if they don’t want to get better, they won’t. This concept fascinated me. Add that to my dislike for microbiology and love for Psychology 101 in my first year of undergrad, and it all just made sense.

…Now I also know how to ask “Why” in some many new- and less annoying (I hope) ways.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?

When I first started as a therapist I was volunteering at an eating disorder facility in Santa Monica. I later became a therapist and then program director at residential treatment center in Orange County. As a result of those experiences, I have become a specialist in body image and eating disorders. Around that same time I had also started modeling as a curve model. I eventually decided to integrate the two by giving a presentation on body image and the media to other clinicians and treatment providers. In it I talk about body image and unrealistic beauty expectations. I use before and after photos as well as step by step shots in the hair and makeup process to show people just how much goes into making the finalized product. There’s something about getting to stand there in front of those pictures and have people actually see me that I feel like is helpful in turning the concept of that into more of a reality as well. I really enjoy getting connect my two very different areas of work in this way for something I feel can be helpful to others.

Can you share a story about the most humorous mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson or takeaway you learned from that?

When I first started working with clients I was working on my hours towards licensure at a middle school. We sometimes had to film our sessions (with client and parental permission) so that we could watch them with our supervisors and review. The first time I had to do that, we were reviewing that video and every time there was a pause or gap where silence started to happen, you could see me start to immediately start to fidget ans need to fill the silence with something. You could tell the client picked up on it too. As I have continued working, the silence ends up being some of the best part in a session. Being able to hold the space for a client to process their thoughts before saying what is on their mind. Allowing that has help increase my connection with them as well as their sense of feeling understood because I’m not trying to rush past the moment.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I have partnered with a telehealth practice, One Therapy Center which is based in California, to see clients who are constantly traveling, on the go, or unable to receive services in the area in which they live. I have a lot of clients that have expressed a desire to make their mental health a priority even when they are traveling, so this has been mainly in response to that. They can log into the platform from their phone or laptop wherever they are and get the support they would like. I also specialize in body image and eating disorders, so this can be something that is harder to find a specialist for in in some of the smaller towns and cities in California.

I am also getting ready to partner with an amazing yoga instructor to start a mindfulness body and yoga program in which we discuss the importance of being connected and present in our bodies and then uses yoga to support this connection and awareness. We will be holding the program at a few yoga studios around Los Angeles starting in December and then offering them to treatment centers around the area.

Can you share with our readers a bit why you are an authority about the topic of the Loneliness Epidemic?

Loneliness is a very common (although not talked about enough in society) issue that comes up in sessions. I work frequently with clients that travel for work and/or pleasure often or all the time and this puts them at a very high risk for loneliness. It can be difficult to feel that connection when you are constantly on the go or in new and unfamiliar places where you don’t speak the language or understand the culture, or can’t even grab a bite with someone you know!

Increased depression and anxiety- Having a social network is very helpful in regulating mood. The people in our lives can be an important part of our emotional support system in several ways. Sharing what we are feeling and going through with someone else can help those emotions to lessen, make us feel heard and support, and challenge thoughts of shame that might come up with what we are experiencing. Having network of people to rely on is also helpful in getting out of the house and participating in life and the activities we enjoy.
Increased stress- Having a social support system is a very important factor in helping people to manage and handle stress. When we know we have people we can count on for help or even just to vent to, this can greatly help in feeling a sense of capability in being able to manage stress.
Decreased sense of meaning and purpose- This can have a huge effect on our moods and can be a precursor to depression and suicidal thoughts. Relating to each other and being able to connect on life and it’s struggles can help to give life a sense of meaning and decrease shame. Sharing goals and visions helps create purpose and reasons to live, grow, and improve ourselves.

On a broader societal level, in which way is loneliness harming our communities and society?

Loneliness has a direct impact on the people around us and this then has a butterfly effect on our communities, cities, and even our society as a whole. As we become lonely, we withdraw from those closest to us and decrease that connection. It has an impact on our friends and loved ones and they too can start to experience these symptoms. The patterns with how we interact with our social network and communities also starts to change. We become more of an observer and less of a participant, further removing us from the world around us and that sense of community and togetherness. It becomes harder to have those vulnerable conversations that create connection and we become distrustful and lacking of that sense of social responsibility. This can have huge impacts on how we treat other people, and how we function as a society. That collective camaraderie is important in making a safe, caring environment for all of us to live.

Multi tasking- It can have some benefits to an extent. But what are we losing? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself sitting in front of the television having just put on something to watch, taken out my laptop to answer some emails, and had my phone to text back some friends. Inevitably I forget to pay attention to the movie and have no idea what happened- nor do I care because I didn’t become emotionally invested enough to actually care about the characters or the plot. I have also forgotten to send an attachment in one of the emails and never responded to my friend about plans for the weekend. This behavior leaves us disjointed and interferes with the quality of our connections- even with just becoming emotionally involved in a story on television. If we applied this to spending time with ourselves, why couldn’t we have relaxed on the couch and daydreamed or thought about how we are feeling? Could we have just watched a movie and allowed yourself to enjoy it? If you apply this to socializing, what are we doing when we are out with friends. When I go out to dinner now I leave my phone in my purse. It makes me acutely aware of how often that is not the case at dinner. I see so many friends and couples at the dinner table facing each other, but iooking down at their phones instead of interacting with each other.
Productivity- I feel like this in an underlying factor in multi-tasking too. Many clients report to me that they can’t just watch that movie on the couch or take that bubble bath. At the end of those activities they feel they have nothing to show for it. The emotional benefit or the increased connection to ourselves seem to be put on a back burner in order to make way for writing the paper, posting the photo, and sending ten emails. But the problem is that it never gets moved to the front burner. Doing something for the sake of enjoyment isn’t feeling like it is productive, so it is then placed in the “not worthy of our time” category. But those are things we enjoy that make us feel good. After a while it can be easy to forget what those things are that brought us that enjoyment. I have clients that struggle with telling me what they like to do because they don’t actually do it. Sitting around with friends for an entire afternoon “just” talking is often another struggle. There is not something being done so it is often hard to give ourselves permission to do this.
Dialed in> Connection- We might be more dialed in than ever before, but we aren’t more connected. We watch people doing all these things on the internet and through social media. We see more stories and hear more news than ever before. We post photos and tweet comments and respond to stories. But we don’t connect. Vulnerability is HARD and putting the things that we do online for display and to get reactions may make us feel like we are connecting but we aren’t. That’s not vulnerable. It’s a distraction that makes us feel safe from actual vulnerability. It’s a lot harder to sit and talk with someone about what we are worried about or scared of than it is to post phots of the new couch we got or respond in anger to a tweet that we saw. It doesn’t talk about what’s actually going on or the things that are harder to talk about. After a while we get used to it and don’t notice what we aren’t talking about. Or enjoy feling safer not having to talk about those uncomfortable things. But at what cost? We aren’t actullay being seen or seeing others when we do this.

1. Disconnect more

In 2018 I made a New Year’s resolution to camp once a month. And I did it. There were several things that I discovered. I actually found that I started to crave it. Especially when there were times that I camped at the beginning of one month and the end of the next so they were far apart from each other. I could feel myself start to feel less connected to myself and my partner and friends. When I camped I shut off my cell phone and enjoyed being mindful and present exactly where I was with the people I was with. It helped me to feel closer to myself and to them.

I’m not saying you need to camp to do this. But maybe put the phone and other devices away at dinner. Or leave them by the door when you come home. Set a boundary with yourself to not check your email once you get to your house after work. Practice being where you are and with yourself or the people you are with.

2. Do Less

Ever hear of the 80–20 rule? Lets apply it to how we spend our time. If you are constantly running around trying to do everything, it can be very hard to be fully present wherever you are. You are constantly thinking about the next thing and how you’re going to fit it all in. What are the things and who are the people in your life that matter most? Those are your PRIORITY (and probably make up 20% of the people you know and the things you do). Also within this 20% and hopefully a top priority- is YOU. Does what you are running around to do serve those priority things or those priority people? A lot of times we are running ourselves ragged for extra things and people (the other 80%). What if we spent at least 80% of our time focusing on that small group of Priority people and things that really are the most important to us. What would that do? How would we spend time with and connect to ourselves? That relationship and understanding is of who we are, what we want, and how we feel is so important. We would also have more time to connect to the people and the things that we love and have the energy to be more present with them while we are.

3. Practice Being Congruent

When you feel “bad” it can be tempting to want to hide it from people. Maybe you don’t want to bother anyone or feel like a burden. Maybe everyone looks like they have it all together so you want to appear that way too. When you feel one way and then put on a mask to pretend you feel something else, there are a few things that happen. The gap between how you actually feel and what you are pretending to be causes more anxiety and sadness ad it causes these feelings to increase. The feelings don’t get aired out because they are, in a sense, bottled up and hidden inside you. It increases loneliness and disconnection from yourself and from the people you care about because you aren’t allowing yourself to feel it and they aren’t aware of whats happening. When you are able to share, those feelings are let out and they do not have to build up and intensify. You can get support and feel less alone and more understood.

4. Socialize more, social media less

How do you feel after going down a rabbit hole of tweets? Social media has its benefits, but it can also greatly affect mood. There is so much comparing and FOMO that happens as a result. We see these beautifully cultivated feeds that make lives look so amazing and then compare this often heavily edited and filtered highlight reel to our coffee stained t-shirt blooper reel. How’s that going to work out? Try spending more time in person with friends and engaging in conversation and activities.

5. Get outside

Not only is Vitamin D important and necessary, it’s also not good to be inside all the time. Leaving your house/office/couch can increase the probability of meeting new people and socializing. It has the added benefit of also getting you away from that TV or computer screen for a bit. Maybe its just to go for a walk to the coffee shop that you’ve been meaning to make your Sunday morning ritual. At least you’ll get to know the employees. I also fully believe in leaving a space when it starts to feel less than nurturing. Go for a walk, take a hike, get some froyo- and then come back. Oftentimes those feeling and that negative energy have cleared and you can start fresh.

Soapbox warning: I would love to have EMOTION be a subject taught in school. As in Reading, Writing, History, EMOTION. From pre school on. I really feel like if we did this, there would be more of an awareness of how to cope better and more effectively, how to reach out and give support, and an emotional language to help us communicate and understand how we are feeling. This is so huge in helping us to feel connected and less lonely. It also allows for emotions like sadness to pass. If we have tools to talk about them, we can get that support and no longer feel alone in those feelings/that experience.

Brené Brown. She is amazing and I would love to get to meet her and talk to her about her work. I have enjoyed so much of the research she has done and how she has put it together in a much more approachable way. I’m not a fan of doing research but she is very gifted at making it relatable as well as making it all make sense.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

IG: @ashleyellislmft

FB page: http://www.facebook.com/Ashleyellislmft

onetherapycenter.com

800.674.9209

Thank you so much for these insights. This was so inspiring, and so important!

5 Things We Can Each Do Help Solve The Loneliness Epidemic: “I would love to have Emotion be a… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Why we need to redefine success” with Maryna Shkvorets and Fotis Georgiadis

Redefine success. I measure success by whether or not I went for it and gave it everything I had. I measure success by how much I learned in the process. Whether or not I achieved my goal yet is secondary. The path to loving and appreciating yourself is so much more meaningful when you truly respect what you do.

I had the pleasure to interview Maryna Shkvorets. Maryna is a public speaking coach and strategist specializing in engagement and persuasion. She is obsessed with the fact that to truly shine, you don’t have to change who you are. You can just turn up the parts of yourself you already love, and Maryna teaches people how to do just that.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

You know that person who just freezes anytime they have to speak in front of a group? They could be prepared and capable, but the moment they they stand up to speak — everything goes out the window. That’s my favorite client.

I actually remember standing in those exact shoes and just wanting to hide. If you seek advice from any other expert — you’ll hear tips like “just speak from the heart” and “use open body language.” Thanks, but that doesn’t work when you’re completely drawing a blank. I had to approach public speaking from a completely different perspective. I had to come to terms with the fact that I had to work a little harder at first.

In the end, working on yourself and addressing the problems that are within your own control always pays off. That’s why I coach public speaking — what you invest into it is nothing compared to what you get out.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

Actually yes! I have created a free online workshop: How to give an amazing talk — especially if you’ve failed in the past.

Although this focuses on public speaking, it’s actually about facing fears and developing an inner sense of confidence. I hope that this will give people more strength to express themselves and shine light on who they truly are.

Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self-love and self acceptance?

I’m sometimes caught between my desire to expand and the old adage to “just be yourself.” I finally realized that being yourself does not mean you have to be stuck. Self-love is a trust in yourself that you can step outside of your comfort zone and still feel like you belong.

If stepping outside of your comfort zone leads to a mistake — even a huge one — self-love is a willingness to forgive yourself, to pick up the pieces, and to try again.

I face this tipping point almost every day because every day brings something different.

When we talk about self-love and understanding we don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves?

Asking yourself questions is a powerful way to explore what you really want and how to go after it. I sometimes like to ask myself a question early in the morning and allow my subconscious mind to bring me answers throughout the day. You’d be surprised by what you can discover if you just ask the right questions. Here are two examples:

“What would it take to feel confident today? You can change this question to anything you’re working on, but it’s a really good way to shift focus and discover what you really want.

“Why am I afraid to do this?” Just allow yourself to feel it through. This takes practice, and it may involve asking yourself more questions, but in the end it will lead to a first step to real growth.

So many don’t really know how to be alone, or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?

I notice that when facing even a few moments alone, people seek a distraction. (Usually in the form of a screen.) It’s really important to discipline ourselves to resist that urge. It actually takes a bit of practice to start enjoying and then craving these moments for introspection. I love having a chance to just sit and think or to write.

Training myself to reflect is what led me to take important steps towards a life I actually wanted to live. I couldn’t have done that by living on autopilot.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

We expect that this self-love and acceptance should just occur organically, but it actually takes work and discipline. Here are a few things that help me:

Journaling. For me, it’s by putting pen to paper that I can actually explore my own thoughts. Don’t get turned off if you’re too distracted to actually reflect. It could take weeks to start really expressing and understanding yourself.

One place to start is by asking yourself questions or by finding some journal prompts online.

An outlet. I mentioned that our habits make us seek a distraction, and eventually you might think to yourself “well what’s wrong with a little TV or Facebook, I deserve to decompress” Nothing’s wrong with it, but it just doesn’t allow your brain to experience a moment of quiet discomfort.

A good balance for this is to allow yourself to indulge in distraction at predetermined times. Set an intention in advance — “first I’ll do some journaling or reading and then I’ll allow myself an hour of screentime.”

Self-forgiveness. There will be days where you behave as the opposite person of who you truly want to be. You may be lazy. You may be afraid. You may be mean and self-deprecating. And acknowledging this may make you feel even worse. But then you have to forgive yourself and choose a new path. “That was me yesterday, today I’m making a different choice.” Do this as many times as it takes. Nothing good comes from hating yourself.

What are 4 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

Redefine success. I measure success by whether or not I went for it and gave it everything I had. I measure success by how much I learned in the process. Whether or not I achieved my goal yet is secondary. The path to loving and appreciating yourself is so much more meaningful when you truly respect what you do.

Gratitude journal. Much like asking the right questions, taking a moment to be grateful is a great habit. I do this both in the morning and at night. And I write two-pages worth on those days when I feel like nothing’s going right. It’s a total mood-booster, and it shifts your self-talk from negative to positive.

Start your day with a luxurious stretch. Some days connecting with yourself can be a little hard, so give yourself a head-start with a two-minute stretch while still in bed. It’s amazing how much your body can affect your brain. Stretch out your arms and legs to make you feel victorious and alive and allow your mood to follow.

Read something inspiring today. Give yourself the intention to feel inspired and pick up something to read. Ask yourself what could you take away to feel more alive and self-accepting. Even if you’ve read it before, you’ll see it with a new pair of eyes.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

On the topic of reading something inspiring, my most recent read was Mindset by Carol Dweck. Her research on the growth mindset really blew my mind over a decade ago, and I’ve been singing her praises ever since. However, after reading this book, I realized that I still have a long way to go in fostering this mindset myself as it relates to self-discipline and self-acceptance, which is actually really exciting — I love a challenge.

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? Maybe we’ll inspire our readers to start it…

Fail once a day. I love the expression “failure is not an option,” but I dare you to flip the script. Do something scary with the expectation to fail. Offer to give a talk at a conference, or ask for a discount at Neiman Marcus. Go for something you’ve never dared, and instead of thinking “it won’t work, what’s the point,” say “I wonder what I can get away with.” You will see that failure is not a definition of who you are, quite the opposite in fact, and you will have a greater appreciation for yourself for stepping out of your comfort zone.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

“Failure is a stepping stone to success”

Sometimes I wish that everything I did was an instant success. But that would only mean that I am not trying anything challenging. I do have mentors and it does help to stand on their shoulders, but there is no rulebook for anything that’s truly important. I learned that I have to go for it, I have to give it my all, and I have to be okay with what happens next.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“Why we need to redefine success” with Maryna Shkvorets and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Sad to say, the stigma about mental illness is alive and well” with April Kirkwood and Fotis…

“Sad to say, the stigma about mental illness is alive and well” with April Kirkwood and Fotis Georgiadis

Sad to say, the stigma about mental illness is alive and well. It’s as though society has a preconceived definition of success and the desire to be admired supersedes everything else. According to the ‘American Dream,’ success is possible to anyone that is willing to work hard and is of good moral character. Failure is considered to be a choice not a matter of luck, lack of education, or mental illness. Our culture sees dependence on drugs, financial ruin, family problems, incarceration, and homelessness as the cause not the effect of emotions gone awry unless you’re already a billionaire mega star, then you are forgiven. Perhaps, in truth, it is because we are afraid to look at demons within our own selves.

I had the pleasure to interview April Kirkwood. April is a licensed therapist, author, and speaker Her memoir, Working My Way Back To Me, is an inspirational tale that sheds light on universal struggles involving love, sexuality, addiction, and mental health. She is an advocate for women and early childhood trauma that affects adult romance. Her philosophy and treatment are a refreshing blend identifying the mind, soul, and body connection through practices of awareness and awakening and play therapy. April’s Manual, Guide To NOW will be available spring of 2019.

Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us the “backstory” about what brought you to this specific career path?

I grew in a blue collar family in the Midwest living on a small farm with my mom and her extended family. My childhood was filled with wonderfully strong and crazy women who loved me but modeled some really sad messages about men and women and love. I didn’t realize those messages until I found myself looking back realizing that no matter how I looked, what degrees I had, or social status I arrived to I never could never get it right in the area of her romantic life. I finally hit a dead wall in West Palm where it looked like I had everything any woman would want. Standing gazing into the pool at my “perfect” life I wondered how I got this miserable. Through many tears and soul searching, I finally found the courage to dig deep in the darkest places of my mind and soul and find how and what went wrong. I traveled back to my story and looked at the events from an adult’s vantage point. Each step I forced myself into those parts of our lives and family we never really discuss. There were abortions, affairs, church, parties, divorces, and addictions. I found the multi-generational messages that were innocently imprinted in my being. I spent four years shifting through the rubble of my life and worked my way back until I could do the healing work I needed.

According to Mental Health America’s report, over 44 million Americans have a mental health condition. Yet there’s still a stigma about mental illness. Can you share a few reasons you think this is so?

Sad to say, the stigma about mental illness is alive and well. It’s as though society has a preconceived definition of success and the desire to be admired supersedes everything else. According to the ‘American Dream,’ success is possible to anyone that is willing to work hard and is of good moral character. Failure is considered to be a choice not a matter of luck, lack of education, or mental illness. Our culture sees dependence on drugs, financial ruin, family problems, incarceration, and homelessness as the cause not the effect of emotions gone awry unless you’re already a billionaire mega star, then you are forgiven. Perhaps, in truth, it is because we are afraid to look at demons within our own selves.

The drip continues reinforcing the double standard of our social morality. There are thousands upon thousands who are judged as losers for what they’ve done without considering why or how they came to this juncture in life. Eventually unaddressed mental issues overcome their will to live. Self-loathing is reinforced by those who rejected, misunderstood, and pushed them aside. Addiction and suicidal ideation are extreme methods of attempting to self-medicate. As we know from the statistics, both are presently epidemics.

As a profession, we do mental health clients an injustice when we do not consider the possibility of dual diagnosis. Most of all mental health clinicians know that nothing is black and white but very complex.

Let’s not forget the insurance companies who limit sessions and have strict guidelines for diagnosis. The pressure to adhere to their recommendations and receive payment limits what therapists can do. The business model of insurance companies are in direct opposition to the goals of mental health facilities denying extended care to those who need it most.

At each funeral I professionally attend with these scenarios, I pray for forgiveness for anyone who didn’t see the beauty of this soul with a deeper understanding of the chaos and confusion that destroyed this life.

In summary, we drank the kool-aid upholding shallow values. We close our eyes and sacrifice others to save our secrets of instability. We limit treatment to make a profit. We fall asleep each night in fear because we know that we are all capable of losing it at one time or another. This fear continues to keep ‘them’ and ‘us’ on separate sides of the street and corporations that are judged by profit margins versus lives saved.

Can you tell our readers about how you are helping to de-stigmatize the focus on mental wellness?

I explain to clients that I do not see them as mentally ill but as someone who is in so much sadness that they have somehow lost their way. Together we will go back and find the root cause of their pain. Together in a safe environment we will look at it and find healing. Together we will create a new end to their story utilizing eclectic strategies incorporating the mind, body, and soul.

Was there a story behind why you decided to launch this initiative?

As a graduate student I had the privilege of studying psychology. I found the research, theories, and therapies incredibly effective. But within myself, there was some parts of me that could not be explained. In a family where spiritual matters were mentioned about as much as the weather forecast, I found that which could not be readily seen but must be felt answered some questions psychology could not. The function of the physical body holds within it both mind and soul. Therefore the trinity of three is a necessity in treating someone. After years and years, I found myself in a dark place. It was when I joined all aspects of myself I could wake up with a new awareness that finally helped me come back to my true essence. It is from this experience that I work with others.

In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?

Each individual should make it their sole intention to learn more about themselves and live their purpose. I have found knowing your purpose keeps you on track. You know what to do each day and it keeps you from wandering off and making some really bad decisions. Your enlightened energy emanates showing you new insights about the sorrow of others. The essence of your loving persona is transparent to others and more positive energy is created. As individuals transform into beings of love, their understanding of mental illness will be one of kindness and generosity. This movement will spill over transforming society and government removing the stigma of mental illness as we know it today.

What are your 6 strategies you use to promote your own wellbeing and mental wellness? Can you please give a story or example for each?

Each morning I realign my chakras for my energy while I open my eyes and ready myself for the new adventures waiting for me. I hate exercising so I do the Sun Salute if I’m not going to go walking or play in the garden in the yard. This is my way of waking up my body each morning along with a warm drink of water with lemon.

Spiritually I find staying grounded important to me because I have so much flighty energy. When I step out of bed I visualize a circle of purple light that provides me with wisdom to feel secure in my decisions leaning on my intuition as a help mate throughout the day. I imagine the roots of a tree in between my legs growing down into the earth. It also helps to keep me grounded.

With my morning coffee, I think of three things I am grateful for. They could be as simple as my furry friend sitting by my side or something fun I’m planning to do today. I focus on the NOW as it is all I have and I am blessed to have it.

I end my morning ritual by praying to my angels and pulling an angel card. Though it may not have meaning for me in the moment, it always resonates positive reinforcement for something.

During my day I practice staying cosmically awake and seeing both visually and spiritually. This may include checking in on my own emotions and those of others in my personal space. If all else fails, I sing my little heart out; off key and all. The vibrations of the notes put me in a happy place.

That is the core of my day…unless I nap. I love napping and find one complete REM cycle is like being reborn especially if the ego has tried to knock me off my balance.

I love life and I spend as much time outdoors and with animals as possible. I love the little girl inside of me and I let her out to play often.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?

I love the book, A Woman’s Worth by Marianne Williamson. Her creative method of explaining the Course In Miracles with various real life issues resonates to so many. When we only had cassette recorders, I listened to her so many times I totally start to repeat some of her phrases. I also appreciate the writing, Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. Her use of archetypes to teach lessons about women and love is profoundly executed. I, like millions of others, adore the writings and teachings of Deepak Chopra. His short but powerful writing about Universal Laws is my go to when I need to remember the way the world works. It’s a great reminder that keeps me on track. As I am always getting ready for my next life, I read Journey of Souls and Destiny of Souls by Michael Newton over and over. His research feels right to me. It’s as though I remember being home with my tribe.

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!

“Sad to say, the stigma about mental illness is alive and well” with April Kirkwood and Fotis… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Self-acceptance starts in the home” with Ginger Lavender Wilkerson and Fotis Georgiadis

I personally believe that self-acceptance starts in the home. Parents have to model self acceptance in front of their children and in return children will manifest the confidence. In terms of society, I believe that we need to stop allowing society; trends, popularity and celebrity determine standards of beauty and what to place value on. The first step would be not to subscribe to others standards of beauty.

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Ginger Lavender Wilkerson. Ginger is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She is the CEO and founder of her private counseling practice, (www.gingerlavendertherapy.com), and recently the Girls Initiative “I’m Pretty PowHERful”. Ginger is known as a “teen mental health expert” and her work extends beyond her private practice. She is an entrepreneur, speaker and media influencer. She is an undergraduate of Spelman College and obtained her master degree in Counseling Psychology at Mt. Saint Mary’s College. She has nearly two decades experience working with teen girls and women specializing in their mental health. Ginger has brought her message to variety of girl’s groups, such as The National Charity League, Young Women in Leadership Conference, KJLH Women’s Health Expo for mental health, and local private/public schools as well as community and faith-based partners.
Ginger has been featured and quoted in professional articles about her career and specialty as a teen expert. Articles have included, ways to manage self-care, anxiety and depression. She has also been featured in 3 national publications’ which includes, LA Parent Magazine, Your Teen Magazine, and Black Press USA, where she discussed specialty mental health topics.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

My passion is supporting and helping women and young ladies become their best self, despite obstacles, challenges and life adversities. I support them with learning to overcome these obstacles through changing their narrative/life story, while providing cognitive and behavioral techniques to support change and promote growth.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I am currently working on 2 exciting new projects, supporting young ladies and helping busy moms through my empowerment coaching series. The first is a transformational program for Busy Moms who want to reset, re-center and re-focus on their dreams, aspirations and goals. This program supports mom who are looking for the extra push to pursue your own dreams so that you can be more balanced and well for your families, and live the life you truly want. The second is a girls Empowerment Imitative entitled “ I’m Pretty PowHERful in which I support and help young ladies to tap into their power.

Do you have a personal story that you can share with our readers about your struggles or successes along your journey of self-understanding and self-love? Was there ever a tipping point that triggered a change regarding your feelings of self-acceptance?

I believe that when I became a wife and mother of 3 I struggled with balancing my career and responsibilities of being a mother and a wife. I had difficulty in finding happiness in my job because I knew I was not living my best life, but was maintaining a status quo. There was a turning point in my life when I tapped into my internal empowerment as a women and mother is when I remembered 1) why I entered my career field 2) took the authorship of my life’s story 3) the desire for better life balance. At this point, I began reading self-help books; I hired a mindset coach and began to focus on my business and how I could make my business work for me. Following these three steps, I re-shifted priorities which included 1) balance 2) family 3) Career. I began to accept both my strengths and areas of growth, which helped to channel them into a new direction.

According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?

I work with women and young ladies daily surrounding the topic self-confidence and self worth. Many women and girls struggle with identifying authentic self, and allow others to define them both internally and externally. Their confidence is highly weighted on perceptions of others, which included height, weight, skin color, hair, eyes, etc., This form of public opinion negatively affects ones level of satisfaction.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

It is important to love yourself first, because how you feel about yourself affects, most things. It affects how you choose to make decisions, the way in which you engage with people, the way you take care of yourself and others. Loving yourself allows you to make informed decisions that will be for your best interest and not others, and with will allow you honor your beliefs and values.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

I think that most people stay in mediocre relationships because there is a level of comfort that comes with it. This level of comfort tends to drive other areas of their life. When people meet “status quo” relationships, they believe that having more is not possible. Many people begin to have shared responsibilities with each other that make it harder to leave; this could include marriage, a home, kids, and financial commitments. It is sometimes easier to manage mediocrity than to manage uncertainty in pursuing greatness. The advice I can provide to readers is to not to allow the feeling of comfort to be your measure of happiness.

Some tough questions readers may ask themselves are : 1) Am I happy? 2) What does happiness look like for me? In my life? 3) If I could be doing anything in the world, would I be doing what I am doing 4) Is what I am doing making me better or taking away from me and my spirit. 5) Is my happiness more important than others perception of me?

I had to ask some of these tough questions when I was working for a fortune 500 companies, and I hated it, not because of the work, but due to my level of satisfaction, with the work culture, and the company priorities. I was compensated extremely well but was extremely unhappy. At this time in my life, I had ask these tough question because I did not feel like I was living my best life. I had to do some quality self-reflection. I spoke with my family about my concerns and decided that my happiness was worth more to my family and myself. I made some sacrifices and I quit the job and I felt so much better. I took a leap of faith and have never looked back.

Being able to enjoy alone time is extremely important. During your alone time, you get to learn more about what you truly enjoy without the influence of others. Quality time with oneself helps to foster self-awareness and self worth. In addition alone time, helps you to take a break from the fast paced life and allows you to slow down.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

When you have a deeper connection with your self through self-awareness and acceptance, you can genuinely be happy for others, their success and their differences. This is possible because your self-worth is not dependent on the actions of others.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

I personally believe that self-acceptance starts in the home. Parents have to model self acceptance in front of their children and in return children will manifest the confidence. In terms of society, I believe that we need to stop allowing society; trends, popularity and celebrity determine standards of beauty and what to place value on. The first step would be not to subscribe to others standards of beauty.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1) Strong Faith- I am a believer that I am made perfect and not flawed. Believing in this helps me to accept myself both good and bad

2) Strong Support System- Having a strong and loving support system helps to ground me and make me feel needed and wanted, which affects the way I feel about myself

3) Self Care- This is important to maintain balance and wellness, if I am doing well I am able to exude and project wellness to others.

4) Self Empowerment- I journal daily and refocus my energy on my wants, needs and desire. This practice helps to ground me and keep me focused on my goals.

5) Exercise and Healthy Eating- Maintaining a healthy and clean lifestyle, helps to nourish my body and soul in a positive way.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

1) Playing Big-Practical Wisdom for Women who want to Speak Up, Create and Lead. By Tara Mohr. This book inspired me because it talks about ways we play small and ways that we can play big, tap into our power and create. This book helped me to realize that I don’t have to apologize for my brilliance, expertise, knowledge or creativity. My gifts and talents are appreciated and should be used.

2) Happy Black Women Podcast- this podcast is dedicated to women empowerment and entrepreneurship. It is helpful to hear ways to reach your goals and ways to manifest your vision.

I recently started a Girls Empowerment Initiative entitled “ I’m Pretty PowHERful”. This initiative is to empower young girls and women to embrace their power and influence. The definition of pretty relies on the power that you possess within and by tapping into that internal power makes them beautiful. I value influencing, inspiring and empowering young girls in a creative way. This initiative is designed to influence young ladies and women to tap into their authentic power. I want to support them in freeing undue, guilt, shame or anxiety, placed on them by society, family and internal negative beliefs.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

The quote that encapsulates my journey thus far is that “there is growth in discomfort,” this quote means a great deal to me because it recognizes that in most beautiful outcomes, i.e. childbirth, business launch, there is a great deal of discomfort and pain, however the reward is worth it. This suggests that on the other side of fear, discomfort and sometimes pain, is the birth of your dreams, goals, and desires realized. Thus the journey to find love, and self-love may be uncomfortable but their will be growth within the process.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“Self-acceptance starts in the home” with Ginger Lavender Wilkerson and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Women Leading The Blockchain Revolution: “Let’s make sure not to overpromise blockchain’s…

Women Leading The Blockchain Revolution: “Let’s make sure not to overpromise blockchain’s capabilities” with IBM’s Suzanne Livingston

My biggest concern is companies don’t act because they consider blockchain a “fad”. At the same time, I also worry about overpromising blockchain’s capabilities. Blockchain won’t eradicate e-coli in a field, but it does enable visibility once a contamination occurs. I also would like to see more cross-blockchain integration and interoperability as companies are looking for open platforms.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Suzanne Livingston, IBM Food Trust Offering Director. As the IBM Food Trust Offering Director, Suzanne brings transparency, accountability, and traceability to the food supply chain using blockchain. Prior to blockchain, Suzanne launched and scaled new offerings for IBM, including social software, cloud collaboration, and the fintech platform for developers. Suzanne leads product management organizations with a collaborative, inclusive approach having been on the front lines of product management, engineering, and user experience. Suzanne founded the MIT Product Management Club, was a Product Management 101 & 102 Teaching Fellow at Harvard Business School.

Thank you for joining us! Can you share with us the story of how you decided to pursue this career path? What lessons can others learn from your story?

I’ve always been interested in technology, even as a kid. I wrote my first program in elementary school and so in a way that’s where I began my technical path. Even in college, I ran my own web development studio and then became an application developer. This experience taught me how difficult it can be for people to interact with technology effectively, and that’s ultimately what sparked my interest in user centered design.

After getting my MBA, I went to work for IBM Research in Cambridge, building social technologies for enterprise businesses. IBM invested in the platform to bring it to market as a product, and that was when I became a product manager and turned my attention to adoption and scale. Since then, I’ve launched several offering businesses, most recently blockchain.

What I love about my job is that it rests squarely in the middle of technology and strategy. I work alongside engineering teams to solve real business user challenges with the most innovative technology in the industry.

Can you tell me about the most interesting projects you are working on now?

IBM Food Trust is what I live and breathe, where the goal is to connect all the parties in the food ecosystem to improve food quality and safety and reduce food waste from the farmer who planted the seed to the grocer who checks you out at the supermarket. With this technology we can spot food fraud, increase food safety and improve the supply chain so that consumers can trust the food they buy.

We also bring visibility to the supply chain. In the food industry today, much of product’s journey is invisible. When everyone can share data, you start to see how long a given product has been on the journey. You can identify where, maybe, a certain part of that journey is taking too long. You can figure out what temperature the food was at each stage of the journey. Those insights were costly and nearly impossible to glean before blockchain and they can all help increase transparency to ultimately help all kinds of businesses make better choices.

Ramesh Gopinath who is the VP of Supply Chain at IBM, and who has been instrumental in my journey with blockchain technology. He has a research background and I have a product background, and he’s given me tremendous perspective on rapid innovation. I’m grateful for his coaching and his innovative thinking.

What are the 5 things that most excite you about blockchain and crypto? Why?

There is a lot that gets me excited about the blockchain space. I’m excited about the transparency, to be able to shine a light on parts of the industry where there’s never been much of a light before. I’m excited about all the data there is to be unlocked when you can get participants in the supply chain sharing with one another. I’m excited about the collaboration that will be possible, and the potential to bring together entirely new ecosystems. Most of all I’m excited about accountability, that consumers are able to make better decisions with more visibility.

What are the 5 things worry you about blockchain and crypto? Why?

My biggest concern is companies don’t act because they consider blockchain a “fad”. At the same time, I also worry about overpromising blockchain’s capabilities. Blockchain won’t eradicate e-coli in a field, but it does enable visibility once a contamination occurs. I also would like to see more cross-blockchain integration and interoperability as companies are looking for open platforms.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world? Can you share a story?

I’m particularly excited about the Food Trust and its impact. The World Health Organization estimates that roughly 600 million people fall ill after eating contaminated food each year, and 420,000 die from eating contaminated food. By shining a light on food supply chains and helping to remove contaminated food quickly, I’m hopeful we can reduce the number of illnesses.

As you know there are not that many women in your industry. Can you share 3 things that you would you advise to other women in the blockchain space to thrive?

Working at IBM there are a lot of tremendous women leaders and role models. Marie Wieck, our blockchain GM, the SVP overseeing blockchain, Bridget van Kralingen, even our CEO are all amazing examples of leadership. What I learned from my role models is to keep a growth mindset, go deep, and share my expertise.

Can you advise what is needed to engage more women into the blockchain industry?

Promote women to leadership & technical roles so that they have real role models and career paths to look to.

What is your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share a story of how that had relevance to your own life?

I’m not really much of a quote person. If I had to give an inspirational quote it would be to ‘stop reading inspirational quotes and go actually build something!’”

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

Let’s start a movement where we demand to know where our food comes from. It’s not that far into the future.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

https://twitter.com/suzielivingston

Women Leading The Blockchain Revolution: “Let’s make sure not to overpromise blockchain’s… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“At some point, we need to say enough is enough and I deserve better” with María Tomás-Keegan and…

“At some point, we need to say enough is enough and I deserve better” with María Tomás-Keegan and Fotis Georgiadis

At some point, we need to say enough is enough and I deserve better. It’s at that point that we can orchestrate a change, from the inside out. Starting with the premise that we deserve better, we can start to imagine what that might look like. Start with a re-evaluation of core values, focus on them and use them to guide your next moves. Every choice considered can be checked against the core values to be sure the decisions are in alignment with what you value most in life.

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview María Tomás-Keegan, who is an expert in guiding women to find their way through and beyond life transitions, by helping them to focus on adapting to the fundamental changes happening in their lives. She is a Certified Career & Life Coach, specializing in Transitions, and her company is called Transition & Thrive with Maria. María is also a bestselling author. Her latest book is Upside Down to Right Side Up: Turning Transition into Triumph. María helps women adapt to life-changing events — like divorce, trauma, loss, layoff or caregiving. From personal experience, she knows how these transitions can have a profound effect on our confidence, how we perceive ourselves and how we show up for our careers, families and community. She helps women learn to become resilient, and step into their authentic selves, creating a firm foundation upon which they can move forward. Becoming centered on our core values, having a crystal-clear vision and passion for taking meaningful action are three-legs of that foundation.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

Thank you for having me. It’s an honor to be here.

I love telling this story of how I became a coach because it allows me to pay homage to the mentors and coaches I’ve had in my life and career. They have been my teachers and role models. I admire them and aspire to be like them.

I was brought up at a time when I was expected to go to college, and get a good job working for a good company, making a decent living. I honestly never considered doing anything else. So I spent many years in corporate America, making my way up the ladder. The last 20 years of that corporate part of my life were spent at IBM.

One of the best things about that “gig” was I learned to become a better mentor and coach, through their formal mentoring program. While it wasn’t my profession, it was what I loved most — helping others to become their best, while learning from those who mentored and coached me. It was a beautiful circle of getting and giving.

When IBM made a business decision to shut-down my team, it came as an enormous surprise. One I was not prepared for, because I never saw it coming. I had never been laid off before. After the shock wore off, I thought long and hard about whether to parlay my extensive business experience into another corporate “gig” or to explore something new. As part of the severance package, I got to work with a career coach — and the work we did together intrigued me. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. So, I did some research into this industry called “life coaching,” and I liked what I learned.

Rather than work for someone else again, I took a huge leap of faith and trained to get my certification as a career and life coach. As I was going through that training, it occurred to me that the number of life events I experienced over the years that caused me to change profoundly might be an area for me to focus my coaching. Once I completed my certification training, I started my first company. In 2018, I rebranded to make it crystal clear what I do and who I serve. My company is now called Transition & Thrive with María.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I am very excited about this. Thank you for asking.

My latest book and journal were written for just that reason — to help women face those particularly difficult times in life with more resiliency and courage. I call these the upside-down moments of life. This book helps women step back into their power with renewed confidence.

In Upside Down to Right Side Up: Turning Transition into Triumph, I shed a light on the phases of transition by sharing my journey, and those of other women. The road takes us from a major turning point through profound change and ends with self-understanding. Throughout the book, I share strategies and lessons that will help others know they are not alone and that there is hope on the other side of a life transition.

I was inspired to write this book by a prospective client who said, “I wish you would write a book.” I asked her what she thought a book would do for her. She said that she knew there was a lot of stuff she needed to sort through so she could move out of her rut, but she was scared about what she would uncover. If she had a book to walk her through a process and it got too hard, she could put the book down, work through it and pick the book up again when she was ready. If she hired me as her coach, she wouldn’t be able to put me down when things got tough.

That made a lot of sense to me and I wondered how many other women might have similar thoughts. So I conducted a very unscientific poll of my clients, my online group and women I met networking and I asked: if you were going through a life-changing event and you didn’t know what to do about it, what would be your first go-to resource to find help? Very few said they would hire a coach first. The majority said they would buy a book. That inspired me to help women by writing this book.

I took it one step further and created a companion journal, so as women read the kindle or print editions of the book, they can capture all their ideas, insights and imaginings within the journal. All the activities in the book are also in the journal, and it becomes a keepsake to reference any time another life event happens. It’s a mission of mine to put the book and journal into as many women’s hands as I can.

Yes, there was a turning point for me. It’s how I start my latest book. I believe that we often experience pivotal moments that cause us to stop and take notice of where we are and how we got there. This often leads us to making significant changes in our lives and moving in a direction that takes us from where we are. Case in point:

My first marriage ended because of infidelity. It took me by surprise and made me question everything I believed I knew about him, about me and about the life I thought we were creating together. I divorced him and moved on. To everyone around me I appeared to weather the storm and bounce back better than ever. It was a beautiful mask I created — so beautiful that I believed it myself.

It took a couple of years of throwing myself into my work and going through the motions of life before I met someone who swept me off my feet. I was sure I had it right this time. We married and everything was great for the first five years. We renewed our vows (something we promised to do every five years).

My career skyrocketed; his plummeted. I saw a side of him that I didn’t know was there. His jealousy caused more than one fight. But I didn’t want to be that woman who was divorced twice, so I kept trying to make it work. Compromising myself, my values, my ethics at every turn. Giving in. Giving up.

We did renew our vows at year ten, but only to keep up appearances. By then, everyone we cared about knew of our promise to do so and I didn’t want anyone to know I was failing at marriage again.

After our last knock-down drag-out fight, he slept upstairs, and I slept in our room downstairs. I cried the entire night. Getting up in the morning with a pit in my stomach and puffy, blood-shot eyes, I realized something had shifted in me. I dressed feverishly to make a quick get-away before he came downstairs.

As I grabbed my briefcase from the kitchen and headed to the garage door, I heard a voice I barely recognized say, “Where do you think you’re going.” I spun around to see my favorite chef’s knife pointed at my stomach and he was on the other end of it.

I let out such a scream that the cats ran for cover. He dropped the knife and dropped to his knees sobbing, “I’m sorry.” I was shaking uncontrollably, realizing what could have happened had I not screamed and shaken him out of his rage.

That was my turning point. I was done trying to save a marriage that took everything good out of me.

That decision took me down a road of self-discovery and a new-found acceptance. It got me back in touch with my values, which I compromised along the way. I began to dream new dreams, after the old ones were shattered. I started to put my vision into action, one small step at a time. As I learned to stop beating myself up and forgive myself, the road got easier and the light got brighter.

As a woman who has struggled with carrying some extra pounds around since she was a young girl, I know what it feels like to be dissatisfied with my appearance.

I think we create a lot of dissatisfaction when we compare ourselves to others. I believe we are each created to be unique, so why should we try to live up to someone else’s standard. The consequence of that is dissatisfaction. If we can’t measure up, we think less of ourselves. That can lead to making choices that make us feel even worse. It can be a dark rabbit hole that is difficult to climb out of.

It’s not easy to turn off all the outside influences — in today’s world they come at us from every electronic angle. We are bombarded with images that can cause us to feel inadequate, unworthy and unimportant, if we let them. What we should be teaching, by example, is that everyone is beautiful just the way they are.

Don’t get me wrong, I would recommend we make healthy choices, so our lives are happy, and we are strong. But it doesn’t mean we all need to be a size 2 and 5’10”.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Sure. The simple answer is, the world is a better place when we show up in a loving way. We can’t do that well unless we love ourselves. It starts from within.

When we are confident, hold ourselves in high-esteem, and authentically love who we are and what we can bring to our world, we get to set a great example for others, especially our children. That’s important.

Imagine you just walked into a room full of people. It might be a networking event or business meeting. Everyone seems to have something on their mind and a scowl on their face. It’s not a very inviting environment, for sure.

Now imagine, that as you intentionally circulate through the room with a genuine smile on your face, you compliment people, you share a private joke with one or two of them, and you watch the mood shift. You have made an impact. There are smiles now and some laughter.

It doesn’t take much to aid and abet a better atmosphere, when you approach it from a place of loving yourself. I believe it can take just one person who loves herself to impact how many others feel. It will snowball from there.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

For me, staying in my second marriage at least five years longer than I should have, was firmly based on the belief that I would be judged as a woman who couldn’t hold on to her man. Somehow that mattered to me greatly back then. It was my Catholic upbringing. Divorce was frowned upon — especially a second one. I compromised my values and had no foundation to stand on. Until I reached my turning point and found a different path to follow.

Some of my clients have stayed in mediocre relationships because they were conditioned by their previous experience that this is all they deserve. They saw parents mistreating each other and thought this is how relationships are done. To expect more is to expect too much. They thought, who do I think I am to expect so much?

At some point, we need to say enough is enough and I deserve better. It’s at that point that we can orchestrate a change, from the inside out.

Starting with the premise that we deserve better, we can start to imagine what that might look like. Start with a re-evaluation of core values, focus on them and use them to guide your next moves. Every choice considered can be checked against the core values to be sure the decisions are in alignment with what you value most in life.

The next step is to create a vision for your future that lights you up — the one you deserve. Finally, start putting that vision into motion by taking steps to make it happen. It’s simple advice — yet it’s not always easy to do.

Before I reached the turning point in my second marriage, I asked myself the questions, why are you staying in this marriage? What is the life you want for yourself? Why are you pretending to be happy?

The answers to those questions are what finally led me to the decision to leave that marriage behind. It was not an easy decision and it took some time to get to the final choice.

I love these probing questions, because they make us think more deeply about how we feel and what we really want. Here are a few questions I ask my clients when they need to explore beyond their comfort zone:

What if it was your idea? What would you do then?

