Falling In Love Again With Your Spouse: Abbe Lang Of Motivation Point Coaching On 5 Things You Need To Rekindle Love In A Marriage That Has Gone Cold
An Interview With Fotis Georgiadis
LOVE YOURSELF- If you don’t practice Self Love, you will not be able to accept it from your spouse. Are you treating yourself with kindness? Eating healthy? Keeping the weight off? Do you spend time with friends that make you happy? If you come to your marriage as a happy and complete person, you are more able to accept the loving behaviors when your spouse gives them to you.
When people first get married, they are usually deeply in love and extremely excited to be together. But sometimes, over time, that passion and excitement begins to fade. This has been particularly true after the pandemic, when many marriages went through great upheavals. What can a couple do to rekindle the love and excitement that they used to have when they were first together?
In this interview series, called “Falling In Love Again With Your Spouse; 5 Things You Need To Rekindle Love In A Marriage That Has Gone Cold,” we are talking to relationship professionals, therapists, psychologists, and coaches to share stories and insights from their experience.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Abbe Lang.
A fully certified professional life coach and Homeopath, Abbe has studied and worked with many of the leading professional people in the field. She keeps up with the most recent developments in the industry through classes and conferences devoted to continuing education.
Over the years, Abbe has attended many seminars and workshops at the Omega Institute, a leading center for health education. While there, she has met and studied with many inspirational leaders and mentors.
Abbe brings real-world experience to her coaching as a mother of three children who has been married, divorced, and is now happily remarried. Before making coaching her career, for many years she was a top-producing sales representative with a leading nutritional-supplement marketing company.
Widely read in holistic health and complementary medicine, Abbe has a wealth of knowledge in diet, vitamins, and exercise, and is a practitioner for Schuessler Cell Salts, Bach Flower remedies and Bush Flower remedies.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to ‘get to know you. Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
I was drawn towards Life Coaching since I was always the voice of reason to my girl and guy friends about relationship struggles. Behaviors that troubled most people in intimate relationships were easy to identify as childhood wounds. I get an extreme amount of satisfaction helping others “fix” their issues.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started this career?
The most interesting thing that happened to me was the realization that all relationship issues stem from our childhood. I was able to work directly with Harville Hendrix, a relationship guru, and master Imago Dialogue, a very effective form of communication in intimate relationships.
Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
The funniest mistake I made when I started coaching was booking an appointment with someone, I thought was a stranger but actually went to high school with them. We had a huge laugh when they walked into my office.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
- EMPATHY- As a Life Coach, we are taught to refer clients who seem very depressed or nonfunctioning. In my practice, I have helped hundreds of people when therapy didn’t work just by caring very deeply for them.
- CONFIDENCE- I am a very confident leader; Confident in myself and my abilities. In my practice, I have infused that same confidence and backbone into my clients. I have helped people get off drugs, lose weight, and get rid of toxic people and relationships.
- RESPONSIBILITY- I take my job very seriously. When my clients come to me, I am sure that I meet their goals and get the job done. Failure is never an option for me once my client walks through the door.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
Absolutely, I am in the process of launching a podcast. I think many people will benefit from listening to the various topics of their choice.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly tell our readers why you are an authority about the topic of marriage?
For starters, I married my ex-husband when I was in my twenties. I knew what it took to have a successful marriage, but he was unwilling to take steps to keep our marriage successful. When he left our boys and me when they were only 1,7, and 9, I knew I would have to find the new man of my dreams and remarry. I did exactly that and found my prince charming! We have been together for over 16 years, and most days, we are as romantic as a couple on their first date. Everyone around us comments on how amazing our relationship is, and we both put the communication in to keep it that way.
Ok. Thank you for that. Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘How to Rekindle Love In A Marriage That Has Gone Cold’. Based on your experience, what is a common root cause of marriages “going cold”?
In my experience with helping others in relationship difficulty, I most often hear “lack of communication” as the reason for the difficulty or wanting to end the relationship. Lack of communication is really a symptom of the real root cause, which is always “loss of connection.” What must be done to regain that connection? To regain connection, you must be willing to let go of resentment. Resentment does build from a lack of effective communication. Just because you are talking doesn’t mean you are being heard.
Based on your experience, what is the foundation for a successful marriage?
The foundation for a successful marriage is understanding the wants and needs of your partner, loving and accepting them as they are, and being there to communicate and listen by using Imago Dialogue is your tool for communication. Also, caring about what is important to them and Loving their family, the same as your own.
It has been said that “a healthy, happy marriage is the union of two generous forgivers”. Can you talk about why forgiveness is so important for a relationship to thrive?
Forgiveness is important because once you forgive your spouse, you are much less likely to hold resentment towards them.
Based on your experience, why do you think couples struggle to forgive and be forgiven?
Couples struggle to forgive and say I am sorry because in doing so, they feel vulnerable. Many people have difficulty letting their guard down and admitting when they are wrong.
Is it important for marriage partners to inspire each other to be the best version of themselves that they can be? Can you please explain what you mean?
In a great marriage, your spouse gives you the confidence to take on the world. Your spouse knows your hopes, your dreams, your heart. Your spouse knows your weaknesses, and it is their job to not let your insecurities get the best of you.
What is the difference between marriage partners being “a team” and not just “a couple”?
Being a team really means it’s you and me joining forces together. When you are a team, you know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You join forces since together you can take on so much more than you could alone.
Ok, here is the main question of our discussion. Can you please share your “5 Things You Need To Rekindle Love In A Marriage That Has Gone Cold?” Can you please give a story or example for each?
COMMUNICATION- I realize everyone says you need to communicate. However, I teach my clients to communicate through Imago Dialogue.
This is a process of taking turns speaking, empathizing, and validating your partner’s feelings and concerns.
ROMANCE- It’s called a romantic relationship for a reason. When you allow your marriage to become nonromantic all the time, you are setting yourself up for your spouse to have a wandering eye. Remember when you were dating? How do you act, look, dress? Are you similar 10, 20 years later, or vastly different?
SEX- Sex is a healthy and natural component of a marriage. You need to be on the same page sexually. Are you fulfilling each other’s desires? Are you pressing for sex when your partner is saying no? Why are they saying no? Don’t give up on having a sexual relationship no matter how old the marriage is.
GET A BABYSITTER /CLEANING PERSON- If you have children or a house, you know as well as I that the everyday chores of raising children and doing chores can be a real relationship zapper. Learn to spend some of your money on babysitting to go out on dates and a cleaning person to do the mundane chores around the house. Trust me; it’s cheaper than a divorce!
LOVE YOURSELF- If you don’t practice Self Love, you will not be able to accept it from your spouse. Are you treating yourself with kindness? Eating healthy? Keeping the weight off? Do you spend time with friends that make you happy? If you come to your marriage as a happy and complete person, you are more able to accept the loving behaviors when your spouse gives them to you.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources related to this topic that you would recommend to our readers?
I love all Harville Hendrix’s books as well as John Gray.
Because of the position that you are in, you are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would love to teach the world how to identify all the baggage they bring from childhood into intimate relationships. It’s this baggage that affects their true happiness. It can be overcome.
We are very blessed that very prominent leaders read this column. Is there a person in the world or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂
I would choose to have lunch with Marianne Williamson. At an early age, she really inspired me to understand that nothing in this world really exists except for love. All other negative thoughts and feelings are really just an illusion of the ego-mind.
Thank you for these great insights and for the time you spent with this interview. We wish you only continued success!
Falling In Love Again With Your Spouse: Abbe Lang Of Motivation Point Coaching On 5 Things You Need… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