What if you knew you could not fail? What would be your first move?

If you had a magic wand, where would you be one year from now?

If I told you there is no such thing as failure — only lessons to be learned — what is the biggest lesson you have learned from one of those times you thought you failed?

Great question. I think it’s important that we create a safe and judgment-free zone, removing ourselves from any outside influences, so we can think. Like finding an empty room, turning off all your electronic devices, and just sitting quietly.

I believe we get comfortable with who we are when we are alone and quiet with our thoughts. We get to explore our beliefs without judgment, assuming we are not judging ourselves. This time allows us to hear our own voice, hear the voice of our heart, and the voice of our spirit. It helps us to explore the depths of who we are and what we stand for.

This can absolutely be a scary time, until you get used to it. I recommend starting slowly, perhaps by setting aside 15 minutes to listen to a guided meditation and just breathe through it. After a bit of time, you’ll be able to sit for that 15 minutes in silence and allow your own thoughts to guide you, as you breathe through it.

My favorite practice is to start each day with stretching, yoga, quiet time/meditation and prayer. It makes for a “Miracle Morning,” which is a book by Hal Elrod. I am thankful for his inspiration to create my own practice.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

Here’s where the fun starts. It’s a cycle of love.

When we authentically show up from a loving place, which starts with loving ourselves, those we encounter throughout the day will feel that love. Then they feel safe to open themselves up to receive it, if not immediately, eventually.

Through that opening, there is the opportunity to send and receive, back and forth. When you are authentically loving, you become a mirror and reflect love back.

You can’t help but enrich relationships coming from this place. That kind of love is like a magnet. You get more and more of it as you show up that way.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

The first things that come to my mind are: reserve judgment; live and let live; and agree to disagree and move on.

Both individuals and society would be better served if we reserved judgment of ourselves and others. I know of only one authority who has the right to judge me. If we did not feel judged (even self-judged), we are more likely to feel better about who we are and find the best way to fit in this world and share our gifts.

All of which goes hand-in-glove with allowing ourselves to live and let live. When there is conflict, understand that there is no benefit in “winning,” make the choice to let it go and move on.

The more we are grounded in who we are, what we value most, and what we want, the more accepting we are of ourselves. We create a firm foundation and a belief in ourselves. As we show up in confidence in everything we do — stepping into that power — we show society and the world who we are. I believe this is an individual responsibility to choose how we want to be seen and show people, through our actions, how we want to be treated.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

Self-care is an expression of self-love. So, starting your day with self-care is like giving yourself an enormous bear-hug each morning.

1. Me Time: I start my day with “me time.” First, I want to confess that I’m not perfect at this. We all tend to beat ourselves up when we don’t keep up with our routine of self-care. When I slip up, I forgive myself and get started again (which is probably my sixth favorite strategy). “Me time” consists of stretching, yoga, prayer, journaling, and reading my vision aloud.

On those days when I have an early meeting or I over-sleep, I try to get in one or two of these activities so I can still ground myself for the day.

2. Keep Trusted Advisors Close: I surround myself with people I trust, who believe in me, and who are mentors and advisors when I need input and feedback. I call these people my Personal Board of Directors. They remind me of my value when I’m feeling unworthy or unsure. They remind me of my accomplishments and help me to find joy in them. Knowing they are here to guide me is a very comforting feeling and it allows me to feel more confident as I step out into the world.

3. Celebrate Small Achievements (and big ones, too): Often we get so busy that we forget that we are moving forward one small step at a time, if we’re being intentional. Each one of those steps is an achievement and takes us closer to our goal. It’s worth celebrating those. It keeps us motivated. I like to do this at the end of each day to motivate me for tomorrow.

4. Talk to Yourself: My husband catches me all the time talking to myself — out loud. He laughs. But it’s my way of keeping my thoughts positive and consciously changing what I’m thinking when I find myself going down a rabbit hole. I call it Thought-Stopping. It’s also called Positive Self-Talk. Affirmations are a great addition to this practice.

5. Two Words. Each year I select two words that will guide my intentions and actions throughout the year. I think I pick these words, but sometimes the words pick me. This year my words are BELIEVE and TRUST. They picked me. Everywhere I turned I saw those words, or I heard them. They became my words for this year. They remind me that I may not see evidence right now of what I envision for this year, yet they instill in me the faith that it is coming.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I love to read books that teach me new life strategies and broaden my thinking. There are so many books that can do this, and these are just four that have impacted me.

1. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s an inspiring book that helped me to think differently about creativity and how to embrace it in my life and work.

2. Change Your Thoughts — Change Your Life by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I’ve read several of Dr. Dyer’s books, because they open me up and challenge my perspective. One of my favorite quotes comes from this book. “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

3. I’ve Been Thinking by Maria Shriver. My latest favorite book by a woman I admire for standing firmly in her beliefs and convictions yet opening her mind and heart to new ideas and welcoming new possibilities.

4. The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. My list would not be complete without mentioning this book again, which launched my own morning routine that helps to keep my feet on the ground and my eyes looking up.

I wish I thought of this first, but my friend and colleague, ShaRon Rea, started this movement, and I love what she is doing. Her movement is called “No Judgment — Just Love.” Putting those four words together has huge impact on how people think, what they say, and how they feel.

This movement is about loving ourselves enough so we can be kind and loving to others. Being the role model. Being the mirror. Her mission is to create a world filled with people who really do see beyond their initial impressions and treat each other well…because we care how we are treated. It inspires me to follow this movement.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

I’m quoting myself here. This is what I share with clients all the time: “I believe we are both a Masterpiece and a Work-in-progress. Share and celebrate the masterpiece and be patient and kind with the work-in-progress.”

The Masterpiece is where our gifts and talents reside. Share them freely so that other people can learn from you. Don’t hold back — it is by sharing that you create a bridge for others to walk safely toward you.

The Work-in-progress is that part of you still learning. Reach out to those who are masters, walk over their bridge to put new strategies in your own treasure chest. Soon you will add to your masterpiece and make room for new things to learn.

I remind myself often to be gentle with myself as I move into unchartered territory, expanding my comfort zone and growing through every new lesson.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“At some point, we need to say enough is enough and I deserve better” with María Tomás-Keegan and… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“You don’t need to reject who you are today in order to be a better version of yourself tomorrow”…

“You don’t need to reject who you are today in order to be a better version of yourself tomorrow” with Jess McCann and Fotis Georgiadis

In those moments of self-rejection it is of the utmost importance that you take a deep breath and work to change your mindset. Look again in the mirror. Only this time just say to yourself, “This is who I am.” Don’t wish it away. Just accept that this is you, right now, today, in this moment. Because who you are right now IS who you are right now! No amount of rejection will change that. You don’t have to love or even like yourself right now, you only have to accept yourself. Maybe you’ll be different tomorrow, but for now, this is you. You can work to improve yourself, of course, but you don’t need to reject who you are today in order to be a better version of yourself tomorrow.

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Jess McCann, the author of the wildly popular dating books, “You Lost Him at Hello” and “Was It Something I Said”. She is an international dating and relationship coach who has appeared on Good Morning America, and been featured in several prominent publications such as The Washington Post and Cosmopolitan Magazine. She started coaching 11 years ago and has helped men and women all around the world break their toxic relationship patterns, find love and get married. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two kids.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

I have always had a strong interest in human dynamics and relationships and growing up I read anything I could on the subject. When I was in my early twenties I started my own sales and marketing company and I taught my staff different relationship building techniques to use with customers. I understood how to logically pace a relationship, present oneself in the best light, and win people over to a different way of thinking. Most of the staff would tell me that my lessons not only helped them at work, but also helped them with their own romantic relationships. That led to me writing my first book, “You Lost Him at Hello” which teaches women how to use different sales and marketing strategies on dates so they can have more confidence, and get better results. The book was picked up by a publisher and soon I was being asked to speak at events and rallies, emails were pouring in from readers who wanted advice, and at that point I had to quit my day job and open my own coaching practice.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

My third book, “Maybe I’m Cursed” will be out later this year. I’ve had so many women tell me that they feel “Cursed” at love because they cannot get their relationships past a certain point of progression, and I started to see a common theme among them. “Maybe I’m Cursed” is going to help women recognize certain self-sabotaging habits and provide the tools needed to retrain unconscious and harmful thought-patterns, thus changing their results with the opposite sex. Learning self-acceptance is a big part of that process as most women really struggle with that.

I spent a great deal of time in my younger years trying to keep up with culture expectations. I wanted to look good, have a high paying job, get married, and be “somebody.” Then I had a terrible health scare that lasted 18 months. Suddenly I realized nothing that I was striving for in life really mattered, and that everything I was attempting to achieve was for the benefit of making myself feel like I was “worthy” or “good enough” in the eyes of myself and other people. The truth was, no one was spending any time thinking about if I was good enough or not. Who was I trying to impress? I came very close to dying that year as I had undiagnosed appendicitis. It was the most painful experience to go through physically for that year and a half, but it also brought me to a great enlightenment — my mind was stuck in a thought-habit that I was not enough. When my health failed me, I had a real problem which showed me that my “thought-habit problem” was totally imaginary. After I had surgery and my health returned, I never worried about myself or my feelings of self-acceptance again.

Women have always been very hard on themselves as far as their appearance, but with social media and the ability for everyone to showcase themselves all day, every day, the self-scrutiny has reached an all time high. Not only does social media habituate you to focus on your image on a daily (if not hourly basis) but because it provides positive or negative feedback on “You” in the form of likes and comments, it stealthily takes self-acceptance out of your own hands and gives it away to people you barely know. It’s basically your “1 like” against dozens of others. How could you not struggle to feel like you are enough and accepted as you are? One of the biggest consequence of this is not only the relinquishing of your own self-acceptance, but the constant focus on “self” causes a decreased focus on others. We are becoming more self-absorbed and it is hurting our ability to genuinely connect with people and have satisfying relationships with them.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

From my book, “Maybe I’m Cursed”…

One of the biggest issues I see in my coaching practice is the inability to assess if a potential partner is someone of good potential and character. Two key ingredients for a healthy relationship. Usually this is due to a client’s inability to accept herself, thus leading her to look to her date for acceptance. I’ve seen many women ignore obvious red flags in a guy because she was more interested in what he thought of her than the other way around. If we have acceptance of self, we can easily and fairly accurately get to know anyone because our perspective is not muddled by our own need to be accepted. For how can we truly assess anyone is if we are busy worrying about their assessment of us?

Second, our relationships will never get to that deep, meaningful place where we can fully be ourselves with our partner, without self-acceptance. Our self-doubt, self-loathing, or self-shame will always be at the forefront of our mind, which means we are more concentrated on ourselves and our fears than we are concentrated on our significant other and the love we give them. The result is a slow erosion of rapport, goodwill, and of course, connection.

Part of the reason some people cannot accept themselves is fact that they have lived life always desiring to be something else… or something more than what they are. Today’s culture of constantly comparing ourselves to others may well have helped foster the idea that we need to be more than what we are in order to be worthy. If we are fighting who we are by wishing to always be different or better in some way, we will naturally look for other people to help us come to terms with ourselves. The truth is, whatever it is that you are having trouble accepting is not the real problem. Whatever it is that you dislike, or feel badly about is not what is holding you back from love. It is the resistance or denial itself that is hindering you. It is your non-acceptance that is making you insecure, angry, jealous, or unhappy. Saying to yourself, “I wish I was more like this…” or “I was I wasn’t like that…” is a form of self-rejection. You are saying that you cannot fully embrace yourself until you become something else or something better, which will continually create painful feelings. Some people live their entire lives in self-created pain and never experience real love all because they can’t look at themselves and say, “I’m okay. I accept all my imperfections and I don’t need to be more than what I am now.”

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

Many people believe that they can only find self-acceptance when someone loves them. Being a part of a couple gives them the sense of being good enough that they could not accomplish on their own. So even if a relationship is mediocre or worse, they will stay because leaving the other person means to return to unworthiness.

From my book, “Maybe I’m Cursed” : My best advice is to work on your own self-acceptance so that you don’t need another person to feel at peace with yourself. You must make acceptance a daily practice just like exercise or eating well. The next time you pass a mirror and think, “Ugh, I look terrible. Why is my nose like this?” Or, “I still need to lose ten pounds. I wish I my body was different,” recognize that this is non-acceptance. When you encounter people and feel jealous, and think, “I need to be like her or I won’t be happy”. Or, “I probably won’t find love because I’m not cute enough” that is non-acceptance. See how many times in a day you unconsciously reject yourself as you are now. One client of mine kept track of her self-rejections and counted thirty-one in just 12 hours! Before she wondered why she always felt down and hopeless, relying on men to make her feel good, but after that exercise she saw there was no way to feel anything else! In those moments of self-rejection it is of the utmost importance that you take a deep breath and work to change your mindset. Look again in the mirror. Only this time just say to yourself, “This is who I am.” Don’t wish it away. Just accept that this is you, right now, today, in this moment. Because who you are right now IS who you are right now! No amount of rejection will change that. You don’t have to love or even like yourself right now, you only have to accept yourself. Maybe you’ll be different tomorrow, but for now, this is you. You can work to improve yourself, of course, but you don’t need to reject who you are today in order to be a better version of yourself tomorrow.

I really dislike the term self-love because it often creates a “superior” mindset in people. I start hearing demands that sound like, “I deserve this or that, because I am worth it!” Loving ourselves is something I don’t think is necessary. I think accepting ourselves is, but love is something we give to others. It’s a gift for them, and it’s their gift to us.

I think a good question to ask ourselves is, am I thinking about myself too much? How often throughout my day am I thinking, and stressing about myself, and why am I doing it? I used to be someone who had high anxiety and I realized that I was too concerned about “me” and what I thought I needed to be or have in life. I realized this was just a silly ego game. I didn’t need to be anything more than what I already was. I stopped thinking about myself and now I just try to focus on others. That gives me much more joy.

It’s of vital importance. Some people can’t be alone with themselves for the very reason we are speaking of — no self-acceptance. They are afraid to be without a relationship for reasons I mentioned earlier. Being a part of a couple gives them self-validation because they can say to themselves, “See, someone else is accepting me” and therefore they can relax and accept themselves. On a more existential level, some people don’t like to be alone because it forces them to face who they are (or who they are not.) There is so much fear in facing our flaws, and imperfections that some of us use constant distractions and activity to avoid having to do this. In either case, the fear of being alone is the fear of seeing who we are and needing to accept it. Unfortunately without doing so, we will never connect to another person in a deep and meaningful way. Connection and acceptance of ourselves leads to connection and acceptance with another person. Not the other way around.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

In today’s celebrity-obsessed, social-media centered atmosphere most women are on a quest for self- acceptance every day. For many hours in that day, they enhance and embellish themselves to the point of self-falsification. In other words, in order to be accepted they can’t be their true selves. They have to be a fantasy version of who they wish they were, or who other people want them to be.

If you feel this way, stop and consider how much time and effort you spend on projecting a certain image of yourself to the world. It’s helpful to try and improve yourself on the inside, but if you are always working on bettering your image, or your status so that others view you in high regard, then you really haven’t completely accepted yourself. Once you acknowledge that, you can take little steps that will help tear down the pedestal you think you need to be sitting on.

You will know how far you are from self-acceptance by how much you resist the next suggestion. It’s time to do something raw and honest. Follow in the footsteps of Grammy-award winner Alicia Keys, and try not wearing make up one day while you are out, or post a less flattering picture of yourself and see how it feels. Let people see the real you. Although you might be scared, this is a very big step in the direction you need to go in order to be at peace with who you are and bring forth your True Self.

Have an honest conversation with a friend about your feelings instead of trying to tell a “glamorous or impressive” story about yourself. Attempt to be vulnerable. Our ego will want to battle against doing this. It will feel awkward and uncomfortable, but know that if it does feel that way, it means you are on the right track. Alicia Keys admitted the first time she was photographed without make-up she was nervous and uncomfortable. After years of trying to live up to the public expectation and approval, her knee-jerk reaction was “what will people think?” But within minutes, all the walls she had put up around herself came down. She freed herself from her own Curse by simply deciding to be who she really is. “And”, she says, “I swear it is the strongest, most empowered, most free, and most honestly beautiful that I have ever felt.” Isn’t that what we are all striving for anyway? To feel free, empowered and beautiful in our own right? Somehow the path to getting their has taken a sharp turn in the wrong direction.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1. Meditate

2. Gratitude

3. Practice giving of yourself to others

4. Practice awareness of self-rejection and turn it into acceptance

5. Exercise!

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

My favorite books for self-acceptance, improvement and relationships are by Eckhard Tolle. Although this books fall under the category, “spirituality” or “new age”, they speak directly to the subject at hand. His book, “The Power of Now” talks about our constant search for wholeness in the future, when in actuality, our sense of completeness can only be found in the present. My favorite quote is, “If you find your life situation unsatisfactory or intolerable, it is only by surrendering first that you can break the pattern that perpetuates that situation.” He is saying that what you are fighting to accept about yourself right now is your problem more than anything else. Only be surrendering the fight will you be able to see the truth of this, and do what is productive or necessary to change your situation. Much of the time when we surrender, we see that there was nothing that really needed to be done after the surrender itself because the real problem was only in our minds. I’m probably not doing the quote justice, but reading the book was life-changing for me, someone who suffered from anxiety and always looking to the future for salvation from the present.

Self acceptance comes when you stop thinking about yourself. We struggle to accept ourselves because of the ideas and expectations we put on ourselves and others. But searching for worth is as useless as searching for a pot of gold. There is nothing we can attain in the future that will allow us to better accept who we are. We only believe the future “us” holds the key to acceptance. Once we give up the search, we automatically self-accept.

My life lesson quote is from Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth”. “Give up defining yourself — to yourself and to others. You won’t die. You will come to life.”

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“You don’t need to reject who you are today in order to be a better version of yourself tomorrow”… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“It’s ok to not be ok sometimes!” with Laura Arndt and Fotis Georgiadis

Individuals should be more sympathetic and supportive to anyone suffering from mental illness. If you think someone you know may be in pain, don’t ignore it. Reach out and offer them assistance in any way you can. Society as a whole needs to shift their mindset on social media and the pressure to only show one side to the world. It’s ok to not be ok sometimes! The government should make sure there are plenty of services and financial support going towards mental health facilities, trainings and preventative care measures for all people.

As a part of my series about “Mental Health Champions” helping to normalize the focus on mental wellness, I had the pleasure to interview Laura Arndt. Laura Arndt is the Founder and CEO of Matriarc, a digital health and wellness company for pregnancy and postpartum. Matriarc has a free app on IOS with education, exercises, meditations and community for Moms.

Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us the “backstory” about what brought you to this specific career path?

I have owned and operated a fitness company in the D.C. area for over a decade. Whenever I had a client who was a new mother, I was surprised by the lack of education, tools and resources for her to begin properly rehabilitating her body. When I began speaking to other health professionals who worked with new moms, including mental and emotional support professionals, I found they all felt the same way I did. Once a baby is born, a mother’s health is put on the back burner. I decided this needed to change, and devoted my time to creating a platform that addressed the physical, emotional and mental health needs of moms during pregnancy and the fourth trimester.

According to Mental Health America’s report, over 44 million Americans have a mental health condition. Yet there’s still a stigma about mental illness. Can you share a few reasons you think this is so?

I believe there’s a lot of pressure to present yourself as a happy, successful, and emotionally stable person at all times. It’s scary to admit we may be struggling and don’t always have it all together. Many people hide their insecurities, anxieties and unhappiness from family, friends and co-workers. When someone does admit they are struggling, they often times face criticism and judgment instead of the support they actually need.

Can you tell our readers about how you are helping to de-stigmatize the focus on mental wellness?

In creating the platform of Matriarc, I consulted with many mental health specialists who focused specifically with women during pregnancy and postpartum. I had a psychotherapist and meditation specialist record audio meditations geared towards helping women during this phase of their life as part of our “mind” section within the app. I also curate information and education on a daily basis in our newsfeed from mental health professionals and moms on how common perinatal mood disorders are, and what steps you can take if you’re experiencing symptoms. The reality is as many as 1 in 7 women will face a mental health issue during pregnancy or postpartum and we need to be supporting women more.

Was there a story behind why you decided to launch this initiative?

I felt there was a real gap in the market for women and mothers in particular when it came to healing their minds and bodies postpartum. I knew I had the skill set and motivation to do something about it, and began creating the Matriarc App.

In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?

Individuals should be more sympathetic and supportive to anyone suffering from mental illness. If you think someone you know may be in pain, don’t ignore it. Reach out and offer them assistance in any way you can. Society as a whole needs to shift their mindset on social media and the pressure to only show one side to the world. It’s ok to not be ok sometimes! The government should make sure there are plenty of services and financial support going towards mental health facilities, trainings and preventative care measures for all people.

What are your 6 strategies you use to promote your own wellbeing and mental wellness? Can you please give a story or example for each?

Exercise, meditation, eating well, getting sufficient rest, music, and of socializing with family and friends on a regular basis is the key to promoting my own wellbeing.

Exercise and nutrition has shifted for me over the years as I entered into my 30’s and had my first child. I spend a lot more time on yoga and pilates than I do on running 20 miles a week, and I focus on nutrient dense foods more than I do on overall calorie consumption. The deep breathing and relaxation I get from low impact exercise and eating healthily has greatly improved my mood and wellbeing.

Meditation and relaxing music were something I started when I was pregnant, and I have continued after the birth of my son. Even a few minutes a day helps me reset and rejuvenate in a way I never knew was possible before I tried it.

I have always relied on a minimum of 7–8 hours a sleep a night to feel healthy, and I happily set aside other tasks to make sure I am getting sufficient rest. This is NOT something I compromise on. I also maintain a positive relationship with friends and family and try to schedule at least one social activity per week to catch up with people in my network. Even if I am feeling overwhelmed or tired, I always feel better after spending time with the people I care about.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?

My favorite resources for mental health are the meditations and exercises within my Matriarc App and Youtube yoga videos I can turn on with the click of a button.

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!

“It’s ok to not be ok sometimes!” with Laura Arndt and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“When you truly love yourself, you have the confidence to ask for what you want” with Aimee…

“When you truly love yourself, you have the confidence to ask for what you want” with Aimee Beltran and Fotis Georgiadis

Most people think that body image and weight are just vanity things. The problem is that they go much deeper than just surface level. When you hate yourself and don’t like what you see in the mirror, you aren’t going to show up fully in the other areas of your life. You are not living up to your full potential. When you don’t love yourself, that shows up in your career, your relationships, and your overall quality of life. When you truly love yourself, you have the confidence to ask for what you want. You aren’t willing to tolerate anyone that doesn’t reciprocate that love.

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Aimee Beltran. Aimee is a confidence coach and the Founder and CEO of Irresistible YOUniversity. She empowers women to love themselves by breaking down body image issues, so they can lose the emotional weight and gain confidence to look and feel irresistible…at any size. She is also the host of the Irresistible You Podcast, author of the blogs; Irresistible Icing & Irresistible Pets, and author of the Amazon Hot New Seller, “The Irresistible You Journal.”

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

I have over 15 years of experience creating instructional content and managing learning communities for some well known corporations. I was always hired into brand new roles without a blueprint. I’ve been a pioneer, forging my own path…knowing that I was always meant to be an entrepreneur.

I started my blog, Irresistible Icing back in 2010 as a way to share my story about my struggles with weight, body image, and confidence. I quickly realized that my passion and purpose is to empower women to stop waiting for the weight. I took that passion and blended it with my corporate instructional design experience. I now run my own online learning community called Irresistible YOUniversity. I offer courses, coaching, consulting, workshops, and retreats focused around personal development topics.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of well-being in their relationships?

Yes! I recently re-opened the doors for enrollment into my signature course/group coaching program, Irresistible YOU. This program is designed for women that want to end the yo-yo diet/body hate shame cycle. Through my proven #IrresistibleYou framework, I give them five guiding principles that they can apply to their life so that they can lose the emotional weight and gain the confidence to create the life they crave.

Absolutely! My entire brand is based upon my own experiences and journey with self-love. I went on my first official diet at 12 years old and continued to lose and gain weight for most of my life. I would chase new diet fads and gimmicks hoping and praying that would be “the” thing that would fix me once and for all. By “fix”, I thought it would help me obtain the perfect body. I thought that getting to my goal weight and finally having the perfect body would make everything else in my life perfect and happy. Feeling frustrated, I had an epiphany that I could look at any picture from my life and tell you how much I weighed and how I felt about my body. This is how I determined good and bad memories. I could no longer stand the yo-yo diet / body hate shame cycle and I knew that I had to uncover the reason why I couldn’t stop it. From there, I discovered what was missing and that’s what led me to to create the Irresistible You framework.

I think that diet culture and the media has a lot to do with these low numbers. Body image issues are an epidemic especially among women. It actually doesn’t matter how much you weigh. I’ve come across so many women that would be considered to have the ideal body but they hate themselves. We live in a society that values weight and beauty over everything else. Women are taught directly and indirectly that their worth comes from how they look. That is then fueled by the constant messages from the media about dieting mixed with images of women that most of us will never look like. I think a lot of the landscape is now changing and we are starting to see body diversity thanks to more plus size models and real people that have platforms online such as Irresistible YOUniversity.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Most people think that body image and weight are just vanity things. The problem is that they go much deeper than just surface level. When you hate yourself and don’t like what you see in the mirror, you aren’t going to show up fully in the other areas of your life. You are not living up to your full potential. When you don’t love yourself, that shows up in your career, your relationships, and your overall quality of life. When you truly love yourself, you have the confidence to ask for what you want. You aren’t willing to tolerate anyone that doesn’t reciprocate that love.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

One thing I’ve noticed in my community is a large amount of women that tell me their self-esteem and confidence was shattered due to a toxic relationship. They come to me because they don’t even know who they are anymore but they want to change. People stay in mediocre relationships because they don’t know their true self-worth. When you don’t love yourself and can’t see your own worth, you’re willing to tolerate just about anything. This is why women stay and have trouble walking away. They believe that they won’t find anyone else and they are afraid to be alone. As cliche as it sounds, if you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to love you either. Once you know your worth, you are not going to tolerate anything less than from someone else.

I’m going to address this question from the point of view with weight and body image. I’m not anti weight loss and I don’t believe in the “health at every size” movement. Losing weight because you hate yourself is toxic. This is why so many women get stuck on the yo-yo diet/body hate shame cycle. They are only focused on losing weight and getting to a specific number on the scale. They are doing it from a place of hate and shame. Dieting is dangerous because it doesn’t actually address the real problem. It doesn’t address the why or the mindset shifts that need to happen.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight if it’s coming from a place of love. That said, the only way to successfully lose weight is to do it from a place of self-love.

You can love and accept yourself while also striving to improve areas of your life.

I love alone time. I’m an introvert and that’s how I get my energy. Spending time with yourself is how you really get to know who you are independent from a relationship. I teach my students that alone time is so important for growth and development. We all need this time to feed our soul!

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

I’ve been married almost nine years and together for over 13 years. I’ve seen our marriage mature and develop so much since starting this journey. When you don’t know yourself, you don’t have a clue what you need in your relationships. Getting to know yourself deepens your awareness and understanding so that you connect with people that you need. It also goes back to what I said earlier. When you love yourself, you know what you aren’t willing to put up with.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

Stop thinking about it so much! It’s about taking imperfect action every single day even on the days where you’d rather sit on the couch and binge watch while eating cake. You can’t understand yourself until you put yourself in situations that are outside of your comfort zone.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

I’m giving you a sneak peek of the 5 guiding principles that I teach in my courses. Ready? Here we go!

1. Break the Rules. This is about figuring out what rules you’ve been living by and rewriting them. In other words, what negative beliefs do you have about yourself?

2. Make Confidence Queen. In order to love yourself and be successful at anything, you need confidence. Confidence has to be at the center of your life. Hence, why “she” is the queen!

3. Feed Your Soul. This is about doing the things that makes you happy and fulfilled. We get so busy with life that we forget to take time to do the things we love.

4. Be in the Moment. This is about being mindful and staying present in all that you do. I focus this around food but also on everything else. When you hate your body, it’s easy to go to another place mentally just to get through the moment. This is about being in the moment regardless of where you are on your body love journey.

5. Get Your Glam On. When you look good, you feel good. This is about defining your own signature style and self-care.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

Any book by Brene Brown because of the way she approaches shame and vulnerability. I love the Super Soul Sunday podcast with Oprah because there are so many amazing nuggets of inspiration. I have to also shamelessly plug my podcast, Irresistible You if you’re looking for advice on body image and emotional eating.

Thank you for that. I have a movement of my own called #IrresistibleYou. This is about women creating the irresistible life they’ve always craved. It’s about not waiting for the weight. It’s about creating your someday today and living in the moment…regardless of your size or weight. I encourage you to share how you’re living an irresistible life by using #IrresistibleYou across social media!

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

I’m a quote junkie! I seriously have too many to pick just one. I will share a mantra that I repeat frequently when I’m feeling the anxiety rising. “Faith over Fear.” Anytime I’m doing something out of my comfort zone, I repeat that over and over again. What are we all so afraid of?! Just have faith that everything is going to be ok…no matter what. Even if you fail. It’s still a learning experience.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“When you truly love yourself, you have the confidence to ask for what you want” with Aimee… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“We’ve come to rely on shaming and blaming ourselves into meeting some standard of healthy, fit…

“We’ve come to rely on shaming and blaming ourselves into meeting some standard of healthy, fit and beautiful” with Jill Pagano and Fotis Georgiadis

With such low approval numbers, we simply can’t ignore that something profound is going on between ourselves and our expectations around our body. I break the answer down into two categories: the cause is a combination of “ourselves” and “everything else.” When it comes to ourselves, our struggle is often grown from what’s going on inside of us — mostly between our ears — our critical language and our perfectionistic expectations. We’ve come to rely on shaming and blaming ourselves into meeting some standard of healthy, fit and beautiful. We’ve become quite addicted to comparing ourselves to others and comparing ourselves to some kind of fairy-tale standard of perfection.

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Jill Pagano. Jill is a speaker, author and well-being visionary who shares how living with our body can be delightfully sweet. For over twenty-five years she has been an ambassador for the human body by influencing countless individuals to improve their well-being with her out-of-the-box philosophy. In her provocative debut book, Getting Happy with Your Body, Jill teaches others how to become healthy and happy in their bodies by “exercising” what goes on between their ears and in their hearts. She is the creator of The Happy Body Habit™, an innovative corporatewell-being program that daringly asserts it’s time to go beyond weight loss, exercise and health assessments as our only solutions to better health and wellness.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

First, let me say thank you for interviewing me and allowing me to share what I’ve learned and what I love with your readers.

My childhood nickname was “Shaky-Jake” — the one who couldn’t stop moving. I loved to wiggle and dance from the time I was a toddler. In high school I would dance around in my makeshift dance-exercise “studio” in the basement of our home. When I went off to college, I danced with the university’s dance theater while pursuing the more traditional study of communication and business. In my twenties, I danced between the distinct worlds of my marketing nine-to-five day job and teaching dance fitness classes at night. Within a few years, I left marketing and pursued fitness full-time with my own personal training business, eventually specializing in post-rehab clientele.

From there, I had an auspicious encounter that helped me transition away from pure, traditional fitness. I began to study Somatics, which is broadly defined as physical movement studies, emphasizing internal perception, awareness and experience. For the last two decades, I’ve been learning about myself through inquiry, awareness and movement.

Now I passionately share with people how to have a more compassionate and loving approach with their body to be healthier and happier in their body and their life.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I just finished publishing my first book, Getting Happy with Your Body, as a way to start a new conversation and a new approach to ending the battle many have with their bodies.

My intent is to help people shift their mindset from their body being a nuisance or disappointment. Instead, I want to encourage people to see how they are in a relationship with their body and that they can, in fact, create a rewarding, healthy and happy relationship between themselves and their body.

In the early stage of my career as a fitness professional, I took on the warrior archetype. I wore my body like a badge of fitness perfection, thinking because I was fit, I must certainly be healthy, too. I was teaching tons of exercise classes, training lots of clients and playing hard on the weekends. I told my body what I wanted it to do and what it would have to endure for me. I was quite the bully. And my body did what it was told, until it just couldn’t anymore.

Even though my body was asking me to slow down for months, maybe years (let’s see… Epstein Barr, Shingles and a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), I wasn’t listening. Truth be told, I didn’t even know how to listen. My communication with my body was one-direction, with every command coming from me. I never took the time to understand how to be receptive to my body or how to listen to what it needed or desired. Even though I was a professional fitness instructor at the height of my career with a body to show for it, I had no idea how to care for my body and no idea it was breaking down because of what I was putting it through.

I thought all this illness and injury was, well, normal.

As luck or destiny would have it, I attended a well-regarded trade convention for fitness professionals. I signed up for the scheduled morning workout session, which was held in a large, bland hotel conference room. Guts and Grace was the title of the session. Sounded interesting. The first thing I noticed was lyrical and relaxing music. It wasn’t the loud, beat-driven music I was using in my group classes. The two teachers both dressed colorfully, unlike my traditional black, and adorned themselves with silver bangle bracelets. And shocking to me, they were barefoot!

They invited all of us to take off our shoes. What?? Keep in mind, this was the mid-90’s, during high-impact, dance aerobic days, and nearly a decade prior to Pilates and yoga hitting the mainstream market. As class began, the teachers invited us to sense our bodies. They also encouraged us to dance expressively. When it came time to do floor work, they called it floor play. Throughout class, they repeatedly encouraged us to find the joy in our movement and our body.

Joy? Sense my body? Express myself? Play? I was accustomed to exercising hard in order to sweat, burn calories, and get stronger. I liked doing that but never considered exercise to be joyful.

To my biggest surprise, this hour-long class experience flipped a switch deep inside me. It woke the sleeping giant. I felt my body move a new way, a way I hadn’t felt since being a playful child. I can only describe the experience akin to returning home. And once I felt that connection, I wanted more.

Little did I know the profound impact that one class would have on my career and my life. That one class was my tipping point and was my trajectory for studying a new way to learn from, live in and love my body.

With such low approval numbers, we simply can’t ignore that something profound is going on between ourselves and our expectations around our body. I break the answer down into two categories: the cause is a combination of “ourselves” and “everything else.” When it comes to ourselves, our struggle is often grown from what’s going on inside of us — mostly between our ears — our critical language and our perfectionistic expectations. We’ve come to rely on shaming and blaming ourselves into meeting some standard of healthy, fit and beautiful. We’ve become quite addicted to comparing ourselves to others and comparing ourselves to some kind of fairy-tale standard of perfection.

At the same time, our country’s multi-billion dollar, advertisement-laden diet and fitness industry relentlessly promises and promotes quick, easy, inexpensive and painless “fixes” for every dissatisfaction we have with our bodies. Take this pill, join this club, get this surgery, and start this diet — and we will all finally be happy, bubbly, super-fit, radiant, and surrounded by people who love us (with perfect skin, no less!).

What’s the consequence? A range of emotions, whether it be dissatisfaction, shame, or judgement, which creates a gap between compassionately loving ourselves and our body.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Because I’m an ambassador for the human body I’m going to add “your body” to this question and ask: Why is it truly important to understand your body and to love your body? I ask clients to imagine what they might feel like if they loved their body. Words like peaceful, awesome, relaxed, confident, comfortable in my skin and happy come up. Isn’t the possibility of feeling all those yummy feelings reason enough?

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

The answer comes down to a four-letter word: WITH. The reason we have mediocre relationships (with our body or another person) is we’ve forgotten how to be with them. We’ve forgotten how to place our attention on them, how to listen to them, and how to choose in favor of the relationship to help it nurture and grow. Instead, we are dissatisfied with it, fight it, or completely ignore it. Not much of a satisfying relationship, huh?

Asking questions is valuable if we can truly be curious. Oftentimes when we ask questions, we ask them by being critical of ourselves. “Why am I so stupid about this”? “Why aren’t I good at…”? Because asking critical questions can be a tendency, I really encourage becoming curious and then going into “noticing”: ask a question and then simply notice. Noticing is observing ourselves with keen and non-judgmental awareness: “When I ask myself this question, how am I thinking, feeling and acting”? Noticing can reveal the answers. Being mindfully aware of ourselves allows us to wake up and see how our thinking or behavior is creating undesirable outcomes. Then we can ask ourselves the tough questions and respond with curiosity instead of condemnation.

As for making changes within ourselves, change equals choice. Whether it be a big step or a small, simple, maneuver. Never underestimate the ripple effect of small, simple maneuvers! Recognizing that change is constant, especially in my body, inspires me to gets comfortable and curious with how my choices create new outcomes.

Two years ago, I had a lower back injury. An area of my spine that once was a subtle nuisance all of a sudden became debilitating. I had never experienced such pain with just the slightest movement. I can still remember being in bed, and how even the weight of the bed sheet was painful. Very scary! Thankfully, over time, my body healed. Throughout my recovery, I constantly relied on the process of being with my body to check in and sense what helped it feel better. Two healthy years later, I still check in regularly with my spine. I recently noticed that sitting in my comfy sofa irritated my spine. If I laid on the floor to watch TV, my back felt great. But if I reclined on the sofa, the previously-injured area of my spine would become sore. So now I enjoy lying on the floor or limiting the amount of time I’m on the sofa. This small change and choice keeps my body happy and keeps me feeling pain-free.

Nothing earth shattering, right?

But what if I didn’t make a change? What if I kept choosing the sofa even though it made my back feel sore? What if I simply went along, without changing, thinking I didn’t have any other choices? How often do we put ourselves in positions of suffering (physically, mentally, and emotionally), because we fail to make another choice?

From my perspective, the value of being alone goes one step further and asks “what’s the value of being alone and with our body?” I can understand how that may seem like an odd statement. We are with our body each and every day, but so often we are completely distracted from it. We are using our mind to think about what we need to do, or what just happened. We are subtly or intensely feeling our emotions. But how often do we spend time just being with our physical body? Moving it and sensing what that movement feels like. Going for a walk and sensing the swing of our legs. Sitting in the sun and sensing the warmth on our face. The value of being in our body, just us and our body, is we live more fully in the present moment. We experience not the past, not the future, but the beauty of right now. Life as a human being is best experienced in the richness of the current moment.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

To be hyper-critical is to be out of alignment with love. We can see this with people who hate, abuse and constantly criticize their body. Their treatment of their body is a deeper reflection of how they feel about themselves. Their diminished capacity to love themselves ends up influencing and dominating their relationships. In one way, this happens with our friends and family; in another way, with the relationship we have with our body. A certain level of self-understanding and self-love then begins as fuel for us to deepen our connection with others, even if that “other” is our body.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

For me, the first step to accepting myself is compassionate understanding. I can accept myself when I understand why I do what I do. This works for accepting our bodies, too.

Often we don’t accept our body because someone made us feel like we weren’t worthy. Or lovable. The most impressionable experiences of our life can continually play out like a running, looped tape, influencing the decisions we make about our body without us even realizing it.

The good news is we can begin a new story, today.

In order to do that, I recommend writing your body’s biography to better understand how life events helped create the stories you retell yourself that keep you from accepting yourself.

To create your body’s biography, write about experiences that still stick out in your mind that somehow influenced you or brought attention to your body during certain stages of your life. Journey from your childhood to adulthood, asking yourself what event or person influenced your feelings about your body. What experiences or people, positive or negative, left an impression on you?

For example, when I was in high school, one hot summer day my father and a buddy of his were sitting on the deck visiting. I came into the house in my swimsuit after sunbathing. My father’s friend commented on how I was “looking real good” in my bikini. It may have been harmless, but I still remember feeling very uncomfortable and somehow…undressed. His attention (at his age) felt creepy. This was my early introduction to feeling vulnerable based on what I wore.

After you excavate and compile these stories of influence, you can then connect the dots and see if these stories from your past help you understand and accept yourself today.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

I like to share my Be with Your Body Practice. It’s a profoundly simple, three-step practice that helps us get to know and develop a relationship with our body. The steps are similar to how we develop other relationships in our life, whether that be a friend, lover or colleague. First we meet them, then we begin to get to know them by listening, and then we develop an ongoing relationship by choosing to be with them.

Step One: Meet your Body — Place your attention on your body

When you meet your body, you place your attention directly on it. Think of it like meeting someone for the first time. You take your attention away from whatever you are doing and direct it towards the person you are meeting. When you are building a relationship with your body, you’ll place that attention on your body. The outcome of meeting your body is you’ll end up noticing. You’ll notice what you see, hear, and how your body feels.

Step Two: Listen to your body — Physically sense your body

Listening to your body is the act of receiving the physical messages your body is sending you. When you listen to your body you are sensing your body. Often, we say we feel cold when actually we are physically sensing coldness. We listen to our body in order to gain information it is sharing with us. When we listen to our body by sensing, we can better understand what our body needs or desires.

Step Three: Choose your body — Create your next moment

To choose is to recognize your options and pick one. The act of choosing is what you do until you choose again, ideally consciously. When you choose to invest your time and energy with those you love in your life, those relationships grow deeper and more meaningful. And so it also goes between you and your body. After you meet and listen to your body, you then get to choose what to do next, in favor of your body. So now instead of thinking, “I should run three miles,” you can actually meet, listen and make an informed choice as you are running. This helps you align with your body and can keep you and your body happier.

I encourage you to spend some time with each step and play with that particular practice. Heed the word practice. All three steps get easier with practice. You’ll find you can meet your body the more often you do so. Listening to your body may seem relatively new, but trust you have been doing it all your life (like each time you run to the bathroom, or feel a hunger pang). As far as choosing goes, research shows we make up to 35,000 choices a day! The difference here is I’m asking you to consider choosing for your body. What would make your body feel better? The powerful part of the Be with your Body Practice is you are now doing each and all of these steps with consciousness while including your body in your life.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

Well, I’d be remiss not to mention my recently published debut book, Getting Happy with Your Body: How to Live in, Learn from and Love your Body Once and for All. It’s 25 years of my stories, learnings and experiences and I feel humbled and excited to share it with others.

My Most Amazing Experiences:

Gil Hedley’s Hands-On Human Dissection course: I spent six days learning from Gil (with a group of 40 others) as we dissected human forms and learned about the human inner space. The experience is out of this world and Gil presents it with the perfect balance of philosophy, science and spirituality.

The Nia Technique’s White Belt Training: If you love dance and music and want to learn how to listen to your body, the Nia White Belt Training is a profound place to start. Being on the Nia Faculty, I taught the six-day training for five years, but taking the training in 1996 changed the course of my life.

Provocative Books I Enjoy:

Unravelling — Letting Go, Getting Well by Philip Greenfield. One of my favorite books. Phil’s writing and insights are unique and fresh.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. A groundbreaking book on understanding trauma and how the body helps us heal. Well-researched and compassionate.

Cutting Edge and Compassionate Self-Care:

The MELT Method, created by Sue Hitzmann. Sue has created a simple, self-care tool that anyone can do in a few minutes a day. I’ve been MELTing several times a week for nearly 6 years. It helps my body feel better every single time.

Wake Your Body Up Video Series with Gary Ward. A brilliant series of videos by Finding Centre and author Gary Ward. To me, Gary is the Mr. Rogers of movement mechanics. He encourages you, inspires you and educates you in a straightforward, compassionate way. Oh, and he’s easy on the eyes and has a London accent, so bonus points!

Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: British TV Series/Podcast/Books. I can’t get enough of Dr. Chatterjee. I love the accent. I love his compassionate and well-balanced approach. He’s the Dr. Oz of the UK, with a European swagger.

I feel I’m here to encourage and inspire people to learn about themselves and their body in a more inviting, compassionate and unique way than is currently popular. I’m not here to tell people what they need to do to be healthy (eat more vegies, drink more water) or happy (be more grateful, get off your smart phone).

My biggest mission (and challenge!) is to encourage people away from thinking someone else knows best for them and to instead guide them into discovering and deciding for themselves. I do this by helping them become more present. The body is my vehicle because the body lives in the present moment. Our body provides us with a rich and authentic relationship to ourselves — to a deeper sense of knowing — versus an untrustworthy mind that can pursue relentless thinking and analyzing.

I’m on a mission to have us live in our body so we can live happier and at peace with right now. And the body is my teacher, my expert and my muse.

My favorite right now is “I stand in awe of my body…” by American essayist, poet and philosopher, Henry David Thoreau. This short phrase gives me pause. The words invite me to learn more about my body, continually. Studying the body has been compared to an astronaut studying space: timeless, endless, vast and unknowing. The human body — with all its simplicities, complexities, and mysteries — is a universe unto itself. And I am continually in awe!

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“We’ve come to rely on shaming and blaming ourselves into meeting some standard of healthy, fit… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Human beings are held to extremely high standards, and often times they are unattainable” with…

“Human beings are held to extremely high standards, and often times they are unattainable” with Aimee Ferro and Fotis Georgiadis

Human beings are held to extremely high standards, and often times they are unattainable. Everyday people — and most of us are everyday people — are simply not perfect. We each have our own story and are meant to be different. I do see a change in the media as of late, and we are collectively discussing and challenging the norms. There are more body positive movements, more people talking about mental illness, depression, gender roles, and so on via mainstream platforms. Though it feels like we’re far off from a tectonic shift here, I think this trend puts us on the right path. As individual contributors, I think it falls on us to keep pushing these conversations and do so unapologetically.

I had the pleasure to interview Aimee Ferro. Aimee is the founder and chief designer of Leia Beila Jewelry. Leia Beila is an independent jewelry brand based in Seattle, WA., featuring original bold designs for the modern badass woman. Aimee believes in true self expression through her designs, and creating jewelry that is an extension of body and mind for women who dare to be different. She believes in celebrating individuality and uniqueness. Aimee was raised in Phoenix Arizona, and is a true desert rat at heart. As far back as she can remember she has always created in one way or another, whether sketching her favorite movie characters or crafting pieces out of found objects. Art brought Aimee to Seattle, where she graduated with a BFA in print making, painting, and photography from Cornish College of the Arts in 2010. Her interest in creating jewelry began right after graduation. Fresh out of school and unsure about what may lie ahead, she found herself taking apart old jewelry and putting it back together in a way that made the piece brand new again. After countless hours on YouTube learning the skill of wire wrapping, along with absorbing some other techniques a la internet, she decided to take a beginners jewelry making class offered by a small, local school. That first class turned into another class, and then more classes… And all of a sudden, Aimee had gained a wealth of expertise and knowledge in her craft. She has been in love with designing and making jewelry ever since. In 2013 Leia Beila was born. The business and brand is named after her mother, Linda Beth, who was an avid crafter and an art teacher. Leia Beila was her mother’s Hebrew name. After passing away from breast cancer in 1990, Linda’s passion for the arts was forever imprinted on Aimee. As a homage to her mom, she wanted to create a business based on art, individuality, and strength; to bring high quality, handcrafted jewelry to people who want and deserve to feel beautiful and empowered.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

It all came together and happened very randomly, actually. I had just graduated from Cornish College of the Arts where I majored in fine art. I remember feeling stuck and unsure of how I was going to use my degree, but knew that I wanted to work for myself if possible… or at least continue doing something creative. In my free time, as a way to destress and stay creative, I began taking apart old broken jewelry and creating new wearable pieces from them. There was no denying that I LOVED this new art form, and that I wanted to make this my career. I registered for some jewelry classes so that I could learn and evolve in my newfound craft. I wanted to build a brand and create pieces that celebrates individuality, and makes those who wear my jewelry feel empowered and beautiful.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I’m excited to say that I have two new collections lined up for March and May! When people wear my jewelry I want them to feel celebrated and, most of all, powerful. That word in particular (powerful) has guided the way I’ve built my business over the last 6 years. To me, it means to live your life the way you want. To be unapologetic and follow your own path no matter how unconventional it seems. To keep moving forward. To be kind to yourself as often as possible. To wear what feels good to you. This is my hope and inspiration when I imagine clients wearing my jewelry. It should be an extension of who they are and accentuate that feeling of acceptance inside of them.

The loss of my mom had a deep impact on me. I took all of the introspective lessons I learned through her passing, and fed them into building both my business and who I wanted to become as a woman in this world. But, if I’m being completely honest here, the biggest personal struggle I’ve faced is what, eventually, drove me to where I am today.

Like many young girls I had extreme body issues and suffered from paralyzing insecurity. I woke up every day reluctant to see my own reflection, feeling the bottomless pit of worthlessness, always wanting to be in a different body. When I was 14 years old, not having developed any tools to deal with these feelings in a healthy way, I started to self-harm. It was the only avenue I had to express my pain — to have it manifest in a real, tangible way.

After 5 years of keeping this dark secret to myself, in a brief moment of carelessness, I had exposed a part of my arm in front of one of my best friends. She saw the fresh marks. I was found out. She told her mom that very night, who then reached out to share the name of a therapist who specialized in this type of care. I called and set up an appointment, maybe because I felt ashamed. Or maybe it was automatic, like a call and response. Reflecting back, I now think that I was actually ready to get better.

I was able to sustain for a handful of years by simply choosing to not self-harm anymore. But with most voids, that just won’t do forever. I relapsed at the age of 25. It was the perfect cocktail of pressure, not having a sense of purpose in my work, feeling weighted down with overwhelming emotions, and not having the actual tools to heal from the very things that got me there in the first place.

It was jarring and terrifying, and I was adamant about getting control over this before I was lost to it again. I had a desire to love and trust myself, like I never have before, and sought out therapy on my own. That was my pivotal moment — owning my pain, but not letting it own me. Through this work I found myself, and through finding myself, I found my art.

My work and creative process gives me strength. I wake up these days inspired, motivated, and at peace.

According to a recent study cited in Cosmopolitan, in the US, only about 28 percent of men and 26 percent of women are “very satisfied with their appearance.” Could you talk about what some of the causes might be, as well as the consequences?

Who doesn’t feel impacted by the exotic, tall, slender models they see on television and in magazines? Who hasn’t experienced some level of bullying because they didn’t fit into some ridiculous norm? We are exposed every day to unrealistic standards, and are confronted by the feelings of inadequacy that stem from comparing ourselves to the aforementioned.

In my own experience, the ripple effect can be incredibly damaging. I used to doubt myself at every turn… Am I pretty enough? Am I good enough? Most of the time my internal response was “no”. It held me back from seizing opportunities, taking risks, finding my voice, or even from engaging people in a normal social setting. Few things have felt as isolating as that type of self-doubt.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

We can be our own worst enemies. When we learn to be compassionate with ourselves, our worlds just open up. When I started to dig into this type of self-love work, I found that it gave me the confidence and the strength to face any obstacles that came my way with more ease. I now appreciate the time I’m gifted to simply sit with myself, and be comfortable in my own skin. I also discovered that in creating more space to love myself, in turn gave me a greater capacity to love others. I see this every day in my relationship with my husband.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

I think this happens for a lot of reasons, but so far as my own story, I was afraid of being alone. Even though I wanted to feel a connection, I was either afraid of the next step, fearful of the unknown, or terrified of rejection. The funny thing is, the moment I chose myself over a my unhealthy, mediocre relationship, was when that shift towards self-love happened. I stopped worrying if I was going to find someone else and started focusing on me. That was enriching and empowering. I had never experienced a sensation like that before. My key bit of advice is that there is nothing to be afraid of. Choosing yourself, taking risks, and diving into the unknown is what life is all about. It’s an adventure, and we all deserve the gifts the universe has to offer.

I find that I often ask myself, “Why am I feeling this way?” I also try to pay attention to how I talk to myself, “How is my inner dialogue effecting me? Am I being kind and gentle? Am I being harsh or judgmental?” I know these seem simple, but they have a really strong impact. We can be so quick to shut ourselves down when we feel overwhelmed by a mood or an emotion, or even by a specific situation. When I approach myself with a tender curiosity, absent of judgement, I come upon some amazing and eye-opening discoveries. The things that surface aren’t always comfortable, so I make sure to stop, breathe, and give space to each thought that appears. This practice helps to create a bit of a barrier where I can think logically, and not get so wrapped up in the feeling of whatever I may be working through.

Being an entrepreneur definitely amplified my inner critic… I was an artist with NO experience in the realm of business, so naturally I was always telling myself that I was going to fail at one point or another. When I began to ask those questions, I would always come up with a handful of possibilities. And putting words to the fears and insecurities somehow gave them less power. Taking on the title of “business owner” becomes less intimidating each time I have that internal conversation.

Humans aren’t inherently born with tools like these. Therapy has helped to guide me toward the path of self-love and self-worth. It will be something I continually work on throughout the rest of my life — it’s a commitment I have made to myself. And though it’s always hard work, it comes to me more naturally the more I show up and put it into practice.

It’s easy to confuse alone with lonely, and I know that this was where I have struggled — I couldn’t separate the two. Funny enough, once I could differentiate, I felt lonely a whole lot less.

I think finding a way to be comfortable with being alone is paramount. Knowing that you don’t need to rely on the presence of another to feel a bit of worth is freeing.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

When I wholly embrace myself, it allows me to be authentic in my friendships and marriage, and even in the art I create. I can be truly present, honest and open, and find that my doubts and fears no longer have the spotlight.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

In terms of individuals, I would say try not to let that negative voice inside of you take over. Imagine talking to yourself as though you were a child. We don’t yell at children when they encounter a challenge or make a mistake. No, instead we approach them gently and sweetly, trying to help them work through it and feel better. We all have an inner critic that can take over and bring us down. Creating a kinder and intentional dialogue within ourselves can lead us to a clearer understanding. And only when we know and trust ourselves, can we really accept and embrace who we are.

The societal aspect is obviously more challenging. Human beings are held to extremely high standards, and often times they are unattainable. Everyday people — and most of us are everyday people — are simply not perfect. We each have our own story and are meant to be different. I do see a change in the media as of late, and we are collectively discussing and challenging the norms. There are more body positive movements, more people talking about mental illness, depression, gender roles, and so on via mainstream platforms. Though it feels like we’re far off from a tectonic shift here, I think this trend puts us on the right path. As individual contributors, I think it falls on us to keep pushing these conversations and do so unapologetically.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1) I put my phone down. To me this step is probably the most important. Social media can create a lot of anxiety for me, and before I know it I am comparing myself to others and getting really down on myself. I can draw a direct line from social media and my low self-esteem. So I now have a rule that I stick to: if I am on social media and I start feeling bad (even just a tinge of negativity) I immediately put my phone down and do something else. I then focus my energy elsewhere in a more positive way, like self-care or working on my art. I also have a no phone before bed rule. I don’t look at my phone (including social media) before and while in bed. I get better sleep and have a clear mind when I do this.

2) I keep a WIN JOURNAL! Yes, it might sound cheesy but by writing down 3–5 positive things (wins) helps keep things in perspective. This could be anything from having made a really good cup of coffee that day, or having hung out with my family, or if I got any errands done. Before I started to track these types of things, I would often feel as though I hadn’t accomplished anything and I was a failure. But when I write in my win journal I have all my accomplishments laid out in front of me, and I get to celebrate all the amazing things I did.

3) I meditate as often as I can. This gets me out of my head and into my body. It forces me to be in the present instead of obsessing over what was and what might be.

4) I give myself permission. This could pertain to shopping, eating “unhealthy” food, or anything else that I’ve labeled as a vice in my past. Removing the shame from these things frees me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. And if I start to feel a twinge of guilt, I tell myself that every moment is an opportunity to make different or better choice.

5) I take the time for self-care as much as possible. I listen to my body and give it what it needs, whether it’s taking a bath, doing my make-up, exercising or sleeping more. It’s like hitting a reset button, and I can feel more energized and connected to myself.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

“Art and Fear” — Although this book has a lot to do with being an artist, I think it can be beneficial for all types of people. It really opens up the conversation of fear. How we get in our own way a lot of the time and how it can effect other aspects of our lives.

“You Are a Badass” by Jen Sincero — If you want to feel like you can accomplish anything AND learn the tools to achieve this goal, then read this book. She is not only funny but incredibly insightful. She makes amazing points and it is unbelievably motivating.

“The Gifts of Imperfection” (book) and “Listening to Shame” (TED Talk) by Brené Brown.

Brené is a wonderful and incredibly intelligent and inspiring woman. I think the most fascinating thing she explains is her logic behind human behavior, and our behavior towards ourselves. She really breaks it all down in an honest and understanding way. She helps reveal the compassion and strength we all know we have, but may not know how to find.

I love this question! I often think about starting a network of women who advocate for each other. My business is all about lifting each other up, celebrating one another, and finding our own inner-ferocity… I would love to be a part of a movement that supports individuality, embraces differences, and is welcoming to all of those who identify as women no matter — or especially because of — where they come from.

Throughout my life my dad has always said this Latin quote to me: Illegitimi non carborundum, which means “don’t let the bastards grind you down.” This quote has so many meanings to me and I apply them to many different situations. When I start to feel rejected or hard on myself in my business (or life in general) these words pull me through and make it easier to shake off what others may think of me.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“Human beings are held to extremely high standards, and often times they are unattainable” with… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“At the end of the day, it’s not about being the smartest person in the room; It’s about…

“At the end of the day, it’s not about being the smartest person in the room; It’s about surrounding yourself with smart talented people” with Kathy Timko and Fotis Georgiadis

At the end of the day, it’s not about being the smartest person in the room. It’s about surrounding yourself with smart talented people who can use their unique skills to drive projects forward and get the best possible result. Everyone has a voice and should communicate their ideas openly. A leader must be able to listen, respond, stay on track and move in a direction that will allow the whole team to be successful. The bottom line: Successful projects require great leadership and the skillsets to execute. Success in almost everything requires ruthless planning, focused execution and a relentless — “never give up” drive to the finish line. “Good luck” is often the result of good planning.

As a part of my series about strong female leaders, I had the pleasure of interviewing Kathy Timko, Executive Vice President and Head of the Local Number Portability Administration (LNPA) Services at iconectiv. Kathy is responsible for the U.S. Number Portability business for the company. In this position, she oversaw the complete development, transition and system launch of the new iconectiv number portability system for the country and now, after a successful transition, is responsible for evolving and operating it on a 24x7x365 basis. Timko has more than 25 years of experience in telecommunications and technology companies. She was recently appointed to the Rutgers University CX Advisory Board and served as an Executive in Residence at Columbia University’s Technology Ventures group. Prior to joining iconectiv, Timko served as the CEO and COO of Canoe Ventures, LLC, a joint venture of the six largest cable companies. She also was COO and CTO of IDT Telecom. She served on the IDT Telecom Board of Directors and served as an independent director on the board of Motionbox. Timko holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Mechanical Engineering from Virginia Tech and a Master of Science degree in Computer Science from Boston University.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

Technology and science have always been a part of what interests me. I literally grew up around STEM. My father, grandfather and several members of my family all had careers in STEM fields. From a young age, I was encouraged to explore my interest in engineering, which was not the “traditional” path for women at that time. In fact, when I attended Virginia Tech in the mid-1980s, I was among the 8% of women taking engineering classes. I did well and enjoyed what I was doing so after graduating from Virginia Tech, I went on to earn my Masters in Computer Science from Boston University. After graduating, I was well prepared for pursuing a career that aligned with my passion and life-long love of technology.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company?

Every part of my career has its own interesting story and experiences that I learned from. Most recently I led a team in the multi-year transition of the North American Number Portability Administration Center (NPAC) from the long-standing incumbent of twenty years to iconectiv, an initiative that has been described as one of the biggest IT projects ever undertaken by the U.S. telecom industry. The NPAC is the largest system of ported telephone numbers in the world. It includes more than 650 million telephone numbers, processes more than 1 million porting transactions per day, and services more than 1,400 service providers, service bureaus and providers of telecom-related services. It is also used by law enforcement and public safety agencies, as well as digital marketing agencies who need authoritative, accurate and timely information about which service providers own which phone numbers.

This project was dependent on successfully collaborating with hundreds of industry stakeholders, including representatives from the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), policymakers and telecommunications companies to design, implement and deploy a cost-effective, and a secure number portability system for the American people. During the course of the project, our experienced and highly dedicated team of 300 staff successfully executed more than 6,000 milestones and managed over 17,000 tasks, migrating millions of number porting data records in the process. The result was a flawless transition and the deployment of a modernized system that will save the industry more than $2B during the life of the contract.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

One thing that comes to mind — that wasn’t funny at the time but in retrospect gives me a chuckle — is when I was at Automatix. Automatix was focused on development and deploying vision-guided robotics applications for manufacturing applications. It was the early days of AI and my team was deploying automation and robots on the factory floor at a GM plant. A problem with our software caused the robot to spray wheel well sealant all over the factory floor. I learned quickly that identifying software bugs comes in various forms — some more messy than others.

What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?

When you work at iconectiv, you work with a highly skilled, extremely collaborative team focused on delivering with perfection. There is an academia and familial underpinning that defines our culture as we solve the industry’s toughest problems together. The best of Bell Laboratories technical talent integrated into the new world of software design, development and operations.

I have actually worked at iconectiv twice — once back in the 1990s when it was formerly known as Bellcore, and again starting in 2013. What initially drew me into the company was the opportunity to work on leading-edge software systems that would improve the cost efficiencies of how the company built and maintained its products. I also had the opportunity to collaborate with the Applied Research arm of the company to productize some of the ideas and concepts being developed in the labs.

When I decided to return in 2013, I knew that I would be leading the NPAC transition project. I was drawn into the job because it allowed me to utilize my experience collaborating with multiple external and internal stakeholders, combined with my management skills, experience building complex systems and leading large teams, and the operational and technical knowledge I have acquired after working in telecom for more than 25 years. I truly view my current position as the opportunity of a lifetime.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

Our current and ongoing focus is maintaining and protecting the integrity of the phone number as it becomes the main personal identifier for people globally. The phone number is a critical piece of data that should be protected in a way that keeps people safe and allows them to continue to enjoy all the conveniences that modern communication provides. As our collective global identities are increasingly tied to our phones, new systems that help protect people and customers are more critical than ever and we are always exploring how to apply new technologies, including the use of cloud computing, to our existing products to better support this mission.

What advice would you give to other female leaders to help their team to thrive?

· Seek alignment, early and often, with all stakeholders.

· Listen carefully, all the time. Make sure people are comfortable telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

· Elevate “decision-making based on facts” as a premise for a good operating organization.

· Sweat the details. They will make the difference between success and failure.

· Never underestimate the value of ruthless planning, focused execution and relentless pursuit of the finish line.

What advice would you give to other female leaders about the best way to manage a large team?

It’s important to be approachable, be kind and be a good listener. There is a level of respect and loyalty that I always strive to build throughout my work environment that includes being collaborative and cooperative while keeping everyone focused on the business goal. Helping people prioritize also helps them know that you are engaged and involved in what they do. It’s important for people to know and understand their impact.

At the end of the day, it’s not about being the smartest person in the room. It’s about surrounding yourself with smart talented people who can use their unique skills to drive projects forward and get the best possible result. Everyone has a voice and should communicate their ideas openly. A leader must be able to listen, respond, stay on track and move in a direction that will allow the whole team to be successful. The bottom line: Successful projects require great leadership and the skillsets to execute. Success in almost everything requires ruthless planning, focused execution and a relentless — “never give up” drive to the finish line. “Good luck” is often the result of good planning.

I have been fortunate to have many incredibly talented mentors, colleagues and friends who bring joy and inspiration to my work journey over the years. But the support I’ve received from my husband to pursue what I wanted intellectually and, in my career, while being a mother, wife, sister and daughter, has been tremendous. We have a wonderful partnership and have always been equally invested in each other’s personal and professional success and happiness

What are your “5 Leadership Lessons I Learned From My Experience” and why. (Please share a story or example for each.)

1. Pay it forward

2. If you can’t measure, you can’t manage it

3. Lead with facts, not emotion

4. Know the difference between Inspiration and Aspiration, and find some of both

5. Practice for every public speaking opportunity and never use less than 16 point font for a presentation

Getting more execution-oriented about climate change.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“The more you do, the more you can do.” This was something that my father-in-law often said. I have often reflected on this phrase as the road ahead may have seemed complicated or hard. This simple phrase has been an inspiration to me to never stop achieving results and making an impact.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg or Melinda Gates. Both are simply amazing women and a tremendous inspiration to so many people.

Thank you for all of these great insights!

“At the end of the day, it’s not about being the smartest person in the room; It’s about… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“It is so hopeful to understand how much neuroplasticity our brains have; we absolutely have the…

“It is so hopeful to understand how much neuroplasticity our brains have; we absolutely have the ability to change, heal and integrate our brains.” with Jillian Weis and Fotis Georgiadis

We can start by educating ourselves on a societal level and individual level about all of the advances in neuroscience. It is so hopeful to understand how much neuroplasticity our brains have and that we absolutely have the ability to change, heal and integrate our brains.

I had the pleasure to interview Jillian Weis, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, a confidence coach, and founder of Balancing Boldly. Jillian teaches ambitious women to restore mental clarity, create authentic confidence, and cultivate a career and life they are proud of.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

I have always been curious about the human experience. From a young age I can remember being fascinated by what makes up someone’s true essence. But it wasn’t until I had my own personal experience with pain from an abusive relationship in college, that my eyes were opened to the world of therapy. This is when I discovered the healing and power of human connection.

That traumatic relationship was a catalyst for me to dive deep into my own journey of self-growth and discovery. I was totally blindsided because I hadn’t grown up in an abusive home and I didn’t understand how I ended up in an abusive relationship. During my time in therapy I learned a lot about intergenerational trauma and how patterns of behavior can be passed down from one generation to the next or even skip a generation, without us ever having a conscious level of awareness of it.

Fast forward ten years; my graduate work was complete, and I was finally in a place where I was stepping into my own confidence. After marrying a beautiful man and starting my private practice, my husband and I bought our first place, and took a big leap; we packed everything up and moved to Europe! I had always wanted to live abroad, and got the opportunity to pursue a dream that had been put on the back burner while I followed the path I thought I was “supposed” to take. My heart had always been drawn to travel and working with different cultures, and the move allowed me to work with a population that interested me- US Military. Over the years we have lived in Germany, Italy and France. We currently reside in Rome, Italy; a dream destination for both of us for many years.

After six fulfilling years of working with the military, my life goals shifted again when I had my daughter. I was mentally and physically exhausted from the pace and nature of work I did, and it was time for my husband to focus on his career. Once I took a break and regained some clarity, my blog and coaching business were born! My own journey of self-discovery is what has led to my passion for guiding women. I am dedicated to teaching women to step out of their comfort zones and take a leap towards something that will bring them purpose and meaning. I believe that once someone has a clear picture of what they want, the confidence that is needed to accomplish it can be created. You have to take action first, take that leap into the unknown, and through experience the confidence will come. If I can do it, anyone can!

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

Through my blog and coaching business, I help women to develop an awareness of what it is they really want out of their lives and career. Then, I guide them in shifting their mindset to having confidence in themselves. Confidence truly comes from the inside out. Once you learn to block out all of the noise that is telling you what is expected of you and get quiet, you can really start to feel confident in your purpose, strengths, and whatever unique perspective you bring to the world.

I don’t have one single experience that I can pinpoint that shifted my feelings of acceptance for myself. For me it was absolutely a culmination of experiences. I was awakened by that abusive relationship I was in years ago, which forced me to question why I would ever find myself in such a dark place and then choose to stay there.

However, it took the combination of my graduate and post-graduate time studying attachment theory, trauma and neurobiology coupled with my time as a psychotherapist, to really teach me to practice self-compassion. I believe as human beings we are doing our best with what we have. Over the years I’ve had the privilege to work with so many inspiring people and have found that we all have very similar struggles, wants, and desires as human beings. What we are really all craving is love, connection, and acceptance, and I am no different. It’s the way we are wired. Once I understood this, it gave me permission and understanding to have love and have compassion for myself.

I find this study very sad, but unfortunately, it doesn’t surprise me. Our society allows the media to predetermine so many of our standards of beauty, especially in this age of social media. There is so much pressure to portray a perfect image and life to the world. Numerous studies show that people feel bad about themselves and unsatisfied with their lives after spending time on social media.

I am not against social media. The problem is that it rarely represents real life, and not everyone understands that; especially the youth. I can tell you from years of working with clients in a confidential setting that most of the time the assumptions we make about people based on “appearances” is false.

The consequence is that people begin to develop feelings about their own appearance based on this comparison to others. It creates a real barrier for the opportunity of true self-acceptance and ability to create authentic confidence. Unfortunately, it isn’t just the younger generation who suffers from this. I have many female friends and family members who are constantly and openly berating themselves over their appearance. These are beautiful, talented, amazing women who are selling themselves short!

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

It does sound cheesy, and that mainly comes from the self-esteem movement in the 90’s, but it is about so much more than self-esteem.

I think the most important aspect of “loving yourself” is to accept all of the aspects of yourself that make you human. Especially all of our feelings and thoughts. Letting go of fear and other things we can’t control can open up our world tremendously. If we can accept and try to understand our own feelings, it increases our capacity to truly attune and connect with others.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

There are so many reasons. Because they are comfortable. Because even if the relationship isn’t healthy it feels familiar or similar to relationships in their own family. People stay because they fear they won’t find anything better with someone else. Another very common reason is because people often perceive their partner or significant other as providing a sense of protection for them. Many women that are victims of sexual or physical violence also look to their partner for protection. This is not a conscious decision but a very real one. Also, many people just don’t like conflict. They don’t want to create any sort of conflict within their relationships or within themselves, so they simply avoid their lack of fulfillment and stay in the relationship.

I think that life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship. Relationships should be supportive spaces that provide nurturing and challenge us to be our best selves. Both parties deserve to be happy and healthy. You aren’t doing your partner or yourself any favors by staying if you are terribly unhappy.

When we talk about self-love and understanding we don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times, self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?

Questions like are we really living in alignment with our values, our passion, our purpose? Are our relationships supporting us in a way that challenges us to be better- or are they holding us back? Are we behaving, or living in ways that are inauthentic, unhealthy, or avoidant?

I had to ask myself some tough questions when I realized my job as a psychotherapist with the military was emotionally and physically burning me out. It was a very difficult time because I loved the work and the people I was working with. For some reason it is often challenging for us to take a step back and admit that we are vulnerable beings. I found myself drinking too much, not exercising like I used to, and just not taking care of myself in a way that allowed me to be my best self. It was absolutely impacting my marriage in an unhealthy way. I was so emotionally drained from my clients that I wasn’t showing up for my husband in the way I wanted. Many clinicians (and other professionals) can experience something called “secondary trauma”, which happens when you are working with people who have been traumatized and you start to experience similar symptoms, and let me tell you, it isn’t pretty!

The concept of being alone with myself used to confuse me because I know how powerful relationships are. Humans are created and born out of relationship, and we won’t survive without some sort of nurturing relationship in our lives. I always thought there was too much of a focus on individualism in our culture. It wasn’t until I was introduced to the world of interpersonal neurobiology that I really started to understand how and why it is so important to have an opportunity for introspection with the purpose of integrating our own minds so we can better connect with others.

This can happen in many different ways including mindfulness, meditation, prayer, and moving our bodies. Walking, running, hiking, or being out in nature by ourselves can give us opportunities to be alone and reflect.

There are many people who are terrified of being alone with their thoughts because of trauma they have experienced. I had clients who would become triggered simply by closing their eyes to begin a visualization. The hopeful news is that science shows we can learn strategies to change our brains and get to a place where being alone with our thoughts and memories doesn’t feel so scary.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

Once we have compassion and love within ourselves it allows us to build empathy with others by having a deeper understanding of our own feelings. This is the key to really connect with others in a deep and meaningful way. When we have a better understanding and acceptance of ourselves, it allows us to share and be vulnerable with other people in a different way. Sharing our feelings and thoughts and learning to listen and hear someone else’s feelings without being fearful or judging them, is what true intimacy is all about.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

We can start by educating ourselves on a societal level and individual level about all of the advances in neuroscience. It is so hopeful to understand how much neuroplasticity our brains have and that we absolutely have the ability to change, heal and integrate our brains.

Also, education about the role of attachment, especially early attachment (from 0–5) is important. I’ve had so many clients who couldn’t understand how their early childhood experiences had any effect on their current lives, but it is this knowledge that can help us shape our relationships with our own children in a different way and normalize our personal relational experiences.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1) Get enough sleep- I am a very sensitive person when it comes to the amount of sleep I get. When I don’t get enough sleep even for one night, I am lethargic and my outlook on the world completely changes. My self-talk shifts to being negative and dark. Sleep is an essential piece of my self-care and intricately tied to my ability to connect with myself. I think most people don’t get enough sleep and could benefit from more.

2) Move more- If I go for a long period of time without exercising, dancing, or even just walking, I start to feel pretty bad about myself. For years I got up first thing in the morning and went for a run or a walk. Now that I have a child, I’ve had to change my strategy, so we go out walking several times a day. Living in a big city like Rome where it is easily walkable definitely helps, but everyone can look for opportunities in their own space to move more.

3) Be in Nature- Since I was a child, I have always felt most alive when I am outside walking in the woods or hiking up a mountain. If I go too long without getting outside and away from everything and everyone, I lose my clarity.

4) Practice Meditation, visualization, breath work, reflection, and gratitude. I often use a simple breathing technique to regulate myself in situations when I am overwhelmed with emotion. I also know that practicing gratitude is such a powerful tool to help me to shift my thinking when I go to a negative place.

5) Connect with others- When I have the chance to talk with friends or family about something that is swirling around in my head it always leaves me feeling lighter, clearer, and better.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I like anything by Daniel Siegel because he explains interpersonal neuropsychology better than anyone. I especially like one of his more recent books called “Mindsight”. Also, Sue Johnson who is a couples and adult attachment expert. She has a great book called “Hold Me Tight”. And of course, Esther Perel is a genius when it comes to sexuality and intimacy in relationships.

As far as podcasts go, I will always be loyal to This American Life with Ira Glass. His mother was a well-known couple’s therapist who wrote some fantastic books about recovering from an affair.

I would start a movement called Relationships Matter. There are so many studies that show we are becoming more isolated as a society, which I feel is directly correlated to all of the mass shootings that keep tragically occurring in the U.S. We would all be happier and healthier if we truly understood the value of relationships.

“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for” — Oprah Winfrey

I am a believer in dreaming big and not allowing fear to drive my decisions. I don’t want to leave this world with a lot of regret, and I try to live everyday with this in mind. I have the pleasure of living in Rome, Italy which didn’t happen by chance. I had the courage to make it happen and I am grateful every day for this opportunity.

I believe your readers could benefit by learning to break through the barriers they have set in place for themselves and develop the “courage” to try something that really scares them.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“It is so hopeful to understand how much neuroplasticity our brains have; we absolutely have the… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Life starts and ends with you, change your thoughts, work on your internal turmoil and the world…

“Life starts and ends with you, change your thoughts, work on your internal turmoil and the world around you will change” with Dawn Burnett and Fotis Georgiadis

People stay in mediocre relationships due to a limiting belief system, they don’t believe they deserve better or can find better. What they are really looking for is self love, when you are fulfilled on the inside everything else is a bonus. Life starts and ends with you, change your thoughts, work on your internal turmoil and the world around you will change. That’s when you begin to shift and all that you desire begins to fall into place.

I had the pleasure to interview Dawn Burnett. Dawn is founder of A New Dawn Natural Solutions, a Transformational Divorce Coach and Wellness Expert for women through every life change and the host of the radio show Wake Up and Listen. She provides wellness strategies to those who are frustrated with their current health situations and are ready to embrace alternative healing solutions, healing their bodies — and their lives — from the inside out. She has an impressive roster of television and speaking appearances including ABC, FOX, TBN, and WKGB and is a regular contributor to the Thrive Global and Huffington Post. Dawn is the author of True Confessions of the Heart, Connect How To Know If He’s Really Your Man, Connect How To Love And Accept Yourself After Divorce and is co-author of Jack Canfield’s The Road to Success, Vol. 2. She is a songwriter, actress, speaker, radio host, TV Producer, and inventor.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

After surviving 3 near death experiences and a 15 year toxic marriage I knew there had to be a better way to life. I had raced back to college when my son was 2 years old due to a compromised immune system from vaccinations and in Alternative Medicine college I learned all about mind, body, spirit connection. That started the ball rolling from there I hung out with yogis and embodied a more mindful way of living. I learned that the ego mind causes us to seek for answers and pleasures outside of ourselves which ultimately leave us feeling bankrupt. By connecting within and finding a true lasting, meaningful love for self that’s full of joy and gratitude, everything else in life positively expands as you open yourself up to infinite possibilites.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

The number one project I am focusing on now is the SHERO project for Arianna Huffington’s Thrive Global platform. The SHERO project features women that have been abused, they are thriving instead of surviving and have made their pain their platform and they are positively impacting the world in a big way. By featuring women as heroes instead of victims it inspires and empowers women around the world to say, Yes I can!

I have always been an inquisitive person, I follow trends and ask myself why things are happening in patterns. After being verbally, sexually and physically abused and working in environments where men were not supportive, plus experiencing a 15 year toxic marriage I started questioning why I had been experiencing this pattern in life for 40 years. After receiving an honors degree in college, fleeing from a toxic marriage and lots of research and mindful living I uncovered that everything I need to be set free is within me. This would involve dumping the old belief system and toxic past experiences that were stored in my subconscious mind. After meditation, healthy eating, yoga, mirror work, tap therapy, hanging around positive people, imputting positive information, energetic clearing and body coding I was able to align my subconscious mind with what my conscious mind was desiring; self love. This eradicated self sabotaging behaviors and now for the first time in my life, turning 50 years old I am at peace with self and thankful for my journey. I no longer care what people think of me, their opinion doesn’t belong to me. I operate my life from a place of gratitude and I am open to all the magic that the universe has to deliver. By having self love in a non-egotistical way, I am able to energetically transfer that love abundantly to others.

The causes of dissatisfaction stems from the subconscious mind; the old belief system of what has been programmed in their minds. Our media is a big influence growing up of how someone should look, we are brainwashed into thinking that if our thighs aren’t thin and our nose isn’t perfect then we are not OK and that’s the furthest from the truth. Stack on top of that the biggest culprit, our upbringing, abuse or a parent who suffered from anorexia etc. the list goes on and on. Everything that we experience as an interruption in our authentic behavior always stems from our past that’s why its essential to connect from within and take the time to experience the journey of healing with no judgment. Everybody’s journey is different. If we don’t take the time that’s needed then we self sabotage the very thing we are seeking.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Well let’s first start with finding a partner, we attract a mirror image of where we are at on the inside. When we don’t love ourselves we can’t love others, you can only give away what you first have yourself. So without self love it leads to a lot of destruction and added self-doubt, lack of belief in ourselves, shame, guilt, and a distorted perception of our true beauty. Lack of love can lock us in fear. We communicate in the manner we have been raised.

The best relationship is the one with self in a non-egotistical way, it makes you feel free and helps you love others with no attachments which is the true vehicle for internal fulfillment.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

People stay in mediocre relationships due to a limiting belief system, they don’t believe they deserve better or can find better. What they are really looking for is self love, when you are fulfilled on the inside everything else is a bonus. Life starts and ends with you, change your thoughts, work on your internal turmoil and the world around you will change. That’s when you begin to shift and all that you desire begins to fall into place.

It would have been easy in the beginning to sit and blame my ex for where the marriage went wrong but the reality is it takes 2 to tango. I was toxic from an abusive past and I carried that into my adult life attracting a reflection of that. I had to take full ownership for all that happened in that relationship. Not that I was 100% wrong but I chose to bring that man into my life, I chose a toxic man and I delivered toxicity right along with it. This is a hard thing to come to terms with but when you come to that place you open yourself up to healing and that’s where forgiveness begins. I had to ask myself, “Why am I repeating abusive patterns? What could I have done differently to avoid the situation? What happened in my past to cause the belief system that I was holding? What was I prepared to do different next time? Why did I feel I needed someone in the first place? What was I missing and searching for? Dawn had to learn to love herself first, although I loved my ex it wasn’t in a non judgmental way as true love should be. I jumped from one relationship to another, searching for something nobody else could give as well as I could give myself. Now I am truly satisfied and filled with joy. That doesn’t mean I stop working on self, it means I live the authentic me and accept myself for the beauty that I hold inside and give to others.

It’s extremely important to learn how to be alone. If we are constantly with someone that means there is lots of chatter. When there is lots of noise you can’t hear the internal still voice speaking which holds the answers. This is where meditation comes into play, there is power and peace in a pause. The more you practice being in silence the more you crave it.

I just got back from an amazing trip to NYC, visiting celebrities and as awesome as it was, the best part of my trip was taking 2 hours to walk the streets by myself, hearing the birds chirping in Central Park, watching the street vendors working, the clouds passing by in the sky and feeling the incredible energy of the city. By doing that and remaining in silence with my own thoughts, I was able to raise my vibrational energy, I noticed I felt refreshed and full of gratitude and others smiled as they made eye contact instead of looking down as they passed by. The magic of passing energetic love to others is priceless.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

By being connected from within you accept others for where they are at on their journeys instead of judging them without mercy.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

It’s really all about each and every person taking responsibility for their own lives and working on their own internal disrupts, shifting the focus off others and onto self in a positive way. One by one in doing that, the world automatically becomes a better place to live in as the judgment filters are melted away.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1. Practice gratitude on a daily basis. The more grateful I become the easier life flows. When you have gratitude without expectations and you surrender to what is that’s when the magic happens. I was in NYC for an important event, I could have carried expectations that would have gone unmet and left me feeling disappointed but by making a conscious decision to always stay in gratitude incredible moments happened at the event and I returned feeling satisfied because I was open to the amazing opportunities that the Universe had in store by me being open to flow.

2. I give myself permission to put myself first. I have been working a lot of hours with the SHERO project and the release of my new book Connect How To Love And Accept Yourself After Divorce. Tonight I had the opportunity to meet up with some friends for play and laughter, I could have said no due to the work load but by saying yes to me, we enhanced our friendship and my happiness tank is full.

3. Surrender. This is very important. When we are out of control we tend to control life in any way possible and that leads to destruction. When we learn to surrender, to all things that are out of our control, with the understanding that everything that shows up in our life is there to teach us something, life becomes easier. I had to go through what I went through for 40 years so that I could grow, become a better person and fulfill my life’s purpose which is to inspire the world to thrive.

4. Continually check in with self. I now ask myself is what I’m about to do feeding my history or is it feeding my destiny? This keeps me on track to be my best self, so I don’t fall back into old destructive patterns.

5. Meditation and prayer. I am always working on silencing my mind, I can’t find the answer and hear the small still voice if there is constant noise. At the event I just went to in NYC I had the opportunity to constantly be in a state of chatter with others. Instead I took pockets of time to connect with spirit so I could receive and seek out the direction I was being led to take. For that time I connected with the right people by positioning myself in the perfect place at precisely the perfect time.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I don’t get a lot of time to read or listen to podcasts due to my busy schedule so I’m very selective of how I spend my time. However my biggest mentor in life is Jack Canfield, I have a lot of admiration for his hard work and how he excelled in life. So his Success Principles book is an excellent read as well as all of his other books. Jack truly believes in and sets a great example that Happiness Is An Inside Job. In the way of podcasts I listen to The Sheri + Nancy Show it’s great authentic fun.

The most important movement is the Connection Challenge. Unplug for 1 hour per day. That means no electronics whatsoever. Take a walk about in nature and connect, is it the sounds of the birds chirping or the croaking of the frogs that you notice? Are you looking people in the eyes with love and joy as they walk by? Perhaps you are playing a board game with your children and soaking in their laughter, or are you taking a yoga class or meditating in a sauna? Soak deep within the silence. Whether you are connecting with yourself or others notice how your life begins to change in a positive way.

Everything in life is happening for you not to you.

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change — Dr. Wayne Dyer

I realized that by shifting my perception of things, I changed the energy I was emitting from my body and that’s when the things around me changed. It goes along with the saying, you get back what you put out. So if you send love and gratitude into the Universe more greatness shows up, everything is a mirror reflection of what we believe. When things turn up that we don’t wish to have in our lives, it’s a gentle reminder that we are off track and there is something inside of us that needs attention and fine tuning.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“Life starts and ends with you, change your thoughts, work on your internal turmoil and the world… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Evaluating our relationships with alcohol should stop being embarrassing” with Karolina…

“Evaluating our relationships with alcohol should stop being embarrassing” with Karolina Rzadkowolska and Fotis Georgiadis

I think evaluating our relationships with alcohol should stop being embarrassing, because it is literally the most life-affirming practice I can think of. We all grow up being taught to drink to celebrate, to relax, to socialize, and to commiserate. Many of us drink to cover up insecurities or out of stress, instead of dealing with the root causes of those feelings. Considering the fact that alcohol is highly addictive and the only drug you have to explain why you are not partaking in, we need a huge wellness revolution in this area.

I had the pleasure to interview Karolina Rzadkowolska. Karolina is passionate about empowering soulful women to find freedom from alcohol for happier and healthier lives. She is the founder of Euphoric Alcohol-Free, a space to discover your best life away from alcohol, grounded in happiness, choice, and individuality — the very things she needed to make the best decision of her life. She spent every weekend of her 20s drinking thinking it was fun, made her happy, and allowed her to “have it all.” Yet drinking always made her feel remorseful, lethargic, and low and she found it hard to stick to any sort of guidelines. In 2018, she finally embarked on an alcohol-free experiment and found the most incredible euphoric lifestyle. Today, she works with clients who want to discover their fullest potential without a beverage that muddles up their sense of wellbeing, presence, clarity, and self-esteem. She hopes to share this beautiful life-affirming lifestyle with others and help people build the life of their dreams. Find euphoric living tips and mocktail recipes at www.euphoricaf.com and follow along @karolinarzad.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

It’s such an honor to share my story. In 2018, I decided to embark on dry January, a month off drinking. I had been wanting to try something like this for years — secretly I knew I was not happy with my relationship to alcohol. But I also didn’t consider myself a stereotypical problem drinker and tried hard to moderate. While I hated the negative effects of drinking, I didn’t think I was allowed to quit. I figured drinking was just a part of being an adult!

I’m so glad I turned my assumptions on their head. By reshaping my idea of what type of person quits drinking, or what sobriety actually feels like (not boring but AMAZING), I was able to experiment with a lifestyle that suited me best. I discovered the greatest happiness of my life. Presence, joy, more laughter and connection, and a newfound peace within my own skin. I learned to truly love myself.

I didn’t frame my drinking as something I “had to” stop, and instead felt no desire to go back to the mental fog, hangovers, shame, and lowered self-esteem that comes from letting yourself down. When I compared it to what I was gaining — confidence, appreciation for the world around me, and even euphoria — there was no question in my mind. I knew exactly how I felt as a drinker. What I wanted more of was a life I had never lived.

Today I work with other gray-area drinkers, (a term used to describe those that drink above the health guidelines but don’t have severe alcohol use disorder) who feel alcohol is getting in the way of their fullest potential. I help them change their mindsets about drinking and redesign the life of their dreams.

For a long time, my drinking habits weren’t making me ultimately happy. Of course, I didn’t know this when I was planning winery trips or brewery hangouts. I didn’t know this come every weekend when I thought the only way to relax and celebrate was with wine.

I knew it in the quiet hours in the morning, when I would wake up with a racing heart and a pit of regret in my stomach, knowing that I failed myself again, by drinking more than I had intended to. I thought I loved drinking and the culture of fine wine and craft beer — I thought it made me feel glamorous, pampered, happy. And yet, when I really looked at it, alcohol made me feel intense shame and lowered my self-esteem. Is there anything more soul-crushing than letting yourself down, over and over again? Of failing to stick to your own rules, of acting completely out of alignment from your true self? I was filled with self-hatred and disappointment. At the end of the day, I couldn’t trust myself and felt so stuck in a world where drinking is “normal” and quitting would make me “abnormal.”

But eventually, I realized the only way to break through this pattern was to stop worrying about what other people would think. I had to finally listen to my inner voice, which was telling me I was made for more and that there was nothing wrong with me because I wasn’t able to make a picture-perfect life while ingesting ethanol.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

Yes, my newest program, Become Euphoric, teaches clients to overhaul their desires for alcohol and challenge themselves to find happiness without it. Habit and mindset change are key to transforming our lives, but at the same time so is listening deeply to our inner guides on how to develop our potential and serve the world. Become Euphoric encourages mindset change and promotes discovery to find your true path.

I’m also writing a book on what you can gain from an alcohol-free life, covering topics like energy and wellbeing, self-love, integrity, pride and confidence, and reconnecting to your calling and purpose in life. I co-host a podcast on the joys of alcohol-free living and provide mocktail recipes on my website too.

I’m under the firm belief that drinking more than you intend to is a common experience among regular drinkers. When you repeatedly drink more than you intended to, you often wake up with self-loathing and disappointment, not to mention feeling worse for wear. Consistently letting yourself down and failing at rules chips away at your self-esteem. And because there is so much stigma around alcohol issues and fear of being labeled, most people just sweep this shame under the rug and never evaluate the role of alcohol in their lives. It’s the elephant in the room and affects way more people than we are led to believe.

Letting go of something that never failed to make me feel awful and the worry of what other people would think has brought me deep contentment. I believe it’s time that alcohol entered the wellness conversation. Why is it normal to mention we’re watching our sugar or processed foods intake but not an addictive toxin? I hope my work can help change the narrative about shame and alcohol and help others see that they are so much bigger than a beverage.

Growing up, every way in which I was different made me want to curl up and disappear. I had hairy legs and arms. A scar on my face. A crooked nose. Curly hair when the fashion was straight. In college I also gained weight from too much partying and spent the entire decade of my twenties on an endless quest to lose weight.

In many ways, I turned to drinking to fit in and to quiet my insecurities: that I might not look or act a certain way or that socializing didn’t come easily to me. It was hard to be worried about how I was perceived or entertain my social anxiety when I was drunk. But it also meant I never dealt with my underlying insecurities in any way.

We live in a society that shows us one impossible version of beauty and dictates an unattainable mantra of “having it all.” We’re never beautiful enough, we have to lose weight, work up the ladder at work, have a perfect family, etc. With such impossible demands, it’s no wonder that wine becomes a coping mechanism to turn it all off for an evening. Perfectionism and unhealthy coping mechanisms go hand in hand.

Although I assumed I was the only one floundering while everyone else had it figured out, the truth is we are all, at one time or another, floundering. Instead of sharing our vulnerabilities and insecurities, we hide them away and form secretive shame about our perceived shortcomings. Shame is such a painful emotion that disconnects us from other human beings and our own unique gifts that were meant to be shared with the world.

I still have insecurities that rise up, but deep down I know I am beautiful and my soul is perfect and I have a big, big reason for being here.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Self-love breeds confidence and allows you to go after what you really want in your life. It allows you to become aware of your inner life and take care of your needs in healthy ways. Imagine waking up with a hangover. You are upset, in pain, and feel misused by the past version of you who didn’t think about the long-term consequences of last night’s actions. You feel pretty low all day, and anxious about the wasted morning. You feel uncared for by the past version of you. Disrespected.

Now imagine the opposite. You wake up after refreshing sleep, illuminated by energy and a joyful mood to tackle your day. You are thankful to the past version of you, who gave you eight hours of restful sleep, nourishing healthy food the day before, and set you up for success today. You feel loved. Respected.

What you do every day builds who you become. This type of self-love compounds and evolves you. It’s also equally important to let go of any shame, honor your truth and forgive yourself for perceived failings. This can’t happen with denial but requires substantial introspective work.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

Because it feels safe and easy to us. Humans are so resistant to change. We fall into relationships and careers and lifestyles that don’t fulfil our souls. But what are we supposed to do. There is part of ourselves that wants to protect us against all risk, that would rather we stay small and not uncover our unhappiness or ennui and make any changes. There is a sense of unease, a discontent hiding in the background, but it feels so much easier to ignore this and continue with what feels safe and easy. We live in our comfort zones, ignoring our inner guides that whisper to us that something is off and we were made for more.

But the feeling of safety and ease is an illusion. It is far more painful to stay in mediocrity — whether that be in relationships, careers, or with booze — than it is to take a chance and expand beyond our comfort zones.

My inner guide was telling me that alcohol was holding me back from my fullest potential for years. That it was time to let go of what no longer served me. I’m so glad I finally listened and took a leap of faith to get to the other side of fear. Because truly, everything I have always wanted in life, is just on the other side of fear.

Self-love is two-fold for me. First, it’s the realization that I am worthy, enough, and deserve love just the way I am. It’s honoring the inherent worth that I, and everyone else, indisputably, has.

Second, it’s furthering my potential through constant self-development. It’s challenging myself to let go of things and ideas that no longer serve me. Of showing up, playing big, and building the life I dream of. It’s learning, developing, and growing my understanding of myself and my perspective of the world.

My work on alcohol is not meant to be prohibitionist or make it seem like drinking is inherently bad. But for many drinkers, regular drinking is hanging out in their comfort zone. And most comfort zone behaviors, such as eating too much junk, binge watching tv, or compulsive shopping, do not lead us to growth and instead hold us back. For example, drinking out of boredom trains you to look for instant gratification instead of the long-term contentment that comes with exploring your creativity. Or how about handling stress? Drinking might numb stress in the moment, but it exacerbates it later, instead of dealing with the stress and taking care of your needs in a healthy way.

Tough questions to ask yourself to cut through the comfort:

· What behaviors hold me back?

· What keeps me blocked from making changes and going after what I really want in life?

· What excuses do I make to continue with behavior that doesn’t make me ultimately happy?

When it comes to drinking, these questions are important. By being a curious scientist about our lives and asking ourselves, “does drinking make me ultimately happy?” we can put our self-care first, introspect inquisitively into our true desires and needs, and become more aware of our inner lives, instead of automatically reaching for a drink. This change in mindset welcomes appreciation, wonder, happiness, and long-lasting contentment. Not drinking can be a radical act of self-love and build up stores of self-esteem, self-respect and confidence. Looking into this habit can transform and reinvent lives by finding comfort and happiness within, and not outside of ourselves. It builds self-love when the past version of you is looking out for and taking care of the future version of you.

It is human to look outside of ourselves for comfort, joy, belonging and acceptance. Many people won’t struggle with alcohol and are happy, proud and fulfilled with their drinking habits. But it’s safe to say that all people struggle with something, whether that be unhealthy eating habits, perfectionism, cult of busy-ness, too much TV or social media, or any number of behaviors that distract and numb us from our inner thoughts and emotions. We are not exactly a society that teaches healthy coping skills or insight, and instead we look for quick fixes and rewards to relieve our feelings of discomfort. The same can be said of looking outside yourself for love without every truly learning to love yourself. Reaching outside of yourself for comfort will never resolve the underlying issues at hand and it will never remove the unease.

We build resiliency by sitting with the discomfort, until we find comfort and peace within ourselves. Serious introspection and evaluating the role of alcohol in my life helped me learn to finally be comfortable in my own skin. It’s when we peel back the layers, in deep and quiet solitude, that we can discover who we truly are and what really makes us happy. Constantly looking for something else, or someone else, to do this for us will only bring more unhappiness.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

There is nothing lonelier than pretending everything is okay. It is so common, if not human, to feel unworthy, insignificant, unloved, isolated or alienated at different times in our lives. We don’t easily embrace inner work to get to the root of these feelings, but instead put up these façades that say everything is okay and hide our struggles from others.

Before I did the inner work, I believed I had to show the world that I was sophisticated, intelligent, and strong. I never shared my real truths. I never shared my vulnerabilities. My not-so-healthy relationship to alcohol was embarrassing to me. Instead of genuinely trying to connect with others, I was more concerned with portraying a cookie-cutter life that I then failed miserably at executing, especially when I drank too much.

Early on in my new lifestyle, I decided to share my transformation with the world. I openly told friends and family I quit drinking, started a blog, and wrote about my truest feelings and experiences. My façade came crashing down, and in the rubble was me, being vulnerable, honest, and deeply human. Being able to accept my experience and be open about it has allowed me to connect with others in an entirely new way.

For one, I’m not hiding anymore, or preoccupied with drinking. I have re-bonded with my husband and feel much closer to family and friends. I have also made more new friends in the year I quit drinking than my entire adult life. It’s been such a unexpected sober joy to form authentic close friendships that inspire me to reach higher rather than the flimsy conversation had “bonding” over alcohol.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

The heart of transformation is in introspection and reflection. Our thoughts create our reality, and negative automatic thinking leaves so many of us stuck in mediocre lives. We first have to tell ourselves that we can’t believe everything we think. We have so many assumptions and self-limiting beliefs that were formed from criticism, societal pressures, and false constructs that have no foundation in truth.

By using journal prompts and self-development programs, I was able to uncover what my ultimate truth was, realize what no longer served me, and find my unique gift to offer the world. The things that we go through in life, the adversity and hardships and pain, they teach us lessons. We can all become masterpieces of transformation. Every single one of us has talents and experiences that no one else can offer back to the world.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1. Permission to relax throughout the day with things that delight my soul

I no longer go home and feel the need to take the edge off with a glass of wine because I’m fitting in more space, stillness and peace to listen to my needs. I’m learning to be more intentional about my work and find ways to delight my soul throughout the day. Things like meditating, journaling, walks in nature, hot baths, classical music, and lots of cuddling with my fluffy dog, Huxley.

2. Eating healthy, working out, and getting 8 hours of sleep

My ultimate message is to choose wellness over things that make us feel worse for wear, either mentally or physically. Not drinking alcohol lays down the foundation for me to build my dream healthy lifestyle. I naturally crave healthier foods and am much more motivated to work out. I gift myself healthy foods (and treats), exercise, and good sleep every day. Not because it’s something I “should” do, but because I feel best that way. I think the greatest motivation for behavioral change is cueing in to the happiness gained.

3. Building confidence by achieving my daily goals

I build my self-love by achieving the small steps I need to do to create the life of my dreams. It’s not always easy, and it doesn’t come naturally, but being consistent in things like writing, building a business, and living a healthy lifestyle have become non-negotiables. I didn’t used to work this way. I had “someday” goals that I figured a better, smarter, future version of me would work on, someday. I wouldn’t even work on the smallest steps to get me in the right direction. But re-evaluating the role of alcohol in my life has allowed me to re-evaluate everything, and I’m no longer a spectator on the sidelines of my own life. Confidence and self-love are born from keeping commitments and achieving the goals you’ve set out for yourself.

4. Listening to myself, journaling, and reflecting

Every day I spend quiet time reflecting about myself, my life, and my dreams. I do morning pages, a method to free-write in your journal for three pages to unleash mind clutter and hidden needs and wants. I find this practice very effective. I also usually have a self-development book on my nightstand that guides me through more reflective practices. I meditate daily and let myself think in solitude.

5. Gratitude and presence

For any achiever, life can’t happen fast enough. We want to have this level of success or that output or recognition, yesterday. I show myself love my slowing down and remembering that life is in the living, today. That the journey and learning of growth can never be replaced by the desired outcome. I practice gratitude to enumerate my many blessings and remind myself that while it’s great to have goals and timelines, it’s unloving of me to expect a certain life goal to be reached overnight.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

Discovering my true purpose, creativity, inner radiance, confidence, and joy in my wellness lifestyle has been crucial to leading the life I truly wish to live. Reading is my greatest pastime — I usually read over 80 books a year — and sometimes have to remind myself that I need to put down the book in order to be a creator in my life too (by writing and working on my business).

I read a lot of fiction, memoirs and nonfiction on social issues, but my foundation rests on self-development books. The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray helped cement a mindset that focused on what a beautiful life I could create if I gave myself the gift of sobriety. You are a Badass by Jen Sincero helped give me the confidence to truly build the life of my dreams. Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck is great for taking that newfound confidence and actually mapping out and intuning your path forward in life, and The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron is a must read for uncovering your creativity and any blocks to it.

I think evaluating our relationships with alcohol should stop being embarrassing, because it is literally the most life-affirming practice I can think of. We all grow up being taught to drink to celebrate, to relax, to socialize, and to commiserate. Many of us drink to cover up insecurities or out of stress, instead of dealing with the root causes of those feelings. Considering the fact that alcohol is highly addictive and the only drug you have to explain why you are not partaking in, we need a huge wellness revolution in this area.

We don’t wait until we are obese to try diets and healthy foods. We don’t wait until we are couch potatoes to exercise. Why should alcohol be any different? If studies show that drinking the absolute least that you can is the safest for your health, the wellness industry is far behind in promoting or even discussing a healthier lifestyle.

It’s not all or nothing. It all starts with being more mindful about why we think we like to drink and what we really get out of it. Why do we assume not drinking is boring? Isn’t that a construct? If anyone has the suspicion that alcohol might be holding them back, I would recommend experimenting with a dry period, 100 days is most effective but 30 is a great start. What is there to lose? There’s lots to gain: deep sleep, wellbeing, rebalanced neurotransmitters, energy, health improvements, weight loss, appreciation, confidence, and smashing all kinds of other self-limiting beliefs. My relationship with alcohol didn’t end with my first dry January — I drank a few times in February and hated it and its effects. When the joy and benefits of an alcohol-free lifestyle were so loud and vivid, it was easy to decide to stop settling for less and live my best life yet. Whether your dry experiment ends in an alcohol-free lifestyle or a more mindful drinking approach doesn’t really matter. Because the journey and experiment all starts by asking what makes you ultimately happy and learning more about yourself and your inner desires and emotions than ever thought possible.

I think of this quote by Joseph Campbell, “Your sacred space is where you can find yourself over and over again.”

What’s the purpose of life? I can’t answer that with 100% certainty. But my intuition tells me that evolving and continually becoming a better version of ourselves is part of it. Alcohol had put a lot of stagnancy in my life. In reality, it stalled me from my best life. The development that has occurred since I took the leap of faith to quit has been profound. But it never ends. I believe we stall and we stagnate when we lose our connection to our true self. This manifests in so many ways, unhealthy habits, addictions, mid-life malaise, and ennui. Fitting in the practice of introspection is so key to fulfilling life. I find myself and rediscover my path in my sacred space. Self-discovery has been the lighthouse on my journey.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“Evaluating our relationships with alcohol should stop being embarrassing” with Karolina… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Happiness is an inside job; If we’re not happy within ourselves, life can be pretty miserable”

“Happiness is an inside job; If we’re not happy within ourselves, life can be pretty miserable” with Author BJ Gallagher and Fotis Georgiadis

Because happiness is an inside job; worldly success is an inside job; and peace of mind is an inside job. Love is an inside job, too. At the end of the day, we all live inside our own heads, in our own bodies, in our own hearts. If we’re not happy within ourselves, life can be pretty miserable.

I had the pleasure to interview BJ Gallagher, who is a popular keynote speaker and author with over 30 books to her credit. Her international best-seller, A Peacock in the Land of Penguins (Berrett-Koehler) is published in 23 languages worldwide. Her women’s books include: Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Other Women (Conari Press), Why Don’t I Do the Things I Know Are Good for Me? (Penguin/Berkley), and Oil for Your Lamp: Women Taking Care of Themselves (Simple Truths). Her new book, Your Life Is Your Prayer (Mango Publishing) will be out in April 2019. BJ has been featured on CBS Evening News, the Today Show, Fox News, PBS, CNN, and other television and radio programs. She is quoted frequently in various newspapers, women’s magazines, and websites, including: O the Oprah magazine, Redbook, Woman’s World, New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, Christian Science Monitor, Orlando Sentinel, Financial Times (U.K.), Guardian (U.K.), MSNBC.com, CareerBuilder.com, CNN.com, Forbes.com, among others.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

When I was a little girl, my favorite game was school. Today, it still is. I love everything about learning: books, binders, papers, folders, chalkboard, white boards, classrooms, conference rooms. I love being a student and I love being a teacher. I love writing books and I love reading them. I love discussion and debate, exploration and experiments in living. I delight in learning new things — especially about human nature — and I love helping others learn, too. So my entire career has been one of continuous learning, perpetual discovery, and non-stop growth and development.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I have a new book coming out in April — “Your Life is Your Prayer” (Mango Publishing). My goal is to help folks discover the spiritual power in everything they think, say, and do. What you eat is a prayer; your conversations are prayers; how you spend your money is a prayer; your work is a prayer; self-care is your prayer; your driving is a prayer; your thoughts are prayer — in short, your life is your prayer.

When I was 51 years old, I adopted my first dog, Fannie. Up until that time, I’d always been a cat person. One day I was out walking young Fannie when my neighbor Peter stopped for a moment to say “hi” as he was driving by. Peter is a spiritual guy, a member of the Self Realization Fellowship (SRF), and I’ve always liked him. We chatted for a few minutes and he commented on how cute the dog was. I told him, with new pet parent pride, that I had enrolled Fannie in puppy school. “I am committed to being a good dog owner,” I said.

Peter nodded and smiled as he said, “Just remember … dogs respond best to training with love — just like people.” Then he said good-bye and went on his way. But his words have echoed in with me ever since.

I thought about how often I had been hard on myself over the years. My inner critic seemed relentless. I held myself to a high standard … but often fell short. I always berated myself harshly.

Peter’s words changed all that. I thought about his message. I realized, “I would never talk to my puppy the way I talk to myself. I would never yell at my dog; I wouldn’t verbally abuse her. I wouldn’t tell her she’s stupid or worthless. Yet I’ve done that to myself many times.” Peter’s words of advice made me realize that if I were wise, I would train myself — and my dog — with love, compassion, patience, and kindness.

After that conversation with Peter, I began to change my self-talk. I discovered better ways to develop new habits. And I vowed to train myself with love — just like I was training my puppy.

There are several reasons for people’s anxiety about their appearance — some are hardwired, others are learned. Human beings are social creatures — pack animals, to be more precise. However, most people overlook our animal nature when trying to understand our own behavior. But if we study other social creatures — wolves, elephants, lions, dogs, dolphins, and others – much of our own behavior becomes much more understandable.

For instance, the biological imperative to perpetuate one’s genes in the gene pool, shows up in our mating behavior: the stronger the male, the higher his status in the pack; with females, the more youthful, healthy, and fertile they are, the higher status male she can attract — thereby ensuring her own future and that of her offspring. According to the hardwiring in our brains, certain physical features are associated with health, vitality, and longevity — so we are instinctively attracted to those features in the opposite sex. Those who do know exhibit those features are less attractive, reducing the number of potential mates they have to choose from, and lessening the probability that their genes will be carried on in future generations. This anxiety about mating potential is experienced as dissatisfaction with one’s appearance. It all makes perfect sense when you look at it from the socio-biological perspective.

Human males compete with other males for the most attractive females; and human females compete with each other for the highest status males. So we are all acutely status-conscious. We are chronically concerned with how we measure up against others in our pack. It’s part and parcel of who we are — painfully status-conscious and anxious about our social standing.

Various aspects of modern human society simply reinforce our natural anxiety about our physical appearance — advertising, career ambitions, social pressure, etc. So we have both biological hardwiring and social forces combined — leading to feelings of anxiety and worry about our appearance.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Because happiness is an inside job; worldly success is an inside job; and peace of mind is an inside job. Love is an inside job, too. At the end of the day, we all live inside our own heads, in our own bodies, in our own hearts. If we’re not happy within ourselves, life can be pretty miserable.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

Oh gosh, there are probably a million reasons why people stay in mediocre relationships — financial reasons, emotional reasons, social reasons, family reasons, spiritual reasons, and combinations of those.

Probably the biggest reason people stay in less-than-fulfilling relationships is inertia — a body at rest tends to stay at rest. It takes energy to leave a relationship, especially a long-term relationship. It take energy, time, determination, and persistence to extricate yourself from a relationship. Often, it’s easier just to stay put and not make a change.

Social pressure also plays a role — worry about what others will think can keep you in a relationship you’d like to end.

And fear keeps many people in mediocre relationships — especially fear of the unknown. Many folks believe, “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.” If you end your relationship, how do you know that your next relationship won’t be even worse?

Your tolerance for pain also plays a role. If you have a high tolerance for pain, you may stay in an unhappy relationship a lot longer than if you have a low tolerance for pain. As a wise friend once said, “Some people change when they see the light … but most people change only when they feel the heat.” For many folks, the pain of staying put has to become intolerable before they will make a change. It’s pain that ultimately pushes them out the door.

Whenever things aren’t going well, the first place I look for answers is in the mirror. I ask myself:

– How did I participate in creating this situation? What’s my role?

– What is the conversation going on in my head? What stories am I telling myself?

– What kinds of people am I attracting into my life? In what ways do they mirror aspects of myself … aspects that perhaps I’m not aware of?

– What can I learn about myself in this?

– Who can I turn for help with this problem?

– Are there ways I make this situation work for me, rather than against me?

– Are there blessings and gifts here that perhaps I’m not seeing?

– What steps can I take to begin to rectify this problem?

Those are just some of the questions I would be asking myself. I also would pray for insight and guidance. And I would reach out for help from trusted advisors.

Human beings live with a lot of existential anxiety. Deep inside, we all have three primary fears: (1) the fear that we’re incompetent, (2) the feat that we’re insignificant, and (3) the fear that we’re unlovable. We experience those fears all the time, whether we’re alone or with other people. But for many people, solitude exacerbates those fears. If they don’t have friends, family, coworkers, or others around to keep us engaged in interaction, their fears seem to grow, making the anxiety unbearable. So these folks go to great lengths to make sure that they’re never alone.

There is nothing wrong with being uncomfortable with solitude, or to have a strong desire for companionship and connectedness with others. But it might be worth examining one’s aversion to solitude, simply in the interest of self-knowledge. The more we know ourselves, hopefully the more we can grow in self-acceptance, and the more comfortable we’ll be in our own skin.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

The more comfortable we are in our own skin, the more comfortable we can be in authentic relationships with others. We won’t feel the need to wear a mask or armor, or to people-please, or to protect our thoughts and feelings. We can be vulnerable, for we know that there is strength in vulnerability. We don’t feel the need to protect our hearts. Because we have learned to tell ourselves the truth about who we are — and who we aren’t — we can more easily share this truth with others, and to help them do the same.

In your experience, what can a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

Over a thousand years ago, the Oracle at Delphi exhorted people to “Know thyself. “ Today, we are fortunate to live in a time and place where we can take any number of routes to self-knowledge and self-acceptance: therapy, self-help books, psychology courses, workshops, seminars, wise teachers, support groups, hypnotherapy, journal-keeping and other types of writing for understanding and insight, dream analysis, art therapy, silent retreats, travel experiences, therapeutic pharmaceuticals, spiritual advisors, and more. Individuals and societies can pursue whatever forms of self-exploration seem most likely to be the fruitful and beneficial.

And I would offer one suggestion: As you pursue self-knowledge and cultivate self-acceptance, ask for help. Enlist the help of people you trust and whose wisdom you respect. Remember … no one can do it for you, but you can’t do it alone.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1. I meditate for 20 minutes every morning and every afternoon. I practice Transcendental Meditation (TM). After my morning meditation, I also read some spiritual literature. And I offer a prayer of thanks as well as a prayer asking for guidance throughout the day.

2. I participate in several support groups. I have learned: “that which is shareable is bearable.” Sharing my life with others helps to lighten the load, especially with painful events and feelings. Support groups also give me the opportunity to learn from others’ experiences and perspectives.

3. I do a lot of writing — especially when I’m angry, resentful, or struggling with other negative feelings. After writing, I usually call a friend or spiritual advisor and read aloud what I’ve written. I ask for feedback; I ask for insight; I ask for additional ways of looking at my situation.

4. I have a great sense of humor and use it every day. When I make a mistake, get myself into a pickle, pr do something dumb, I tell myself, “Oh BJ, you sure have a funny way of doing life.” Then I laugh at myself. I see how deeply flawed I am, how foolish I can be sometimes, and how often I make mistakes. And I laugh some more. I love this quote: “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” I take myself lightly … very lightly.

5. I set myself up for success. I set small, achievable goals for myself. No big, grand, impossible goals — those will doom me to frustration and failure. I set modest goals that move me in the right direction. I treat myself like I would my dog — I use “successive approximation” to achieve my goals. Example: Some years ago, my friend Karen made a commitment to go to the gym. She got in her car, drove to the gym, parked the car, got out, then walked to the door and looked in the glass window. She saw all the skinny women in their leotards, then turned around and went home. When Karen got home, she patted herself on the back and said, “Good girl! You went to the gym. Maybe next time you’ll get in the door.” Baby steps in the right direction — that’s the name of the game.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

Over the years, there have been a number of books that have influenced me deeply and altered the direction of my spiritual/emotional journey:

– Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller

– The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom

– Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl

– Night, by Elie Wiesel

– Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood

– Co-Dependent No More, by Melody Beattie

– Women Who Shop Too Much, by Carolyn Wesson

– When Society is the Addict, by Anne Wilson Schaef

– The Wounded Healer, by Henri Nouwen

– Happiness is a Choice, by Barry Neil Kaufman

I’m also a huge fan of Byron Katie. I attended a weekend workshop with her a few year ago. She gave me the keys to unlock the prison of my own stories — about my parents, about the men in my life, and about the nature of love. I highly recommend Katie’s books, CDs, and workshops to anyone in search of emotional freedom. I love her question: “Who would you be without your story?”

I wouldn’t start a new movement. I’d recommend people join a worldwide movement that has existed for decades — the 12-step movement. The best therapy, the deepest insights, and the most healing I’ve ever experienced came from attending weekly meetings of Co-Dependents Anonymous (CODA) — for people who grew up in dysfunctional families — and Al-Anon, for anyone who has a parent, spouse, child, sibling, or close friend who is alcoholic or addicted to drugs. The world is full of emotionally damaged, deeply wounded, stunted, deformed, insane human beings — and we all have to deal with them — at work, in our families, and in our communities. CODA and Al-Anon are the best sources of wisdom and guidance I’ve ever found for living in our crazy world.

Oh gosh, there are so many “life lesson quotes” that I use in my life. One of my favorites is: “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” by G.K. Chesterton — it reminds me to take life seriously, but to take myself lightly — to lighten up and laugh — and to not sweat the small stuff.

Another favorite: “Happiness is a choice” by Barry Neil Kaufman — reminds me that in any and all situations, I can choose happiness — always.

When life presents me with a pile of horseshit, I remind myself that “There must be a pony in here somewhere. Look for the pony.” That was Ronald Reagan’s advice to his staff when things were bad: “Look for the pony.”

When someone criticizes me, I like to remember that “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” Ken Blanchard taught me that feedback is always helpful — whether it’s good, bad, or downright ugly. Every bit of feedback other people give me is an opportunity to learn something about myself — and about the other person. It’s all grist for the personal growth mill.

“Those who deserve love least, need it the most.” I saw this on a church marquee in North Carolina many years ago. It is the hardest thing to live by — but worth it. People in my life who are difficult are those who are in pain; those who are acting out in objectionable manners are those who are struggling within themselves. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” (Plato)

And Tolstoy’s advice: “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” Life is an inside job — I start with myself. I must BE the change I wish to see in the world.

It’s hard to pick a favorite, but I do love: “Celebrate what’s right with the world!.” It’s a quote by Dewitt Jones, who travels the world for National Geographic, photographing Mother Nature’s marvels. When I focus on what’s right with the world rather than what’s wrong with it, my day my world changes.

And a life lesson quote I saw quite often: “Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” Don’t put off the good stuff until later. Enjoy life now. Travel now. Splurge now. Savor the sweetness of life now.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“Happiness is an inside job; If we’re not happy within ourselves, life can be pretty miserable” was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Learning To Finally Love Yourself: “ I often think about my Past Self and Future Self” with Dr Jo…

Learning To Finally Love Yourself: “ I often think about my Past Self and Future Self” with Dr Jo Eckler and Fotis Georgiadis

Time Travel: I often think about my Past Self and Future Self. I can do favors for my Future Self, like putting away my clean clothes, and I can thank my Past Self for things like flossing, building friendships, or saving money. The three of us are becoming a good team. Since it’s sometimes tough to do something for ourselves, thinking of the Past Self and Future Self makes it feel more like I’m doing kind things for someone else. This approach also helps me generate compassion for myself (and my selves!).

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Dr Jo Eckler. Dr. Eckler, known to many as “Dr. Jo,” is a licensed clinical psychologist and registered yoga teacher in private practice in Austin, TX, as well as the author of I Can’t Fix You — Because You’re Not Broken: The Eight Keys to Freeing Yourself From Painful Thoughts and Feelings. She has spent her entire career working with survivors of trauma as well as helping her clients and students make peace with their bodies and themselves. She has been interviewed for O Magazine, Reader’s Digest, and Bustle, among others, as well as presented at conferences and conducted workshops and trainings. You can learn more about her at www.beyondtherapy.us.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

I’m so honored to be here! This topic is so important and really close to my heart.

This career path found me — I just finally decided to accept it. I’ve always been the person that everyone went to with their problems. Strangers would tell me their life story without prompting. After years of this, I decided I’d go and get training to be better able to help the people who came to me. In that process, I found many ways to help myself too. I had some pretty traumatic experiences as a teenager, resulting in depression, anxiety, and PTSD along with a hefty amount of self-loathing. As I went through the (ongoing) process of healing from those experiences, I didn’t want all that I suffered and learned to be for nothing. Thus, I embarked on this career of helping others who have experienced depression and trauma make peace with themselves and learn to build lives that feel meaningful.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

Right now, I’m having a great time recording the audiobook version of I Can’t Fix You — Because You’re Not Broken. I had taken audiobooks for granted and never realized how much work goes into them! I’m also playing with ideas for an online course version of the book to make it more accessible, since I think the tools in it are so key to having a better relationship with ourselves as well as being able to connect more fully with the people in our lives. I’d also like to create resources for healers and helpers to use so that they can better sit with pain without burning out and be more effective helpers. Of course, I have many more ideas, but I’m focusing on these for now.

For me, as a person who has never fit the mold of traditional attractiveness and who has been haunted by imposter syndrome for most of my life, self-acceptance is a continual process. There have been many tipping points for me along the way. When I was 17 years old and anxiously stepped into my first goth club, I looked around and realized that there were many bodies like mine and that they could be beautiful, adorned in eye-catching outfits, and dance, not just hide in the corner under baggy clothes. I got so comfortable with my body there that I was usually the first person on the dance floor (and totally sober). It wasn’t dancing like no one was watching, either — lots of people were watching! Still, I decided to let myself have fun and dance if I liked the song that was playing, regardless of what others would think. At first, it was terrifying, but over time, I realized that there were no negative consequences, and I kept on dancing. I’ve carried that idea of letting myself do what I enjoy, regardless of what others might think, with me ever since. Sometimes I’m better at it than others.

It’s not news that we are constantly told that we are not attractive enough. Everywhere we turn, we see images of “perfect” bodies and faces, of impeccably dressed people. Unless we have skilled photographers and Photoshoppers, full-time chefs, and spend hours a day on exercise and grooming and tons of money of clothes, most of us are not going to live up to those impossible ideals. There’s this disconnect between how we actually are and what we are told we should be, which can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and poor self-image, as well as conditions like eating disorders. Over time, especially if we’re trying and failing endlessly to meet societal standards, we can develop a state of learned helplessness, which can turn into depression.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

When we don’t love ourselves, there is a whole cascade of consequences. I’m not saying this to make anyone feel guilty about not being able to love themselves yet — I’m saying it to make it clear how vital it is. In our personal lives, not loving ourselves can lead to not taking good care of ourselves, which affects those around us. For example, if we aren’t sleeping enough, doing things we enjoy, or going to the doctor when needed, we end up irritable, burned out, and sick. We then take our discomfort out on others or turn it on ourselves, digging ourselves into a deeper hole of self-loathing and misery and repeating the cycle. We can also become defensive and struggle to take in constructive feedback. On a larger scale, not loving ourselves means we are more likely to have strong negative reactions to people or groups who remind us of what we don’t like about ourselves. We are also less likely to stand up for ourselves and people like us when we don’t love ourselves.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

Fear drives so many of us to stay in places that we’ve outgrown or that never fit in the first place. We worry that we won’t find anything better and that no one else will ever love us. This is especially true when we don’t love ourselves. It’s hard to imagine anyone wanting to be with us when we don’t see ourselves as worthy of love. However, there’s a feedback loop here. Staying in a mediocre relationship, job, etc., sends us the message that we don’t deserve anything better, that we don’t deserve to be happy. This in turn reinforces our negative view of ourselves, making us feel even less capable of finding a better situation. Doing something different helps shift the cycle. Acting as if we are a person worthy of an enjoyable relationship can help us feel worthier of that kind of love, whether that looks like leaving the current relationship or taking steps to improve the current one.

You’re so right that we love our comfort! It is so challenging to look at ourselves clearly and ask ourselves things like “Is this situation still working for me?” or “What is my role in creating or maintaining this problem?” It’s also hard to consider questions such as “What am I trying to hide or distract myself from feeling or thinking right now?” and “What am I scared to admit to myself?” When I catch myself scrolling endlessly on my phone, I have to ask myself about what I’m avoiding at that moment. I had to do this on a larger scale (I talk about this time in my life in I Can’t Fix You) when I was sent to a retreat for mental health providers. For the year or so before that retreat, I had been dealing with health issues and depression that had reduced my life down to work and living on my couch when I wasn’t at work. My time at that retreat made me ask myself if I wanted to continue to live that way, if I was happy with the way things were, and to realize how small my world had become. I had to look how I was using some of my health issues as an excuse to not do the more challenging work of building a fulfilling life and creating connections with others. It really sucked, to put it bluntly, and there were many tears and scribbled journal entries. Eventually I did end up building a life, though, and I’m really grateful to my past self for doing that work! It takes constant maintenance, to be sure, but even when I slide back into my old ways, I don’t have as far to go to get back to a more fulfilling way of life.

I see the ability to be alone as a superpower. If we know with certainty that we can enjoy our own company and living on our own, then we can be selective about who we allow into our lives. We’re not coming from a place of desperation. And we’re much less likely to tolerate being treated poorly. Sure, we might be sad if a relationship ends, but we know we didn’t need it to survive.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

Compassion for ourselves enables us to be compassionate towards others. We can be more understanding with others when we feel more loving towards ourselves. If we have that self-understanding, we are able to take in feedback without defensiveness, meaning that we also have the ability to improve and grow the relationship.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

To start with, let’s ditch the pressure to constantly be positive. Life is really painful sometimes! If we as individuals and as a society can learn to make room for that pain, we can learn to embrace and care for those tender, hurting parts of ourselves instead of feeling like failures because we’re in pain and can’t seem to “think positive.”

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1) Kid Talk: I talk to myself like I’m a nervous five-year-old child. “I know you’re tired and this hurts, honey. Let’s just try five minutes of exercise/one bite of broccoli/one phone call and then we can do something fun.”

2) It’s Natural: I work really hard to remind myself that I’m just human. Messiness, struggle, and pain are all part of life, part of nature. There are squirrels outside my office, and I use their never-ending hunt for food as a reminder that daily work and struggle aren’t punishments inflicted on me because I’m bad at doing life — they’re just how nature operates.

3) Solitude: For me, time alone is as essential as breathing or food. I become irritable and disconnected from myself if I don’t have enough solitude on a regular basis, so I fit that into my schedule as best I can, even if it’s just driving somewhere on my own to give myself a breather between social events or getting up a little earlier in the morning before the rest of the house wakes up.

4) Acknowledge Reality: Since the word “acceptance” is often misunderstood, I tend to use the phrase “acknowledge reality” in its place. When I am able to let myself clearly see the reality of a situation, I’m better able to care for myself and to deal with situations effectively. I’m also less likely to set myself up for failure, which helps keep a positive cycle going. This applies to everything from letting myself buy clothes that actually fit me, no matter what size is on the label, to how much I put on my daily schedule and my to-do list.

5) Time Travel: I often think about my Past Self and Future Self. I can do favors for my Future Self, like putting away my clean clothes, and I can thank my Past Self for things like flossing, building friendships, or saving money. The three of us are becoming a good team. Since it’s sometimes tough to do something for ourselves, thinking of the Past Self and Future Self makes it feel more like I’m doing kind things for someone else. This approach also helps me generate compassion for myself (and my selves!).

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

Anything by Brené Brown, but especially I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t). I carried that book around the house for two days, reading it every second I could. The concept of shame vs. guilt along with the tips she gave on how to build shame resilience created a massive shift in how I related to myself.

The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf helped me shake free from the societal expectations about appearance that I had struggled with for decades. For me, once I can see the larger societal context of something, I am better able to take the pressure off of myself. Reading books like this help remind me to ask myself, “Who benefits from me hating this thing about myself?”

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain helped validate my need for alone time, which in turn has helped me be friendlier and more present with people at the times I do choose to be social. I can better explain to people how I communicate best, improving my relationships and work collaborations.

I can’t leave Geneen Roth off this list. Her books, like Feeding the Hungry Heart, have been my companions on a journey of making peace with food and exploring my relationships with myself as well as with others.

I’d love to inspire a movement to accept ourselves as being human, with all of its pain and messiness and wonderfulness! If we could do that for ourselves and others, we could drop a lot of the shame and struggle that we pile on top of the hurt that’s already there.

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” -Mary Anne Radmacher

This quote is on a magnet in my office, reminding me that I can always try again and that I don’t have to be fearless to be brave. We can take that next step shaking and terrified, as long as we take it. And if not today, we can try again in the next minute, hour, day, or week. We always have another chance to face our fears and reclaim our lives, again and again. Don’t give up.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

Thank you for this opportunity. I hope this has been helpful for your readers.

Learning To Finally Love Yourself: “ I often think about my Past Self and Future Self” with Dr Jo… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Jackie O’Brien of The Bright Light Social Hour: “The stigma of mental health comes from the lack of

Jackie O’Brien of The Bright Light Social Hour: “The stigma of mental health comes from the lack of open communication about mental health and addiction; We’ve got to stop being so afraid to talk about it!”

It’s unbelievable that the stigma is still so prevalent. I think it has to do with the lack of open communication about mental health and addiction. Everyone is or knows someone who struggles with one of these, yet it’s still the case that as a society we’re more comfortable ignoring these issues and placing the blame on the person experiencing them. We’ve got to stop being so afraid to talk about it!

As a part of my series about “Mental Health Champions” helping to normalize the focus on mental wellness, I had the pleasure to interview Jackie O’Brien, bassist and singer of Austin band The Bright Light Social Hour. The Bright Light Social Hour have toured internationally, played major festivals such as Lollapalooza and Austin City Limits, and scored the theme for the Amazon series Sneaky Pete, starring Giovanni Ribisi. They have released three albums, including Jude Vol. I which debuted February 1st and is dedicated to Alex Jude O’Brien, Jackie’s brother and the band’s longtime manager who succumbed to a severe case of bipolar disorder in 2015.

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Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us the “backstory” about what brought you to this specific career path?

I think it was a lifetime of people telling me music was not a viable profession that made it so intriguing. Our guitarist Curtis and I met in college, just as I was extremely depressed in the midst of the pre-med program my family had pressured me to pursue. We started The Bright Light Social Hour and eventually turned our backs on the safety of academia and dedicated our souls and lives to music.

According to Mental Health America’s report, over 44 million Americans have a mental health condition. Yet there’s still a stigma about mental illness. Can you share a few reasons you think this is so?

It’s unbelievable that the stigma is still so prevalent. I think it has to do with the lack of open communication about mental health and addiction. Everyone is or knows someone who struggles with one of these, yet it’s still the case that as a society we’re more comfortable ignoring these issues and placing the blame on the person experiencing them. We’ve got to stop being so afraid to talk about it!

Can you tell our readers about how you are helping to de-stigmatize the focus on mental wellness?

We’ve teamed up with Revolutions per Minute to tour with merchandise items for which all proceeds go to the SIMS Foundation, an Austin-based program providing mental healthcare for musicians. Since losing our brother and manager Alex to bipolar disorder, we can’t help but talk very openly and honestly about mental illness and our experience in our music, as well is in-person and on social media. “End the stigma right now!” is actually a lyric in one of our to-be-released songs. At our shows we’re often approached by people thanking us for bringing up these topics and sharing their own experiences so this feels like a perfect way for all of us give back and raise awareness.

Was there a story behind why you decided to launch this initiative?

When my brother was diagnosed with a sudden and severe case of bipolar 1, at first he was extremely open about it. Quickly though, he stopped being taken seriously as an artist manager and had an increasingly hard time getting responses from those he’d previously worked with in the industry. While many people opened up with their own experiences, many more were dismissive or actively rude, writing him off as crazy or unstable. Even still, I wish I had been more open with friends and family about how severe his depression and mania were. I suppose I felt pressure to keep it under wraps, and likely kept him from some of the comfort, understanding and help he really needed. We just want to help keep others from hitting the same obstacles.

In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?

A. Individuals could better educate themselves. I badly wish I knew more about bipolar disorder before my brother was hit with it. I would have been much more compassionate and supportive rather than telling him he’s not thinking or feeling correctly and trying to control him.

B. Our society could be much more open and compassionate when it comes to mental illness in order to break down the associated stigma and shame.

C. The government should fund much more research and better support programs with real results that aren’t financially driven. It’s a very American symptom to try and find a solution or cure for everything, and often this won’t be possible for many mental conditions. The government could do a lot to help by focusing more on supporting rather than trying to either fix or cast out those affected.

What are your 6 strategies you use to promote your own wellbeing and mental wellness? Can you please give a story or example for each?

Meditate daily — I like to use the app Headspace. The free version is a great place to start and they often have deals on a year-long subscription. Meditation/mindfulness have been shown to significantly reduce anxiety, depression and stress, lengthen attention span (a big issue for me), bolster the immune system and enhance creativity and mood. I try to meditate daily in the tour van, and I notice if I can squeeze one in before a show, I perform with much more joy and confidence.

Weekly therapy — With the help of the SIMS foundation, I am able to see a therapist almost weekly when I’m not on tour. My new therapist focuses on EMDR, which has been amazing to manage anxiety, grief and PTSD symptoms.

Morning Pages — (Almost) every morning I write out three things for which I am grateful and three things that would make today awesome. Then every evening I write out three amazing things that happened today and three ways I could have made today better. It helps keep me grateful and focused. In the words of Ray Wylie Hubbard, “The days I keep my gratitude above my expectations I have really good days.”

Self-affirmations — Insecurity and procrastination seem to be among the most common issues for fellow artists. Every morning, along with my morning pages, I write out several affirmations of my awesomeness, like “I am a profound, prolific, and original songwriter with so much to say” or “I am a dope AF singer with a lovely, compelling and totally unique voice.” Doing it daily for a couple of years has helped transform insecurity into confidence and helped me get over terrible procrastination to write more music, practice daily, and seek therapy, all leading to tangible improvement that feeds back into confidence and satisfaction.

Exercise — Every day I do some push-ups and sit-ups (one of each for every year I’ve been alive) and go for a long walk. All of that can easily be done on tour, and if I’m lucky I can get a run in. No gym membership required.

Gratitude for the future — every morning before getting out of bed I take a minute to feel an intense gratitude for the things in life I wish to achieve as though they have already happened, taking manifestation to another level. I don’t get out of bed until I’m madly in love with life and totally grateful for the awesome future as though it is already here. Dare to dream big and bask in it!

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?

I highly recommend a book called The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, especially for anyone in a creative field struggling with procrastination or self-doubt. It really helped me stop blaming my issues for not getting creative work done.

For managing anxiety and suffering, I recommend the workbook Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steven Hayes.

Also, the SIMS Foundation has helped everyone in my band find and afford the personal therapy/psychiatry they need, and we even see a band therapist who has been amazing at keeping us all in love and at peace with each other, especially on the road and when writing music. There are programs like this all around the country that can make navigating the daunting mental healthcare system way more manageable and affordable.

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!

Jackie O’Brien of The Bright Light Social Hour: “The stigma of mental health comes from the lack of was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Why I live an imperfectly perfect life” with Dr. Gwen Smith and Fotis Georgiadis

I live an imperfectly perfect life. This means that even in the face of setbacks that happens at times, sadness, pain and disappointments, my life is completely blissful. This is because of where I choose to expend my energies throughout the day.

As a part of my series about “Learning to Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Dr. Gwen Smith. Dr. Gwen helps spiritually-centered entrepreneurs increase or double their profits, in one year, while working less and enjoying more. Her special project this year is empowering women who’ve experienced relationship traumas to release the pain and to discover and implement their business, life and relationship goals. As an Author, Inspirational Speaker and Business Success/Life Coach, Dr. Gwen’s vision is to empower everyone to remove hidden obstacles that keep them stuck, while providing resources to enhance self-confidence, self-love, productivity and breakthrough performance in whatever area of life they choose. The result is true Peace Power & ProfitsTM.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

Wow! It’s a long story with many twists and turns but I’ll do my best to summarize. I have had a very full career, enjoying what I did as an educator, executive leader, professor and department chair at the university level. Every career goal that I had set for myself was accomplished. I had hit all of the desired positions and was making the salary I envisioned. I thought that getting to this point would have left me feeling peaceful and satisfied. Instead, I felt a void inside as if something were missing.

It scared me, because I knew then that if I wasn’t feeling the satisfaction and fulfillment at that point, I wasn’t going to enjoy the next twenty years doing the same thing. So I jumped into a real estate investment business which, as with my career, I liked, but it too left me with a void feeling as though some part of my life was not being fulfilled. Something felt missing.

I wasn’t going to do this a third time. So I had to come to grips with who I really was. What excited me? What caused me to feel fulfilled? And above all, I had to lean in to the internal guidance that I had practiced ignoring in various circumstances throughout my past.

I re-discovered or more accurately came to acknowledge what I always knew I’d like to be doing — making a difference in people’s lives where it truly mattered for them. I wanted people to be optimistic about their lives, to have tools to create their own transformations in their lives, businesses and relationships. Once I came to that agreement, it felt really great. I felt that something had fallen in place. I was finally aligned with my internal being and coaching, speaking and empowering others simply added a level of joy to my life that gave me peace and satisfaction.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I actually am. I’m working on finishing up the publication for my new book: Peace, Power, Profits: Why You Don’t Have It, How to Get It. I anticipate the book should be out by the first week of April. The manuscript is currently being edited. I’m also creating a mastermind/live event based for women who’ve experienced abuse on the same theme for late summer to early fall.

Both of these works help people intentionally and holistically develop a clearer view of who they are and help them align their lives, work and relationships accordingly. They are based on a framework for achieving results in a shorter time-frame than the life-time of trial and error filled with bumps and bruises that we typically go through to learn the lessons. They empower people to overcome barriers to their successes and implement transformation they desire.

I do. I believe that self-understanding or self-love requires that you first become aware of not just who you really are — your likes, dislikes and all the interior stuff — but also of your understanding of self in relation to others and your environment. They help you form a comprehensive picture of who you really are. After the discovery, your actions, choices, dreams and desires must fall in alignment for you to feel complete. This is the essence of true self-love.

As a teenager, I had a fair but incomplete understanding of myself which consequently led to successes in some areas, particularly achievement, but disappointments in others, particularly relationships. I lacked a clear understanding of myself in relation to others and maybe even in relation to my environment. This led me to overlook patterns in my experiences that would have meaningfully informed some of my choices and alerted me to potential relationship pitfalls.

As a result, at the young age of 24, I married the first man I ever fully allowed into my heart. Our relationship became increasingly abusive, not just emotionally but physically, beginning during my pregnancy. Because I didn’t have a clear understanding of myself, I questioned my internal guidance that provided directions on steps I needed to take to get myself out of the situation.

I had migrated tens of thousands of miles away from my nearest relative and had made a choice to stay at home to raise the children. This choice left me feeling insecure and without a stable foundation on which to build if I had chosen to leave at the time. So I sought the counsel of the elders and leaders in my religious community. Against my wishes, I heeded their advice to stay and forgive, partly due to the fear of the unknown of leaving, and partly due to wanting to do my best to make the relationship really work.

I was sacrificing my well-being for something that I really thought at the time would turn around.

At this point I want to be clear by saying that our relationship wasn’t always horrible every day. There were enough great months splashed in between to give me a glimpse of hope of what the relationship could be if we got on the same page. So I kept hoping, adjusting to make peace and hoping some more. Nothing helped. The cycle just kept repeating.

Finally, I bought a book, Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. I was shocked to see that a book could so accurately detail my personal experiences. It opened my eyes to realizing that this was a ‘thing’ a sort of condition that likely wouldn’t go away. It was the turning point for me to wake up and to finally begin to make the choices aligning with my desires that would extricate me from that relationship in the end.

I’m now living my very best life because of all the work that I’ve been able to do. I can also truly say that my second marriage is a fulfilling relationship. Yes, there are occasional challenges, however, it’s really great due to the boundaries I have set, the lessons I have learned, and the transformation I am continuously implementing.

This really saddens me when I look around and see this epidemic of people defining themselves and their experiences based on others’ standards. We are living in a culture supporting mayhem of standardizations where individuality is sacrificed and images of success are flaunted to look a certain way.

I see black people bleaching their skin white and white people getting implants so they can feel better about themselves. All this is fine if this is something you truly desire from a place of wholeness. We all have a little something on our bodies that we hope would look different. However, if the underlying reason is dissatisfaction with self to the point of obsession and reduced self-worth and self-esteem, then it really has to be addressed.

I feel that people who continue to be obsessively dissatisfied with their appearances don’t truly know who they are. This isn’t meant to be critical of anyone, but it is a reality. There is an Internal Guidance System that everyone one of us has, that if we learn to listen and tune in, will guide us and help us create a feeling of well-being inside that nothing outside can shatter.

I find that more and more people are disconnecting from this source in an effort to fit in with others’ images of success. The inevitable result is increasing self-dissatisfaction, low self-esteem and low self-worth. People are trying hard but not measuring up to these artificial standards. So of course they’ll never feel satisfied. They have to practice setting their own standards.

Another cause relating to the first that is worth exploring is that people haven’t truly learned how to love themselves. Loving yourself means that you make the choices and take the actions that allow you to feel complete and happy. When people don’t love themselves, they often act out of alignment with those things that make them happy and whole.

This leaves them with a feeling of constant daily internal battles, while they lack resources to act in rapport with self. The result is a silent guilt and self-hate and inevitably, dissatisfaction with self.

. As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

I’d be glad to! Let’s start off by adding a context to our conversation just so we are on the same page. What does it mean to love yourself?

I think there will likely be as many definitions of self-love as there are cultures. And many are likely actions people take which may or may not be related to loving oneself. Nevertheless I believe that all of those actions boil down to a single principle. Loving yourself requires that you do the inner work to know who you are, what you like, how you relate and interact with others and your environment. Once you discover this, it requires further actions. You must put into your life these things so that you fall in complete alignment with self.

When you truly love yourself, you are completely happy and satisfied with who you are. And you choose to act in accordance with who you are and with what you desire. I call this being in rapport with self. The result is complete peace, power and profits. You are truly free.

I have developed a model to help people achieve self-love. It’s called the Peace Power Profits ACT Breakthrough SuccessTM Model. It’s too lengthy to explain here but people will be able to access it in my upcoming book.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

I know this road all too well because I’ve walked it. I’ve also coached others who’ve walked it as well. There are a few reasons. I’ll share four reasons why this happens.

· First is fear of the unknown. Not knowing how things will turn out if you leave without first having a foundation to stand on.

· Second, a false belief that things will get better one day. Many relationships are likely not a hundred percent bad all of the times. The good times can be really great. This creates hope that perhaps everyday can be like this.

· Third, a sense of familiarity with the bad experiences can create a sense of normalcy. For example, one of my clients had grown up having an experience with her dad that resembled the experience she was having with her husband. She wasn’t happy with it, but it felt normal to her

· Fourth, low self-worth and self-esteem and an inability to feel that you deserve better.

My advice is simple. First connect with how the experience is causing you to feel. Don’t ignore your feelings dismissing them as being subjective and useless. They are amazing tools that help you make choices that are right for you.

So, how are you feeling about it?

Once you identify that feeling take the next step to do something about it. If you don’t have all the answers reach out for a support network, a coach, the crisis center, whatever the situation you feel is necessary for your experiences.

If the situation is one that you feel is tenable, start setting boundaries. Those boundaries should completely align with your self-discovery needs. Reinforce those boundaries consistently to see quicker results.

Examine what patterns you have that are attracting these types of personalities, especially if you find it to be a cycle from one relationship to the next. Seek help to empower you to overcome whatever patterns there are contributing to the repeating cycle.

Oh yes, I agree. Life is about personal growth and daily transformations. It’s about enhancing our relationships, our skillsets, our experiences and ourselves in ways that align with who we are. This requires awareness as I mentioned before, to help us see patterns in ourselves and our environment that we want to transform.

The Peace Power Profits ACT Breakthrough SuccessTM Model I developed is based upon a framework involving three steps to self-understanding and transformation: Awareness, Creation and Transformation (ACT). In short, awareness is tuning in, creation is building yourself based on the discoveries and transformation is on-going; it’s action-based.

Before I answer about the tough questions your readers can ask, I’d like to address your last question first.

I’ve shared about my first marriage and how I had started to move away from following my internal guidance. I started to not trust my own voice in other areas of my life too. I walked around with a deep troublesome feeling of uneasiness everywhere I went, and particularly when I was meeting new people. This continued for a while as I would be uncertain of whether or not my actions were going to be acceptable in a group situation. I felt bogus trying to be accepted and to fit in.

I can’t say with certainty when that transition actually occurred, but what I can say is that one day I suddenly realized that the uncomfortable feeling was no longer there. It was gone and I was back to the way I remembered feeling before I had fallen out of sync with myself!

I had done some work on myself however. I had to go deep inside myself to really explore and reflect on what I wanted or who I was. My relationships could never be right if I didn’t know the answers there.

I affirmed myself that I was good enough and also took the time to identify what the top five most important things to me were. Then I found a way to incorporate those things every day or as often as I could. I did ask myself some questions, and I’ll share three of those same questions with your readers. And I do that I want to point out how questions are best asked to leave you feeling empowered.

Framing your questions in a positive way allows your subconscious mind to bring you answers that are empowering. For example, instead of asking “What is wrong with me, why no one can love me?” Ask instead, “How can I become the person to attract my soul mate?”

The first question has your subconscious mind searching for answers to justify low self-worth and feels terrible. While the second question generates a more positive feeling and provides solutions that may be more favorable to what you’re looking for.

So, here are three tough questions that will point you in the right direction. Find a quiet place where you can reflect before you start:

1. What are the things that really excite me and make me happy? Identify these and start working on placing them in your life now

2. What baggage am I holding on to that’s not serving me or my relationship, and how can I let it go?

3. Who do I have to become to attract the type of relationship that I seek?

Sometimes the answers come immediately. At other times, by simply leaving the question and allowing your subconscious mind to start working on it you’ll find an inspired response when you least expect it. I find answers springing into my consciousness especially during my meditation time.

I find the answer lies in asking myself a simple yet blunt question: If I can’t be alone with myself, who can I expect to truly want to be alone with me?

Being alone and really appreciating the solitude requires personal grounding and self-confidence in knowing who you are. People can sniff out in any situation those people who have this kind of personal strength and confidence. It also helps you attract a healthy partner too I believe, because some personalities like to prey on people who feel needy.

Stable relationships are built and sustained on people who are happy with themselves; who know themselves and who can spend a healthy dose of alone time with self without attachment anxieties.

I want to bring a bit of sensitivity to the conversation however and to acknowledge those who’ve had situations in their early lives where they’ve felt abandoned or neglected. For these people, it’s something more than turning on or off the alone time. They’ve held a belief that they will likely be abandoned again in the future. That belief is accompanied by an associated emotion which if left unattended, creates relationship anxieties causing them to feel like they must be with someone, anyone, to feel fulfilled.

Those emotions however can be cleared by first dealing with the stories accompanying them (That I’m going to be abandoned again), and then being with the feelings those emotions create inside your bodies. I use a technique I call Surrender for FreedomTM to help people clear these emotions.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

When you know who you are and what your likes and dislikes are, you have a frame of reference for choosing the best partner for your relationships. You really know the personality types you want to share your life with.

It also helps you become a more purposeful creator of what your desired experiences are in your relationships. It creates consistency in your attitudes and actions, which is a great fuel for building trust. And as previously said, you know what you want and therefore know which boundaries to enforce.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

a) This isn’t the complete solution but it’s a place to start. Individuals and especially those in leadership can help people better understand and accept themselves by modeling acceptance of people’s differences as strengths rather than as weaknesses. Point out the strengths of people before highlighting anything else. Those of us who’ve had the privilege of leading have seen real proof that diversity, when treated with respect, presents the greatest opportunities for creative impactful solutions.

Also, parents, teachers, leaders ought to stop comparing people based on their differences. Help people understand the value they bring to any situation.

b) Society can help by refusing to standardize people. Our systems have created mayhem of standardizations that cripple individuality. We all have different experiences, backgrounds, likes and dislikes. Let’s drop the artificial standards and recognize that humans, by virtue of their individuality cannot and should not be standardized.

This means creating schools and systems that honor the natural gifts so that more children can attend. When people are operating in their gifts and strengths they feel valued and successful. Let’s stop standardizing roles in relationships too and have each relationship define its own without stereotyping. There is strength in differences. Society should acknowledge the differences and build on the strengths they create.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

Certainly! I don’t want to call these strategies, though they likely are. These are five activities that I do on a regular basis to keep me connected, happy, laughing hilariously and appreciating myself. They keep me vibrating positively every day.

1. First I have a waking up and going to bed ritual:

a. Meditation. Before I retire at nights, I make sure that the last thing I’m doing is something very positive. I reflect on the highlights of my day and say a prayer of gratitude

b. When I wake up in the mornings, I now intercept thoughts of work or any activity of the day. I breathe, relax and set a positive intention for the day.

2. Next I go to my spiritual room and sit before my altar to honor God, my spirits and my ancestors. I end this session with a prayer and a text.

3. I do my yoga activities from 10–30 minutes which helps me practice my breathing and maintain my physical stamina

4. I play music to set my mood. Sometimes mild relaxing music, other times reggaeton on Pandora. I dance around sometimes laughing out loud hilariously as I admire my physique, flaws and all, and tell myself how gorgeous I am. I really do believe it too!

5. I practice releasing, forgiving and loving others who’ve contributed to my pain, anger or other negative emotions. Forgiving them is an act of loving me.

I find that it’s really important to not allow circumstances that don’t suit us to ruin our day. We are masters of our lives when we learn to transform our negative feelings to positive ones, and execute the actions that give us the results we want.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I have read so many books over decades of my life. I can’t possibly list them all. I will, however list 10 that made a huge difference in my early personal growth days. A few have stuck out as being significant by creating a turning point in my choices and actions throughout the years:

1. Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them, Dr. Susan Forward — This book helped me to identify the patterns in my marriage and led me to confront the reality that my experiences would not change.

2. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, Dr. John Gray — It helped me gain insight about the differences between the sexes even in their thinking. It helped somewhat, however my issues were different.

3. The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman — this sent me on a journey of self-exploration as well as exploration of my spouse’s desires. Highly effective in normal relationships.

4. Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud — though this book came after years of the negative occurrences in my first marriage, it nevertheless, helped me in moving forward and has really resonated with me in all relationships up to this point.

5. How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie — I’ve been the recipient of the Dale Carnegie Highest Achievement Award. Many of these principles have helped me in leadership business and relationships. How to speak to people in different situations is the focus of this book.

6. Ask and It Is Given, Jerry and Esther Hicks — Wow! In the face of all of the discussions about Law of Attraction, this is the book that brings a lot of practicality to the subject, giving it flesh and bones

7. The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz — A true self-reflection and self-understanding is developed here and knowing how to operate from a place of strength and power

8. The Power of Positive Thinking, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale — this brings to life, with practical examples, the power of beliefs in affecting your results.

9. The Greatest Salesman in the World, Og Mandino — this is not a book about sales per se. It’s a more a book about life and all of your experiences and living it at its best.

10. You Can Heal Your Life, Louise Hay — this was one of the first books I read after my divorce. It helped me heal and set a path forward for what I wanted to create in my life.

I live an imperfectly perfect life. This means that even in the face of setbacks that happens at times, sadness, pain and disappointments, my life is completely blissful. This is because of where I choose to expend my energies throughout the day.

My dream is to eradicate hopelessness, negative self-beliefs and emotional pain. Instead, I’d like to infuse a good measure of self-confidence, power and belief that with the proper tools people can be catalytic change agents of the circumstances confronting them on a daily basis.

I’d like people to know that they truly have the power to create the quality of their day. They can start this process by doing some simple techniques daily until it becomes habitual.

Here’s what I’ll say:

Start by doing a simple meditation exercise each night before bed and immediately as you wake up in the mornings. It makes a huge difference on how you wake up feeling and on your results throughout the day. Be consistent until you start seeing results:

· Before falling asleep totally relax your body, taking three sets of four deep breaths in and four out.

· Bring your mind to focus, in gratitude, on the positive experiences throughout that day. Keep that positive thought in mind as you fall asleep.

· In the morning as you awake, intercept the thoughts of your tasks or workload and do your deep breathing again.

· Set a positive intention for how your day will go. Visualize yourself having positive interactions.

· Throughout the day, think more about the positive experiences you want to have. Deal with the negative situations but don’t make them the central focus of your day.

In no time this will help to transform your outlook on your life and the circumstances that show up. There is real power in being able to shift your mindset to a more positive frame in the face of potentially negative occurrences.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?
Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

“Make your decisions from the point of commitment to your relationship rather than from the point of fracture”.

This helps me in every relationship I have with family members, friends and others.

Whenever a challenge arises I bring to mind the commitment I have to the relationship. All my conversations, actions and words eventually come down to this.

The point of fracture is the point of dissidence or disagreement. Avoid the temptation to lash out in anger. Making your decision from this point will inevitably lead to separation, pain or hurt in the relationship.

When a disagreement comes up it helps to reinforce your commitment to the relationship not only with yourself but with the person in question.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“Why I live an imperfectly perfect life” with Dr. Gwen Smith and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“We’d all be better off if we did away with the word ‘should’ altogether” with Rosie Bell and…

“We’d all be better off if we did away with the word ‘should’ altogether” with Rosie Bell and Fotis Georgiadis

It is also my personal belief that we’d all be better off if we did away with the word ‘should’ altogether. This single word is ever so confining, further serving to program us towards prescribed behaviors and ideologies. Also, if everyone could just tolerate each other’s motives, wants and needs, that would be a great start.

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Rosie Bell, a travel writer, editor and author of ‘Escape to Self’. Her notes on wanderlust, writing and wild optimism have been found on Forbes Travel Guide and World Nomads. She is also the founder of ClubElsewhere.com, a digital magazine for story-led travel guides. Her portfolio lives at RosieBell.net.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

I am near-evangelical about travel and writing. For as long as I knew jobs existed, I yearned to be a writer. Growing up, however, I was told writing wasn’t a ‘real job’ because you couldn’t be ‘CEO of words’ or VP of writing. It would be much more worthwhile to take on a real profession with delineated ranks and riches. So, I did what I was ‘supposed to’ do and pursued a creative yet stable career in advertising — which nearly killed me. I’ve had to reinvent myself a couple of times, but ultimately, my disappointments and failures brought me right back where I belong. As a travel writer, these days I combine both of my passions working with clients as diverse as my destinations.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

My first book, ‘Escape to Self‘, is a personal freedom manifesto and a prime read for anyone longing to define their own life, doing away with traditional roles and what we ‘should’ be striving for. My next literary offering will be the self-discovery novel I’m writing about the journeys we plan, and the ones life forces us on. Club Elsewhere will also be publishing travel guides fuelled by personal stories in order to inspire and connect people through exposure to tales of the human experience.

Alongside these projects, I’m rolling out a series of online courses following the success of a life design and personal freedom workshop I held in Germany last year. Some participants reached out and expressed an appetite for the program to be extended somehow. They informed me that the very direct, self-reflective questions posed during the workshop initially brought them immense discomfort but ultimately, a better understanding of the things that make them tick. You could say I’ve got my finger in quite a few pies.

Like many, my twenties were a tumultuous period categorized by confusion, anxiety and failure — the latter being one of my toughest teachers to date. I worked myself to the bone doing what I ‘should’ be doing and chasing success. The long hours and pressure cooker environment of my employer got to me and I was miserable. I judged myself and called myself a failure for lacking the same level of ambition as my peers (proof that comparison gets us nowhere). The depth of my disenchantment eventually presented itself in the form of health problems. Without a new job to go to or the faintest clue what to do next with my life, I quit. People told me I was crazy to leave my cushy position, and I judged myself even more.

Failure is a particularly stern teacher because it offers extra credit in self-doubt and disappointment; lessons you surely never asked for. It’s sophisticated in its punishing effect on one’s self-esteem. Through failure, I would learn that I was living according to standards of success that weren’t mine. I am now succeeding by my own principles when my life consists of travel, connection, discovery and freedom, none of which my previous work enabled or encouraged. It matters not one bit that I operate in a different time zone to those around me. I’ve stopped giving myself a hard time because I needed to have that experience to know. Part of accepting ourselves is forgiving our mistakes — real or perceived.

The world is full of people who are uncomfortable in their own skin. Let’s face it; we live in a society that encourages perfectionism and comparison, which basically robs us of happiness like a thief in the night. It’s a duplicitous two-sided coin: you come up smelling of roses or feeling like dung depending on your position on the leader board. When we compare our looks/ homes/ jobs/ whatever the heck else to others, we create a mental scale of how good or bad we are in relation to them. Social Media networks are the most prolific comparison stations of our time. It’s right there in our hands for us to gawk at, all the people who appear to be better/ wealthier/ more alluring than we deem ourselves to be. Comparison doesn’t only serve to cause hyper-awareness of where we fall short; it also feeds envy, which is basically the least useful emotion in existence. It’s remarkably easy to question our bodies and our entire selves when we benchmark them against other people.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Self-love is the stuff that stitches joy into the seams. All of our neuroses have their root in the lack of self-love. An entire chapter of my book ‘Escape to Self’ is dedicated to it because it’s at the cornerstone of treating ourselves well and honouring ourselves. Self-love in Spanish is auto-amor, signalling that it’s an automatic and instinctive attitude.

Loving ourselves means accepting our emotions, which in turn grants us the freedom to be who and how we choose. Loving ourselves means accepting our individuality, which, in turn, helps us accept that we have our own very personal criteria to live by. This negates benchmarking against external targets of other people’s making. Loving ourselves means we don’t use extrinsic mirrors to reflect our innermost desires, an inherently flawed approach that leaves us longing to belong to things we don’t really belong to. Crucially, loving ourselves means we don’t worship at the altar of perfectionism, a hostile ruler that will never reward our efforts.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

When we lack self-love, we detain ourselves in lacklustre routines, stultifying relationships and limit ourselves to what others will ‘allow’ us. We can’t settle for less than we deserve when we love ourselves unconditionally. People also stay in unfulfilling relationships due to a reluctance to start all over. The fear of the unknown is a contributing factor too, but you can meet somebody tomorrow who has better intentions for you than someone you’ve known forever. Time means nothing where relationships are concerned.

Removing toxic people and relationships from our repertoires can be a huge stepping-stone to securing our wellbeing. Sometimes it’s bitterly necessary to realize that certain people take much more from us than they give. You are eternally granted free rein to limit contact with any individuals who deplete your goodwill. It’s comforting to know that the people you are looking for are also looking for you.

I had never thought about what success meant to me or given much thought to what I truly needed from my time on earth. It was only when heartache from being the wrong place and profession spilled over into my personal life that I was compelled to seek answers.

Accepting yourself requires knowing who ‘yourself’ is and loving that person in spite of and because of all of that. Start by asking yourself if you believe it is an honour to know and be you. Can you say, ‘It’s a privilege and a pleasure to know me’ without discomfort?

It’s worth noting that self-love isn’t arrogance. It’s not thinking we’re better or worse than anyone else. Rather, it means listening to our heart’s intellect which tells us we’re lovable no matter what. Self-acceptance is a celebration of our flaws and our fortitude.

What’s your relation with self-love? Who are you? Do you like yourself? What are your values? What’s the central theme of your attitudes? What does living ‘a good life’ mean to you? These are some of the questions posed in my online learning program, ‘Writing Your Personal Manifesto: The Questions We Never Ask Ourselves’.

Your relationships, the time you spend alone, the stories you tell, the ideas you have about yourself, your successes and your failures are all compass points with rich information to navigate you along your path. You can learn from the varying facets of your life.

Spending time alone is a form of self-care to improve the most important relationship in your life — the one you have with yourself. Some may think of spending time alone as boring but this is the time for those great books. This is the time for stolen moments with golden music. This is the time for sunset gazing. This is the time for a self-odyssey. You can share moments with yourself.

When we’re on our own is when we engage in our best self-reflective practices: writing in a diary, listing, or meditation. Being able to withstand just your own company means you won’t be desperate for anybody else’s. When you’re happy on your own, you’ll wait for the right people and be selective about whom you let infringe on your precious alone time.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

The condition of the relationship you have with yourself governs all other relationships in your life. Your ability to love and accept yourself impacts how much you let others love you. You aren’t intimidated by excess love because you believe you deserve it. When you create success and happiness for yourself, you create this for others too by being your optimum self.

Self-love also means you trust yourself. You waste less energy doubting and questioning things, time that could be spent enjoying your days and the company of others. Accepting ourselves also means accepting others for who they are, which can only be a good thing in any relationship.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

The first step towards getting what you desire is knowing what you desire. People can go years without even recognising that they’re unhappy or without actually knowing what they need in their lives. I can’t emphasize the importance of engaging in self-reflective practices enough. Asking yourself questions about who and what you are is how to take the temperature of your portfolio. Before you go on a spending spree it makes sense to check what you’ve got in the bank, right?

It is also my personal belief that we’d all be better off if we did away with the word ‘should’ altogether. This single word is ever so confining, further serving to program us towards prescribed behaviors and ideologies. Also, if everyone could just tolerate each other’s motives, wants and needs, that would be a great start.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1. I have always kept a list of all the things in my life that I am grateful for. I look back and review it at the end of every year and simply smile.

2. Spending time in places that make me feel alive is rejuvenating. To write my book, I decamped to Panama, which I have long enjoyed a love affair with. Travel is one of my greatest remedies and source of inspiration. Nothing has shown me how much and how little I know as travel has. Different locations have acted as different tutors, imbibing me with potent lessons that I am forever marked by.

3. Despite being quite a social person (ESFP), I endeavour to steal as many moments alone as I possibly can. An occupational hazard of writing is that it’s rather solitary in nature, however, I’ve come to a point where I genuinely relish moments with just myself for company.

4. The word ‘should’ is being slowly eradicated from my vocabulary. As adults with free will, there is great comfort to be found in the fact that there is nothing we ‘should’ or ‘have to’ do.

5. A bit of self-compassion goes a long way. Failure, doubt, heartbreak or inadequacy are not unique to me or you. Let’s cut ourselves some slack.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

The two books which really kicked off my own journey of self-discovery were ‘Loveability’ by Robert Holden and ‘Seven Sins for a Life Worth Living’ by Roger Housden. Both are delicious, uplifting reads. Housden woke me up to the fact that withholding the things we desire from ourselves will only come back to bite us in the ass, and that unrealized goals and unfulfilled wishes eat away at our self-esteem, swirling endlessly in the lungs until realized and released. Both books greatly contributed to my own life philosophy which is to make life happen for me and not to me, enjoy my days and fill them with my every desire and to be an instigator of positive warmth in the world.

I often bring Psychologies Magazine with me when I travel too as well a copy of my book ‘Escape to Self’ to give to someone whose heart could benefit from it.

I wish we’d all just have more fun. Our worlds can be altered dramatically by keeping in mind that the very purpose of life is to enjoy it. From the moment you get up, till the second you lay your head for slumber, you can add fun elements to every 24 hours. As you strut down the street, imagine you’re starring in a movie — choose a film from any genre you like. Pull a silly face unexpectedly when a friend’s speaking to you. Wear your roommate or partner’s clothes and wait to see their reaction. Just play.

‘Seven Sins for a Life Worth Living’ by Roger Housden presents a particularly interesting perspective on leisure and travel as a fundamental necessity for pretty much everyone. He specifies that ‘when you die, God and the angels will hold you accountable for all the pleasures you were allowed in life that you denied yourself’. Well, I surely wouldn’t want that, would I?

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“We’d all be better off if we did away with the word ‘should’ altogether” with Rosie Bell and… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“To love oneself allows you to love others and to seek relationships that are healthy and…

“To love oneself allows you to love others and to seek relationships that are healthy and fulfilling” with Dr. Ronna Krozy and Fotis Georgiadis

Feeling unattractive can lead to feeling unworthy of love. Self love promotes confidence and the tendency to make good choices, especially in relationships. To love oneself allows you to love others and to seek relationships that are healthy and fulfilling. Self love leads to high self esteem…where you can enter a room with people you don’t know and feel at ease, where you can state an opinion and be open to disagreement without taking it personally and where the physical imperfections that we all have are accepted as “That’s just who I am.”

I had the pleasure to interview Ronna E Krozy, EdD, RN. Dr. Krozy (or Ronna), a retired university professor of community health nursing with a doctoral degree in Health Education. She has lectured and published professionally on many topics related to her field of nursing.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

As a nurse, health educator and parent, I have always believed that the body is an amazing machine and beautiful in the many forms it comes in. Unfortunately, we live in a society that judges body beauty in ways that are unreachable for the vast majority. Supermodel images of men and women have made many people…including girls as young as 6!….unhappy with the way they look.

Growing up, my family was poor and I was chubby and self-conscious. Even when we moved from the inner city to a ‘better neighborhood,’ I never felt I could compete with the well-dressed, athletic and pretty girls. In high school, despite being an excellent student, I socialized with the rough crowd and got into petty mischief. Fortunately, I also decided to become a nurse and my grades got me into a hospital nursing program. Academically, I did quite well but I never thought people liked me and I didn’t join the clubs and social activities others did. Then, before finishing nurses’ training, I married someone I’d known only 5 months. I was just 19 and ended up divorced at 22 with a 2-yr-old. This upset my family (no one had ever divorced!) and crushed my hopes of further education…but only temporarily. This time I didn’t give up. I knew juggling parenthood with school and work would not be easy. It would take time, energy, commitment and more but I began seeking and winning scholarships and at age 27, I was accepted into a BS program in nursing. When I graduated with top honors, having overcome many roadblocks, I finally realized that I could achieve my goals…lofty as they were. I had decided I would earn my masters and doctoral degrees as well as eventually owning my own home…something my family was never able to do. I achieved all of these through strength and perseverance, attributes that I realized came from within. Along the way I was hired to teach nursing at a prestigious university where I remained for over 45 years and was able to help young students develop confidence and competence. Self assurance and experience have allowed me to live the life that I see fit without the need for approval from others.

In our society, the standards of beauty and the personal attributes upon which people are judged are unattainable by most. Supermodels, whether male or female, are showcased as the ‘beautiful people.’ Even their pictures in magazines are altered. From the clothes that you wear, the car you drive, your symbols of wealth…people are rated on external characteristics. Body shaming and weight bias are ever present. Youth is venerated; aging, something to fight against at all cost.

The consequences are many. Weight loss programs, special diets, diet pills, cosmetics, body altering surgery and fat-reducing gadgets command billions of dollars from people trying to conform to these unrealistic standards. For some, improvement of health is warranted. But for many, it is an attempt to look differently or appear young. When one is dissatisfied with one’s appearance, it can be self destructive. Poor self image can foster depression, anorexia, steroid taking, bulimia, anger, jealousy, and suicidal ideation. It can lead to perfectionism and fear of failure, to using drugs or alcohol to numb one’s feelings and to destructive, risky behavior because one may act in unhealthy ways to win the love or approval of another.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Feeling unattractive can lead to feeling unworthy of love. Self love promotes confidence and the tendency to make good choices, especially in relationships. To love oneself allows you to love others and to seek relationships that are healthy and fulfilling. Self love leads to high self esteem…where you can enter a room with people you don’t know and feel at ease, where you can state an opinion and be open to disagreement without taking it personally and where the physical imperfections that we all have are accepted as “That’s just who I am.”

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

As noted before, poor self esteem or negative self image can make one question the worthiness of another’s love. It can cause ‘settling’ because seeking a higher quality person isn’t seen as possible. It fosters insecurity and the fear that you will lose your partner. It can interfere with personal or sexual intimacy and trust. Some ideas to combat this can include consciously stopping negative thoughts, having friends who encourage you, reading self improvement ‘how to’ books, focusing on and identifying your good qualities, and counseling.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

1. When you can be your genuine self, you do not have to waste energy pretending to be someone or something you are not.

2. You will be more trustworthy and more empathetic in the eyes of others.

3. Self love leads to self respect and others will respect that quality in you.

4. When you can do an honest self appraisal, you can admit your mistakes and forgive yourself.

5. You will also be better at tolerating disappointment and not giving up.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

When we feel good about ourselves and accept others for who they are, such as occurs in the naturist world, we create a healthy environment of like-minded folks who care about one another.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1. I have reached a balance between thinking about who I used to be and who I am now.

2. I try to eat well, stay active and live a healthy life. But I know that I cannot stop time from creating changes to my body. So I embrace the wrinkles, bulges, stretch marks, scars and varicosities as a sign that I am still alive, albeit aging. I have earned those badges of life and if others find them ugly, well, who cares!!

3. I reflect upon the love of my family, especially my grandchildren (3 grandsons in their 20’s have participated in our camp activities). I spend as much time with them as possible and stay connected with friends, whether near or far, whether newer or older.

4. I give freely of my time and advice (wanted or not!) to those in need. For example, everyone at Solair knows I am a nurse. I have provided first aid, shots, dressings, information about medicines and diseases, and looked at lesions in all sorts of places!

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I enjoy reading about strong women such as Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Michelle Obama and The Help. It is always inspiring to learn about their challenges and how they have overcome them. I also enjoy books with a cultural perspective such as The Storyteller’s Secret by Sejal Bedani that tells a poignant story about a traditional woman’s role in India. As for psychology, I recommend Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People…it provides much food for reflection.

This is difficult because there are many! And they are my own! And I have foisted them on my family, friends and students! So here’s a sampling………

1. It is better to try and to fail, than never to have tried because it would be far worse not knowing how it would have turned out. I have learned to be a positive risk taker because unlike the Megabucks, there are usually just two outcomes…you win or you lose.

2. There are two ways to create change: Influence the leadership or become the leadership. Taking leadership however requires accepting the responsibilities and reactions that come with it. In many of my endeavors, I have spearheaded action for difficult causes (i.e., promoting smoke- free environments, instituting seat belt laws, changing educational policy)

3. Nothing’s impossible with the right approach. I am the eternal optimist. Rather than giving up because something seems difficult, I enlist people’s help when necessary and try to think creatively and outside the box until finding a solution. And if after concerted effort something doesn’t work out, I revert to the first quote.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“To love oneself allows you to love others and to seek relationships that are healthy and… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“So many symptoms of mental illness are part of the universal human experience; we can all as…

“So many symptoms of mental illness are part of the universal human experience; we can all as human beings relate to these feelings” with Jennifer Goldman and Fotis Georgiadis

The stigma really breaks my heart because I know there are so many people suffering in silence because of it. As you mentioned, over 44 million Americans have a DIAGNOSED mental health condition, and I believe many more suffer daily without even the official diagnosis. I believe so many symptoms of mental illness are part of the universal human experience; i.e. shame, isolation, lack of self-worth, lack of self-love, self-doubt, insecurity — we can all as human beings relate to these feelings, and I feel indebted to serve as an honest and vulnerable voice for the masses by sharing my OWN experiences with these feelings so as to make the rest of the world feel less alone, and to feel supported in whatever they’re navigating.

As a part of my series about “Mental Health Champions” helping to normalize the focus on mental wellness, I had the pleasure to interview Jennifer Goldman, a wellness entrepreneur, self-love teacher, mental health advocate, and motivational speaker whose life-changing journey to mental health informs everything she does. Depression and anxiety darkened every corner of Jennifer’s youth until a wilderness intervention at age 16 sparked her journey of self-discovery. Her two-year long therapeutic journey spanned an Outdoor Wilderness Therapy Program in the Blue Ridge Mountains to an Emotional Growth Boarding School in Southern Virginia where she completed her High School career. Since then, she has achieved a Dual Bachelors degree in Religious Studies and Philosophy from Skidmore College, become certified in a diverse range of holistic healing modalities, and acquired a unique skillset to thrive in her daily life. She is a 300-hour certified Advanced Clinical Aromatherapist, a three-times certified 200-hour Yoga Teacher in the Hatha, Vinyasa, and Kundalini traditions, a certified Reiki 1 and Reiki 2 practitioner, and an expert in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and Positive Psychology. As a senior in college, Jennifer incorporated the first-ever mood-balancing beauty® brand for mental health and healthy skin, Essential Rose Life, which has become a thriving national brand and movement. Jennifer seeks to empower each and every woman to create the most nourishing self-relationship, restore a truly balanced lifestyle on her own terms, and recognize what’s most beautiful inside.

Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us the “backstory” about what brought you to this specific career path?

When I was 16 years old, after I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I was taken from my home in the middle of the night. It literally was that dramatic. I did not know where I was going or for how long. I was pulled out of high school in the middle of the year and dropped off in the middle of the wilderness, where I would begin a cathartic and introspective journey inside of myself. I spent 10 weeks living in the wilderness with a pack on my back, a sleeping bag, and a journal, and then went straight from there to what was described as an “Emotional Growth Boarding School” where I completed my high school career. The Boarding School laced traditional academia with an intense therapeutic curriculum of weekly group therapy, individual therapy, workshop intensives, and leadership development programs. I consider this two-year long experience the start of my mental health journey and my process of awakening. Post Boarding School, I went to Skidmore College and majored in Philosophy and Religious Studies. I was seeking ways to heal myself from the inside out and desired to understand how people make meaning and use ritual and spirituality to transform pain and trauma into purpose and passion. I studied and became certified in a diverse range of holistic healing practices, such as Advanced Clinical Aromatherapy, Yoga, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, Positive Psychology and more. I found these practices instrumental in my pesonal growth and development and in supporting my daily mental health. When I was a senior at Skidmore, I launched Skidpothecary (Skidmore College Apothecary) which became the foundation of Essential Rose LLC, which I incorporated that same year. Essential Rose Life is the first-ever mood-balancing beauty® brand for mental health and healthy skin. We’re dedicated to revolutionizing the personal care industry and concept of “beauty” as more than how you look — it’s how you FEEL. The brand is my way of giving back to the community, taking a public and active stance for mental health, and sharing with the world how I personally navigated my own healing and do so on a daily basis today. As part of my personal mental health mission, I donate 5% of all net profits from Essential Rose Life to StompOut Bullying; the nation’s largest anti-bullying campaign. I am also in the process of filing my very own 501(c)3 Inner Rose Foundation for mental health advocacy, which will deliver a proprietary mental wellness curriculum to the community-at-large.

I think this is the case because mental illness is less visible than physical illness and is therefore harder for people to understand. With something like cancer or diabetes, it’s undeniable. With something like depression and anxiety, it appears to be more subjective as it is internal, although there are clearly external, physical symptoms that can manifest. I also think there is stigma because mental health obviously has to do with our thoughts and emotions, and it’s very vulnerable to talk about how we think and feel inside. It’s much easier to talk about something physical that seems more removed and less a part of “us” and our “identity” as people. Mental illness can be perceived by society as weakness because people don’t understand it or can believe it is a “choice” vs something that is just as real and out of someone’s control as a physical illness. The stigma really breaks my heart because I know there are so many people suffering in silence because of it. As you mentioned, over 44 million Americans have a DIAGNOSED mental health condition, and I believe many more suffer daily without even the official diagnosis. I believe so many symptoms of mental illness are part of the universal human experience; i.e. shame, isolation, lack of self-worth, lack of self-love, self-doubt, insecurity — we can all as human beings relate to these feelings, and I feel indebted to serve as an honest and vulnerable voice for the masses by sharing my OWN experiences with these feelings so as to make the rest of the world feel less alone, and to feel supported in whatever they’re navigating.

Can you tell our readers about how you are helping to de-stigmatize the focus on mental wellness?

I am helping to do this daily through my mental health (inner) beauty brand, Essential Rose Life. The whole concept of Essential Rose Life is to prioritze mental health AND healthy skin and to bring more depth and awareness to what has historically been a superficial beauty and personal care industry. We shed the stigma through our truly holistic products for inner and outer beauty, our empowering and authentic social media content where I take an active stand in support of the conversation around mental health and illness, and through our mental health and self-care programming, workshops and retreats, where I teach online and in person. We also donate 5% of net profits to StompOut Bullying, which is the nation’s largest anti-bullying campaign, as I have personally experienced the severe negative impacts bullying can have on mental health and want to provide a safer world for children today. Additionally, I am working on creating my very own 501(c)3 Inner Rose Foundation for mental health advocacy for women and adolescents nationwide, which will deliver a propietary mental wellness curriculum, designed by me and other psychologists / holistic health experts, to the community-at-large.

In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?

The success of the country, world and planet depends on our mental health and wellbeing. If we continue at the rate we’re going, depression is set to become the global burden of disease by 2030, which is not only tragic and avoiadable, but will be very expensive for the world to maintain. Mental health informs physical health — I don’t believe you can have one without the other. Through honesty, vulnerability, authentic conversation, education, and better mental health programming, we could literally save lives, reduce rates of suicide, addiction-related deaths, early pregnancies, and a whole host of other public health challenges. We could reduce crime. Mental health is intimately related with public health and the thriving of the entire ecosystem that is the world!

What are your 6 strategies you use to promote your own wellbeing and mental wellness? Can you please give a story or example for each?

1) Daily mindfulness meditation — I sit in silence each morning for 30 minutes before I start my day because this helps me be less irritated, reactive, and emotional when LIFE happens!

2) Daily tea drinking — I drink a cup of tea each morning because the process of sipping on a warm, healing liquid such as tea is very therapeutic and grounding. It helps create mindfulness and presence in my day. I also like to take “tea breaks” frequently throughout my day.

3) I get outside — nature is an incredibly grounding and balancing force in my life. As someone who is highly sensitive and prone to anxious and depressive thinking, getting outside helps me put things in perspective, love something outside of my self, and feel connected to the world at large.

4) Set intentions — I like to journal frequently and set intentions because this helps me discipline my mind, feel accomplished, work towards a goal, and feel like I am working towards creating meaning in my life and in the world. Having a phrase or phrases of empowerment to focus on is very supportive and grounding when my mind can ordinarily be very overactive!

5) SLEEP — I require a lot of it…say 8 hours ideally. Sleep is so important to my mental health, when I don’t sleep enough I can be very emotional and I think that’s true for everyone. Adequate sleep enables me to think more clearly throughout the day, be less reactive and more balanced emotionally, and infuse into my daily activities the passion, purpose, and energy that helps me feel connected with my life and mission.

6) Healthy nutrition (and lots of chocolate) — Yes, I recognize how important nutrition is to our mental health and well-being! Did you know the gut has more seretonin (happiness chemicals) receptors than does the brain?! Aka what you eat matters, and how you digest it matters. Chocolate is one of my most favorite foods and something that elevates my mood daily. I eat healthy chocolate (dark with coconut sugar — HU is the brand) because it not only is good for my heart and body, but it also helps me stay positive and energizing throughout the day. I make a “Cacao Smoothie” each morning too! Cacao is what chocolate is made of at its core, minus the sugar and other additivies. Literally can’t get enough of it!

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?

HAY HOUSE INC — everything Hay House! Louise Hay books, Wayne Dyer books, Gabby Bernstein books, Elena Brower instagram. Oprah Super Soul Sunday interviews . Tony Robbins youtube videos. Dr. Bruce Lipton videos. I am constantly consuming Positive Psych and spirituality content to keep me elevated and in a good mind space! I love to listen to anything related to Law of Attraction — The Secret Documentary, etc.

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!

“So many symptoms of mental illness are part of the universal human experience; we can all as… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“To better understand yourself and accept yourself, you first need to realize that society has…

“To better understand yourself and accept yourself, you first need to realize that society has given you a lot of false, limiting beliefs” with Mikaela Delia and Fotis Georgiadis

Because of that, it starts with you. To better understand yourself and accept yourself, you first need to realize that society has given you a lot of false, limiting beliefs. Your sole purpose in life is to be happy and give and receive love. Your time here is a gift that the Universe desperately doesn’t want you to waste. Start by assessing your limiting beliefs and begin to strip then. It is then that you can truly learn about yourself.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Mikaela Delia, a freelance writer, marketer, and self-help blogger who escaped corporate life to work for herself. She frequently writes articles for the mind, body, and soul. She follows the work of Bob Proctor, Jen Sincero, Gabby Bernstein, Rhonda Byrne and Gary Chapman. Mikaela loves all things nature and being outside, as well as sustainable living, food, and meeting new and exciting people.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

It’s my pleasure! I was brought to this career path after having quite a spiritual awakening at age 24. I was introduced to the work of Gabby Bernstein which prompted my own spiritual journey. After finding myself in a job I hated and having done enough soul searching to see where I was truly meant to be, I was brought here.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

Right now I’m still very much in the self-discovery phase, but I frequently share what I’ve learned with others who may be in the same place spiritually as me in pieces on my blog or on social media. Self-discovery and enlightenment is a specially tailored journey for each person, but I hope that first and foremost that people open themselves up to begin that journey. To progress, you have to fight your internal resistance and indeed allow yourself to become enlightened.

Absolutely. Ever since I first started my career in marketing, I had this vision of being a big marketing exec that directed a team and had a very, what I thought to be considered “successful” career. It was ingrained in my subconscious that salary, power, leadership, and high-powered connections were all indicators of a successful career. I was also taught that if I worked hard, I could climb the corporate ladder to the top.

The problem with this was that there was a minimal emphasis on the fact that a successful career also has to do significantly with the fulfillment and satisfaction you get from it. Pretty soon, I was in a job that was outwardly very impressive, but I hated. I had very little self-esteem because my work suffered due to my job dissatisfaction. I came to the conclusion that enough was enough and I quit my corporate job to become my own entity no matter what it took. So began my journey to finding what actually made me happy, and loving myself enough to be free from the cages we’re gradually put in throughout our lives from our parents, society, and other people. It was during that time I realized that self-love is a life-long journey of fueling yourself with love, trust, and respect yourself enough to desensitize yourself to the negativity around you to help you reach your dreams.

This comes as no surprise to me, whatsoever. I think ultimately it starts with a gradual increase of a warped perception of ourselves that becomes more harmful over time. The constant comparing of ourselves to other people, especially people in the media, in addition to perceiving ourselves as imperfect damages our self-esteem. This often leads to a downward spiral of unhealthy habits.

It’s difficult to do, and the recovery never stops, but the remedy to this is altering your perception of yourself when you look in the mirror, at pictures, focusing on lack, and other self-sabotaging views of yourself. The words in your head when you assess how you look should be like that of a caring friend or family member, and not like that of a bully or critic.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

Loving yourself is important because it’s a ripple effect for literally everything that you do. Think about it, the epicenter of everything that happens to you, everything you do, everything you accomplish starts with YOU. Not having love for yourself and not believing in yourself, taints your entire output and can attract negative energy and negative situations. In order to live your best life, you have to look inward at what’s obstructing your self-love.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

Loving yourself is important because it’s a ripple effect for literally everything that you do. Think about it, the epicenter of everything that happens to you, everything you do, everything you accomplish starts with YOU. Not having love for yourself and not believing in yourself, taints your entire output and can attract negative energy and adverse situations. To live your best life, you have to look inward at what’s obstructing your self-love.

It starts by genuinely listening to the constructive feedback people have for you. We’re consistently being given feedback all the time regarding who we are as a person, though some are more apparent than others. To want to be a better person, partner, employee, etc. it’s up to us to be mindful of this feedback and accept it with grace.

For a long time, I struggled with accepting criticism. I perceived criticism as a hit to my ego and often reacted emotionally or defensively. It wasn’t until my romantic partner mentioned to me that I’m not the best at taking criticism to which I sharply replied: “umm, that is NOT true.”

It was at that moment that I realized not accepting criticism wasn’t helping me be my higher self. It was tainting how others perceived me, stunting my growth relationship and career-wise, and over-all was NOT cute. Bettering ourselves for ourselves and others is a beautiful thing, that starts with seriously digesting other’s feedback, despite how uncomfortable it may be.

So many don’t really know how to be alone or are afraid of it. How important is it for us to have, and practice, that capacity to truly be with ourselves and be alone (literally or metaphorically)?

Humans have the fantastic primal capability of being able to survive both in packs and in solitude. That means that naturally, you were given the ability to be alone. Not being able to be alone means that you have a spiritual blockage preventing you from doing so.

Usually, this stems from a deeper rooted fear or trauma that you haven’t addressed and allowed to pass through you. You’re running from something. It’s not being okay with aloneness that’s important, it’s addressing whatever is preventing you from doing it.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

A person with a high degree of self-love and self-understanding has a heightened perspective capable of identifying a lack of self-love and self-understanding in others. Instantly, they can empathize and offer spiritual assistance.

Achieving a high degree of self-love and self-understanding just makes you more perceptive to the world around you, in general. It doesn’t mean you’re better than anyone, it merely means that you have a deep understanding that everyone is facing their own unique dichotomy of internal and external struggles and you want to do your part to be the light.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

Golly, there’s so much as a society we can do to help people better understand themselves. A lot of our thoughts, ideas, opinions, beliefs in us are ingrained in our being at birth from our parents. It gets worse over time as the media, other people, and our surroundings imprint false beliefs in our heads. Society has a lot of work to do to nurture better views of ourselves.

Because of that, it starts with you. To better understand yourself and accept yourself, you first need to realize that society has given you a lot of false, limiting beliefs. Your sole purpose in life is to be happy and give and receive love. Your time here is a gift that the Universe desperately doesn’t want you to waste. Start by assessing your limiting beliefs and begin to strip then. It is then that you can truly learn about yourself.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

Meditate- meditation is potent. Before I meditated, I also just had a “feeling” that higher energy was communicating with me. I was able to fully interpret these messages once I got into meditation.
Take care of your temple- This might seem silly, but I pretend my body is an ancient temple or museum. I avoid introducing things that will hurt its preservation, I maintain it, and I honor all the exhibits inside. Start thinking of your body as your house or your most valuable asset- it’s the best place you’ll ever live!
Look for miracles- little miracles are happening around you all. The. Time. Next time you’re in a restaurant, at the gym, etc. venture out of your own head and try and find a little miracle.
Balance the “holy triangle”- I like to break down my existence into body, mind, and soul. They’re a well-balanced triangle, so if something is thrown off, it’s likely caused by or will affect, the others. Try not to let it.
Choose love, not fear. Example: instead of worrying about being able to pay bills this month, choose not to. I know that sounds crazy, but counter-acting your fear-based thoughts with positive thoughts, love, and gratitude makes good things happen…trust me.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

I resonate strongly with the work of Gabrielle Bernstein, Jen Sincero, and Rhonda Byrne. Seriously, their books, articles, interviews, etc. are so incredibly awakening. “You Are a Badass” actually helped me find the courage to quit the corporate job I hated by reversing my limiting beliefs and trusting the Universe.

For relationships, the “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman is incredibly helpful in analyzing how each of us best communicates our love, and how we can use that understanding to improve our relationships. I now use it to help other couples by encouraging them to discover their primary love languages.

I had this idea ( I do it myself) to create what I called “one little thing.” Basically, every day you try and do one little thing, no matter how small. Ideally, you’d want to make the little thing you do gradually get bigger over time. Starting points could be, picking up one piece of trash, holding the door open, helping someone carry something heavy. Wave to a child or an elderly person, etc.

Doing good is both contagious and addictive. Pretty soon, someone’s entire life could be devoted to being, seeing, and doing good.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote” that you use to guide yourself by?

Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life and how our readers might learn to live by it in theirs?

Maya Angelou once said “if you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your perspective.” This has always resonated with me, and I try to live by this quote as best as I can. I think what so great about it is that it could apply to literally any area of your life. How you look, your financial situation, society, etc. It’s universal. This has helped me gradually eliminate all the areas/things in my life I don’t like. Pretty soon, all you’ve have left is everything you love!

Thank you for all of these great insights!

“To better understand yourself and accept yourself, you first need to realize that society has… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“We’re not emphasizing to mothers that they’ve gone through and are going through massive physical…

“We’re not emphasizing to mothers that they’ve gone through and are going through massive physical, mental, and emotional changes, just as their babies are” with Amanda Norris Ames and Fotis Georgiadis

We treat postpartum anxiety and depression as niche, despite the fact that Postpartum Support International estimates that at least 1 in 7 moms experience some form of these conditions, and far more experience high levels of stress and overwhelm. But while babies are measured and tracked at frequent doctor visits, women visit the doctor once (if at all), on average, postpartum. We’re not emphasizing to mothers that they’ve gone through and are going through massive physical, mental, and emotional changes, just as their babies are. So mothers are oftentimes left feeling alone and afraid to talk about feelings fear of being seen as a bad mother.

I had the pleasure to interview Amanda Norris Ames, founder of Motherful, an app which helps mothers bring peace and presence into busy daily routines. Motherful can be completed on the go and incorporates gratitude journaling, brief guided meditations, and daily mantras, in about 5 minutes a day. Amanda lives with her husband and two children in Charlottesville, Virginia.

Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us the “backstory” about what brought you to this specific career path?

I found myself overwhelmed as a new working mom, and I realized this was a common feeling. I recognized that mothers — who best understand the all-consuming experience of new motherhood — need to be designing and advocating on behalf of moms. I wanted to see more moms doing so in a realistic way, rather than presenting motherhood only through a curated social media lens. But I also understood the difficulty in finding the time to advocate for mothers when you’re in the thick of new parenthood yourself. I decided to devote some time and leverage my networks to develop creative solutions for supporting mothers’ wellness, which eventually led to my creation of Motherful, a mindfulness tool for moms.

I definitely see this in my area of work. We treat postpartum anxiety and depression as niche, despite the fact that Postpartum Support International estimates that at least 1 in 7 moms experience some form of these conditions, and far more experience high levels of stress and overwhelm. But while babies are measured and tracked at frequent doctor visits, women visit the doctor once (if at all), on average, postpartum. We’re not emphasizing to mothers that they’ve gone through and are going through massive physical, mental, and emotional changes, just as their babies are. So mothers are oftentimes left feeling alone and afraid to talk about feelings fear of being seen as a bad mother.

Can you tell our readers about how you are helping to de-stigmatize the focus on mental wellness?

I’m working to empower other moms to prioritize their own mental wellbeing, seek out help when they need it, and more openly celebrate both the joys and difficulties of motherhood. We’ll begin to break through the stigma when we start to talk about postpartum mental health issues as extremely common and extremely treatable, whether though therapy, medication, mindful practices, or other methods. I also hope to normalize the different ways we approach self-care. We tell ourselves that we’ll find relaxation after the baby sleeps through the night or starts preschool. But I hope to help moms see that small steps towards self-care now can have a significant impact on wellbeing. We might not have the time to meditate for 30 minutes a day, but 5 minutes of deep breathing is better than nothing.

Was there a story behind why you decided to launch this initiative?

I found myself anxious and overwhelmed as a new mom after the births of both of my children. I had a serious lack of balance, so I began trying different evidence-based stress-reduction methods. Based on the positive outcomes for both moms and babies when mothers incorporate mindfulness-based practices, I knew I had to give meditation a shot. But many of the mindfulness apps I tried just didn’t seem to understand new motherhood — they suggested you meditate for 10 minutes or more at a time while in a quiet, comfortable area. I had a constantly-breastfeeding baby and an energetic toddler — there were no 10-minute long, quiet stretches in my day. With the abundance of mindfulness apps on the market, I was shocked that I couldn’t find a meditation app made for moms, and so I set out to make one myself. I created Motherful, a simple mindfulness tool for moms that incorporates gratitude journaling, short guided meditations, and daily mantras, all in about 5 minutes a day.

In your experience, what should a) individuals b) society, and c) the government do to better support people suffering from mental illness?

We talk about the fact that women are now able to pursue a wide range of career and motherhood options, but we don’t talk about the fact that mothers are oftentimes pursuing these options with little to no community or government support. In the U.S., women frequently receive a short or unpaid maternity leave, if they receive one at all. There’s no guarantee that they will receive proper medical care for birth injuries. They’re encouraged to breastfeed, which for working moms largely means pumping. These are just a few of the challenges new moms face. So in addition to educating new moms on the prevalence and treatment of maternal mental health issues, as I discussed earlier, I think we have to address the structural issues that place significant burdens on new moms. I believe that advocating for more mom, baby, and family friendly policies in the U.S. (whether in healthcare, child care, or family leave policies) would go a long way in supporting moms struggling with mental health challenges.

What are your 6 strategies you use to promote your own wellbeing and mental wellness? Can you please give a story or example for each?

Gratitude journaling. More than any other activity, intentionally incorporating a gratitude practice into my daily routine has been a game changer. I rarely spend more than a minute a day on it, but it has truly improved my daily mindset.
Meditation. I try to meditate, whether through listening to a short, guided meditation or simply committing to sitting for a series of calming breaths, each day.
Physical activity. Fitting in a workout is hard with two small children, but I find I feel better on the days that I can squeeze in even 15 minutes of cycling, running, or yoga.
Reading. I love reading inspiring stories, blogs, and memoirs from strong female writers.
Positive media. I’m not anti-social media, though I know that eliminating it does significantly benefit some. But lately I’ve been trying to follow accounts that empower, inspire, and educate.
Peer support. I regularly text with two other mothers of young children who I know will have a non-judgmental listening ear.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a mental health champion?

So many resources try to put moms in neat little boxes — breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, working vs. stay at home, etc. — but the reality for most of us is that it’s much more complex. I appreciate moms who share their stories, their struggles, and their strategies, both because I’m all for finding creative mom hacks and because these stories show the world that there’s not one right way to do this motherhood thing. I believe resources that embrace the full range of motherhood experiences — including maternal mental health issues — empower moms to trust their gut, find solutions that work for their families, and get help when they need it.

Some of the resources I’ve recently enjoyed that openly share these motherhood stories include:

Best of Both Worlds podcast

The Longest Shortest Time podcast

Mindful Return blog, book, and online course by Lori Mihalich-Levin

Slay Like a Mother by Katherine Wintsch

The Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom’s Guide to Style, Sanity, and Success After Baby by Lauren Smith Brody

Any memoirs by strong, honest mothers (recent examples include: Michelle Obama, Brene Brown, Kelly Corrigan, Glennon Doyle and Shauna Niequist)

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!

“We’re not emphasizing to mothers that they’ve gone through and are going through massive physical… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Lessons From Inspirational Women in STEM: “Fitting into stereotypes is boring but venturing out…

Lessons From Inspirational Women in STEM: “Fitting into stereotypes is boring but venturing out of those stereotypes could bring you so much joy both in school and in your future career” with Ashley Kimbel and Fotis Georgiadis

I would tell them to not be afraid of defying the status quo. Fitting into stereotypes is boring but venturing out of those stereotypes could bring you so much joy both in school and in your future career. I would tell them to take the class that sounds interesting, and not to settle for following the crowd. I did not take the extracurricular classes that most people in my school took, but I truly believe I am better for it. Most importantly I would just tell them to be open with what they are interested in. When something seems interesting just roll with it and see where it takes you.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Ashley Kimbel, an 18-year-old incoming biomedical engineering student at the University of Alabama Birmingham. She is from Huntsville, AL — also known as “Rocket City” — and was able to jumpstart her STEM career by participating in an advanced manufacturing/engineering program at Grissom High School. This program led her to the opportunity of a lifetime with Siemens USA. Guided by her engineering teacher at school and fueled by Siemens SolidEdge software, Ashley was able to design, optimize and build a lighter prosthetic for a wounded veteran, allowing him to resume his favorite outdoor activities with ease.

Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

When I was in middle school, I never imagined engineering would be a potential option for my future career path, I always imagined it would be medicine. However, I had a pre-algebra teacher who was looking for students to be on his new Greenpower team. This is a program where students build and race single seat electric race cars. I hesitantly agreed to join after some persuasion, and it ended up being my launching pad into engineering. I continued with Greenpower through middle school and into high school, and this led me to the advanced manufacturing/engineering program at Grissom High School. That program was where I really fell in love with engineering. However, I was still infatuated with medicine. Somewhere along the way, I don’t remember exactly when or where it was, I heard about biomedical engineering. To me, biomedical engineering is the perfect combination of both fields that I want to pursue.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began pursuing a career in STEM?

By far the most interesting part has been having the chance to work with an amputee veteran, Kendall. Kendall lost his leg in Afghanistan and I was able to design and build a new athletic prosthetic foot that would allow him to be more active for longer periods of time. I used the Computer Aided Design (CAD) program called SolidEdge by Siemens to design the foot. I then 3D printed tools that I used to layup the foot in carbon fiber. The entire project took almost a year from the day we had the first meeting to the day I handed the final foot over to Kendall. This project started out as an excellent opportunity for me to use the engineering skills that I had been developing for 4 years, but it soon turned into a project that allowed me to give back to someone who came so very close to paying the ultimate price for the freedom I enjoy in the United States.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

There are so many stories of me making mistakes throughout this whole process. The most memorable mistake was adding a random number 1 into an offset command in SolidEdge (rookie mistake). This resulted in a ruined 36-hour print very close to an important deadline. I wasted a ton of time and material, but at least I learned to check my dimensions. Oh, but it doesn’t end there! I went home and fixed this 3D file. I came in the next day excited to set up the print, only to find out that the printer was broken as it would stay for the next month. Following the printer finally being fixed and the prints being finished, it was time to very quickly layup the foot out of carbon fiber. With only one week to the deadline we went aggressive with our carbon fiber layup process, laying it up in one complete piece. Because of how narrow the foot molds were, it was extremely difficult to place all of the materials inside the mold correctly. Long story short, after curing the part, the wool-like breather material was completely bonded to the carbon fiber. We tried for hours and could not find a solution, so we opted to try again the next day. On my drive home that day my sleep deprived mind decided that a soldering iron might separate the two materials. Here was where I learned one of my biggest lessons. A 425-degree CELSIUS soldering iron is not the answer to any carbon fiber problem. I sat in class with my three other classmates, took out my soldering iron and began melting the wool from the composite material. In the end, I created the worst gaseous smell that required us to evacuate the room and set the carbon fiber on fire. At the end of all that, we still had to redo the layup.

What do you think makes a company stand out? Can you share a story?

I have never seen a company that stands out more than Siemens. They are focusing on redefining the corporate stereotype. They are focusing on promoting the future of technology in our world and all of the ways that technology can be used to change the world for the better. In my opinion, they are such an extraordinary company because they focus their values towards the betterment of the world. It attracts other companies, people and business. Personally, I have loved working with Siemens because of how positive they are, how much they have supported me and how much of a difference they are making in the world. Technology is the future and Siemens is the front runner in promoting the idea of these new technologies to the younger generations. They do this through allowing their software to be downloaded by any student, this is how I first came into contact with Siemens, and how many other students will hopefully dip their tows into Siemens technology as well. Not only are they great because they are focused on the future but also because they are so diverse, both in industry and in population. Siemens is everywhere, in most countries and in most realms of technology (anything from a door handle to an MRI machine). This allows them to have the greatest impact on the greatest amount of people. For all of these reasons, Siemens is a company that exhibits everything I believe an extraordinary company should.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now or what would like to work on in the future? How do you think that will help people in the future?

Currently I’m switching my focus to college. My school is very heavy in undergraduate research and that is one of the reasons I chose it. I now have the opportunity to work with one of UAB’s Biomedical Engineering Professors in his research labs where he is using 3D printing to create a bioreactor that will simulate mechanical stressors in the tumor microenvironment (main focus is breast cancer). I also have some of my own personal ideas that I got after visiting Siemens’ Cypress location. This project would utilize CAD programs and bioimaging in the field of orthopedics. Nothing official on that project yet, but I’m working towards it.

Are you currently satisfied with the status quo regarding women in STEM? What specific changes do you think are needed to change the status quo?

I am unique in that I grew up in Huntsville, Alabama where almost everyone you meet is an engineer or knows an engineer. That being said from the time I was young I have been surrounded by female engineers so up until recently I didn’t understand what the problem really was. In just my first week of college, where I have been participating in the engineering retreat, I have already noticed a severe difference between the number of males and females. I believe that there are stereotypes regarding which gender should go into which career field and unfortunately engineering is one of the fields that coincides with the male stereotype. In order to fix this, I believe that all we have to do is expose more girls to STEM. It took less than a year to have me hooked on it, and I bet you there are thousands more like me. The prosthetic project I did was not necessarily hard, it just required a passion for engineering that was instilled in me back in the eighth grade. By exposing more young girls to STEM fields in their schools, I am sure there will be a dramatic increase in women entering STEM fields. That being said, I also believe that a simple one day engineering camp is not good enough to light that fire. I had been to dozens of those camps throughout my elementary years. I would remember them for a couple days and then quickly forget what I had learned. It will take constant exposure, exposure that you get in a year long class to light those fires. There needs to be a movement of putting tech schools, medical programs, machining programs and many other types of programs into schools across the country.

What advice would you give to female students about the best way to break into a career in STEM?

I would tell them to not be afraid of defying the status quo. Fitting into stereotypes is boring but venturing out of those stereotypes could bring you so much joy both in school and in your future career. I would tell them to take the class that sounds interesting, and not to settle for following the crowd. I did not take the extracurricular classes that most people in my school took, but I truly believe I am better for it. Most importantly I would just tell them to be open with what they are interested in. When something seems interesting just roll with it and see where it takes you.

This is an easy question. I would have to say my engineering teacher Mr. Faust. He was unique in that he taught us how to be engineers through a project based class. He allowed us the freedom to pursue what we wanted and no matter how crazy he always supported and guided his students. He taught me so much through his unique style of teaching and his own life experiences. There aren’t enough words to describe how very thankful I am to have been one of his students. His class has given me opportunities I never could have dreamed of and I am forever grateful to him. He was the one who randomly ran into a Siemens representative and proudly told him of what his students were doing and that is what spring boarded my relationship with Siemens. A relationship that changed my life. There are no specific stories that stand out to me about Mr. Faust. It’s the constant things he did that I remember best. He stayed at school with us on so many evenings that he could have been with his family. He always allowed us to be creative with our 3D prints, allowing us to print the craziest things. A lot of Christmas ornaments were created on his machines (we wasted SO MUCH of his material). Most of all, he always made sure that we were having fun in his class, that we were not stressed out and that we were learning real applicable skills. He changed my life and I am eternally grateful.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

I hope that my success will show anyone who hears it that having an innovative idea and putting it into action is only a step away. All they need to do is jump for it. I am not special, what I did took very little skill or intelligence. It simply took hard work, passion and an idea. My biggest hope is that people will see they can do something just the same and probably better than what I did by just having an idea and taking some initiative. I hope that my story starts a chain reaction.

Can you please share an anecdote for the following: “What I Learned from My Experience as an up-and-coming Woman in STEM” and why?

My project with Kendall taught me so much more than just engineering skills. Though I did learn many engineering skills such as new carbon fiber layup techniques and problem solving, I also learned skills vital to the engineering industry that aren’t necessarily engineering skills. The most important of these is project management. Some of my biggest challenges throughout my project were keeping track of deadlines, maintaining communications with everybody involved, and scheduling work times. Of course, this was all on top of being a Senior in high school taking 5 AP classes and dual enrolling in an EMT program through the local community college. I truly value the fact that I learned to manage my time and manage people in a project. I believe those skills will come in very handy throughout my education and career.

If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

I’ve had this idea for a little bit now, and I would very much like to find a way to execute it. I want to find a way to share the incredible opportunities I had in high school with thousands of kids across the country. School isn’t fun when you go and are only in core classes. Engineering classes made going to school so much fun for me. Not only did they make school fun, but I actually came out with skills that I could get an internship or job with. In fact, I know someone who didn’t think he was ready for college yet, so he took his skills that he learned in Mr. Faust’s class and he started working full time for an engineering firm. My school had so much more than just engineering, we had a medical program and a machining program as well. In all of these programs, students came out with certifications that they could get jobs with. This idea of an education that is not just focused on graduation but rather focused on student’s future careers is significant in that is sets both college-bound and non college-bound students up for success. My biggest dream is for every student across America to have these opportunities. I don’t know how executing that dream looks, but I would love to explore it.

Can you please give us your favorite” Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

The most relevant quote in my life is actually a verse of scripture. 1 Timothy 4:12, “Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity”. This always stuck with me because it reminds me of who I can be when I set aside my fear of not being ready for something or not thinking I am someone who could make a difference. This verse reminds me that it Is not how many years I have been on this planet that defines who I am but rather it is how I have spent my time on this earth that will define the impact I can have on other people.

I would definitely have lunch with Ivanka Trump. I admire how she promotes introducing youth to STEM careers, women’s rights and world peace. Being that my ultimate goal is to be an orthopaedic surgeon which is 95% male, I also admire her success in the male dominated world of politics. On a second note, I’ve always loved Marvel Especially Iron Man’s tech so Robert Downey Jr, or anyone from Marvel would be my second choice!

Thank you for all of these great insights!

Lessons From Inspirational Women in STEM: “Fitting into stereotypes is boring but venturing out… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“I truly believe comparison is making us sick as a society” with Amanda Gabbert and Fotis…

“I truly believe comparison is making us sick as a society” with Amanda Gabbert and Fotis Georgiadis

I truly believe comparison is making us sick as a society. We have gotten away from being grateful for what we have and because of all the materialism, options, social media, etc., we always want more. Then due to this, we always feel like we are never enough. Online dating even creates ‘the grass is always greener’ syndrome. It’s not to say that the intention of the way things are advertised, material goods and social platforms are all out to get us and the intent is negative. Aspects of our ever-evolving world are great! The importance in controlling our exposure and awareness to our environment is the missing piece. If we allow it to run rampant in our lives, not recognizing and staying in touch with how it is making us feel, then we tend to allow these things to take over and show us how we should be, act, look and that acceptance and approval should be how we live our lives.

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview Amanda Gabbert. Amanda is an Intuitive Health Coach and Energy Healer, allowing clients to embrace health spiritually, emotionally and physically. Amanda focuses on detoxification whether it be bodily toxins causing chronic conditions, or emotional stressors that are not serving our overall health and lifestyle. Her program ‘The Damn Detox’ encourages intuitive eating and movement, supplementation recommendations and self-care practices to offer all around lifestyle support. As a public speaker and writer, Amanda enjoys educating and empowering others to become co-creators in their life.

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

As someone who was already beginning to see how she was giving to much of her life away in unfulfilling relationships and lifestyle habits, I began to try therapies, read personal development books and more, loving what I was learning and seeing how I could help others. I was always into eating healthy and exercising as well, so I had planned on making a career change with the intent of completing my Health Coaching certification. I eventually, however, went through what some cultures would call an ‘initiation’ as I experienced an intense level of toxicity that only energy healing could cure. This experience showed me many things, including how connecting with our spirit and joy to follow our own passions is supported by the universe. The level of healing I acquired in doing so and diving into my spiritual journey brought me back to my full health, better than any testing or supplement regimen. I quit my corporate job 9 months ago and started my own business knowing I was fully supported in doing so.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I am big on education. Currently I am finishing up my book that outlines my life experiences and how I approach detox with my clients. As much as I love helping people one on one, there are so many things we can do to heal ourselves on all levels and I would love to see people take small steps to integrate into their everyday from my book. My hope is that we as a society can begin to support each other through individuality and taking time to connect with and love ourselves. This gives us so much power in understanding ourselves better with clarity so we can take action to improve our lives and apply our dreams. Our relationship with ourselves is also indicative of what we attract into our lives, in the form of both relationships and situations, so everything can change for the better.

Yes I do! I was a girl that loved to serve others but did not understand what the health boundaries were in doing so. I began to get myself in life-sucking relationships with both friends and romantic partners. I continuously got hurt over and over again, and with such a sensitive heart, this really hardened me as I began to ‘go through the motions’ of life rather than really enjoying it. The worst part is I kept saying ‘why is this happening to me?’ and blaming the external circumstances rather than taking responsibility for what I was allowing to conquer me. One particular relationship that ended a few years ago had me in the fetal position on the bathroom floor. I looked in the mirror and I didn’t even know who it was looking back at me anymore. I said, ‘this is the last time I let anyone make me feel this way’. Seeing the consistent characteristics of these relationships, I began to read books on psychology, personal development and participated in some cognitive behavioral therapy. As much as I was doing better and thought I had then found ‘the one’, I had come down with some extreme toxicity and was scared I wouldn’t wake up the next day. After he walked out of his own house on me since the attention now had to be on me and my healing, I realized the inner work was not over with. Many things had changed for the better in my life but obviously something in the relationship was reflective of my own healing. I went the Naturopathic route however connecting with my spirituality, energy healing and meditation saved my life. Now self-love, boundaries and inner work are no longer an option, that are a way of life for me. I no longer look for someone to love me for reassurance or acceptance, I love myself fully. By doing so, I have the best relationships I’ve ever had, and more support and love I could have ever imagined.

I truly believe comparison is making us sick as a society. We have gotten away from being grateful for what we have and because of all the materialism, options, social media, etc., we always want more. Then due to this, we always feel like we are never enough. Online dating even creates ‘the grass is always greener’ syndrome. It’s not to say that the intention of the way things are advertised, material goods and social platforms are all out to get us and the intent is negative. Aspects of our ever-evolving world are great! The importance in controlling our exposure and awareness to our environment is the missing piece. If we allow it to run rampant in our lives, not recognizing and staying in touch with how it is making us feel, then we tend to allow these things to take over and show us how we should be, act, look and that acceptance and approval should be how we love our lives. This creates a very co-dependent nature and then shows up in our personal relationships, repeating and confirming the story of lack and self-hatred. Be grateful your body can move a certain way. Honor it if you are too tired to do the trendy workout. Indulge because it brings you joy and don’t shame yourself for the ice cream, but find the balance in healthy and respect the nurturance your body gives you. There’s too little of us appreciating ourselves and too many of us beating ourselves up. Find ways you can alter your external environment so you can participate in society without it running your life and effecting the possible positive outcomes.

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

If you would have asked me about self-love and positivity 4 years ago, I would have told you how I was a realist and the cheerleader of life does not exist in me. So I totally get it. Many people think its BS. Since I was so sick and I had no option, I have since changed my perspective. We all have a journey and hopefully other folks have a lower threshold so they do not have to experience the same to bring them to loving themselves. The truth is though, if we don’t love and understand ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to do the same for us? Do you want to be happy with who you are? Do you want to attract situations that raise you up versus bring you down? Do you want to see your passions in life come to fruition? And to experience the love of a lifetime? How about feeling safe, happy and healthy in your own skin and still enjoying life in every aspect? These are all by-products of loving yourself. I challenge people to find out their ‘why’. What do you want most out of life and why do you want it? If we cannot explain this ourselves than we won’t have the fire to create it. And also, don’t knock it ’til you try it. A big thing for me was giving it a try, versus justifying my previous ‘realism’ which was actually just a cover up for negativity and heart full of pain. Get uncomfortable.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

I have been there. I think for many of us, we give up hope that there’s anything better. There is also a time in everyone’s life where we are made to feel undeserving of something good. We base everything in life off the experiences we had because they essentially shape our perception. ‘This relationship may not be great, but it’s way better than the past one’ was a common phrase I used myself. Why shouldn’t it be great? But there is a lot of power in knowing this. Take some time to analyze where you are at in your relationship. What do you like? Not like? What emotions do you feel around the person you are with, both good and bad? Now go back in time and think about what experiences also made you feel the same negative emotions. We have to review and heal the past, forgive others that may have been a part of creating our pain. If this does not happen, those feelings will continue to be recurrent because that hurt and trauma carries with us in our physical body. Take it from a girl who has done 17 liver flushe- the organs related to anger and resentment.

I couldn’t agree more. And the tough questions can really suck. What I tell clients though is if you are ready to do the work, know that the energy you put into your healing now, will manifest into something amazing on the other side. You’ve got to dig in the dirt to plant the seed, but watch it grow. First and foremost, do you like who you are? Write all the things you currently love about yourself, and when it comes to the things you don’t like, ask yourself why and what you can do to change them. An exercise I love to do with others and in my own life, is write down the qualities you want in your relationships. Do you uphold these same characteristics? Sometimes it can be difficult to analyze ourselves, but when we shift the lens to others, we might be describing them, however this is reflective of what is important to us. You cannot attract someone who is loyal into your life if you have been known to be disloyal.

At one point in my healing process, I kept feeling like I was unaccepted by others due to the changes I was making as my spirituality was becoming increasingly important to me. There was one person in my life I had put in the role of as ‘the only person’ I could talk to these things about. It began to cause stress on our relationship, and I realized the box I was sticking him in, as well as how I was preventing myself from culminating spiritually oriented relationships by assuming this of him. I never even asked him if he was okay with this! I realized I was the only one not accepting the changes and shift in my life. The moment I did, and then followed up with an open and honest conversation with him verbally freeing us and apologizing, I had two spiritual gangsters show up in my life that I am friends with to this day. Recognizing how we are preventing our own happiness and self-acceptance can change us and our experiences for the better.

I think the first thing is understanding that how we define words is also based on perspective. If you believe being alone is ‘bad’ or ‘hard’, why? What moment in life created this perception? Why do we even use the word ‘alone’ to begin with? If spending time with ourselves to feel clearer on what we want and to better understand who we are is associated with a negative word or meaning, then of course we won’t want to do it! List out the benefits to this time as if it is an opportunity and always come back to that when you feel resistant to it. Community is powerful as well, so find your balance and what feels right for you. Don’t force yourself to be alone because you think it’s what’s right. We all have a different need in this regard, and for some people, a full day to themselves is beneficial, while others can feel the same peace in an hour. So don’t go back to the comparison model even in your healthiest intentions. Analyzing our fears around this and changing our outlook can help in continuing to build that relationship with ourselves and avoiding the use of our environment to make us feel whole or fulfill us.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

You can only be as vulnerable and dig as deep into your relationships with others as you can with yourself. The more you support yourself in this process and learn through firsthand experience how to connect with yourself, the more the reality of these activities will show up in conversation and therefore promote a sense of depth in your relationships. You also begin to realize the level of hurt, trauma, love-all the emotions- we go through as a collective that went unrealized before. I believe first having compassion and love for yourself allows you to see the connection we all have as human kind. We need more connection in this aspect, so consider you helping yourself a ripple effect for all of us. High vibrational emotions are magnetic and healing.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

As far as individuals, always ask why. Why are you doing what you are doing? Why is it important for you to be better? How can you do this and how is it culminating self-love? Take moments to yourself, meditate, do your gratitude practice and always incorporate things that make you feel joyful. The happier and more confident you are the better your quality of life will be. Take you passions in life to a place you can assist others in the same way. Serving our highest good will then serve the highest good of society. We often think we are too small on an individual level to create change and improvement across the world. Just because something isn’t laborious or on a huge visual scale, does not mean we can’t make a big imprint. Have an uplifting conversation with a friend who needs it or give a compliment to the cashier at the grocery store. The change you create in their life could spread to 100 people they come into contact with the remainder of the day-whether through conversation, actions or simply on an energetic level.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

I take time to connect with my joy EVERYDAY. I have a list of everything that makes me feel fulfilled and joyous, and each day I take whatever free time available to connect with these. Whether its going for a long walk in the sun, trying a new workout class, ice skating or doing something creative like sewing. I also wake up each morning grateful. Being proven to change the neural pathways in the brain, gratitude and listing at least 5 things out each morning really sets the tone for the day while supporting the nervous system. Followed by meditation, a warm cup of joe and a daily exercise routine or some form of movement, I feel rejuvenated and connected to who I am and how I want to approach the day. I also make sure to participate in things like massage, energy healing and acupuncture for physical health and maintenance.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

One of my favorite books and the first one to turn me on to personal development, creating the initial momentum on my own journey, was You’re a Badass by Jen Sincero. Finally, I felt like someone showed me that I didn’t have to lose my sense of self in creating a more positive attitude around life! Jen shows you how you can be genuine, funny and relatable while also manifesting your biggest dreams. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer was also significant. He opened up a more abstract thought process for me. Too often we can make assumptions about self-love and personal development, but often I feel it’s because we box ourselves in and lose sight of creativity and possibilities. The Power of Vulnerability on Audible and any of Brene Brown’s books for that matter, were game changers as well. She made me realize that my perfectionism in the past came from shame and I recognized the level of guilt I was carrying with me as well. As much as being vulnerable can be scary in our society, she showed me it’s more than just being true to myself. It’s an impact I could make on others lives by sharing my story and gifts. The Living Experiment is a favorite podcast of mine. Pilar Gerasimo and Dallas Hartwig host, discussing different topics regarding diet, wellness and lifestyle choices. I love the male female interaction as well as the amazing experience they both bring to the table. They shed positive, thoughtful insight on many topics that effect our everyday lives. Last but not least, Gabrielle Bernstein. This girl is my sister from another mister. I read The Universe Has Your Back and she showed me everything I was experiencing on a spiritual level was real. To trust it and flow with it.

Connecting people to their intuition and getting them to act on the feeling. Many times, more often than not, we believe we have to force our destiny. We think we have to try SO hard to be successful in whatever ways we define that as. Sure, we do have to take action to an extent, but we don’t have to work ourselves to death. When we resonate with the feeling of joy and take inspired action rather than just doing things we think we have to do- while following our passions- abundance flows. The universe will support us, and it can be that easy to receive it’s gifts with the right amount of trust. When we honor ourselves through these steps, we become happier and raise the vibration of those around us, encouraging the ripple effect.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson

This quote resonated with me when I was at my lowest of lows, so much so that the last line is tattooed on my back. So I guess I will be voting for her presidency in 2020! Marianne has a beautiful message here and she too contributed to me finally recognizing the light in myself that was still there, giving me strength to turn things around. Our perspectives can control our lives if we allow it, or we can decide to change it. We are all connected, and we are all one in so many ways, that once we recognize this and see the light in the dark within ourselves, we can begin to see it in others. Therefore this allows others to liberate themselves in the same way by simply raising our own energetic dispositions.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

“I truly believe comparison is making us sick as a society” with Amanda Gabbert and Fotis… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “Give difference the benefit of the doubt” with Doug Melville…

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “Give difference the benefit of the doubt” with Doug Melville of TBWANorth America

Give difference the benefit of the doubt. Keeping a limited mindset based solely on what you know — whether it stems from the city you grew up in, what college or university you attended, or what clients you have worked with — is how you get stuck. The best ideas and outcomes come from being willing to extend your thinking, opening your mind, and resting not just on what you know, but believing in the unknown.

As a part of my series about “Black Men and Women of The C-Suite”, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Doug Melville. Doug is the Chief Diversity Officer of TBWANorth America, and works with the North American collective of agencies on diversity efforts across talent outreach, culture and creative vendor relationships. He’s presented two TEDx talks on the topic, and has driven TBWA’s supplier diversity efforts, which has led to over $165 million in spend with female and diverse owned-and-operated businesses in the creative space. Prior to joining TBWA, Doug held positions across the entertainment industry. He was Founder and CEO of RedCarpets.com, an online resource for large-scale event signage, step-and-repeats and red carpets. He also worked alongside Earvin “Magic” Johnson as VP of Business Development & Marketing for his portfolio of partners, and for his New York Times best-selling book, 32 Ways to be a Champion in Business. Doug was recognized by Advertising Age as a “Top Twentysomething in America” and was also the recipient of the 2014 American Advertising Federation (AAF) Educator Award. He currently sits on the ADCOLOR Board of Directors, the Eventive Marketing Advisory Board and the Executive Committee of the AAF as Vice Chair of the Mosaic Council. Doug is a graduate of Syracuse University in New York.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

My career as TBWANorth America’s Chief Diversity Officer sparked in a somewhat nontraditional manner. Five years ago, The Wall Street Journal ran a feature on the startup I was running at the time with my best friend Bill, called RedCarpets.com. I’d come from the entertainment industry background, while Bill had built a career in digital marketing — and after years of watching people pose on generic, brand-less red carpets we decided to combine our skills and start RedCarpets.com to fill the demand. After reading about our journey in The Wall Street Journal, TBWA’s CFO reached out about a new role they were creating — Chief Diversity Officer — which was something I knew I could bring a lot of passion and energy to. With that, we met for lunch, and the rest is history!

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

Right after I graduated college, I took off on a 1,000 day cross-country road trip that extended across three different jobs — and was fortunate enough to travel to each state at least three times, which was a virtual MBA in American Culture. I spent the first 400 days driving the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, (hold for laughs). Next, I became an assistant tour manager (miraculously as my friends would say) on the Britney Spears “…One More Time” Tour. When the tour wrapped I continued my career on the road helping entertainers & pop artists create and scale their brands and aligning marketing projects. The work experience I gained was priceless — but beyond that, my “1,000 Day Journey” was hugely significant in the way it changed me as a person; not only did it open my mind to so many different perspectives, it shaped my understanding of the United States and its mosaic of different subcultures and ways of life. The tour was somewhat of a happy accident that ended up being my way of transitioning to growth. You can learn about culture from your screen or from stories — but learning through travel is maturing.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

The funniest mistake I think we all make in the beginning is believing that we actually know what we are talking about. That old Einstein quote, “the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know,” is so true. The unmitigated confidence of not knowing, but thinking you know, is powerful.

On my first day as tour manager, I remember being blown away by all of the different jobs and careers of the many individuals on tour — eyebrow technicians, hair, makeup, dancers, choreographers, wardrobe, stylists, vocal coaches. I’d just graduated from Syracuse University thinking I knew about all of the careers and jobs and fields I could pursue — mostly limited, I thought, to desk jobs — so to meet dozens of people with real jobs I never knew existed really opened my eyes.

Can you share three reasons with our readers about why it’s really important for a business to have a diverse executive team?

From a business perspective, diversity equals dollars. Both Harvard and McKinsey have proven that diverse companies financially outperform those that aren’t diverse. Diversity is a domestic emerging marketing. Multicultural America is the general market of the very near future, and will cause a shift in culture in our lifetimes. Executives should be ramping up.

The best, most innovative ideas come from the most inputs and perspectives. In advertising, the teams who are working with a bigger, more diverse range of inputs and perspectives simply perform better because they have bigger and stronger ideas, deeper strategy, and a more thorough understanding of cultural nuances. We want our executive teams to reflect the cultures, audiences and clients that we represent in the rooms with lots of different opinions and perspectives sitting around the table.

More broadly can you describe how this can have an effect on our culture?

In advertising, our goal is to ensure that our clients’ products reflect and inspire the audiences they serve and touch, i.e. their customers and like-minded customers. We drive commerce; and what drives commerce may in fact drive culture. Everything is connected. Creating a great work culture — one that’s inclusive, diverse, and empowering — is so important, and something we want employees to parlay into a great life culture that also extends to their families and communities.

Can you recommend three things the community/society/the industry can do help address the root of the diversity issues in executive leadership?

1. Give difference the benefit of the doubt. Keeping a limited mindset based solely on what you know — whether it stems from the city you grew up in, what college or university you attended, or what clients you have worked with — is how you get stuck. The best ideas and outcomes come from being willing to extend your thinking, opening your mind, and resting not just on what you know, but believing in the unknown.

2. Look at diversity through what we call the “jury test” lens. When you look around a meeting, do the attendees reflect the many different types of people you’d see on a jury? Your meeting should look like a cross-section of the community.

3. Pleading ignorance is no longer acceptable. Leaders need to have a cultural IQ on issues regarding race and gender as well as a solid understanding of diversity and culture overall. Religion, age, disability, and mental health are big topics — and it’s important for leaders to be in the know.

How do you define Leadership? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?

Leadership is about 4 things. Teaching. Facilitating. Coaching & Listening.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why. Please share a story or example for each.

1 — Be more Intraprenuerial. I.e. Combine the mindset and spirit of an Entrepreneur, with the inner workings of your company and culture to great innovative ideas that you’re passionate about at work.

2 — Focus on the task, not the noise. As you climb up the food chain, make sure to find a north star, even if it changes, and lock in on it.

3 — Everything counts. Don’t ignore the small things (especially online). Google your name and who you associate yourself with. Adjust accordingly!

4 — Partner with your biggest expense. If you are looking to create something, big or small, look at partnering with your biggest expenses in the process.

5 — Invest in yourself. Life is long, and you are your best role model and advocate. It’s important to invest in yourself wisely toward longevity.

You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

If I could start one movement it would be to advocate and create bigger opportunities for women and multicultural-led businesses in the creative space. When you look at music, fashion, art, entertainment, so many of the creators today are women and people of color. Just recently at TBWA we started OneSandbox.com — a first-of-its-kind a search engine for women and diverse-owned businesses, which connects them to agencies and global brands looking for help with creative services — anything from set design, casting, wardrobe, to graphic design, translation, PR & marketing and more. It was an idea I came up with to help streamline and centralize diversity into the hiring process — and TBWA and I sat down together and built it. It’s an important first step in my vision. Our agency has spent more than $165,000,000 with the businesses who are a part of OneSandbox — and I want it to grow to $1 billion.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Today is the youngest you will ever be for the rest of your life — so get started on what you’ve always wanted to do.”

I’ve always loved interviewing people. As a child, I used to dream that I would one day host a talk show — with a set, and a studio audience and guests — the whole thing. So, three years ago, I approached my CEO, Rob Schwartz, and asked him if we could start a talk show in the lobby. Redress the place. With that we created the Disruptor Series podcast, where we sit down with disruptive thinkers and icons and talk about culture, hot topics, creative breakthroughs, career lessons. It was Intrepreneurship at its finest. We’ve been fortunate enough to host Maria Shriver, Snoop Dogg, Former Mexican President Vicente Fox, Al Roker, Charlamagne Tha God, Comedy Central’s “Broad City” co-stars Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer, and more. My interview prep is extensive. Part of my process is to watch every past interview that person has ever done on YouTube — start to finish — before we sit down. I don’t want my show canceled!

Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

I’d have to choose two people: Jay Z, CEO of RocNation, and Jay Brown, President of RocNation. They are my North Stars for a successful partnership. They have helped so many musicians of color, and inspired such a large movement of culture across the U.S. and globally. I watch their moves closely.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

@DougMelville across all channels.

This was very meaningful, thank you so much!

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “Give difference the benefit of the doubt” with Doug Melville… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “Never point fingers” with Kunal Kohli and Fotis Georgiadis

Never point fingers. There was a time where I was part of the blame game. Blaming failures on other people’s mistakes. Now I take the blame for everything and again embrace it. If someone on my team messes up, I try to understand what led to it and figure out where I went wrong. Did I not communicate something correctly? Could I have pointed this out at an earlier time? When I take the blame for whatever it is, it helps me improve thus leading to me showing how our team to improve.

As a part of my series about “Black Men and Women of The C-Suite”, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Kunal Kohli. Kunal is the Co-Founder and COO of BOU, the innovative food company bringing joy back into cooking with its versatile range of bouillon, gravy and miso broth cubes, and instant soup cups. A strategic leader in the food start-up industry, Kunal is known for his ability to deliver successful marketing, operations and sales initiatives that effectively increase brand awareness and retention. Kunal graduated from Syracuse University with a dual degree in Economics & Political Science before initially starting a career in finance and investment banking. After working on a management consulting project, he discovered a passion for the food and beverage industry and began his own consulting firm that helped advance F&B start-ups’ brand recognition through marketing and sales strategies. With the help of Kunal’s firm, each brand experienced triple-digit growth YoY and secured placement in thousands of new retail doors. Kunal then took the role as General Manager for Metcalfe’s Skinny & itsu Grocery, one of the fastest-growing snack and restaurant companies in the UK. Working under CEO Robert Jakobi, Kunal developed the US brand’s sales and marketing strategies, budgets, and product formulation until the company changed direction and was acquired by Snyder’s Lance (Kettle Chips) in 2016. In 2017, Kunal and Robert co-founded BOU in the US, disrupting a section of the supermarket that had not seen innovation in decades. Through Kunal’s ability to create and implement ROI driven sales & marketing strategies, BOU grew into a national brand in just over three months and is now available at major retailers such as Whole Foods, Kroger, Wegmans, Safeway/Albertson’s and 6,000 more retailers. BOU encourages people to rediscover the joy of cooking with their convenient cubes full of big, bold flavors without compromising on taste. Perfect for cooks of all skill levels, BOU’s products are US-made, are non-GMO and contain no artificial ingredients. To date, BOU has raised $7.8M with backers including Nebari Ventures, Andy Gellert (Gellert Group) and Shelly Stein (Southern Glazer’s Wine and Spirits).

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path? I was originally in finance and went through the ups and downs of corporate life. After the 2009 recession, I realized I wasn’t happy and wanted to do something else, something more fulfilling. I was hired to do some management consulting for a struggling food company and immediately found my passion. Even though that business failed, I enjoyed the F&B world and was fortunately introduced to my current business partner through that failed venture and here we are!

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

I believe many entrepreneurs can relate to this but I was aggressively pursuing a General Manager position with a UK based company that was looking to launch in the US (again my current partner’s past company). There was a whole list of requirements where I had zero experience in half of them. When asked if I could handle everything by the UK company, I confidently stated “absolutely” and took it on. Not only was I building budgets and creating/implementing sales and marketing strategies, I was also developing flavor profiles of the products we were launching. I had to understand ingredients, how they impacted flavor, salt content, and also had to make sure it fit within the required nutritional specs; I had no clue what I was doing! But I was determined to do it and do it correctly and so I spent many all-nighters researching and learning. It also helped that we had great partners in our manufacturer who are actually co-founders of our business, BOU.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I always thought that marketing involved getting noticed and getting noticed meant creating some funny and experiential campaigns that people will remember. While this may be true, it can’t be the foundation of your marketing strategy. I went ahead and heavily promoted a city wide flash mob that would hand out our products to consumers passing by. I thought we could do this on the subway, on the streets even on buses! After doing further research, talking to people, I quickly realized that a lot more substance was needed and that we can’t just depend on a flash mob to get your product out there. It was funny, silly and helpful at the same time because I was able to learn that I didn’t have the right answer and didn’t waste money by doing it!

Can you share three reasons with our readers about why it’s really important for a business to have a diverse executive team?

Every person comes from a different culture and each culture is different within its own. We are all products of our upbringing and what we are exposed to throughout our young lives. I was brought up in a family who owned their own business and valued work and education above everything else. While conflicting at times, it shaped me into who I am. I believe the three reasons why it is important to have a diverse executive team are:

1) Multiple perspectives — As a CPG brand, it is crucial to understand the consumer’s needs and desires. A product is only successful if it satisfies a certain need. Everyone has different needs which stem from their culture/lifestyle. By having a diverse executive team, multiple perspectives are taken into consideration, we try to understand the needs and then build an effective plan that we believe will satisfy multiple needs.

2) Company culture — Our team is made up of people from all different backgrounds, religions and cultures. It is great to learn and hear all these amazing stories and unique experiences which helps us become closer and more than just colleagues; a personal bond created with your teammates leads to a stronger company.

3) Ability to foster a learning environment — By having a diverse executive team, people are both exposed and not exposed to certain things. I am a strong believer in constantly learning about anything that can shape you to be a better person and/or a better leader. Diverse leaders have a host of experiences under their belt and you can learn many things to do and not do from them. The goal is for this to then trickle down to the team and have them become curious and hopefully learn how to be better as well.

5. More broadly can you describe how this can have an effect on our culture?

Culture is constantly evolving. Culture is a result of your surroundings — people, places, activities… If you surround yourself with an atmosphere that is driving you towards your goal, then it is more likely that you will achieve it. One specific example is our team culture. I believe it is of the utmost importance to have a working and effective team culture. Not just becoming friends with your team, but actually depending on them, challenging them, having them challenge you. I believe all this comes from learning, discussing multiple perspectives and coming together for that optimal answer.

Can you recommend three things the community/society/the industry can do to help address the root of the diversity issues in executive leadership?

I believe success stories/testimonials of companies with a diverse leadership can be shared more with the general public (via social media, blogs, press, etc.).
Encourage minority leaders to become more involved with education and teaching people entering the workforce (I.e: colleges/universities having guest speakers at certain classes).
More recognition being given to not only minority leaders but also lower to mid tier managers and employees. The younger generation is the future and if you highlight their accomplishments at level one, you give that person motivation to move up the ladder and then do the same for others.

How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?

Leadership in my mind is living in the trenches with your team and not just barking out orders and demanding people to do certain things. Leading by example is what shows your team your commitment, dedication and most importantly your vision. People emulate the ones they respect and if a leader doesn’t participate, they won’t gain that respect. It is then very hard for the vision or the goals of the company to be accomplished.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why. Please share a story or example for each.

Under promise and over deliver. When I was first starting out, I told people what they wanted to hear. I promised them the world and of course made mistakes and didn’t deliver. This sets you up for disappointment which leads to more stress and anxiety. Now I under promise and work even harder to over deliver.
Never fear failure, learn from it. When I wouldn’t hit certain targets or achieve something that I put a lot of time and effort into, I blamed it on being unfit or not up to the task. Little did I know that I was becoming smarter and more experienced in how not to do certain things. Failure is good, failure helps you be better. Embrace it, learn from it.
Make more time for yourself and your family. When I was coming up through my 20’s, I was constantly working and looking for ways to make more money or be better liked by my bosses. I thought this was done by working longer hours. I would tire myself out and lose out on several experiences with my friends and family that I will never get back. Now I manage my time better and put my family and my health first.
Listen more than you speak. An effective conversation is one where you listen more than you talk. Always hear the other person out, understand their perspective, put yourself in their shoes. This will help you have a better conversation that leads to positive results.
Never point fingers. There was a time where I was part of the blame game. Blaming failures on other people’s mistakes. Now I take the blame for everything and again embrace it. If someone on my team messes up, I try to understand what led to it and figure out where I went wrong. Did I not communicate something correctly? Could I have pointed this out at an earlier time? When I take the blame for whatever it is, it helps me improve thus leading to me showing how our team to improve.

Being a father to a beautiful girl who is funny, smart and so innocent, I have really started to pay attention to what more can be done to educate and motivate our children who are the future of our world. Being in the food business, it boggles my mind how children go hungry in such an advanced world. We can make food out of pretty much anything and we are still not able to feed the world’s children. I find this truly unacceptable. I believe if we can figure out how to nourish our children, it can spark a movement that will only better our world’s future.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“If you want something, go get it. Period.” — Chris Gardener.

This quote was made popular by Will Smith in the movie: “Pursuit of Happyness”. It is so simple yet so powerful. Success doesn’t just happen for people. Working hard, working smart, sweating, bleeding, doing whatever is necessary is only how I believe you can achieve your dreams. I constantly remind myself of this every morning and apply it to all that I do.

Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

I am sure many people have probably said this: Barack Obama. I just finished reading “Becoming” (great book, highly recommend) and Michelle Obama does a magnificent job of portraying a true leader in Barack. He is personable, honest, extremely smart and passionate and truly believes in the better good. I want to learn how a brilliant mind like his works, how true passion defines who you are and what you set out to accomplish. Let’s also not forget that he ran the most powerful country while maintaining a great marriage and helping raise two daughters. Definitely not easy!

How can our readers follow you on social media?

My Instagram is primarily about my daughter. As you will see, we just recently went to Disney! @crzykunali (my uncle made up this name for my when I was younger and it stuck, so excuse the corniness!). But, I prefer that people follow our company, @bouforyou because we have a really cool campaign for the summer that I am extremely proud of our team for creating. Plus it always puts a smile on my face to see some delicious food pics! #foodporn

Thank you for all of these great insights!

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “Never point fingers” with Kunal Kohli and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “ Diversity isn’t just about representation, it’s about agency…

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “ Diversity isn’t just about representation, it’s about agency and impact” with Michelle Hall of enCourage Kids Foundation

Diverse executive teams enhance the depth of conversation, widen perspectives, and increase creativity. A diverse executive team goes a long way toward making sure all employees feel safe and emboldens them to dream more expansively about their trajectory within the organization. Diversity isn’t just about representation, it’s about agency and impact.

As a part of my series about “Black Men and Women of The C-Suite”, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Michele Hall, the President & CEO of enCourage Kids Foundation, a leading US non-profit focused on humanizing healthcare for children and their families by resourcing impact-driven pediatric programs and supporting the Child Life Community. Her passion and warm personality, combined with her leadership expertise, has made her a sought-after speaker and board member. For more than two decades she has cultivated relationships with Child Life Staff and all levels of hospital administration, and developed an integral understanding of their needs which has served to help position enCourage Kids to be on the forefront of state-of-the-art programming in pediatric healthcare. To see the incredible work of enCourage Kids visit their website at encourage-kids.org.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

When I was a kid growing up in Flint, Michigan, I wanted to be a lawyer. I had my heart set on attending New York University and then moving on to a top law school. My family, however, wasn’t supportive of the idea. I was living with my aunt at the time, and NYU was simply financially out of my reach. As a freshman at Michigan State University, I initially majored in political science and then changed my major to advertising when studying Hobbes and Locke became unbearable. I did finally make it to New York, after falling in love with a boy from Jersey City and moving to the east coast after we were married. My first jobs at a direct marketing agency and a public relations firm were exciting, however I wasn’t passionate about the work. My son was a little over a year old when I decided to start volunteering at a children’s charity. I loved being a volunteer and feeling like such an integral part of fulfilling the mission of helping sick kids. I was volunteering for the foundation for about four years when the division of the company I was working for was sold to a competitor. My choices were to move to the company’s headquarters in Dallas or take the severance package and move on. I didn’t want to uproot my husband and young son, and I really loved the energy of New York City, so I decided to stay. During that downtime I began to volunteer at the enCourage Kids Foundation’s office more frequently, while I plotted my next career move. When one of the full time staff went on maternity leave, I was asked to step in for her temporarily; that was 23 years ago. That is called serendipity.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

Very early on in my career, I went to visit a little boy who had AIDS. He was six years old, and he lived in Brooklyn. I had never been to Brooklyn and when I exited the train station, I was a little taken aback by the condition of the neighborhood. Once I’d located the building where this kid lived, I walked up to the second floor and the mom let me in to the apartment. They lived in an old building, that I am sure has either been torn down or gentrified by now. The kitchen ceiling had a leak in it and a bucket was in the middle of the floor catching the water. I sat down on the couch and started talking to the mom and trying to make her feel comfortable with this stranger in her home. The little boy was adorable even with the scars from recent lesions on his face. I’d brought him a little gift from the office as an ice breaker. He walked over to me and stood beside me while I talked, then kinda leaned on me and without thinking I just picked him up and sat him in my lap while I kept chatting with mom. He wanted to take a trip to Disney World and we were going to try and make that happen for him. When it was time for me to leave, I hugged the mom and then hugged the little boy tightly swinging him back and forth in my arms playfully. The mother followed me downstairs and I noticed she was a little teary eyed. I was used to this, exhausted parents of sick kids are always grateful when you do nice things for them, but this time was different. “I can’t believe that you picked him up and let him sit in your lap. Most people are afraid to touch him,” she said. I was speechless. I wasn’t naive nor easily shaken, but the thought that anyone would shun a little kid because he had an illness enraged me. I haven’t thought about that sweet child in a long time, probably because I wanna believe that he is alive and well. But I knew in that moment that I had made the right choice to follow the unplanned path to the work that I do today.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I don’t remember making any mistakes. They thought I was a rock star and wouldn’t let me leave.

Can you share three reasons with our readers about why it’s really important for a business to have a diverse executive team?

Diverse executive teams enhance the depth of conversation, widen perspectives, and increase creativity.

A diverse executive team goes a long way toward making sure all employees feel safe and emboldens them to dream more expansively about their trajectory within the organization. Diversity isn’t just about representation, it’s about agency and impact.

It can be very difficult to speak up when you know that there are parts of your lived experience that no one in your organization’s executive leadership can identify with (regardless of how well meaning they are). It is easier for employees to leverage their unique identities in service of their organization when they can be reasonably assured that someone in leadership can fill in the gaps if anything gets lost in translation.

More broadly can you describe how this can have an effect on our culture?

We are living in an exciting time. Every day we are learning more about the experiences of women, ethnic minorities, poor people, the LGBTQ community, and folks living with disabilities — because we are asking. None of the issues that have bubbled to the surface of our collective attention are secrets in the communities they impact. They are truths that people have endured in silence, because challenging a culture before it’s ready to change is often incredibly isolating, and sometimes even dangerous. It can be easy to interpret the cacophony of tense, but important conversations our society has been having around diversity, as a marker of chaos and unrest. A more charitable interpretation is that all of the buzz around IDEA (inclusion, diversity, equity and access) encourages us to trust each other with the most precious thing we have — our truth. This can be a wonderful, beautiful thing if members of these groups are given the agency to influence their institutions, and ultimately the greater culture for the better.

Can you recommend three things the community/society/the industry can do help address the root of the diversity issues in executive leadership?

First, recognize the challenge. There are still organizations that do not see a lack of diversity as an issue. Second, communicate around the challenge often and in a constructive manner. Do you have an outreach problem? Or a pipeline issue? Perhaps a culture crisis? The change has to start from within and positive, candid, and constructive conversation must lead the way. Third, develop an action plan to determine how the change can be executed. Executing your plan is the most difficult part and where many entities get stuck. Success and progress require reaching out and having potentially uncomfortable conversations to achieve your ultimate goal.

How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?

Over the course of my career, leadership has had an ever changing definition for me. Leaders are charged with having a vision, convincing others their vision is actionable and inspiring others to follow them. A good leader is able to hold fast to their vision while simultaneously considering the needs of everyone in the organization.

One of the most exciting elements of my time as a leader has been getting to know and mentor the oft maligned millennials that have come to work or volunteer at my organization. I often find myself fraternizing with contemporaries who bemoan their younger employees as though they were scaled, winged goblins who only knew how to text on the job and ask for title changes. I won’t say learning to work with millennials has been without frustration, but I will say that in order to do it well, you’ve got to lead with empathy. Most importantly, you have to look with a dose of humility at the vast chasm between what early adulthood was like for my generation and what it was like for theirs.

Millennials have a very deep and justifiable fear of averageness. It is perhaps a fear my generation struggles to identify with because we grew up so differently. I grew up in a then thriving midwestern town and attended a public school system that offered working class kids a world class education. I attended a state university for a reasonable price, and was able to purchase a home for a reasonable price. I’m the CEO of a national organization with a B.A.

Very few of the millennials I employ can say that. Many of them saw their parents abused by the marketplace during the recession. Their families endured exorbitant taxes or tuition to make them viable candidates for expensive degrees. As soon as they graduate they are thrust into a never-ending social capital competitions that dwarf anything my generation can comprehend. You’ve got to package your life as exceptional on Instagram or the app literally doesn’t bother to show your posts to your friends. Want a date? You’ve got to package yourself as exceptional to possibly be chosen from an unlimited list of menu items on Tinder.

Combine all of these factors together and you get a generation that has been marinating in the narrative that the greatest sin in life is to be average. Average people are not entitled to outlive their student debt, or buy a home, find love or cultivate a healthy self image.

In the context of all of the deeply stressful psychological assaults this generation experiences, I have to retool the conversation I have about why I can’t wave a magic wand and give them a manager or director’s position after fourteen months on the job. I have to consider the very real social and economic pressures on my young employees, to see a tangible return on all of the ways our society has forced them to overextend themselves. I’ve learned that when I sit with them in their perspectives I am almost always able to help create a trajectory that is healthy and realistic for both the employee and organization — but it has taken a lot of listening, suspension of judgment, and humility.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why. Please share a story or example for each.

Know your worth. My son (one of those scary millennials) recently told me about a friend who negotiated a higher salary with his first employer because he knew that where his salary started would be crucial to future personal revenue. I was impressed by that. That young man knew his worth and asked to be compensated appropriately.

Value your time. I have had a tendency to allow my time to be co-opted by others and when you truly think of time as currency, you just don’t allow that to happen.

Take chances. I wish I’d had the confidence to assert myself more in the early years of my career. I knew that I had the capacity to do more and I should have voiced that.

Ask your job to invest in you. Conferences, workshops, networking events. Your employer’s greatest hope is year over year improvement in your performance. Make them a collaborator in that development and you’ll be surprised how invested they are.

Manage impostor syndrome. Michelle Obama addresses this subject in her book Becoming. Life rarely gives us perfect days On the days where everything you do goes right — own it.

People can be so rude. I would love to inspire a movement of politeness. It’s free, and it’s simple. Resurrect the words please and thank you. Hold the elevator door for someone. Escalate random acts of kindness. I was at a Starbucks drive-thru recently and when I got to the window, the barista told me that the person ahead of me had paid for my order. She asked if I wanted to do the same for the person behind me. After glancing discreetly in my rear view mirror to make sure that I wasn’t buying coffee for seven people, I agreed. I now randomly pay for people’s coffee when I can. It’s the best feeling. It could become a social media movement! We can use the hashtag #loveyourneighbor.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” My mother was the first person to tell me that. She was probably trying to get me to finish my homework. I have a tendency to run through scenarios in my head. I believe that mental preparation is vital to success. Practice what you will say in a board meeting or conference call. Keep your bio updated. Have your business cards at the ready at all times. Being prepared means that you are a chess player in life — not a checkers player. Stay ready.

Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

There are a few people I would love to . However, I would probably choose Jay-Z. I know that he has always been a stealthy philanthropist, however now I feel there are more eyes on his efforts to support young people through his foundation’s scholarship program. I admire how he is using his platform to address social justice issues. He wasn’t born privileged — at all. I would be interested in his core philosophy around giving back and how he sees himself as a role model for the generation following him.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Twitter @michelehtweets

This was very meaningful, thank you so much!

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “ Diversity isn’t just about representation, it’s about agency… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Struggle, learning, growing, trying something new, failing and trying again all need to be things…

“Struggle, learning, growing, trying something new, failing and trying again all need to be things we support and encourage” with Author Rachel Kenley

This is where society can help. Struggle, learning, growing, trying something new, failing and trying again all need to be things we support and encourage. I think if our heroes were celebrated not only for having done well but having overcome setbacks we’d be setting a better example. We need to hear and understand how many times Edison tried to invent the lightbulb, how many years Steve Jobs lost money on Pixar, and about the people who came to their life’s passion and success after years of mistakes and choices that weren’t right for them. I also think it would be great if society honored and supported the older stages of life and not just youth.

As a part of my series about “Learning To Finally Love Yourself” I had the pleasure to interview romance author Rachel Kenley. Rachel is a Jersey Girl currently trapped in New England without boardwalks or all night diners. She started reading romances at fourteen and credits them with her lifelong fascination with and study of relationships and how they contribute to our ability to live emotionally empowered lives. She believes in shameless flirting, never missing the chance to watch The Wizard of Oz, and the joy of retail therapy. Her most recent trio of novels features mermaids as heroines, and one even takes place on her beloved Jersey Shore. She is currently the President of the international writers’ group Broad Universe. She can be found on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter as well as www.rachelkenley.net

Thank you so much for joining us! I’d love to begin by asking you to give us the backstory as to what brought you to this specific career path.

My mother is a librarian and a lifelong reader of romances. She gave me Kathleen Woodiweiss’ The Wolf and the Dove when I was fourteen and I’ve been reading them regularly ever since. I’ve known since I was in college — maybe before — that I wanted to be a writer and when the time came to create the stories I wanted ones that were relationship-centric came naturally. Whether a relationship is good or bad, healthy or not, it’s amazing what we can learn and see about ourselves through them. And the better we are at building healthy relationships, with ourselves and others, the more likely we are not only to have the lives we want but to take risks, try new things and go for bigger goals.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you hope that they might help people along their path to self-understanding or a better sense of wellbeing in their relationships?

I am currently writing a series of small-town contemporary romances and my heroines are amazing women, but for each of them something has been holding her back or she believes something negative about herself that keeps her from realizing her dreams. In A Steadfast Heart, Jillian doesn’t believe in her own strength, her ability to succeed on her own. Once her dreams of being a professional dancer ended, she’s never gotten back the confidence back she needs to break out from the control of the men in her life. For Dani, the heroine of In from the Cold, who grew up hearing from her mother that she’s a disappointment, no matter what she attempts, part of her believes that she’s either going to let people down or she’s never going to measure up. It’s held her back in life and love. Both of these women are not only going to meet and fall in love with wonderful men, but they are also going to face and change the ways these lies have shaped their lives.

When I build a story it is always my hope for readers to see a bit of themselves, some of their own struggles, in the characters and that as these characters grow, change, my readers are inspired to do the same. More characters in novels have influenced and inspired me than anything I’ve read in non-fiction. We’re wired for story, and when we see ourselves in characters I believe we’re able to glimpse and grab on to new possibilities for ourselves.

As I mentioned, when I’m writing, I’m always looking for the lies that my characters are telling themselves, the things they believe which are ultimately holding them back from living their dreams. One of those lies for me is “You’ll never reach your potential”. It was drummed into me throughout my school years and was a personal belief I lived with for a long time. (And yes, sometimes it still rears its ugly head.) When I was in my late twenties, that belief was controlling my life. I hadn’t had a romantic relationship last longer than a year, I was barely talking to my family and my job was going okay, but it wasn’t lighting me up. The one thing that was going well was my relationship with my best friend. Before we met, she’d done a weekend that gave her a huge amount of insight into herself and her relationships. She talked about it often as well as the women she met with weekly who were a constant source of support. It took me a while (we can be foolish for ourselves), but eventually, I signed up and did the weekend (now known as the Women’s Discovery Weekend https://familyofwomen.org/what-we-offer/womens-discovery-weekend/). It gave me an opportunity to open myself up to all the things that were possible within me. Before that I could have given you a list of all that was wrong with me, all that I thought I wanted or needed to change about myself, but not where I was worthy, capable, and powerful. I’d always focused on the negative, but that weekend showed me I deserved to put my thoughts and energy on the things that were wonderful about me. It raised my self-acceptance to a new level and gave me a foundation I’ve been able to build on ever since. I continue to read books, take seminars, and do what I can to open myself up more to my best self, my deepest truth.

More recently, as my sons are now older and I’m able to make myself a priority in a different way, I’m learning that self-care is an acronym for me to practice where C is for self-compassion, A is for self-acceptance, R is self-respect and E is self-encouragement. The more I practice all of these for myself, the better my self-understanding and self-love.

There are so many opportunities for us to compare ourselves to others — and come up lacking — and yet so few ways for us to see ourselves honestly — and see our magnificence. It’s an unfortunate combination. The images shared on social media, television, movies and in magazines are frequently so far from the everyday truths — even of the people being featured — but portrayed as fact that it’s hard not to internalize them. Everyone on “reality” shows has great teeth, so if you don’t, you see yourself as lacking. And body size? Yes, there are a few celebrities who aren’t a tiny size, but slenderness is still sold as the ideal across every public platform. This is also true for youth. Getting older is rarely shown and almost never celebrated. Life isn’t airbrushed or filtered. The consequences of this dissatisfaction include low self-esteem which has us thinking we’re unlovable unless we look like what we see elsewhere, all sorts of eating disorders and other body dysmorphic issues. The first thing many of us think when we look in the mirror is “Ugh” when it should be — we deserve it to be — “Hello, fabulous!” because that is what we all are. There is something incredible, unique, and deeply worthy in all of us and when we dismiss ourselves outwardly on a regular basis, we internalize it as well. Wouldn’t it be terrific if we could all just start with the assumption that we’re wonderful and build from there?

As cheesy as it might sound to truly understand and “love yourself,” can you share with our readers a few reasons why it’s so important?

It’s hard to get away from the truth in clichés, isn’t it? My take on it is no matter how many different relationships you are in, no matter how long or short they are, the one constant in all of them — is you. If I can’t be in a loving and accepting relationship with myself, not only is it going to be that much more difficult to connect with others but there’s always going to be someone in the room I don’t like — me. And to be honest, there have been times in my life when I haven’t liked myself, where I’ve made choices to make others happy or I’ve been so disconnected from my own needs and desires that I’ve become a stranger to myself. The end result usually is the situation — job, relationship, living arrangements — blows up. As I pick up the pieces, I tend to start by blaming everyone else who was involved, only to find that my role was the one which contributed the most to my unhappiness. When I’ve been willing to be honest and compassionate with myself about the situation, (and compassion is EXTREMELY important for me because in the past I’ve been more likely to be honest and critical, a harmful combination) I’ve made better choices the next time around. When I continued to make it about others, when I didn’t take the time to learn and see ways I needed to be more authentic and loving with myself, then I usually made the same mistake again.

Why do you think people stay in mediocre relationships? What advice would you give to our readers regarding this?

We stay in the situations we believe we deserve, and until we are willing or able to change that belief, nothing around us changes. And the relationship doesn’t have to be a romantic one. We stay in mediocre jobs and friendships that are one-sided. We “put up” with situations that don’t really serve us or make us happy until we have the courage to look at our lives — the things that fill our days, the choices we make both consciously and unconsciously — and say I want more, I deserve more. I think many people are afraid of their big desires or their big needs. Well-meaning parents, teachers, and friends have put their fears of failure on us, told or shown us not to overwhelm others and the result is we disconnect from the passion that could and should be guiding and motivating us. My advice is to do what you can to listen to the quiet voice that won’t go away — the one telling you it’s okay to want more, have more and do more. You deserve your biggest, brightest and most exciting dreams.

When we talk about self-love and understanding we don’t necessarily mean blindly loving and accepting ourselves the way we are. Many times self-understanding requires us to reflect and ask ourselves the tough questions, to realize perhaps where we need to make changes in ourselves to be better not only for ourselves but for our relationships. What are some of those tough questions that will cut through the safe space of comfort we like to maintain, that our readers might want to ask themselves? Can you share an example of a time that you had to reflect and realize how you needed to make changes?

Whenever I write a book, I start by considering the journey the main characters must go through, looking at how they will be different from the beginning of the book to the end. As I develop characters I’m asking myself: What does my heroine need to learn? What does she fear? What would she never do? What is her dream and what is the lie she tells herself that keeps her from getting this? Over the years, I’ve had to ask myself the same questions, and I haven’t always liked the answers, at least not at first. The one that’s made the most difference to me was first asking “What do I want?” and then “Why don’t I have it — really?”

One of the clearest times those questions made a difference to me was before I was married. For years I dated men I couldn’t see myself in a long term relationship with, and yet that’s what I wanted. Finally, I asked myself why I didn’t have this lasting, loving relationship and listened for the answer. I eventually came to the truth — which was I wasn’t willing to risk having someone get too close because not only was I afraid of getting hurt, I also wasn’t willing to risk showing all those vulnerable parts and then finding out this wasn’t someone I could trust. The change I had to make in myself was learning to take risks for what I want rather than staying safe and not having my dreams or goals come true. It took time, but I was slowly able to take risks and even though there have been — and continue to be — setbacks, the rewards have outweighed the fears. My best relationships still require me to take risks, and there are times when it still scares me, but every risk I take strengthens me and deepens my personal strength. And I’ve been married over twenty-two years.

I think it’s essential. The input and impact of the world around us create influences we’re not always aware of, many of which aren’t supportive. We absorb this information and it frequently adds to the belief that we’re not good enough, not doing enough, or not successful enough. The truth is even if your journey and mine have similarities, we need to be able to accept our own for what it is and where it is. We can’t live by comparing our insides with someone else’s outsides. I love the times when I can be alone in my car. No music, no news, just me. I let my thoughts go and take notice of where they wander. One of the greatest gifts my husband has always given me in our relationship is time by myself, whether that’s meant a room of my own to work in, taking the boys out so I’m alone, or supporting me to go off and do my own thing for a day or a weekend. We acknowledge that the person we’re with most of the time is ourselves and it’s important for that relationship to be a good one.

How does achieving a certain level of self-understanding and self-love then affect your ability to connect with and deepen your relationships with others?

The more I’m able to accept and love myself, the less energy I spend trying to hide or disguise myself from others. This is usually a huge part of the process my characters go through. How can you have a good relationship with someone else, allow them to get close, allow for the closeness that makes a relationship worthwhile if you are always worried that they are going to discover some “awful truth” you believe about yourself and that you’re working to hide from them? The answer is, you can’t. Anytime we feel the need to build barriers, we limit our ability to connect. We create distance. The closer we’re willing to be with ourselves, the more we’re able to accept all the pieces — who we are, who we aren’t, and who we’ll never be — the more we’re able to allow people to see the real us which leads to connection and intimacy. I’m not sure I believe we can’t love someone more than we love ourselves, especially when it comes to parent/child relationships, but I do believe there’s a limit to how close we’ll let anyone get to us if we don’t accept ourselves.

In your experience, what should a) individuals and b) society, do to help people better understand themselves and accept themselves?

This is a tough one. What usually happens for an individual is an external event forces a personal confrontation with themselves. That’s what gets the hero/ine of a book or movie going on their journey. A job loss, a death, the end of a relationship. All of these — and many other things — can, if we’re willing, be an opportunity to stop and look at the choices we’ve made to learn if they are truly right. So often we take a path we’ve been told or believe we “should” without taking the time to find out if this is true. “Should” can be a dangerous word, keeping us from understanding and accepting our own needs. Only when the path takes an unexpected or unwanted turn do most of us stop to consider if we’re on the right one. We tend to start with a definite set of ideas and structure but when we break free of this we’re able to know ourselves better.

This is where society can help. Struggle, learning, growing, trying something new, failing and trying again all need to be things we support and encourage. I think if our heroes were celebrated not only for having done well but having overcome setbacks we’d be setting a better example. We need to hear and understand how many times Edison tried to invent the lightbulb, how many years Steve Jobs lost money on Pixar, and about the people who came to their life’s passion and success after years of mistakes and choices that weren’t right for them. I also think it would be great if society honored and supported the older stages of life and not just youth.

I’d like to add that this, again, is one of the reasons I think we’re drawn to story, to fiction. In movies and books, we see the struggle, the journey, the setbacks and then the ultimate realization of the goal, or even better — the goal changing to one that’s more heartfelt. We tend not to see ourselves in the non-fiction books we buy and so there’s a distance between us and the process the book is trying to show.

What are 5 strategies that you implement to maintain your connection with and love for yourself, that our readers might learn from? Could you please give a story or example for each?

1. Journaling. Ever since reading Julia Cameron’s The Artist Way, I’ve been a big fan of morning pages. It took me a while to get consistent with this, but I can feel the difference in my emotions and self-awareness when I don’t start my day this way. It’s three pages, written freehand in a notebook and it gives me the time and quiet to hear my thoughts. I can hear my critic, my inner editor, as well as the loving supportive voice that can be drowned out by the noise of the world. It sets an important and supportive tone for my day.

2. Time with my “tribe”. We all live with so many identities that require us to do and be a certain way. Spouse, employee, parent, offspring, sibling, chief cook, and bottle washer. It’s endless, and it can make it hard for us to remember ourselves. I try to schedule a few times a year when I can get rid of as many extra identities as possible and make things a little simpler and more focused. Writing retreat weekends are a way for me to “just” be a writer. Spending a full day (or an overnight) with a friend so I can get back to that part of myself is wonderful.

3. Reading. I suppose as a writer, that’s obvious, but slipping into the words and worlds created by my favorite authors can actually connect me to myself. I’m able to either see some of the best of myself in the characters, or I find insights that I haven’t been able or willing to connect with. For me, it’s also a wonderful time to turn off the “noise” of the outside world, this can be true reading of both fiction and non-fiction. Concentrating on something different often brings me insight into myself. And when I’m not looking, I frequently get new and unexpected answers to challenges I’m trying to work out.

4. Learning something new. Maybe it’s because I was raised by a mother who was a librarian and a father who read the New York Times cover to cover during the week, and most of it on the weekends, but learning something new lights me up. It’s a special kind of high when I find new things to learn either about myself, my work, or something completely unexpected. For writing, I’m always checking blogs or taking classes whether on the writing process, editing or the business of being an author. I try to do attend at least one event a year that will add to my personal insight, and when the opportunity comes to try something new — I take it. I attempted making chainmail jewelry recently. I’m terrible at it, but it was fun to try. I think learning and trying new things invites an increased awareness about our strengths, how far we’ve come, and that the journey is always continuing.

5. Eating dessert first. What I mean by this is sometimes your priority needs to be the really fun stuff, the stuff you put off until you finish all the “serious” work. There are times when I am almost too focused on my to-do list. I really look up from a project except to check what needs to be done next. Instead, I go from writing to mom things, to house things and back to writing. When I do that too much, I find myself disconnected from the people and the daily joys all around me. That’s when I need to do something indulgent, silly or just plain fun. I’ll move my work to the afternoon or to the next day. We’ll go out instead of me cooking. Basically, I look up at the world around me, rather than only at what’s in front of me and having a chance to be in that bigger picture is refreshing and revitalizing. There is a codicil to this. There’s a difference between taking care of yourself and being a “brat”. If you’re doing this all the time you’re probably using it as a procrastination tool rather than a way to be honest about what you need or should be doing to support yourself. Sometimes you need chocolate cake — more often you need fresh fruits and vegetables. Indulging our urges is great. Letting them run our lives? Not so much.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources for self-psychology, intimacy, or relationships? What do you love about each one and how does it resonate with you?

Romance authors tend to have huge personal collections of books on relationships and I am no exception. I’m a huge fan of Dr. Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight, the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (I try to know my characters’ love language as I write them) and Men are Great, by Karen Jones. Karen’s newsletters are wonderful too! When it comes to knowing and loving myself, I adore the books by Regena Thomashauer and the incomparable Brene Brown, both of whom are terrific on audio as well. Maybe because I’m a writer, but Shonda Rhimes’ The Year of Yes really struck a chord with me — and I also have that one in audio. In podcasts, I highly recommend Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin.

What a terrific question! As a huge fan of the Wizard of Oz, what I want most is for people have the strength and passion to follow their yellow brick road. Dorothy is clear about what she most desires and with the help of her friends — head, heart, and courage — she’s able to stay focused, move forward (most of the time) and reach her goal. I would love to inspire people to know their hearts’ desire has always been with them (which I refer to as The Dorothy Principle) and to know they’ve had the power all along to have it (The Glinda Principle). I think the more people following their own true passions would be a wonderful thing!

There are two that come immediately to mind. Both are from Anais Nin and, I think, they are connected.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

There have been several times in my life when I’ve had to accept that what I was doing, who was in my life, and the choices I made daily were no longer serving me. Have you ever gone through that? Those uncomfortable periods where something seems wrong or nothing seems to fit quite right. For me, it’s meant that I’ve either outgrown where I am or, even better, I’m growing into something more amazing. I’m ready — even though I may be scared — to make changes, take risks, step out of my comfort zone. And what I have found on the other side has always been worth it. There’s a magic and a wonder to blossoming, and I hope that more and more people are inspired to do it.

Thank you so much for your time and for your inspiring insights!

Thank you for having me!

“Struggle, learning, growing, trying something new, failing and trying again all need to be things… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“Acknowledge the hurdles, then jump them anyway” with Nick Saponaro and Fotis Georgiadis

Acknowledge the hurdles, then jump them anyway. The tech industry is run by highly educated, borderline-aristocratic, middle-aged white men who call themselves venture capitalists. The last thing they want to see is a young, black programmer who dropped out of a state college walk into their office asking for money for a startup in a disruptive, unregulated industry. These guys are generally already connected with each other from whichever Ivy League school at which their family was a legacy and have no interest in diversity, regardless of what their companies boilerplate mission statement might say. Screw ’em. I raised millions for Divi without giving a dime of equity to any VCs. Don’t be afraid to bootstrap your business and use that drive to build something they’re begging to throw money at.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Nick Saponaro, Co-Founder & Lead Full Stack Developer of The Divi Project, a startup that’s like a decentralized PayPal for digital assets. A crypto investor since 2013, Nick is keenly aware of the gap that separates blockchain technology and the masses, and is using his programming expertise to help bridge it.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you share with us the story of how you decided to pursue this career path? What lessons can others learn from your story?

I have always had a passion for tech, and an even deeper seeded interest in the concept of revolution. Since childhood, I’ve been drawn to the idea that no matter the odds, history proves socioeconomic progress is possible if the right people benevolently band together. I co-founded a cryptocurrency and am committed to the advancement of blockchain because this is my way of participating in a world-changing movement, or nonviolent revolution.

I am an obsessive programmer and grew up with a secret love for working with computers, hacking my smartphones, and gaming. It was hard growing up black in a predominantly white area where being “progressive” meant justifying my friendship with “well, you’re not that black” and saying I “don’t talk black” was supposed to be a compliment. I didn’t want to make it any harder by also outing myself as a “nerd.”

It wasn’t until well past high school that I embraced my interests and stopped worrying about others’ opinions on how I spend my time and what I’m most passionate about. I only wish I had done so sooner because it has led me down a life-changing path — first into web development and, more recently, into the world blockchain and cryptocurrency.

It’s funny when I think about pursuing this as a career path considering the concept of blockchain only came into reality via Bitcoin while I was a high school sophomore in 2008. It wasn’t until 2013 that I learned about this emerging, incredibly needed technology that has become my life. I made the decision to pivot from being a full-time, world-traveling musician to a full-time programmer when I realized the problems blockchain technology can solve in our world. I saw this as my chance to make a real difference and I haven’t looked back ever since. What I hope others will take away from my story is the importance of choosing long-term goals over superficially-charged, short-sighted ones, as well as the value in building a career around your passion.

Can you tell me about the most interesting projects you are working on now?

My primary focus is a cryptocurrency/blockchain app I’ve created with a small team called The Divi Project. We founded Divi to create an accessible, user-friendly entry point for earning, storing, and transacting cryptocurrencies. I also advise on a couple of blockchain projects, including a pilot program for a major health insurance carrier that is exploring blockchain solutions for claims adjudication and health record interoperability.

I would definitely have to give credit to my mother. She has always supported me in my entrepreneurial endeavors (trust me there have been more than a few) and in my music. At one point, she even flew to Bali, Indonesia to attend a show I played at a club out there. Without the support of family, I feel it is very difficult for anyone to confidently pursue any path. Freedom to be creative leads to self-awareness, which is one of the cornerstones of success, in my opinion.

What are the 5 things that most excite you about blockchain and crypto? Why?

1. Financial freedom. The potential of escaping the confines of antiquated structures, such as our 237 year old mortgage system, is what motivates me daily. The vast majority of my generation can’t afford a home, even with a healthy salary, and social security will likely run out by the time we need it. Something isn’t working. I’m excited about the movement towards a solution.

2. A trustless society. In the blockchain industry, building a “trustless” environment is the common goal — the degree of security, transparency, and accountability the technology establishes makes your “trust” in another human irrelevant. I know both well enough to say that computers are more likely to do the right thing than people are. Even if it doesn’t happen in my lifetime, I look forward to blockchain’s immutability weeding out the problems caused by corrupt individuals.

3. The next wave of innovation. We are amidst the fifth technological revolution in modern history, with electricity, the steam engine, and cars all having emerged from the first four. Blockchain can address previously unsolvable issues in finance, healthcare, politics, media, and just about all other industries. It’s going to make our world a better place, but people are still afraid of it the same way they feared inventions from the industrial revolution.

4. True ownership of data. The way our data is currently being misused and, in some extreme cases, used against us is appalling. We were conditioned slowly over time to expect social media services to provide a free-to-use way to connect with one another but what we didn’t realize is that we were providing the product (our data) for these services to sell, for next to no incentive. Blockchain allows for the decentralization of data and forces transparency upon organizations. Applications are being built already that put the power back in our hands as users.

5. Social impact. The interoperability potential between Blockchain, IOT, and AI presents a tremendous opportunity to build products and services that have a massive social impact. One such use-case would be health records that are either nonexistent or inaccessible for one reason or another. I imagine a world where this data can be accessed by a permissioned third-party and is stored and tracked by some low-cost/free wearable device.

What are the 5 things that worry you about blockchain and crypto? Why?

1. Bad actors. The space being in its infancy creates a lot of opportunities for people to act maliciously towards inexperienced users and entrepreneurs. The scams and hacks create a smokescreen that blocks the other truly incredible projects from view. This will change as the governments of the world, particularly the U.S., come to a consensus on the regulatory structure that will dictate how blockchain companies operate.

2. Media gatekeeping. The constant negative press is a detriment to the cryptocurrency industry. As with most news media in any sector, the majority of news is focused on shocking, appalling, or otherwise adversely correlated stories that will elicit some sort of reaction from the reader. Unfortunately, the effects of this type of journalism on a young industry are much greater than that of say, politics, for example. I would like to see journalists talking about the exciting possibilities blockchain and cryptocurrency provide, rather than which direction bitcoin is heading on a particular day.

3. Accessibility. As it stands today, most people have probably heard about (at the very least) bitcoin or cryptocurrency. But the buck stops there in most cases. I would wager that less than 1% of the people who have heard anything about bitcoin have any idea what it is, what it does, or why it’s important, nor do they care to learn. This is no fault of their own as it is up to us as an industry to provide viable product offerings with real-world use cases, that can actually be useful and accessible to everyone. Accessibility and usability are something my team and I work toward on a daily basis.

4. The “by devs for devs” mentality. As a developer, I most definitely see the necessity to provide robust toolchains that enable active and consistent development within the space. What I disagree with is the idea that everything needs to be for developers. At some point, these applications need actual users. For that to happen, we need to build intuitive, familiar user experiences that everyone can enjoy.

5. Unethical “thought leaders.” Similar to my first point, the amount of “advisors” and “influencers” with alternative, self-serving agendas bothers me. A few big names (DJ Khaled, John McAfee, and Floyd Mayweather, among others) have been fined by the SEC for not disclosing their endorsements of certain ICOs were actually paid advertisements. In an industry that’s inherently challenging to navigate — even for those creating it — it’s easy to trust the opinions of public figures whom you admire. This only becomes a problem when you don’t realize the opinion you’re trusting isn’t authentic, and is paid for.

While all of the aforementioned are concerns, I find solace in the fact that solutions to all of them are being aggressively researched and developed as we speak. Rather than consider these facts “worrisome,” I prefer to look at them as duly noted checkpoints for posterity during the current adoption cycle.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world? Can you share a story?

I have two primary initiatives when it comes to this space. The first, to enable everyone (and I mean everyone) to access financial services that not only enable spending and storing digital assets but also empower them through financial growth and stability. The second, to implement blockchain technology into healthcare. There are dozens of pain points in the current healthcare industry, many of which can be solved by the use of blockchain, smart contracts, and distributed ledger technology. If I can play a small part in improving that industry, I will have fulfilled a great goal of mine.

As you know, there are not a lot of people of color in the tech sector. Can you share 3 things that you would you advise to other men and women of color in the tech space to thrive?

1. Learn to code. Roughly 5% of tech professionals are people of color. This disparity presents a massive opportunity for our community and I don’t understand why it’s not being taken advantage of more. Coding is a skill you can learn from virtually anywhere, and there are even some smartphone applications that can introduce you to some basic concepts. Programming is one of the most transcendent trade skills of the modern age and can grant you access to literally thousands of high-paying, highly rewarding opportunities. Not to mention you can do it in your pajamas.

2. Acknowledge the hurdles, then jump them anyway. The tech industry is run by highly educated, borderline-aristocratic, middle-aged white men who call themselves venture capitalists. The last thing they want to see is a young, black programmer who dropped out of a state college walk into their office asking for money for a startup in a disruptive, unregulated industry. These guys are generally already connected with each other from whichever Ivy League school at which their family was a legacy and have no interest in diversity, regardless of what their companies boilerplate mission statement might say. Screw ’em. I raised millions for Divi without giving a dime of equity to any VCs. Don’t be afraid to bootstrap your business and use that drive to build something they’re begging to throw money at.

3. Don’t be afraid of who you are. You’re going to be the only black person in most of the rooms you’ll be in. Try not to let this faze you. The color of your skin doesn’t have anything to do with your capabilities or talents — don’t forget this. You are just as qualified, if not moreso, than anyone else in the room regardless of race.

Can you advise what is needed to engage more men and women of color into the blockchain industry?

The unfortunate truth is that the media targets minorities differently than they target others. Especially young minorities. From a very young age, we are influenced to want certain things, strive towards certain goals, and ignore certain, very important, aspects of society. This is nothing new. This is systematic, and we all know it. Fortunately, more and more people of color are realizing that they have just as much, if not more, potential than any of their majority counterparts. So my advice to PoC reading this, (however cliche this may sound) would be to be a contrarian, dictate your own path forward, and believe that anything is within reach. My advice to industry leaders would be to provide more content and education for a more diverse demographic of people. There are geniuses who will move your company forward in the inner cities and on the countryside, just like there are at Stanford. Don’t be so short-sighted to believe otherwise.

What is your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share a story of how that had relevance to your own life?

When I was about 15 years old, an older friend of mine, whom I only see but once every several years and who may not be with us for much longer, taught me a wise lesson as we stood atop Mt. San Jacinto in Palm Springs, California. As we stared out across the expanse, he said, “You have to imagine yourself from a helicopter’s view, seeing everything you do and say as if you didn’t know you were watching.” This was my first real introduction to the concept of self-awareness. It has stuck with me throughout my life and I still find myself striving toward active reflection. In my opinion, without self-awareness, one will find it hard to find success in any aspect of life.

Although I didn’t start it, I look at blockchain and cryptocurrency as a movement that can (and in many ways already is) positively influence an entire generation of humans. If you look at some of the less developed nations of the world and the economic injustices levied against them as a result of negligent or corrupt governments, you can see where and how cryptocurrency can empower and unify. That, to me, is a massive deal.

Yes, the developed nations will be slow to adopt cryptocurrency into their everyday life, if they ever do. But that is because they see the least benefit. In fact, ironically, those who will see the most benefit from this financial revolution are those with the least access to contemporary financial services. The beauty of this migration to a trustless, decentralized world is the fact that it opens up endless new opportunities, some of which will be developed by people that are probably crawling in diapers as I type this. To just be a small part of this movement is akin to starting it, in my opinion.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

You can find me on Twitter @NSapProductions or @DiviProject.

Thank you for all of these great insights!

“Acknowledge the hurdles, then jump them anyway” with Nick Saponaro and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Men and Women of Color Leading The Blockchain Revolution: “Blockchain is a way to bypass the…

Men and Women of Color Leading The Blockchain Revolution: “Blockchain is a way to bypass the middleman, upend power structures, and democratize the way work gets done” with Jason Sosa and Fotis Georgiadis

Blockchain is a way to bypass the middleman, upend power structures, and democratize the way work gets done. Technology, like capitalism, is a tool. Artificial intelligence isn’t magic that solves society’s ills. The blockchain isn’t a feature to be bolted on. It is a fundamental shift in understanding trust, how work gets distributed, implemented, rewarded, and managed. The policies and processes for what worked in Corporate America simply don’t translate into the new economy. A new framework has to be created. The purpose of a new system is to align and balance human self-interest with governance around a cooperative model, shared by many, in a way that is self-sustaining for the whole.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Jason Sosa. Jason is an experienced entrepreneur, previously founded a venture-backed AI/machine learning company in New York City which sold in 2015. He was also an EIR/advisor to a $20m early stage VC fund and is presently founder of a blockchain-based talent sharing ecosystem Blackbox AI.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you share with us the story of how you decided to pursue this career path? What lessons can others learn from your story?

I grew up the son of a migrant farm worker. I’ve gone from a minimum wage factory worker to being CEO of a venture-backed company in New York City. I’ve raised millions of dollars in capital, establish companies in NYC and Singapore and attracted major corporate customers. As an advisor to a venture capital fund, I’ve mentored dozens of startups throughout the product development, go-to-market, and fundraising process. Here’s my journey.

FACTORY WELDER

As a spot welder, I assembled school furniture at a factory. Feeling frustrated and bored out of my mind, I educated myself and learned to code after a grueling 10-hour shift.

FREELANCER

Keeping the factory job part-time in order to make ends meet, I made the transition to freelancer. Within the first 60 days, grew my income 3X by initially offering to work for others for free. Ended up landing projects with Herman Miller, Ford, Accenture, among others.

MULTI-TOUCH R&D

It’s the worst economy since the great depression. Inspired by Jeff Han’s TED talk, I dived head first into computer vision learning to build my own multi-touch walls. This leads me to assemble an 8ft (120-inch) custom multi-touch wall prototype with Haworth R&D in 2009.

BOULDER CO PURSUING MY DREAMS

Selling 90% of our possessions, I moved my family to Boulder CO and began experimenting with face detection and computer vision. Interviewed by Robert Scoble on early prototypes.

TECHSTARS NYC — IMMERSIVE LABS

Accepted into Techstars NYC (1% acceptance rate), featured on Bloomberg TV, ABC News, CNN and Fox Business. Mentors included Fred Wilson, Gary Vaynerchuk, Brad Feld, and Dave McClure. Raised millions of dollars from top investors in NYC and Silicon Valley. (Acquired 2015)

Can you tell us about the most interesting projects you are working on now?

I’m building a talent sharing platform on the blockchain. Blackbox makes it easy for people and organizations around the world to share talent, reduce bench cost, and find rewarding projects as part of an ecosystem of business trust.

It is the people that believed in me when it wasn’t easy. Friends, family, and a broad community of support around the world help to sustain the spirit of being an entrepreneur. So many people have helped me along the way. Some notable people have been Mike Morin, David Cohen, Brad Feld, Dave McClure, Dean Whittaker, Jerry Colona, and many Techstars alums that shared their lessons learned along the way.

What are the 5 things that most excite you about blockchain and crypto? Why?

Blockchain fundamentally unlocks new business models in a way not seen since the early days of the Internet. In the average human lifespan — ⅓ is spent sleeping, ⅓ working, and ⅓ living — we orient life around unspoken and unconscious mental models for how “work” should be done, for how organizations “should be” structured, and rarely question the systems, incentives, or methods themselves or seek to improve upon them. We operate based on habits without taking into account how much the world has truly changed. Blockchain opens the doors to new possibilities.

Our long-term vision is simple: Democratize the enterprise.

– Everyone is part of a community that makes up the workplace

– Democratize the experience and provide interoperability across inter/intra silos for mutual alignment

– Consensus-driven governance to improve accountability, reduce risk/costs, and create a better outcome than we have today

– A quality experience for all human beings that give themselves to this activity

– Produce value in the form of good/services for the benefit of customers

– Distribute gains in proportion to the value contributed

What are the 5 things worry you about blockchain and crypto? Why?

– Worried that blockchain will be a continuation of centralized/top-down structures under the control of private groups

– Worried that blockchain will be used as a tool to marginalize rather than empower people

– Regulation, governance, and compliance will slow innovation and impede progress

– Worried that criminal activity, scams, speculation and pay-to-play practices will continue to delegitimize blockchain for the masses. It’s a lot of noise making it harder for quality projects to stand out

– Worried that people will only focus on creating decentralized clones of today’s centralized concepts

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world? Can you share a story?

Giving back as much as I can in the form of speaking, mentorship, coaching, and teaching by letting others know that there is another path. I’m living proof that it’s possible to dream, strive, work hard and rise above the limitations set on you by others. I try to share those lessons whenever and wherever I can.

As you know, there are not a lot of people of color in the tech sector. Can you share 3 things that you would you advise to other men and women of color in the tech space to thrive?

Your unique point of view is needed in tech! We need role models and examples to point to in the tech industry. Especially women and people of color that help shape the conversations, tools, and systems which will run our lives in the future. To thrive, it’s critical to be confident in telling your story, let your voice be known, focus on growing a network around a niche with other passionate people.

Can you advise what is needed to engage more men and women of color into the blockchain industry?

The blockchain is a way to bypass the middleman, upend power structures, and democratize the way work gets done.

Technology, like capitalism, is a tool. Artificial intelligence isn’t magic that solves society’s ills. The blockchain isn’t a feature to be bolted on. It is a fundamental shift in understanding trust, how work gets distributed, implemented, rewarded, and managed. The policies and processes for what worked in Corporate America simply don’t translate into the new economy. A new framework has to be created. The purpose of a new system is to align and balance human self-interest with governance around a cooperative model, shared by many, in a way that is self-sustaining for the whole.

What is your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share a story of how that had relevance to your own life?

It’s not about the goal. It’s about growing to become the person that can accomplish that goal.” ― Anthony Robbins.

‘You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.’ — Jim Carrey

For the first time, technology is available to experiment rewriting the rules of governance, currency, and ownership.

New paths require we break the mold of traditional ideas and learn lessons of the past. Melding together what works for today with a plan for a better future that takes advantage of new tools. This goes beyond the traditional arguments of capitalism vs. socialism. We need a brand-new framework for a modern digital age. What movement would I start? I’d argue that we should bring democracy to the workplace.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Blackboxfoundation.org

YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UCEywMTvmxwZnyAKFXEGGg8Q

Twitter: https://twitter.com/blackbox_found

Facebook: https://facebook.com/Blackbox-Foundation-350303788796658/

Telegram: https://t.me/BlackboxToken

Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/company/blackboxfoundation/

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!

Men and Women of Color Leading The Blockchain Revolution: “Blockchain is a way to bypass the… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Female Disruptors: Barbara Butler has shaken up how luxury playhouses and treehouses are designed

Build to people’s strengths — if an employee has an unusual skill, I try to add that in. I hired a new painter/colorist and discovered he had had his own sign painting company for many years. Suddenly we started adding all sorts of whimsical signs!

I had the pleasure of interviewing Barbara Butler, an artist/builder and founder of Barbara Butler Designs, a luxury playhouse and treehouse design/build company. For over 30 years Butler has created awe-inspiring multi-level treehouses, castles, and woodland forts for clients, including a few you may have heard of like Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith, Robert Redford and Walt Disney Productions.

Thank you for joining us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

I graduated from college with a degree in political science and no idea what I wanted to do. My mom wanted me to be a lawyer, but I kept putting it off. After college, I moved to NYC and worked as a waitress. I did some construction work with my two brothers, James & Robert, who had a remodeling business in Capitol Hill DC. I learned bricklaying & I loved it! I had always excelled in art and in making things with my hands, but I never thought of it as a way to make a living. I toyed with the idea of being a writer and I went back to graduate school for writing. After grad school, I gave up the idea of getting a “real job” and I moved to San Francisco to be an artist. My family was worried!

Once in SF I started painting- not just canvases but furniture that I would buy at the thrift store. Then I started making my own furniture and painting it. I started building decks with a friend to make money — completely self-taught. I read every book I could find on the subject and jumped in. We called the company Outer Space Design, an artistic design/build company for the family backyard. We landed a big job with singer Bobby McFerrin (“Don’t Worry, Be Happy”). His wife Debbie wanted their steep backyard filled with decks and patios, leading down to an unusual play structure at the bottom of the yard for the kids. I was immediately interested in the play structure idea. I went and played on all the play structures in San Francisco and created a unique design that Debbie loved. I made the swing from my own truck tire and the slide from a sheet of stainless steel. I carved the support poles and I stained them bright earthy colors I mixed myself. I was enthralled by the whole process and after I finished, I told everyone: “this is it! this is what I want to do!” That was 30 years ago & I’m still loving it!

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company?

In 1996 Architectural Digest contacted me and asked to see my portfolio, a huge opportunity. I sent them my best photos of my furniture and play structures. The editor called to say nice work, but the photos were not good enough and there was no budget for a photographer. Before she hung up, I said, “I was just about to get everything professionally photographed — which pieces are you interested in?” Of course, this wasn’t true, but I made a split-second decision to go all in. The editor gave me a list of nine furniture pieces and nine play structures and two weeks to get it all done. I borrowed a ton of money, hired several photographers and the next two weeks were insane trying to photograph everything. We got it all done and sent off (me running from the photo lab to Fed EX just making the last cut-off.) The May 1996 issue comes out and there is just one photo near the back, of one play structure with just about 100 words. I am so disappointed! And then the phone starts ringing. I get over 750 phone calls and I end up getting work for 5 years. It catapulted me into a whole new level. That helped me learn about trusting my instincts.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I made a big mistake in 2000 that taught me a lot! A certain well-known tech magnate called and hired me to design & build a play structure for his family. We had a great first meeting and the plan was for me to come back in 4 weeks with design options. In the meantime, the Washington Post wanted to do a feature on my business. One of the questions was “any exciting new projects?” I said I was doing a play structure for my client, using his name. Of course, that gets printed and the article also makes it sound like I am keeping him on a waiting list. I remember thinking “uh-oh” when I read it. When I show up at my client’s door with my designs and my paper models, I am chewed out royally for having used his name without his permission and basically, I’m fired. I apologize and try to explain why (my struggling little business, a big opportunity) but I see that he’s right — I should not have used his name without permission. That taught me a lot about protecting client’s privacy and resisting the tug from the media to promote everything.

What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?

When I’m on a project I live sleep eat dream that project. It’s that obsession with getting it right that makes my company stand out. “Whatever it takes!” is one of our mottos. Here’s an example: We were approached to make a Canal Barge play structure for a New York State Welcome Center on the historic Erie Canal. They wanted the Barge to be somewhat historically accurate and to meet all public playground codes. And they wanted a second play structure — one that would look like a big stack of cargo boxes with a roller slide and cargo nets. I was thrilled! The catch was it had to be delivered and installed in just 8 weeks. While they liked my work, they weren’t sure my company could handle this big a job with such a short lead-time. I said, “let me send you a box with samples and materials. We can do this!”. And as soon as I hung up the phone, I got everyone working on a deluxe sample box with all our books, stain samples, rope, powder-coated hardware, drawings. We made it look like a cargo container and I carved “Mohawk Welcome Center” on it and we mounted a wooden ship’s wheel on top. A mad rush to overnight it! We all pulled together and made this beautiful package in 3 hours. And the result? We got the job!

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

I’m working on my second Magical Bridge Playground, a new kind of public playground for kids and adults of all abilities. We did the first Magical Bridge Playground in 2015. I remember we were under the gun to finish in time for the Grand Opening, working right up to the last second. I was so frazzled that I told my business partner we are never doing this again. Then we both turned around and looked at all the kids and adults streaming into the park, with huge smiles on their faces as parents and kids in wheelchairs were delighted to be playing alongside their family members. Everyone could play on all of the equipment — no one was prevented from joining in or separated to a different section of the park. We cried unashamedly when we realized what a wonderful place we were a part of creating.

I’m also building an exciting large custom treehouse/play structure for a family in San Francisco Peninsula area. It’s in a large oak tree on a steep slope and we’re building a huge deck and modern clubhouse up in it, with a swinging cable bridge over to it.

I thrive on the collaboration with the living tree. Not only do I need to be mindful of the health of the tree, but I want to build something that enhances the grace and beauty of the tree. I enjoy the challenges that a new site, a new tree or a new request brings. I still love it and can’t believe I get to build these on a full-time basis! I am about to start my 700th project and I am very thankful to my family for supporting me in my work from the beginning, back when it was a crazy idea to want to build play structures for a living!

What advice would you give to other female leaders to help their team to thrive?

Draw upon your family. My sister Suzanne Butler, my husband Jeff Beal and I are the co-owners. My brother, James, works for us as our AutoCAD drafter. Other family members (sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews) have worked for the company as well. Even my mom & dad, when they were alive, participated in many ways to help make my business thrive. Our family reunions are more like board of director meetings — everyone weighs in! Many of our employees are related to each other too — we have had a husband & wife team, brothers, brothers-in-law and next generation working for us. My experience has been so positive that I would tell other female leaders who are starting their own business to not be afraid of involving family in your business and to treat all of your employees as if they were family. Yes it takes a little more time but the plus side is your team knows that you deeply care about them and the welfare of their families.

What advice would you give to other female leaders about the best way to manage a large team?

Build to people’s strengths — if an employee has an unusual skill, I try to add that in. I hired a new painter/colorist and discovered he had had his own sign painting company for many years. Suddenly we started adding all sorts of whimsical signs!

My sister Suzanne Butler joined the company in 1999, taking the business to the next level. Suzanne took over running the office, she incorporated the business, she freed me up to concentrate on the design and production of the work. Suzanne had been supporting my business with advice and capitol since I started in 1987, even when she didn’t quite believe in it yet. When I told her in 1987 that I wanted to go around the country building custom play structures for kids, Suzanne tallied up the costs and said it wouldn’t work: “no one is ever going to pay $10,000 for a play structure.“ I said “yes they will!” And since then, whenever a big check comes in, I’d leave it on her desk with that quote…

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

Since 1999 we have been committed to donating playhouses and kids furniture to charitable auctions that raise money to support the health and welfare of children. We do this in lieu of advertising. This year we are again donating a large play structure to be auctioned on June 1st to raise money for Rebuilding Together Peninsula, a nonprofit that organizes volunteer labor to fix up the homes of low-income families.

What are your “5 Leadership Lessons I Learned From My Experience” and why. (Please share a story or example for each.)

1. Don’t be afraid to try new things: In the early nineties, a friend wanted me to make her a custom canopy bed. She wanted to trade for it. I knew she worked in computers (which had no effect on my life at this point), so I was skeptical — what could she trade? She said, “I could build you a website.” And I actually remember saying “what’s a website?” She responded, “trust me, they’re going to be big.” And so I ended up with an amazing website way ahead of the curve.

2. Don’t learn the wrong lesson: My dog Tashee was grazed by a car one night when she followed her nose into the street, despite my objections. She howled but she was fine. The next day I thought, “that will teach her to stay out of the street!” but instead she decided to never go out at night. If something bad, or good, happens, it’s easy to blame or credit the wrong thing.

3. Failure is a great teacher: In the beginning, I made sure I had a written contract, but I ended up doing change orders verbally. Then one client took advantage of that and refused to pay, citing no paper trail. And while I was furious in the moment, over the years, I have developed fond memories for that client for teaching me about the importance of getting things in writing.

4. The Huddle: We were part of a big public project in Las Vegas in 2007 and we were in a bit over our heads. We were brought in by the owner as a non-union specialty contractor but advised to keep a low profile. Whenever we would hit a snag, the crew and I would huddle up, literally putting our heads together to solve it. We thought this was low-profile but then one day another sub said, “you’re not really union, are you? It’s really cute how you guys work together.” To this day, when we hit a problem, we huddle up. I expect everyone to weigh in and present a solution. I get to make the final call, but I know the team appreciates being consulted and a part of the process. Everyone has a voice.

5. Forgive them ahead of time! As a woman & a boss in the male-dominated construction world, I can get a lot of attitude when we first show up on a new site. I think there’s an urge to see me as an outsider. I decided long ago to forgive them ahead of time because I’m not trouble, and I do know what I’m talking about, and by the end of the project, I know they are going to love me, love my work and probably even ask me for a job.

I’d love to establish a non-profit organization that brings quality play structures to the small independent day cares in low & middle-income neighborhoods. Day cares often struggle to survive and don’t have the funds to buy good equipment and safe surfacing. I’d love to help!

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

My mom always said “you have to wear many hats in this world” and as a business owner, you certainly do! If I have to do something new that I don’t want to do, I hear my mom telling me that!

Michelle Obama — we share a commitment to the health and welfare of children, and I’d love to collaborate with her on a project for kids.

Thank you for all of these great insights!

Female Disruptors: Barbara Butler has shaken up how luxury playhouses and treehouses are designed was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Women in STEM: “I work very hard and when I’m done working I work more” with Laura Towart and Fotis

Women in STEM: “I work very hard and when I’m done working I work more” with Laura Towart and Fotis Georgiadis

People romanticize the idea of being a dreamer. It’s wonderful to be a dreamer but dreaming alone won’t get you far. I work very hard and when I’m done working I work more. I love the feeling I get when I see my hard work having a positive effect. Nothing has ever come easy for me and consistent hard work has been the only path for me.

As a part of my series featuring accomplished women in STEM, I had the pleasure of interviewing Laura Towart. Laura is the Founder and CEO of My Personal Therapeutics, a London based digital health company offering the most advanced personalized cancer therapeutics. Laura is also the Founder and former CEO of Celmatix, a leader in diagnostics and predictive analytics for female infertility and women’s health. Laura is a graduate of the Weill Cornell Graduate School of Medical Sciences and Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center’s Doctoral program and received a Certificate in Bioinformatics. Laura holds a BS/BA in Biology/English from The George Washington University.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

My childhood Christmas lists included things like microscope, telescope, slide mounting kit, dissection kit (for bugs), and a chemistry set. Things didn’t change much as I got older. I’ve always been certain I wanted to use my scientific knowledge to either critically evaluate emerging technologies or develop and commercialize my own innovations. While I was in the PhD program at Weill Cornell Grad School of Medical Sciences, I was a founding member of Club Biomed- a biotech/pharma investment club that students and faculty could join, evaluate, and purchase pharma/biotech stocks. I also participated in the NY Academy of Sciences course “From Idea to IPO” and it lit an entrepreneurial fire in me!

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began at your company?

One of the best things that happened to me is that I applied to the SOSV Rebel Bio accelerator program and got rejected. I was disappointed by the rejection but assumed it was because we were more advanced than other applicants and beyond acceleration stage. I reluctantly went to the event they hosted where the community can meet the companies they did select. Fortunately, I ended up meeting the founder of Rebel Bio, Bill Liao, who agreed to help me outside of the program and who is now our Chairman.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I don’t find any of my mistakes funny… But in hindsight one moment that stands out happened when I brought the inventor of the Personal Discovery Process technology from Mt Sinai to give a lecture and meet a prospective investor/partner in Saudi Arabia. After a day of successful lectures we were taken to dinner by the investor and his friends. He drove us back to the hotel in his Lamborghini and proceeded to make low ball partnership agreement offers and basically insulted both myself and the inventor — while driving seemingly recklessly down the streets of Riyadh. We had a heated exchange after.. It’s fair to say that partnership wasn’t successful!

What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?

Our platform is unique because it can be used to identify novel drug combinations for any genetic disease.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?

We are working on so many exciting projects!! One of the most interesting to me is that we can model co-morbidities in flies. For example, we can model a patient who is diabetic AND has colorectal cancer. We know that diabetes will play a role in altering the polypharmacoligcal response of a patient. We will be able to demonstrate that diabetic patients should receive different drug treatment recommendations for cancer.

Are you currently satisfied with the status quo regarding women in STEM? What specific changes do you think are needed to change the status quo?

I’ve seen a number of positive changes over the years to encourage women in STEM. As the mother of 2 young girls I am very aware that the world is changing positively to provide support and guidance. Of course there is still more to be done.

What advice would you give to other female leaders to help their team to thrive?

Listen to your team and ensure every team member feels heard and valued. Invest in your team’s education by sending them to conferences, giving them chances to improve their skillsets by paying for coursework/training sessions. Always provide opportunities for team members to step up and take on more responsibility.

What advice would you give to other female leaders about the best way to manage a large team?

Think about your org chart and reporting structures before making hires to ensure you’re hiring at the right level (jr or sr). Make sure that Senior management communicate not only what is happening successfully but also what the team is struggling with. It is important to not waste time trying to fix something that isn’t essential. Don’t hire people without a clear understanding of their role, and how it fits in with the company’s goals.

Many people have helped me get to where I am today. The road to success for me wasn’t a direct path and I’m truly grateful to have a family and friends that support me. My parents provide solid ground beneath my feet and make me feel supported wherever I am in the world. My children support me in ways I could’ve never imagined and they make me feel like I can accomplish anything! I’m very lucky.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

I’m very proud to have created the My Personal Therapeutics Foundation, a UK registered charity with a mission to provide personalized cancer therapeutics and also therapeutics for those with rare genetic diseases who wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford it. The Foundation works closely with MPT (company) to identify patients and provide financial support. I’m currently on the Foundation Board. The Company launched the foundation with £15k funding to support the first patients.

And I’ve brought 3 amazing, loving, responsible humans into this world- Julian, Valentina and Delphine.

What are your “5 Leadership Lessons I Learned From My Experience as a Woman in STEM” and why?

Listen first, think again and then speak
Don’t always listen ☺
Persist.. as long as you can
Work harder than you think you can
Be active in the community- attend all local industry related events and network and also be a mentor to a young entrepreneur scientist

I wish people would refuse to use Styrofoam.. I do..

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“Action is what separates the do-ers from the dreamers.”
— Lennox Lewis

People romanticize the idea of being a dreamer. It’s wonderful to be a dreamer but dreaming alone won’t get you far. I work very hard and when I’m done working I work more. I love the feeling I get when I see my hard work having a positive effect. Nothing has ever come easy for me and consistent hard work has been the only path for me.

Another one of my favorites is “When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor.” I believe what I’m doing is important and I will do it as long as I’m given the opportunity.

Melinda Gates. Recently the Gates foundation provided support to Celmatix, the women’s health company I co-founded. I am very grateful for this assistance. Now, as we launch the My Personal Therapeutics Foundation, I have many questions and would appreciate her guidance. She is a true leader and role model.

Thank you for all of these great insights!

Women in STEM: “I work very hard and when I’m done working I work more” with Laura Towart and Fotis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Future Is Now: “Software that can show how your muscles are working in real time” with Dr Lev…

The Future Is Now: “Software that can show how your muscles are working in real time” with Dr. Lev Kalika and Fotis Georgiadis

…We would be able to see exactly why the person is not using certain muscles and what to do to force the brain to include this muscle into the muscular synergy that is required.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Lev Kalika, the owner of New York Dynamic Rehabilitation & Physical Therapy (NYDN Rehab) in New York City. He is known for revolutionizing how muskuloskeletal and motor disorders are treated by introducing Dynamic Neuromuscular Stabilization (DNS) and groundbreaking technology to the United States, such as CAREN (Computer Assisted Rehabilitation Environment). He is an expert in the conservative treatment of back, hip, knee and shoulder pain, as well as sports injury disorders. Dr. Kalika’s physical therapy and overall fitness/wellness expertise has been featured in NBCNews.com, Reader’s Digest, The Huffington Post, Forbes, Thrive Global and much more.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

In 1993, I left Odessa and moved to the U.S. to continue my medical studies. At one point, I developed mysterious chest pains that baffled several doctors. A friend recommended that I see a chiropractor (D.C.). So, I took this advice, and after several sessions, my condition began to improve. In that moment, I realized chiropractic methods appealed to me more than conventional allopathic medicine because it addressed the cause of the pain rather than its symptoms.

After that realization, I moved to Chicago where I enrolled in the National College of Chiropractic. While exploring various programs geared to help advance my studies, I noticed very little literature was published on the subject of the CNS (Central Nervous System) in most American chiropractic postgraduate programs. There were courses on conventional medical neurology and orthopedics, but none on the functional type of medicine that I wanted to learn.

So then, I decided to go to Prague, Czech Republic to receive a fellowship in Manual Medicine in Motol Hospital under world-renowned Professor Karel Lewit, MD. Later on, I studied in Charles University (also in Prague) with another world-famous neurologist professor, Vladimir Janda, a man who was widely hailed as the world’s leader in ‘rational therapy’ in musculoskeletal medicine and rehabilitation. Thereafter, I met Prof. Pavel Kolar, a European sports celebrity doctor and developer of the DNS (Dynamic Neuromuscular Stabilization) method of treating musculoskeletal disorders. Observing Kolar’s treatment techniques and procedures and seeing how instantaneous the results were, Lev had little doubt what his next step would be: Become a master of doing DNS.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

My NYC clinic — New York Dynamic Neuromuscular Rehabilitation & Physical Therapy — houses CAREN, Computer Assisted Rehabilitation Environment, which only exists in two U.S. locations (NYDN Rehab being one of them; also being the only private practice to house CAREN). CAREN is like a big virtual reality room and game, but for reading and improving your health. The most interesting story was trying to find a space that could fit and install CAREN into a space in Manhattan.

When I bought CAREN, I did not understand all the difficulties and expenses it would take to find a rental property that would have all the technical and spatial parameters it required. It would certainly fit into most of first floor commercial spaces, but I was not able to afford this kind of rent. Luckily, I found a space which had required 18 feet ceilings in Bryant Park. And fortunately, the landlord was a good guy and I didn’t have to deal with a corporate system. But then something else happened which was very scary. I was not aware that the platform emits a lot of vibration, which could potentially break down the floor underneath and fall through the ceiling below on to the company of 100 people. I wanted to hire engineering companies that could calculate whether the floor would withstand this kind of vibration, but these types of engineers cost nearly the amount of the equipment. But then there was GOD. My wife’s distant relative from Sydney was in town for a couple of days. He was an engineer who built the Sydney Opera House, and his expertise is exactly what I needed. He provided the calculations, and I was very lucky…

Can you tell us about the “Bleeding edge” technological breakthroughs that you are working on? How do you think that will help people?

Right now, I am working on integrating HBM (HUMAN BODY MODEL) with SEMG (Surface electromyography) and M-mode ultrasound into my clinic. HBM is a software that belongs to the unique CAREN technology I have. This software can show how your muscles work in real time if you are within CAREN, which includes two force plates and state of the art motion capture. HBM is the only software in the world that can show how muscles work in real time. Since HBM is based on mathematical model of muscle length, joint angles and forces, it is not 100 precise. However, if SEMG is synced with it, it would add 100 precision to this. We would then be able to see exactly why the person is not using certain muscles and what to do to force the brain to include this muscle into muscular synergy that is required.

How do you think this might change the world?

Not only would this allow doctors and therapists to diagnose, but it would also take the guesswork out of physical therapy to choose which exercise is better. It will also give us objectivity and monitoring of patients progress. The M-mode ultrasonography added to that will be more for research purposes, but can also be used as a feedback training, because patients need to see whether each contraction really targets the right muscle part. The HBM does not allow that , but you could change the probe location and visualize particular art of the muscle.

It is a scientific and practical breakthrough because muscles do not work as a whole, as they are described in anatomy books, but rather as certain parts, depending on the task.

Keeping “Black Mirror” in mind can you see any potential drawbacks about this technology that people should think more deeply about?

Yes, there would be potential dangers if there were not multiple protective measures taken. First of all, the patient is in a special harness that protects from any unexpected movements. This technology was initially invented for people with traumatic brain injury, so there are triple safety measures. The system automatically shuts off any unexpected movement; and that switch is duplicated by another preventive in case the first one fails. On top of that, the operator and therapists have their own shut off switches, so there is no chance for injury or even a scare.

Was there a “tipping point” that led you to this breakthrough? Can you tell us that story?

Well, the story is simple. There are many technologies that are great, but for protection and financial gain services, these technologies are not made to work with each other. Also, sometimes it is technically very difficult to make them recognize each other. It takes a lot of work to do. If the company does not have a lot of clients who are interested, they are not going to invest the time and money into development. I bought CAREN 5 years ago, and it is a product created for military medicine and research, but the goals I have are practical usability in the clinic. Finally this year, many software components of this equation were released and now it is happening.

What do you need to lead this technology to widespread adoption?

It is a difficult question because in research, technologies are mostly post processing and require man power and time. In the clinic, you don’t have this luxury, and therefore, you need a model that gives desired results. The development can then happen if the cost and demand match.

What have you been doing to publicize this idea? Have you been using any innovative marketing strategies?

Not really. I am a clinician and my goal is to help people and publish research.

Yes, there are few. There are researchers I met along my journey who became friends.One guy is a young physical therapist and biomedical engineer from Holland. He has his Ph.D in research with CAREN. And the other is a famous scientist from Ukraine who helps me turn my clinical ideas into scientific research. And of course, my wife, who nurtures me to help me be who I am.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?

We regularly take some people and give them free treatments. I am also becoming a US representative to EPMA — European Society of Preventive and Predictive Medicine — where I plan to share my experience so the type of clinic I have will be a reality for every working physical therapist.

What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started” and why. (Please share a story or example for each.)

1. Success is a long road with many doors. Once you finish a route in the best possible way, the new door will open up and take you on another journey.

2. Never ever judge your success by the financial benefits you get from it. There are many constituents to success, and they cannot and should not be measured by financial benefits you get.

3. Success does not come to mediocre people. Try to be extraordinary, but stay humble. Being arrogant closes many doors.

4. Never stop at what you have accomplished. The journey is never ending

5. The best reward is seeing how far you have come.

I am already in a process. We are working on the project of creating functional sonography, which exists but is very limited. We believe that sonography is a third hand physical therapists can use. Right now PTs all over the world are just starting to use musculoskeletal sonography to create structural diagnosis, but we believe sonography can be used for seeing people’s function in real time. If this ever becomes mainstream, it is a huge thing for people with pain.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

“What gets measured gets improved.”

Some very well known VCs read this column. If you had 60 seconds to make a pitch to a VC, what would you say? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂

In order to be successful, you need to try hard and work hard, but in order to be extremely successful, you need to be passionate about what you do and forget about the financial benefits. They will just come along. You also need to love the people you are doing it for.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

Everyone can follow NYDN Rehab on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nydnrehab/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/NYDNR

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nydn.rehab/

Thank you for all of these great insights!

The Future Is Now: “Software that can show how your muscles are working in real time” with Dr Lev… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Female Disruptors: How Audrey Henson is shaking up the congressional staffing pipeline

I now understand that leadership is part art and part science. I’ve learned to let go of the need to do everything myself, understand what the organization needs to grow, and trust my gut when it comes to making a hire. With each new hire, I’ve brought along personalities and skill sets that are opposite and complementary to my own.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Audrey Henson. At age 26, Audrey Henson founded College to Congress, a national nonprofit that provides scholarships and professional development training to high-achieving, low-income students to intern with a Member of Congress who otherwise couldn’t afford to do so. She is on a mission to ensure all students, regardless of their backgrounds, can pursue careers in public service so that Congress reflects the people it’s intended to serve. In three years, C2C has raised over $1 million, partnered with over 60 Members of Congress on both sides of the aisle, and provided fully funded internships to 38 students.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

College to Congress was inspired by my personal experience securing my first congressional internship and navigating the start of my career in politics. I fell in love with politics in high school but actually working in D.C. seemed like a fantasy. I was raised by a single mom in a small Texas town. My family barely had any money and no political connections. I started college at community college because the Federal Pell Grant was the only way I could afford to go to school. With a little luck and a lot of hustle, I landed my first congressional internship but my dream job in my dream city felt like a nightmare because the internship was unpaid. I ended up taking out a student loan and working two part-time jobs in addition to my full-time internship to make ends meet.

While it was a big risk, that internship changed the trajectory of my career. I went on to become a full-time congressional staffer, work for a political consulting firm, and even serve as campaign manager for a hotly contested congressional race. One evening, I was journaling and reflecting on how my life changed so drastically in five short years. Everything pointed back to my congressional internship. The name College to Congress popped in my head. I wrote our business plan in a weekend. Now, three years later, we have a national movement that is kickstarting careers in public service for students across the country.

What is it about the work you’re doing that’s disruptive?

College to Congress is about disrupting the congressional staffing pipeline. We work to ensure Congress reflects the fully socioeconomic diversity in America by providing access and means to congressional internships. Congressional internships are the gateway to full-time staffing positions in Congress; however, internships went unpaid for about 25 years. This meant that many entry level positions went to people who had political connections and could afford to work for free. This is why the current intern pool and majority of staff positions are filled by white men from affluent families.

We not only provide talented students with access to highly competitive congressional internships, but also connect congressional offices to a diverse and talented intern pool that they don’t have time to cultivate. Additionally, we remove the financial barriers to success by covering all costs associated with an internship including travel to and from D.C, housing, meals, transportation, a professional wardrobe for each intern.

We all need a little help along the journey — who have been some of your mentors? Can you share how they made an impact?

I’ve been blessed with incredible people in my life. I count as mentors, Russ Schriefer and Ashley O’Connor at Strategic Partners & Media, a political consulting firm. After I left the Hill, they took me under their wing and showed me the larger world of politics. I am thankful for Amos Snead of Adfero. Amos is a current C2C Board Member and serial entrepreneur. He has been an incredible guide and support system because he uniquely understands the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. I also have an executive coach, Kathleen Sheekey.

Can you share 3 of the best words of advice you’ve gotten along your journey? Please give a story or example for each.

“Hire people smarter than you and then get out their way.”

I’ve grown C2C from a one woman shop to a six-person team, but it has not been without growing pains! I am a big picture thinker. When I first started C2C, I surrounded myself with other ideas people. While this environment was inspiring, there were so many unfinished projects (or I was stuck figuring out everything myself!) I now understand that leadership is part art and part science. I’ve learned to let go of the need to do everything myself, understand what the organization needs to grow, and trust my gut when it comes to making a hire. With each new hire, I’ve brought along personalities and skill sets that are opposite and complementary to my own.

How are you going to shake things up next?

Applications to our program have quadrupled in three short years, so our short- and long-term goals are figuring out how to grow and scale in effective ways. Congress needs interns year-round. Additionally, Members of Congress have D.C. and district offices so there is an opportunity to expand there. We’ve also received requests from state governments that would like to model our program. The sky is the limit to how we can help empower our future public servants and policy makers.

Do you have a book/podcast/talk that’s had a deep impact on your thinking? Can you share a story with us?

I wake up to the Wall Street Journal everyday then listen to two podcasts, The Daily by The New York Times and The Ben Shapiro Show. I do my best to keep my news balanced. But of all the content I take in, my favorite is NPR’s How I Built This. I’m so inspired by all the entrepreneurs who come on the show and tell the real story of how they built their empires.

I am already building my dream movement! College to Congress is a movement to inspire the next generation of leaders to get involved in politics and public service.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you

“Don’t be ashamed of where you come from. Own your story and harness it for good.”

How can our readers follow you on social media?

My twitter personal @AudreyHensonC2C and I’m on Instagram at AudreyHenson_C2C

Follow College to Congress: @C2C_DC on Twitter. @collegetocongress on all other platforms

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for joining us!

Female Disruptors: How Audrey Henson is shaking up the congressional staffing pipeline was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

“When we ask questions, we learn” with Diego Vinals and Fotis Georgiadis

Encourage Everyone to Ask Questions: When we ask questions, we learn. Remind everyone at your organization that they have an important voice and perspective to share, and encourage everyone to ask questions along the way.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Diego Vinals. Diego was born and raised in Caracas, Venezuela and is currently the senior vice president of sales at Bitcoin IRA, headquartered in Los Angeles.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you share with us the story of how you decided to pursue this career path? What lessons can others learn from your story?

I was in the right place at the right time. I have an MBA and have been working for many years in the finance sector. Prior to working at Bitcoin IRA, I was working in wealth management and helping run a family business. It was there, approximately five years ago, that I met someone from one of the major Wall Street financial institutions. He kept emphasizing that Bitcoin was the future, and expressed his frustration at not being able to help clients diversify their portfolios with cryptocurrency. Intrigued by Bitcoin, I read Satoshi Nakamoto’s whitepaper and began researching the industry.

A year or two later, an opportunity came up to work at Bitcoin IRA. By then, I had a deep understanding of the cryptocurrency space and understood the need for it. I guess my main takeaway here is if you find a business idea that really interests you, find the time to research and explore it. It may require a big time commitment and a lot of extra work in the beginning, but you never know what opportunities can arise as a result.

Can you tell me about the most interesting projects you are working on now?

The executive team at Bitcoin IRA is currently exploring strategic opportunities to make investments in blockchain companies, and I am playing a big role in researching that.

Additionally, working on the client services side, my priorities are constantly evolving based on customers’ questions and needs.

The CEO of Bitcoin IRA. I have worked with him for a long time, even before the Bitcoin IRA days, and he has always instilled the importance of perseverance and not giving up. When we first started Bitcoin IRA, we faced a lot of adversity. Our clients and incoming leads were focused on precious metals and did not yet see the value in cryptocurrency, so we had to build out a strategy that demonstrated the value-add of crypto as an alternative asset. As I kicked off the sales team, it was our CEO’s confidence and determination that helped lead the company to success.

What are the 5 things that excite you most about blockchain and crypto? Why?

Removing the Middleman: With blockchain technology, you can send money anonymously and securely, without the bank acting as a middleman. We are seeing that similar desire to get rid of a middleman with companies such as Uber and Airbnb. Although these are centralized companies, customers requesting a ride or a place to stay are interacting directly with the people — be it car owners or homeowners — rather than larger corporate entities such as taxicab companies or hotel services. I believe we will see this trend continue to evolve in the future.
Decentralization: We are seeing a ton of developer activity on the Ethereum blockchain regarding decentralized apps — in fact, there are currently over 2,100 projects being built on the Ethereum platform, which I find really exciting.
Transparency: All blockchain transactions are recorded on a ledger, and many industries are taking note of this more transparent and accurate way of processing transactions, from real estate to education to healthcare.
Regulatory and Crypto Sector Working Together: Although everyone was concerned at first about the increasing prevalence of the SEC and other regulators in the crypto space, I believe the two groups, so far, have been working together successfully to promote cryptocurrency at the institutional level.
On the Verge of Mainstream Adoption: With Intercontinental Exchange-backed crypto startup Bakkt expected to launch in early December, I think the crypto sector as a whole is on the cusp of mainstream adoption.

What are the 5 things that worry you most about blockchain and crypto? Why?

The Complexity: For newcomers, interacting with crypto and the blockchain is complex and not the most user-friendly. Developers are currently at work developing solutions to improve this, but I believe we still have a ways to go.
Ongoing Regulatory Process: While I believe that regulation is a good thing for the crypto sector, a lot of best practices in the industry are still in the process of being worked out, which can sometimes create confusion and ambiguity in the space.
Lack of Scalability: Bitcoin’s current capacity is only seven transactions per second, which is too slow for the enterprise level. Fortunately, the Lightning Network, as well as crypto platforms like Bakkt, are coming up with clever solutions to work around this.
ICOs: Over 80 percent of ICOs in 2017 were marked as scams, so they obviously are a cause for concern. Thankfully, the SEC has stepped in to provide more regulation surrounding ICOs this year.
The Bear Market: While I believe a bull market is in the near future, the market has been quiet lately, and all of us in the space are eager to see an upturn again.

How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world? Can you share a story?

Because of my financial success, both at Bitcoin IRA and at prior companies, I have been able to make donations to numerous organizations.

One of my clients at Bitcoin IRA had a son who passed away from a rare autoimmune disease called Juvenile Myositis (JM). He started up an organization called the Cure JM Foundation to raise awareness, provide family support, and fund research into a cure for all forms of JM. Both I personally and Bitcoin IRA, as a company, donated money to the cause.

Additionally, in my day-to-day job, I have helped many people retire in a better financial position than they would have been able to prior to working with Bitcoin IRA.

As you know, there are not a lot of people of color in the tech sector. Can you share 3 things that you would you advise to other men and women of color in the tech space to thrive?

The blockchain and crypto space is actually very diverse. What I have noticed though, especially when I attend conferences or crypto meetups, is that there are far more men in the space than women.

To that end, three things I would advise people in the crypto space to do in order to enable men and women of color in the tech space to thrive are the following:

Encourage a Variety of Thoughts and Perspectives at Crypto Conferences and Events. Bitcoin was built on the concept of transparency, and that core underlying philosophy should also carry over to our day-to-day interactions with each other.
Build up a ‘Women in Crypto’ Program at your Workplace: This will be a great way for women in the industry to gather together and share their ideas in an inclusive, welcoming place.
Encourage Everyone to Ask Questions: When we ask questions, we learn. Remind everyone at your organization that they have an important voice and perspective to share, and encourage everyone to ask questions along the way.

What is your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share a story of how that had relevance to your own life?

I love this quote by Mahatma Gandhi: “Patience and perseverance, if we have them, overcome mountains of difficulties.” It is relevant to my entire professional career, particularly at Bitcoin IRA: it took a lot of patience and persistence to scale the company to where it is today.

I believe that one of the best things we can do today is establishing educational international foundations that show the importance of blockchain and cryptocurrency, especially in third-world countries with tumultuous economies.

The blockchain has the capacity to interconnect the world just like the internet did. It can empower people of all socioeconomic classes and in the long term create a federation of nations using the same means of exchange or currency. The ultimate goal would be for the world to function as one market, sharing the same values and goals. This could narrow the wide social gap that exists in the world.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

You can find me on LinkedIn here.

Thank you for all of these great insights!

“When we ask questions, we learn” with Diego Vinals and Fotis Georgiadis was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “Stretching oneself is not only safe but necessary for…

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “Stretching oneself is not only safe but necessary for professional and personal growth” with Randy V. Bradley and Fotis Georgiadis

I define leadership as the ability to motivate and inspire others to do great things and achieve greater heights, and the willingness to forge ahead to demonstrate that stretching oneself is not only safe but necessary for professional and personal growth. It is important for leaders to understand that you can’t effectively lead those you don’t love. You have to care about people as individuals and be concerned about them and less concerned about yourself and how you look or will fare. Once your leadership displays genuine followership (a genuine interest in the goals, ideals, and interests of those who follow your lead), your followers will feel empowered to lead because they don’t want to fail you. Leading is not mandates and delegation of tasks; it’s about relationships with people. It is not possible to have the same type of relationship with all personnel so an effective leader knows what he or she needs to be to each person at different points in time.

As a part of my series about “Black Men and Women of The C-Suite”, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Randy V. Bradley, Assistant Professor of Information Systems and Supply Chain Management at the University of Tennessee. As a supply chain and healthcare IT strategist and researcher, Bradley’s expertise includes the strategic application of business analytics and IT in the supply chain, with an emphasis on the healthcare sector. Prior to entering academia, Bradley was an IT consultant in both government and commercial sectors for Computer Sciences Corporation (CSC) and Camber Operations and as a Systems Engineer for Southward Company, where his focused on IT outsourcing transitions, large-scale systems integration projects, and supply chain transformation initiatives. He currently teaches healthcare IT strategy (with particular emphasis on emerging technologies) in the Physician Executive MBA and Executive MBA for Healthcare Leadership programs, IT strategy, business analytics for managers, and information resources management in the Aerospace and Defense MBA, and Professional MBA programs, and supply chain digitization and digital business transformation in the Global Supply Chain Executive MBA and Executive Development programs. Additionally, he teaches IT for supply chain management in the Supply Chain Management undergraduate program.

Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?

There is no one specific decision that brought me to where I am, but rather a series of what some would consider isolated decisions that were really interwoven. I was near the end of my Masters of Management Information Systems program, and I had a conversation with one of my advisors about the possibility of returning periodically to take additional courses of interest to me. He responded with a question that took me by surprise. “Could it be you have lifelong desire for learning but an unwillingness to commit to it”, he asked. I had no idea what he meant, so I asked for clarification. He went on to talk to me about the possibility of pursuing a PhD. I had no desire to do so, as I was quite “comfortable” as a consultant. Despite my reservations, I applied as a way to appease him, and in some way see if maybe he saw more in me than I saw in myself. Low and behold, I applied and was admitted to the PhD program. Now I had to make a decision. Unwilling to go all-in initially, I asked my employer to reduce me to a part-time role so that I could “explore” this new opportunity. As you can imagine, this was not ideal, nor in line with the expectations of the PhD program I enrolled in. So I had to live and act like a full-time PhD student, while also fulfilling my obligation to my company and our clients. Suffice it to say, at the end of the first year of this dual role, it was apparent that I could not continue to do both. I ultimately elected to focus on the PhD program, with the belief that I could always go back to industry if things didn’t work. As they say, the rest is history.

Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began your career?

In 2011, I served as the faculty mentor to a physician in our Physicians Executive MBA program. In this role, I oversaw and advised this physician as it pertained to his year-long project. He had a series of wonderful ideas, which I thought we be quite fruitful for him. Towards the end of his program (i.e., the last week of the program), he inquired about my interest in starting a company with him to explore some of those initiatives. This is a request I had fielded from others before, so I had a standard response to help kill the conversation. “Let’s discuss this after you finish the program”, I would say. Typically, most people forget about this overture, and I didn’t have to worry or think about this solicitation again. However, this physician was different. Approximately two weeks after he finished the program he called me to continue the conversation. He made some compelling points, and I believed in what he was trying to accomplish and that we had a unique opportunity as business partners. So, I said yes, and that lead to the formation of Q-Leap Health, Inc.

Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?

I can recall when I was on a consulting engagement in Chicago, and I came home just for the weekend. Because I had been on this project for some time, and stayed at the same hotel, I intentionally left most of my belongings at the hotel in Chicago, while I flew home with an overnight bag for the weekend. Well, on Sunday afternoon, I received a call indicating that before I could come back to Chicago I needed to go to a different client site in Santa Barbara, CA to resolve an issue. So, here I was with nothing in hand except a couple of changes of clothing, which happened to consist of shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops. So, I boarded a flight the next morning in route to Santa Barbara, and to my surprise, when I arrived at the client site, my attire was consistent with the laid-back dress code in that particular office.

From this situation, I learned to never take for granted that you’ll immediately go back to the same client site, and to always carry an extra set of acceptable clothing. To this day, I always pack one to two days of extra attire…just in case.

Can you share three reasons with our readers about why it’s really important for a business to have a diverse executive team?

Innovation — This is the byproduct of diversity of thought and experiences. Diverse leadership teams prevent organizations from acquiescing to the perilous position of “this is how we’ve always done things”.

Creativity — A lack of diversity leads to unidirectional thinking or pigeon-holing, whereas diversity brings to bear different vantage points, perspectives, and interpretations of the corporate, industry, and organizational landscape.

Relatability — Organizations want to do business with organizations whose workforce resembles their own and their clientele. They find it difficult to believe that an organization without diverse leadership and workforce can relate to their issues, concerns, or organizational dynamics.

More broadly can you describe how this can have an effect on our culture?

Given that culture is a shared system of values and beliefs, organizations that don’t have a diverse leadership team are likely perpetuating a culture that is not likely to be embraced by the vast majority of its employee-base. Further, that culture is likely to become stale and out of touch because leadership lacks a vital trigger to cultural and organizational inertia — diversity.

Can you recommend three things the community/society/the industry can do help address the root of the diversity issues in executive leadership?

Stop trying to quantify its impact. Some things require an ROI and some things require a decision. Understand that diversity is not an initiative; it’s a necessity.

Embrace people’s differences by understanding their individual value and collective contribution to all facets of your organization. Each group of individuals in your organization has unique skillsets, work habits, insights, and hang-ups, that must be embraced to realize their synergistic effects.

Leverage — Once we embrace these differing aspects, and not attempt to make one group conform to the profile and norms of another group, we can more effectively leverage their abilities and know-how. It’s the collective leveraging of differences that make the difference between organizations that continue to talk about the need for diversity (but do little about it), those that have diversity initiatives (in an attempt to bridge the diversity chasm), and those that are unapologetically diverse, thriving, and feel no need to justify or defend their organizational diversity.

How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?

I define leadership as the ability to motivate and inspire others to do great things and achieve greater heights, and the willingness to forge ahead to demonstrate that stretching oneself is not only safe but necessary for professional and personal growth. It is important for leaders to understand that you can’t effectively lead those you don’t love. You have to care about people as individuals and be concerned about them and less concerned about yourself and how you look or will fare. Once your leadership displays genuine followership (a genuine interest in the goals, ideals, and interests of those who follow your lead), your followers will feel empowered to lead because they don’t want to fail you. Leading is not mandates and delegation of tasks; it’s about relationships with people. It is not possible to have the same type of relationship with all personnel so an effective leader knows what he or she needs to be to each person at different points in time.

What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why. Please share a story or example for each.

Excellence (your best effort) trumps perfection

Failure is not the absence of success it is moving one step closer to the next best idea

Your character will always precede and overshadow your talent

People don’t care about how hard you work; they care about what you produce

Your success is also the shared success of those whom have poured into you at different times in your life

“The Pursuit of Excellence” The pursuit of excellence is the best demonstration of an ideal work ethic. I want to instill the notion that things don’t happen to you, they happen for you…when you’re prepared and take advantage of the right opportunities as they present. In business, we’re often striving for perfection (whether we admit it or not) when in reality your best self and work is what’s desired — excellence. A means to get that from personnel is to love and value the person in front of you, not the person you want them to be. Also, help them understand their strengths and how to accentuate those while also working to mitigate and improve upon their weaknesses. Along these lines, success shouldn’t be viewed what you attain or achieve, but rather how you go about attaining and achieving.

Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

This is a quote that originated with me, “be for someone what you wish someone had been for you”. I see every day as an opportunity to fill someone else’s cup, be a facilitator in architecting someone’s, and help someone see and be a better version themselves. Having grown up in an impoverished environment, I’ve witness in my own life that people are more a product of their decisions than they are a product of their environment.

Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂

I would love to have a private session with our current President, President Trump. My intent would be to help him understand why the burden of communication is on the speaker and not the listeners. I believe certain messages he delivers get lost because of the “packaging”. Additionally, I would like to share my thoughts with him about how we might improve race relations rather than continually attempting to diffuse tensions.

How can our readers follow you on social media?

LinkedIn — linkedin.com/in/randyvbradley

Twitter — @randyvbradley

This was very meaningful, thank you so much!

Black Men and Women of The C-Suite: “Stretching oneself is not only safe but necessary for… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.